The Best of You

Today's Scripture: 1 John 4:1–2

How do you become wise about who to trust without growing suspicious of everyone? In a world full of charismatic leaders, confident voices, and competing spiritual claims, John's instruction to "test the spirits" offers a powerful way to practice discernment while keeping your heart open.

In today's episode, we explore:

What John really means by "testing the spirits"

Why charisma and confidence can cloud our judgment

How to recognize the difference between spiritual authority and genuine character

Three practical ways to grow in discernment without becoming cynical

Go Deeper:

Episode 231: How to Know Who You Can Trust: The Difference Between Charisma, Character, and Real Change

Episode 190: Self-Brain Surgery, Overcoming Trauma, and the Courage to Change How You Think with Dr. Lee Warren

Connect with Dr. Alison on Instagram: @dralisoncook

Join 80,000+ Soul Menders in Dr. Alison’s free email community for ongoing reflection and support.

While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.‍
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How do you know you can trust someone?

In a world where charisma, confidence, and even vulnerability can be carefully performed, knowing who we can trust feels more important than ever.

In this powerful conversation, Dr. Alison sits down with longtime friend, therapist, and author Dr. Chuck DeGroat to explore what real character looks like, why genuine change is slower than we want it to be, and how to discern the difference between surface-level transformation and lasting integrity. Together, they unpack this incredibly important question of discerning when someone is trustworthy, as well as how to become people of character ourselves.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

* Why charisma and vulnerability don’t always signal trustworthy character.

* How to recognize manipulation disguised as emotional maturity or spiritual wisdom.

* What genuine character change looks like and how long it takes

* How to balance compassion for others with healthy boundaries and accountability.

About Dr. Chuck DeGroat:

Dr. Chuck DeGroat is a professor, licensed therapist, author, and ordained minister specializing in pastoral health, spiritual abuse, religious trauma, and emotional and spiritual well-being. He serves as Professor of Counseling and Christian Spirituality and Founding Executive Director of the Clinical Mental Health Counseling Program at Western Theological Seminary. He is also the founder of The Soul Care Collaborative and a faculty member at the Soul Care Institute. With decades of experience in pastoral ministry, leadership development, and trauma-informed care, Dr. DeGroat helps individuals and church leaders navigate emotional and spiritual challenges toward greater wholeness and flourishing.

More Resources:

Get Dr. Chuck DeGroat's new book: Who You're Becoming: The Slow and Courageous Work of Cultivating Character in a Narcissistic Age

Find more information about Dr. Chuck DeGroat here.

Get exclusive access to the first 2 chapters of Dr. Alison’s newest book, ⁠The Secure Soul⁠.

Connect further with ⁠@dralisoncook⁠ on Instagram

📖 Find a full transcript and list of resources from this episode⁠ here⁠.

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While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.‍
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Today's Scripture: Proverbs 27:9, 17

Finding good friends as an adult can be surprisingly difficult. Friendships change, life circumstances shift, and loneliness can creep in even when we're surrounded by people. Proverbs offers a beautiful picture of friendship that combines genuine enjoyment with the kind of honesty and wisdom that helps us grow.

In today's episode, we explore:

Two surprising qualities of a good friendship

Why the people you spend time with shape who you become

What psychology reveals about how long it takes to build a close friendship

How to recognize and cultivate friendships that can weather disagreements and disappointments

Go Deeper:

Episode 58: How to Find Friends Who Bring Out the Best of You with Curt Thompson

Episode 61: Reconnecting with Old Friends

Connect with Dr. Alison on Instagram: @dralisoncook

Join 80,000+ Soul Menders in Dr. Alison’s free email community for ongoing reflection and support.

While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.‍

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today's Scripture: Matthew 16:21–23

What happens when someone who genuinely loves you questions a decision you know you need to make? Even Jesus faced resistance from a close friend who wanted to protect him. His response reveals something surprising about the relationship between selflessness, inner strength, and staying true to your calling.

In today's episode, we explore:

Why even people who love us can give misguided advice

What Jesus reveals about the strength behind true selflessness

How to build confidence in your own voice, one small step at a time

How to stay connected to someone without letting their fears guide your decisions

Go Deeper:

For more on developing a strong sense of self, explore The Best of You

Connect with Dr. Alison on Instagram: @dralisoncook

Join 80,000+ Soul Menders in Dr. Alison’s free email community for ongoing reflection and support.

While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.‍
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today's Scripture: Psalm 31:14–20

Have you ever been in a painful situation where others are urging you to take action, but something deep within you is telling you to wait? There's a difference between avoiding a hard decision and discerning that the time to act hasn't yet come. Psalm 31 offers a powerful picture of what it means to face difficult circumstances honestly while entrusting yourself to God's timing.

In today's episode, we explore:

How to discern the difference between passive avoidance and the spiritual wisdom of waiting on God

What David's prayer, "My times are in your hands," teaches us about trusting God amid injustice, uncertainty, and suffering

What it means to suffer wisely

How to recognize when the time has come to speak up, advocate for yourself or someone you love, or take the next courageous step

Go Deeper:

For more on discerning when to fight for change, when to leave, and when to suffer wisely, explore I Shouldn't Feel This Way

Connect with Dr. Alison on Instagram: @dralisoncook

Join 80,000+ Soul Menders in Dr. Alison’s free email community for ongoing reflection and support.

While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.‍

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices