Bitch Bible

Jackie begins a chronicle of her second pregnancy, speaking directly to moms with deep maternal care, understanding, and Plan B jokes.
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The stars have aligned to bring back El Pollo Loco’s BBQ Black Beans and the Taco Bell Enchirito just as Jackie is starting her third trimester and ravenously hungry. The universe has spoken. Jackie is the chosen one.
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Jackie celebrates the union of Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce by reviewing their modest guest list, describes Clyde’s role in her recent public nudity, and spreads the mantra of Hate Without Reason.
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Jackie’s in a mood after being continuously serenaded by Shakira seven days a week and discusses the most recent kerfuffle in the backyard renovation, her murderous Andrew fantasies, and her ability to perceive dark energy in the brightest of places.
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Jackie is hunkered down against toxic smoke and gives an update on the backyard renovation, ridicules Andrew’s new recreational basketball league, and marvels at his lack of wedding music knowledge.
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