The Secure Love Podcast with Julie Menanno

If you listened to our previous episode, you know Rachel and Mike ended their first session with a beautiful breakthrough. But in the real world of relationships, progress is rarely linear. In this episode, we drop into the next session to find Rachel fighting a powerful urge to detach. Exhausted from years of feeling emotionally dropped despite providing him with a "roadmap" to her heart, her nervous system is sending her a painful, familiar message: she is fundamentally flawed, and her emotional needs are just "too much" for him.
On the other side of the couch, Mike is equally exhausted. He desperately wants to comfort Rachel but hits an absolute wall when faced with her deep sadness. To understand why, we trace Mike's emotional avoidance all the way back to its roots—uncovering a painful history of childhood bullying and a family culture where heavy emotions were minimized with baked goods and phrases like "don't sweat the small stuff." Together, we discover that Mike isn't being intentionally dismissive of his wife's pain; he is simply using the only emotional survival strategy he was ever taught.
If you want more structured homework, you can visit thesecurerelationship.com for our weekly assignments. Don't forget to check out my book Secure Love. And if you're enjoying the podcast, please take a moment to give us a review on Apple or Spotify!
Follow Julie Menanno on social media @thesecurerelationship.
For weekly homework assignments visit our website: The Secure Relationship Podcast
Take Julie's Anxious Attachment Course: Anxious Attachment: Self-Work Course
Purchase Julie's book Secure Love: Create a Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime.

Welcome back to the second half of our first session with Rachel and Mike . After Rachel courageously opens up about her deep grief and abandonment fears, the emotional stakes in the room are high . For an Avoidant partner like Mike, this is a terrifying moment . Instead of leaning into the emotion, his natural instinct is to run to the safety of his intellect—over-explaining, rationalizing, and trying to "fix" the problem to make the discomfort stop .
In this episode, we slow everything down to understand the overwhelming physical tension and fear of failure that drives Mike's avoidance . We reach a profound breakthrough as we uncover the truth behind the Avoidant struggle: Mike isn't abandoning Rachel because he doesn't care; he is leaving her because he doesn't know how to stay with himself.
Follow Julie Menanno on social media @thesecurerelationship.
For weekly homework assignments visit our website: The Secure Relationship Podcast
Take Julie's Anxious Attachment Course: Anxious Attachment: Self-Work Course
Purchase Julie's book Secure Love: Create a Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime.

We are kicking off Season 3 with a brand new couple, Rachel and Mike. Unlike previous seasons, we are using an intensive therapy model, diving deep into their dynamic over a compressed timeframe. On paper, Rachel and Mike are a committed power couple running a successful business. But underneath, they are stuck in a painful anxious-avoidant cycle. Rachel has shifted from protesting for connection to silently shutting down to protect herself , while Mike, our avoidant partner, is emotionally completely alone, trying to "fix" her pain from the safety of his head.

In this episode, we use the TEMPO model (Trigger, Emotion, Meaning, Protection, Organization) to unpack a recent conflict about family boundaries. We watch the cycle take over, and then pivot away from the surface fight down into the deep, unresolved grief and abandonment driving Rachel's fear.
Follow Julie Menanno on social media @thesecurerelationship.
For weekly homework assignments visit our website: The Secure Relationship Podcast
Take Julie's Anxious Attachment Course: Anxious Attachment: Self-Work Course
Purchase Julie's book Secure Love: Create a Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime.

In Season 3 of The Secure Love Podcast, Julie Menanno introduces Rachel and Mike—a couple who look perfect on paper but are quietly drowning in the dark. Rachel, a widow who risked everything for a fresh start, finds herself in a lonely battle for priority, while Mike, the "steady" husband, retreats into his head to avoid failing her.
This season goes beyond communication struggles into the raw reality of grief, financial betrayal, and the silent erosion of trust. Witness what happens when an anxious partner stops fighting and an avoidant partner finally admits, "I leave you because I leave me."
Season 3 begins next week. Subscribe now to follow their journey.
Follow Julie Menanno on social media @thesecurerelationship.
For weekly homework assignments visit our website: The Secure Relationship Podcast
Attend a course or worshop hosted by Julie: Attachment Theory and Relationship Growth Courses
Purchase Julie's book Secure Love: Create a Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime

Following the season finale, we gathered for a special live Q&A to process this journey together. With the couple absent, Julie takes the floor to answer direct questions from the audience about the season's difficult ending, diving deeper into the dynamics of shame, regression, and the hard truth that healing isn't always linear.
We want to extend a brief but heartfelt thank you to Bethany and Brian for their courage in sharing their story with us. Their vulnerability has provided invaluable lessons for us all.
Finally, a massive thank you to you, our listeners, for following along this season. Thank you for holding space for this process, for your curiosity, and for your commitment to understanding the complexities of relationships.
Send your questions or comments for future episodes via email or voice note to [email protected] and stay tuned for Season 3!