Anxiety Matters

Bonnie and Bonnie talk about death and dying through the lens of anxiety, and discuss how direct, clear language can help make the topic less frightening. They also share how avoiding words like “died” can increase fear, especially for children, and why early, honest conversations about death matter.
The two speak with Penny Smith, a recently retired hospice and palliative care nurse, author of *Influencing Death: Reframing Dying for Better Living*, and social media educator known as Hospice Nurse Penny.
Penny shares her personal history, including addiction, jail, and becoming a nurse at 40 and explains that learning about death and working in hospice helped reduce her own death anxiety and gave her a sense of service and purpose.
She describes what dying can look like in hospice, including transitioning, body changes, and deathbed visions. Penny explains that these experiences are often comforting, are not the same as hallucinations, and are part of what she considers normal at the end of life.
They discuss acceptance as a major part of reducing fear of death. Penny says that talking about death, seeing dying as a natural process, and educating families can reduce anxiety and help people focus more on living than on worrying about dying.
HIGHLIGHTS:
3:17 Meet Hospice Nurse Penny
6:04 From Addiction to Hospice
9:54 Talking Death With Kids
14:16 Normalizing the Dying Process
18:27 Deathbed Visions and Acceptance
21:52 Personal Encounters With Death
28:05 What Dying People See
33:29 Hallucinations or Visions?
36:44 The Nun’s Final Insight
40:09 TikTok and the Ripple Effect

connect with Hospice Nurse Penny
website: https://www.hospicenursepenny.com
Influencing Death: https://www.hospicenursepenny.com/book

mentioned in this episode
Book by Bonnie Zucker - Something Very Sad Happened: https://a.co/d/0dkKVH0V

CONNECT WITH THE BONNIE ZUCKERS:
Bonnie Zucker Ph.D.(west)
website: https://www.bonniezuckerphd.com
Newsletter sign-up: https://bonnie-zucker-ph-d.kit.com/d44b57fcdf
Books by Bonnie West: https://a.co/d/04aNJFDZ

Bonnie Zucker Psy.D. (east)
website: https://www.bonniezuckerandassociates.com
Books by Bonnie East: https://shorturl.at/MxvRZ
The content of Anxiety Matters Podcast is for informational purposes only and does not constitute mental health or medical advice, nor is it a substitute for professional mental health or medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you are experiencing a mental health crisis, call emergency services or a local crisis line.

In this episode, BZW and BZE talk about travel anxiety and the different forms it can take. They discuss fear of flying, worry about being far from home, concern about leaving a house unattended, and anxiety about pets, work, or access to medical care while away.
They also talk about how anticipatory anxiety can build before a trip and how it can affect decisions about whether to go, how long to stay, and how far to travel. They suggest identifying the specific root of the fear so it can be addressed directly.
A major theme is using a values-driven approach rather than letting fear make the decision. The Bonnies talk about remembering why we are traveling, such as spending time with family, taking a break, and experiencing new places and cultures.
They also discuss practical coping strategies, including checking in with other people to compare worries, arranging care for pets and the house, and using graded exposure when possible. For fear of flying, they suggest, if possible, starting with shorter flights or, if needed, using a simulated long-flight exercise.
HIGHLIGHTS:
2:11 Why Travel Feels Scary
4:45 Finding The Positive
7:35 Root Causes And Reframes
10:38 Graded Exposure For Flying
14:37 My Travel Scam Story
18:46 Pets And Trip Planning
22:37 Vacation Advice

CONNECT WITH THE BONNIE ZUCKERS:
Bonnie Zucker Ph.D.(west)
website: https://www.bonniezuckerphd.com
Newsletter sign-up: https://bonnie-zucker-ph-d.kit.com/d44b57fcdf
Books by Bonnie West: https://a.co/d/04aNJFDZ

Bonnie Zucker Psy.D. (east)
website: https://www.bonniezuckerandassociates.com
Books by Bonnie East: https://shorturl.at/MxvRZ
The content of Anxiety Matters Podcast is for informational purposes only and does not constitute mental health or medical advice, nor is it a substitute for professional mental health or medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you are experiencing a mental health crisis, call emergency services or a local crisis line.

Dr. Kiki Fehling (aka DBT Kiki) is back with the Bonnies to discuss dialectical behavior therapy, LGBTQ+ mental health, and how language shapes understanding and treatment. They discuss why DBT has been useful for many different concerns, including anxiety, emotional dysregulation, PTSD, substance use, eating disorders, and depression.
Kiki explains DBT’s main skill areas: emotion regulation, distress tolerance, mindfulness, and interpersonal effectiveness. They all agree that DBT breaks complex problems into concrete, structured steps, and how that makes the skills easier to use in daily life and in therapy.
A major focus of the conversation is minority stress and its impact on LGBTQ+ people. They discuss discrimination, anticipated discrimination, and internalized stigma, as well as the importance of affirming language, representation, and feeling understood. Kiki goes on to clarify terms such as queer, cisgender, and related identity language.
The Bonnies ask about the development of Kiki's LGBTQ+ Mental Health Workbook and her work making evidence-based psychotherapy more accessible. Also discussed is how queer people can use DBT skills like opposite action, coping skills, and community connection to respond to shame, anxiety, and rejection sensitivity.
They close with a discussion of resilience, queer joy, intersectionality, and collective support. Dr. Fehling also mentions practical ways to find resources, including LGBTQ+ community centers, affirming therapists, and independent bookstores.
HIGHLIGHTS:
3:39 DBT Becomes More Accessible
5:33 What DBT Really Teaches
10:34 Why This Book Matters
12:47 Queer Language and Identity
17:46 Understanding Minority Stress
24:54 Bi Visibility and Stigma
29:53 Resilience and Queer Joy
32:59 DBT Skills for Queer Clients
37:16 Finding Safe Resources

connect with DBT Kiki
website: https://www.kikifehling.com
substack: https://howtoqueerjoy.substack.com
The LGBTQ+ Mental Health Workbook: https://www.kikifehling.com/lgbtqworkbook

resources mentioned:
CenterLink: https://www.lgbtqcenters.org
Bookshop: https://bookshop.org

CONNECT WITH THE BONNIE ZUCKERS:
Bonnie Zucker Ph.D.(west)
website: https://www.bonniezuckerphd.com
Newsletter sign-up: https://bonnie-zucker-ph-d.kit.com/d44b57fcdf
Books by Bonnie West: https://a.co/d/04aNJFDZ

Bonnie Zucker Psy.D. (east)
website: https://www.bonniezuckerandassociates.com
Books by Bonnie East: https://shorturl.at/MxvRZ
The content of Anxiety Matters Podcast is for informational purposes only and does not constitute mental health or medical advice, nor is it a substitute for professional mental health or medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you are experiencing a mental health crisis, call emergency services or a local crisis line.

In this episode the Bonnies continue their discussion of sleep and what they learned after our previous conversation about CBT-I for insomnia. They review core sleep as including REM and deep sleep, and note that adults are generally still recommended to get seven to nine hours of sleep.
They talk about how people often become anxious about not sleeping well and start catastrophizing about the next day. They each share their own recent experiences of getting too little sleep, including waking early, getting out of bed instead of lying awake, and finding that they could still function and work through the day.
The two then discuss how tiredness can sometimes change our mood and behavior in unexpected ways. BZE describes being more patient with ourselves, lowering our standards a little, and becoming calmer or more reflective when we are exhausted. They also mention that being tired can sometimes reduce anxiety and interrupt hypervigilance.
The episodes wraps up by turning to the idea of joy and a book BZE recently started reading, Joyful Anyway by Kate Bowler. They talk about how difficult things and joy can exist at the same time, and how important it is to notice access to joy in daily life, even when the world feels overwhelming.
HIGHLIGHTS:
0:39 Core Sleep Explained
3:55 Rethinking a Bad Night
8:02 Flow and Self-Compassion
12:24 Finding Joy Anyway
16:30 Lightness After Darkness

mentioned in this episode:
Joyful Anyway by Kate Bowler: https://a.co/d/05ornj2P
Seat of the Soul by Gary Zukav: https://a.co/d/0hlFqvLh

CONNECT WITH THE BONNIE ZUCKERS:
Bonnie Zucker Ph.D.(west)
website: https://www.bonniezuckerphd.com
Newsletter sign-up: https://bonnie-zucker-ph-d.kit.com/d44b57fcdf
Books by Bonnie West: https://a.co/d/04aNJFDZ

Bonnie Zucker Psy.D. (east)
website: https://www.bonniezuckerandassociates.com
Books by Bonnie East: https://shorturl.at/MxvRZ
The content of Anxiety Matters Podcast is for informational purposes only and does not constitute mental health or medical advice, nor is it a substitute for professional mental health or medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you are experiencing a mental health crisis, call emergency services or a local crisis line.

The Bonnies introduce Dr. Jesse Spiegel, a licensed clinical psychologist who treats children, adolescents, and adults. This episode focuses on insomnia and on cognitive behavioral therapy for insomnia, or CBTI, which they discuss as a first-line treatment.
Dr. Jesse explains how insomnia is distinguished from short-term sleep problems. He describes chronic insomnia as difficulty falling asleep, staying asleep, or waking too early, occurring at least three nights a week for at least three months, with clear distress or impaired functioning.
They discuss the main ideas behind CBTI and talk about sleep drive, circadian timing, and arousal, and how these factors interact with chronotype. Dr. Jesse notes that morning and evening types may have different sleep patterns, and we discuss that chronotype is largely biological.
Dr. Jesse also covers the behavioral parts of treatment. He explains stimulus control, including going to bed only when sleepy, getting out of bed if unable to sleep, using the bed only for sleep and sex, waking at the same time each day, and avoiding naps when possible. He then describes sleep restriction, where time in bed is adjusted to better match actual sleep time in order to improve sleep efficiency.
Finally, they talk about the thoughts and habits that can keep insomnia going. Also mentioned is worry, catastrophic thinking, safety behaviors, and the way sleep tracking devices can become unhelpful for some people. The goal with treatment is that it aims to reduce pressure around sleep and make it feel more effortless.
HIGHLIGHTS:
6:03 Meet Dr. Jesse Spiegel
7:38 What Is CBT-I?
12:02 Sleep Drive and Body Clock
19:40 Bed Becomes a Battleground
23:48 How CBTI Treats Insomnia
30:09 The Core Sleep Debate
34:20 Calming Sleep Anxiety
39:10 Reframing Sleep Thoughts
43:23 Wearables and Sleep Logs

connect with Dr. Jesse
website: https://www.drjessespiegel.com

CONNECT WITH THE BONNIE ZUCKERS:
Bonnie Zucker Ph.D.(west)
website: https://www.bonniezuckerphd.com
Newsletter sign-up: https://bonnie-zucker-ph-d.kit.com/d44b57fcdf
Books by Bonnie West: https://a.co/d/04aNJFDZ

Bonnie Zucker Psy.D. (east)
website: https://www.bonniezuckerandassociates.com
Books by Bonnie East: https://shorturl.at/MxvRZ
The content of Anxiety Matters Podcast is for informational purposes only and does not constitute mental health or medical advice, nor is it a substitute for professional mental health or medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you are experiencing a mental health crisis, call emergency services or a local crisis line.