The 10 Ninety Podcast

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason sits down with Jessica Mays.  Jessica lost her husband Jodi and four-year-old son Jace on November 20, 2014.
Jessica's husband Jodi suffered a traumatic brain injury in an oil field accident in 2010, leaving him fully disabled and prone to daily blackout episodes. Jessica became his full-time caregiver, working to carry their benefits while raising their newborn son and navigating years of medical uncertainty.
Four years after the accident Jessica's son Jace got sick right before his fourth birthday and eventually Jessica and Jodi were forced with the decision to remove Jace from life support. After Jace's passing, and hours later, Jodi took his own life.
Jessica opens up about how calm Jodi was in the moments before he made that decision.  It was a stillness she believes was a divine encounter.  She talks about losing two people she loved in two completely different ways on the same day. She shares the survivor's guilt of staying, the impossible timelines the world places on grieving people, and the unexpected shame that came when she fell in love again.
Jessica shares how she manages to carry joy and grief while she continues on. She talks about her remarriage to Casey, the three children she never thought she'd have. She shares her stained glass metaphor for grief: broken pieces that we get to choose how to reassemble, with light always coming through.
It's a raw conversation about compounding loss, the courage it takes to choose joy, and the brutal, beautiful reality that sometimes the people we've lost need us to stay — because the only way the world will ever know them is through us.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason sits down with Hailey Steck, a St. George resident and mother of five, to talk about one of the most unimaginable losses a parent can face—and what it takes to keep going.
Hailey shares the story of her daughter Cammie, who passed away on April 15, 2021 at just nine years old in a tragic accident at home. Cammie—full of personality, known for telling strangers she liked their shirt, and a lover of animals, dancing, and big hugs—had only had the family's new dog, Autumn, for a few months. The day she died, she had asked her mom to do her hair before dance class, said "I love you more," and ran upstairs to clean her room.
Hailey walks through the events of that afternoon in full—finding Cammie, performing CPR, the paramedics, the ER, and saying goodbye. She opens up about the guilt and the what-ifs that followed, the sleepless nights, and the strange disorientation of planning a funeral in three days while the rest of the world kept moving.
She and Mason also go deeper on grief itself—the way it never fully leaves, the loneliness that lives inside it even when you're surrounded by people, and how catastrophic loss reshapes the way you parent, the way you speak, and the way you see what actually matters. Hailey shares how faith, community, spin class, and eventually pursuing a master's degree in marriage and family therapy have helped her find footing—and purpose—in the aftermath.
Together, Mason and Hailey talk about:
• What the day of Cammie's death actually looked like • Performing CPR on your own child • The guilt and judgment parents face after a child dies at home • How grief changes the way you use language • The loneliness of loss—even inside a full life • Finding meaning through helping others • The death of a marriage after the death of a child • Why vulnerability and sharing stories helps people feel less alone • How surviving the worst thing gives you a strange kind of fearlessness
Today, Hailey is in the final year of her master's program in marriage and family therapy, focused on emotionally focused therapy and helping others through connection. She carries Cammie with her every day—and she's still out there telling people she likes their shirt.
⚠️ Content Warning: This episode contains discussions of child death, accidental home injury, grief, divorce, and PTSD

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason sits back down with Catie Hockenbury for part two of their conversation about unimaginable loss—and the resilience it took to keep going.
Picking up where they left off, Catie goes deeper into the losses that have defined her life. Her daughter Maya was stillborn in 2016 after a traumatic delivery in which Catie's own life hung in the balance. Her son Oliver passed away from SUID at just 9 months old in 2023. And years earlier, the father of her oldest child, Connor, died by suicide at 19.
In this continuation, Catie walks through the full story of Oliver's birth—an emergency C-section that left her numb from the neck down and terrified—and the nine months she had with him before losing him suddenly. She shares the details of that night: finding him, the first responders, saying goodbye, and the guilt and judgment that followed.
She and Mason also go deeper on grief itself—the intrusive images that never fully leave, the question of whether to see your child's body, and how catastrophic loss reshapes faith and identity. Catie opens up about ketamine therapy, the shift from chasing happiness to just seeking peace, and why she wouldn't trade a single one of her nine months with Oliver.
Together, Mason and Catie talk about:
• What the night of Oliver's death actually looked like • The complicated grief of stillbirth vs. infant loss • When faith no longer holds after tragedy • Ketamine therapy as a path through grief • Carrying your children with you every day • Why vulnerability helps others feel less alone • Finding purpose on the other side of the unthinkable
Today, Catie uses her story to support other bereaved parents and remind people that even in the darkest moments, they are not alone.
⚠️ Content Warning: This episode contains discussions of suicide, stillbirth, infant death, domestic violence, medical trauma, and near-death experiences.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason talks with Catie Hockenbury about unimaginable loss—and the resilience it took to keep going.
Catie's life has been shaped by profound grief. Her daughter Maya died during childbirth in 2016 after a catastrophic placental abruption. Her son Oliver passed away from SUID at just 9 months old in 2023. And years earlier, Connor, the father of her first child, died by suicide at 19.
Connor was a funny, goofy kid who loved Metallica and deeply cared for those around him. After his parents' divorce and a painful rejection, his mental health spiraled. Despite people trying to help, he lost his battle with depression—leaving behind a young son and a family searching for answers.
Years later, Catie experienced another devastating loss when her daughter Maya was stillborn at full term. Despite repeatedly telling medical staff something was wrong, she was sent home twice. During the traumatic delivery, Catie's organs began failing, her heart rate dropped to 19 beats per minute, and she died on the table—before being revived with multiple shots of epinephrine. She held Maya for 24 hours before saying goodbye.
Then in 2023, Catie lost her son Oliver to Sudden Unexplained Infant Death (SUID). Though the cause was never determined, she believes Oliver's death ultimately gave her the strength to leave an abusive marriage and reclaim her life.
Together, Mason and Catie talk about:
• The ripple effects of suicide and the pain families carry • When the medical system fails to listen • What it's like to die and come back • The weight of unanswered questions after SUID • Grief inside abusive relationships • Why vulnerability helps others feel less alone • Turning unimaginable pain into purpose
Today, Catie uses her story to support other bereaved parents and remind people that even in the darkest moments, they are not alone.
⚠️ Content Warning: This episode contains discussions of suicide, stillbirth, infant death, domestic violence, medical trauma, and near-death experiences.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason sits down with Samie Hardman and Brittney Obray—two mothers whose sons died by suicide in 2022, just months apart.
Samie's son, Drayke, was 12 years old—an old soul obsessed with basketball and the Utah Jazz who wore mismatched socks and loved with his whole being. After enduring relentless bullying that triggered severe anxiety, Drake came home from school on February 10, 2022, with a bruise from being body-slammed by his bully. That night, he skipped basketball, watched Lost in Space with his family, and quietly went to bed. His 16-year-old sister found him unresponsive. Despite CPR and life flight to Primary Children's Hospital, Drake died the next morning at 8:17 AM in his parents' arms.
Brittney's son, Dexton, was 14—a gentle giant, football player, and protector who wasn't bullied but battled depression silently. The week before he died on October 26, 2022, Dexton was thriving—meal prepping, excited about starting varsity football, riding his motorcycle to practice. Then a girl rejected him. That night, he asked for more internet time past curfew. His stepdad said no. The next morning, they found him gone. Police discovered his phone filled with TikTok's algorithm feeding him suicide content daily: videos teaching kids how to die, messages that "nothing would change" if he left, and constant reinforcement that ending the pain was the only option.
Together, Samie and Brittney discuss the hard truths:
How schools silence suicide and refuse to honor these kids
Why toxic algorithms prey on vulnerable teens
The myth that talking about suicide "plants the idea" when kids are already drowning in it
How child suicide is almost always impulsive—no note, no plan, just a moment
Why kids need "three trusted people" they can call in crisis
The disconnect between kids and adults that costs lives
How they've turned grief into advocacy, fighting for policy change and open conversations
Both mothers have become voices for a generation of parents who never imagined having these conversations—until it was too late.
Content Warning: This episode contains detailed discussions of child suicide, bullying, and loss.