Become A Calm Mama

• Midlife & Post Motherhood Shifts with Jennifer Delliquadri

  Today, I've invited my friend and fellow coach, Jennifer Delliquadri, to come talk with me about midlife, post-motherhood, and being a woman at this time in our lives. You’ll Learn:Why it’s natural for transformation to be messyTimes when Jennifer and I have experienced dissatisfaction in our own lives, and some of the shifts we madePandemic challenges we’re still working through when it comes to community and friendshipsTwo ways to get in touch with what you truly want in your life (that you can start right now)Often, when you feel dissatisfied with something in your life, that first step looks like saying, “I don’t know what it’s gonna look like yet, but I need to find a different way.”------------------------------------------Jennifer is a life coach who has worked primarily with teens and her parents, but she has has recently shifted into coaching women in midlife. The change was driven by her own “midlife wake-up call” and the method that she has used to transform her identity at different stages of life. She is also a mom of 2 and the host of the Subtle Shifts podcast. What Even is Midlife? For many of us, this shift away from day-to-day parenting into more of a consulting role with our kids marks that transition to midlife. I am currently in a stage of life where I’ve pretty much retired from parenting. I’ve raised my kids. They are no longer living at home. I’m not thinking about what they’re going to eat or doing their laundry. These days, I’m pretty free, and my kids are doing pretty well. There’s a lot of open-ended excitement, but it’s also a bit overwhelming. Jennifer talks about why this happens. “For so long, we haven't had that freedom. And so it can feel unsettling, like something must be wrong if I have so much time or I'm not used to having this time, and I don't know what to do with it.”I have also noticed that there is a gap in models. You may not really have a concept of what it looks like to be a woman post-child rearing and pre-grandmothering. Most of our models of womanhood revolve around caregiving. So if we see caregiving as our role and purpose, and then we don’t have anyone to care for, what value do we have to give?Maybe you carved out all this time for other people, and now that it’s just you, you feel a little lost. If you’re feeling isolated, maybe thinking that you’re missing something or have done something wrong, know that you are not alone. There are so many of us who feel this way. Going Into the CocconJennifer shared a story about her own midlife confusion. She says, “there was a point where I was on vacation - I was in Hawaii with my family, and, you know, it's beautiful. And I was getting ready to turn 50 and, like, excited about that and proud about that. But at the same time, I have this kind of feeling like, ‘what the fuck?’” She was postmenopausal, her body didn’t feel like her body anymore, and she just generally didn’t feel like herself. She felt like there was nothing to look forward to or be excited about anymore. And with her kids getting older, she was just going to fade away.She had everything she ever wanted in her life - a husband she loves, great kids, a business she enjoys and is proud of. She was on a trip in a beautiful place, and she still felt like shit. She says, “I could hear things that people say like, ‘Oh, this is where the magic begins,’ or, ‘This is when you finally have time to focus on yourself.’ But I'm like, I don't even know what that means for me. What do you mean focus on myself?”She decided to take action, starting with dialing in her nutrition and exercise. She started going to therapy. Finding areas where she...

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• Easy Ways to Entertain Little Kids with Kelsey Cook

  If you have kids under the age of 7, you’re going to love this episode! I’ve invited Kelsey Cook, founder of Learning with Kelsey, to share easy ways to entertain little kids. You’ll Learn:Why you don’t have to be involved in everything your kid doesHow to feel more playful and fun as a mom 4 ways to encourage play (and make it easy)My hide-and-seek hack for when you need a quiet moment🤫We’re talking about how to get into a playful mentality as a parent and how to entertain your kids in a way that feels easy and good to you.-----------------------------------------These are the kinds of activities you want to have in your toolbox to keep your kids occupied (and happy!) when you’re taking care of a baby, getting up early, making lunches - or when you just need a break.Kelsey Cook is a certified teacher, entrepreneur, mom, and advocate for early childhood learning. With a degree in Early Childhood and Elementary Education, she spent six years teaching before launching Learning with Kelsey, a subscription box company designed to help parents engage their young children in meaningful, hands-on learning. As a mother of four, Kelsey understands the challenges of early education at home and created her boxes to simplify the process while strengthening parent-child connections. Kelsey says, “The years before kindergarten are so hard and so special because you are your kid's teacher. You're with them. But then also you feel this pressure of, ‘how can I get them ready [to start school], because there's nobody else getting them ready?’”What started as a small passion project has grown into a nationwide resource, helping families in all 50 states prepare their children for lifelong learning. Easy Ways to Entertain Little Kids These activities are super fast and easy, and they’re created for KIDS, so it’s not totally necessary for you to be right there doing it with them. As much as they are about engagement and learning for your child, they’re also a coping strategy for you. Parenting little kids is exhausting. It’s very physical and takes a ton of energy.Think about one of those mornings when your kid wakes up early. You still just want a little time to get dressed and have a cup of coffee, but your kiddo needs engagement. They are ready to go! As moms, it’s easy to feel guilt about pretty much everything. Simple activities like the ones Kelsey creates allow your kids to learn while being entertained (without screens), so you don’t have to feel guilty about taking a moment for yourself. It’s a total win-win!One of my favorite ideas Kelsey shared is creating “morning starts” for her kids. These are simple activities that she sets up the night before (in just a couple of minutes) so that they have something to do when they get up in the morning. She recommends using an activity that kids have done before so they can do it independently. Of course, these activities also provide an opportunity to connect with your child when you want to. And connection breeds compliance. Spending that one-on-one time and giving them your attention leads to better behavior. Your kid behaves better when they feel really loved, seen, and supported by you.Plus, they get a little dopamine kick when they succeed at a challenge or solve a problem.Kelsey and I agree that any activity Mom can lead from the couch is a winner! Here are some of our favorites:Freeze Dance - Put on some music and let your kid show off their moves. When the music stops, they freeze in place!Statue - Challenge your kid to pose like statue of different animals or objects that you call outEaster egg hunt...

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  36:11
• Sensory Activities for Kids with Alisha Grogan

  Today, I’ve invited occupational therapist Alisha Grogan on the podcast to share simple sensory activities for kids to help them become calmer and more regulated. You’ll Learn:What’s actually happening when you think your kid is manipulating you3 “hidden” senses that we all have The 2 main types of sensory sensitivitiesLOTS of simple strategies you can try to help soothe your child’s senses (including some that we used with our own neurodivergent kids)If you’re parenting a kid who struggles with sensory issues, picky eating, or big feelings, you don’t want to miss this conversation!----------------------------------------------Alisha Grogan is a licensed occupational therapist and founder of Your Kid’s Table. She has over 19 years experience with expertise in sensory processing and feeding development in babies, toddlers, and children. She’s also a mom of three kids between the ages of 10 and 15. She uses her OT background as well as her experience as a mom of ADHD and anxious kiddos to provide resources to parents around sensory processing, picky eating, emotional regulation, and executive functioning. Behavior as CommunicationOne of Alisha’s favorite things to say is, “All behavior is communication.” And if you’ve been in my world for a while, you’re already pretty familiar with this concept. So often, I hear parents say that their child is manipulating them. But in reality, they are trying to communicate an unmet need. They’re trying to manipulate the environment or circumstances to get their needs met, and they’re using the best strategy they have at that time. As parents, we can see this as information, get out of criticism, and look for ways to guide our kids through the overwhelm they’re experiencing.Unfortunately, many of the behaviors that can help kids regulate their nervous systems aren’t considered “acceptable” in our culture and society. Maybe stomping their feet, banging on something, or hiding under a blanket helps them get back into their body and feel more calm, but depending on where they are at the time, these behaviors might not be “allowed”. Neurodivergence in our SocietyAs moms of neurodivergent kids, Alisha and I both see the special gifts our children bring to the world, and have often felt frustrated when others fail to recognize them. I believe that in many cases, the label of “neurodivergence” is based on what works best in our society - with the way we structure time, school, technology, noise, etc. We've created a pretty messy environment that then requires a lot of order as a society to keep it together.But not every kid is built to sit quietly in their seat all day long. And what we'd label “neurodivergent” is actually a very vital and important part of our species that just doesn't quite fit in this society that we've created.Alisha shares that her oldest son has been labeled gifted, while her middle son has ADHD. She says, “This system was created for my oldest son and the way his brain works. And it continues to propel and push him forward while it continues to edge out my son that is creative and spontaneous and has all of these other really wonderful gifts.”It’s easy for parents to feel overwhelmed when their kid gets a diagnosis of ADHD, sensory issues, or autism. It is challenging, but we can also choose to see the beauty of it. These kids aren’t broken. It’s just a mismatch. A missed opportunity in our culture to let those types of brains flourish. But there might be hope on the horizon. Alisha says that she’s seen “some exciting stuff coming out with schools being set up in different ways, like...

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  58:20
• Tips for Raising Teen & Tween Girls with Girls Mentorship (pt 2)

  Jill and Mary of Girls Mentorship are back! We’re continuing our conversation and talking about specific tools and strategies for supporting and raising teen and tween girls. (If you missed part 1, be sure to check it out.) And even though Jill and Mary focus their work on girls, these are great tips no matter the gender of your child.You’ll Learn:The pitfalls of labeling all negative interactions as "bullying"Times when your daughter might need extra support4 tips for raising teen & tween girlsSimple talking points for digital safety & responsibilityJoin us as we dive into which situations might require a little extra support for your daughter, strategies for supporting your teen or tween girl, and other resources that can help.-----------------------------------------Why Parents Seek Support A lot of people are resistant to needing help outside of the household. It truly takes a village, and it is okay to have a community of people to raise your children. It doesn't need to be one person at a time, and getting support doesn't say anything negative about your parenting. In fact, seeking out services shows that you care about your child’s wellbeing and success - not just on paper, but in life. It’s normal to notice changes in your kid in the teen and tween years. They’re going to spend more time in their room. They might roll their eyes or slam the door a little more. These things are somewhat expected. So how do you know when you and your daughter might need a little extra help?Jill says that transitional periods are often when parents seek out their coaching and mentoring services. For example, the jump from elementary to middle school or middle school to high school. During these times, parents often want to make sure their kids have the skills to handle themselves in these new environments. And Mary adds that these transitions are even more challenging when there’s friend drama involved (also super common at this age). We’re talking cattiness, gossip, backstabbing, being left out, etc. She says, “As parents, we expect our kids to understand how to navigate social situations or what to do at certain chapters of their life, and that's simply not true. We have to be able to teach them these things for them to be able to understand and know them. On the other side of that, we have to give them space to practice and not jump in to try to solve.”A certain amount of conflict is a normal part of life. Arguments with friends, make-ups, break-ups, and even name-calling are a part of growing up. These situations give our kids a chance to learn how to work through conflict in a healthy way. Finally, parents seek out Mary and Jill’s support when they are in an emergency situation - their child is severely depressed, maybe even having suicidal ideations - and nothing else has worked. Friendship issues, disordered eating, conflict, isolation, or pulling back from activities they used to love are all issues that Mary and Jill see a lot of in their coaching practice and programs. Their ultimate goal? To help girls become the brightest, most authentic versions of themselves. Tips for Raising Teen & Tween GirlsThings like self-awareness, conflict resolution, and emotional health are all skills that can be learned. And learning them at a young age sets girls up for better experiences now and as an adult.In our society, we’ve lost places where kids are mentored and get the opportunity to learn and practice these skills. Schools are not equipped to do this work (nor should they)....

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  51:23
• Estrogen Crash [Confessions]

  Why do women in mid-life give less f*cks? It's all about the estrogen crash. On this episode Darlynn and her friend Jennifer Delliquadri talk all about how estrogen plays a role in why moms are biologically wired to worry about their kids and the profound shift that happens when our estrogen crashes.Plus, you'll hear how Darlynn spiraled deep into a "I'm not good enough" self-worth crisis and how she used Radical Self Love to get herself out.

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