For The Hayters: The Stories We Survive

I had to pull cash out of my savings this week to pay for a patio, because apparently some people still only take cash in the year of our lord. So I am feeling some feelings about housing costs. Meanwhile Alex is under contract on a house, I just moved into a smaller one, and we both learned the same lesson from opposite directions: getting approved for a mortgage and being able to live comfortably with it are two completely different things.
The Solution
Approval is not a plan. The bank is measuring risk to the bank. It has no idea whether you want kids, want to retire early, or want to travel. Affording the payment is not the same as living with it.
Why this feels so hard right now. The median US home is around $435,000 and the median household income is about $88,000. To comfortably afford that house you'd need closer to $110,000. If buying feels out of reach, you are not imagining it.
Renting is not throwing money away. Renting buys flexibility, predictable costs, and way fewer maintenance surprises. Alex rented for two years after selling in Naples specifically so she could figure out where she actually wanted to live. Renting isn't wasted money if what it's buying you is options.
What ready actually looks like. Three to six month emergency fund still fully funded after you close. Stable income. A down payment you understand, including whether PMI applies. Closing costs of roughly 2 to 5 percent. And a maintenance budget of about 2 percent of the home's value each year for new construction, closer to 5 percent for an older home.
The hidden line items. Property taxes, homeowners insurance, HOA dues, lawn care, utilities, appliances, furniture. Alex was paying close to $1,500 a month in HOA fees in Naples for a gym she didn't even like.
The listener question that says it all. A couple got approved for $800,000 but planned to spend $550,000. Alex runs both numbers: about $3,000 a month versus $4,320 a month. That's $1,350 a month, over $16,000 a year, and close to $500,000 across a 30 year mortgage before you even count what that money could have grown into.
This week's homework
Calculate your true monthly housing cost. Not the mortgage or rent number, the real one. Add taxes, insurance, HOA, maintenance, and utilities. Then ask yourself two questions. Would I feel financially comfortable if one unexpected expense hit next month? And if no one ever saw my house, would I still want this one?
Connect with us
Join the Patreon for episodes early plus Wallet Therapy Live: patreon.com/beckyhayter
Got a question or a money confession? info@forthehaters.com
Track every dollar of that true housing cost in one place with Monarch Money: https://monarch.com/referral/ey3kkk8c7e
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

TW: cancer, medical trauma, death of a loved one, grief, body image. At 32, Jess found a lump adjusting a bra she'd bought herself for Christmas. What followed was a year of aggressive treatment, a gene she didn't know she carried, and a body that screamed for six weeks before the system let anyone say the word.
For The Hayters is a podcast that normalizes hard conversations. Listener discretion is advised. If you are struggling, you can call or text 988 in the US to reach the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline.
Interview, narration, and editing by Becky Hayter, with post-production, scripting, and sound design by Emily Nadal.
Don’t forget to subscribe, like, and share to help us continue bringing these stories to light.
🔹 New episodes drop every Sunday!
🔹 Join our community! patreon.com/beckyhayter
🔹 Follow us on Instagram: @forthehayters
🔹 Submit your story: info@forthehayters.com
🔹 Grab some merch! beckyhayter.com
🔹 A KILLR Network podcast! killrentertainment.com
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Val was diagnosed with hydrocephalus before she was born, and the doctors gave her mom a number and a recommendation. She's 27 now, married, teaching special education, finishing her master's, and living with hardware in her head and her back that has to be replaced when it fails. We talked about what it costs to build a completely ordinary life inside a body that keeps interrupting it, and how much of that life you have to go out and take.
For The Hayters is a podcast that normalizes hard conversations. Listener discretion is advised. If you are struggling, you can call or text 988 in the US to reach the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline.
Interview, narration, and editing by Becky Hayter, with post-production, scripting, and sound design by Emily Nadal.
Don’t forget to subscribe, like, and share to help us continue bringing these stories to light.
🔹 New episodes drop every Sunday!
🔹 Join our community! patreon.com/beckyhayter
🔹 Follow us on Instagram: @forthehayters
🔹 Submit your story: info@forthehayters.com
🔹 Grab some merch! beckyhayter.com
🔹 A KILLR Network podcast! killrentertainment.com
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Today’s episode is a little different because Becky is away on her podcast tour, so Alex is flying solo and answering your money questions.
From $18,000 in credit card debt and feeling overwhelmed, to figuring out how to prioritize an emergency fund, Roth IRA, HSA, student loans, and future goals, Alex talks through the real-life financial decisions that can feel complicated when you’re trying to do everything at once.
She also breaks down snowball vs. avalanche debt payoff, what to consider when your student loans are in deferment, and whether apps like Acorns and Fetch are actually helping you—or just making it easier to spend.
Plus, a rapid-fire round covering mortgages, investing, checking your investments, combining finances with a partner, and one of the biggest financial mistakes people make in their 30s: waiting.
But underneath all of these questions is something bigger.
Fear of making the wrong decision.
Fear of falling behind.
Fear of not knowing enough.
You don't need to have everything figured out to start feeling more confident with money.
Sometimes you just need to make the next right decision.
Money is emotional—and you deserve to feel safe with it. 💚
Send us your money questions for a future episode!
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

TW: opioid addiction, drug poisoning and overdose, suicide loss, incarceration, newborn withdrawal, loss of custody.
Lauren was 16 when a doctor handed her a prescription for straight oxycodone for a cheerleading injury. No warning, no follow up, just take this for the pain. What happened in the eleven years between that waiting room and the house with the backyard she lives in now is the whole conversation. She talks about the parts that don't make her look good, on purpose, because she thinks somebody out there needs to hear them.
For The Hayters is a podcast that normalizes hard conversations. Listener discretion is advised. If you are struggling, you can call or text 988 in the US to reach the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline.
Interview, narration, and editing by Becky Hayter, with post-production, scripting, and sound design by Emily Nadal.
Don’t forget to subscribe, like, and share to help us continue bringing these stories to light.
🔹 New episodes drop every Sunday!
🔹 Join our community! patreon.com/beckyhayter
🔹 Follow us on Instagram: @forthehayters
🔹 Submit your story: info@forthehayters.com
🔹 Grab some merch! beckyhayter.com
🔹 A KILLR Network podcast! killrentertainment.com
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.