Sex and Psychology Podcast

Most of us only get small glimpses into other people’s sex lives, which can make our own experiences feel more unusual than they really are. But what happens when you spend years hearing the unfiltered truth about people’s desires, insecurities, relationships, and intimate experiences? In this episode, we explore what those stories reveal about modern sex and relationships.
My guest is Alyssa Shelasky. Her popular New York Magazine column, Sex Diaries, is widely considered a cultural phenomenon and was developed into an HBO docuseries with Shelasky producing and starring. She is the author of Apron Anxiety, This Might Be Too Personal, and the new book Sex Diaries: Real Life Stories of Non-Monogamy and Polyamory. 
Some of the specific topics we explore in this episode include:
Why are people sometimes more comfortable sharing their deepest sexual secrets with a stranger than with a partner?
What do people’s sex stories reveal about the roles sex plays beyond physical pleasure?
How have people’s desires, relationships, and intimate lives changed over the years?
What has collecting countless intimate stories taught Alyssa about modern intimacy?
Check out Alyssa's website to learn more about her work.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
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Thank you to our sponsors! 
Level-up your bedroom skills with Beducated. Featuring more than 150 online courses taught by the experts, Beducated brings pleasure-based sex ed directly into your bedroom. Kick off your journey by taking Beducated’s Quiz to get your personalized roadmap to sexual happiness at https://beduc.at/pd2628-lehmiller
The Kinsey Institute is where the world turns to understand sex and relationships. You can help continue its expert-led research by donating to the Kinsey Institute Research Fund. Learn more and make a donation here: https://give.myiu.org/centers-institutes/I380010749.html 
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Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

In the previous episode, we went behind the scenes of film and television to explore how intimacy coordinators help create authentic, safe, and compelling intimate scenes. But the lessons from this profession extend far beyond Hollywood. In this episode, we’re bringing those lessons into the bedroom to explore how they can help us build healthier, hotter, and more connected sex lives.

I am joined once again by Laura Desiree, the creative director of SNCTM, a private members-only erotic society known for its immersive events that blend live performance, fantasy, intimacy and consent-driven exploration. She is a Level II certified intimacy coordinator with years of experience in erotic media and sex-positive storytelling. Through her work with SNCTM, Laura curates experiences that are culturally relevant, artistically elevated and rooted in clear boundaries, consent, and discretion.

Some of the specific topics we explore in this episode include:

How can planning sex create more intimacy and chemistry?

What can intimacy coordinators teach us about consent and communication?

How can couples communicate their boundaries more effectively?

How can people stay present during sex instead of overthinking?

What should people know before recreating a favorite movie sex scene?

You can check out Laura’s website to learn more about her work.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

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Thank you to our sponsors! 

Soaking Wet from VB Health is the world’s first probiotic specifically designed for vaginal and vulva health and wellness. It’s a doctor formulated blend of prebiotics, probiotics, and vitamins specifically designed to restore balance and increase lubrication. Visit vb.health and use code JUSTIN for 10% off.

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Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Sex scenes have been part of film and television for decades, but the way they’re created has changed dramatically. Today, many productions rely on intimacy coordinators to help choreograph intimate scenes while fostering safety, collaboration, and creativity on set. In this episode, we’re pulling back the curtain on this fascinating profession to explore how intimate scenes are actually made.

My guest is Laura Desiree, the creative director of SNCTM, a private members-only erotic society known for its immersive events that blend live performance, fantasy, intimacy and consent-driven exploration. She is a Level II certified intimacy coordinator with years of experience in erotic media and sex-positive storytelling. Through her work with SNCTM, Laura curates experiences that are culturally relevant, artistically elevated and rooted in clear boundaries, consent, and discretion.

Some of the specific topics we explore in this episode include:

How did intimacy coordinators become part of film and television?

What does an intimacy coordinator do from pre-production to filming?

Why can choreographed intimacy create better chemistry?

What kinds of scenes require an intimacy coordinator?

What qualifies someone to work as an intimacy coordinator?

You can check out Laura’s website to learn more about her work.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

***

Thank you to our sponsors! 

Soaking Wet from VB Health is the world’s first probiotic specifically designed for vaginal and vulva health and wellness. It’s a doctor formulated blend of prebiotics, probiotics, and vitamins specifically designed to restore balance and increase lubrication. Visit vb.health and use code JUSTIN for 10% off.

Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

In the previous episode, we explored why dead bedrooms happen and just how common they are. Today, we’re shifting from understanding the problem to finding solutions, with practical, evidence-based strategies for rebuilding intimacy, navigating desire discrepancies, and improving sexual communication. If you’re hoping to reconnect with your partner, this episode is for you.

I am joined once again by Dr. Lauren Fogel Mersy, a licensed psychologist, AASECT-certified sex therapist, and certified emotionally focused couples therapist. She specializes in sexual health and relationships and owns a private practice in Minnesota. She is the co-author of the book, Desire: An Inclusive Guide to Navigating Libido Differences in Relationships.

Some of the specific topics we explore in this episode include:

How can couples move forward when only one partner is dissatisfied with their sex life?

Are there topics couples should avoid when discussing desire discrepancies?

How can understanding responsive desire help couples reconnect sexually?

Why might taking sex off the table temporarily help revive a dead bedroom?

How can couples make scheduled intimacy feel exciting instead of obligatory?

You can check our Lauren’s website to learn more about her work. You can also find her on Instagram and Facebook @drlaurenfogelmersy.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

***

Thank you to our sponsors! 

Breathable, soft, and built for summer, check out Cozy Earth’s bamboo sheet set and beach towels. Head to cozyearth.com and use my code JUSTIN for an exclusive 20% off. 

If you’re looking to gain a broad understanding of human sexuality or refresh your knowledge, check out the upcoming Human Sexuality Intensive courses at the Kinsey Institute: https://kinseyinstitute.org/learning/human-sexuality-intensive.html 

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Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

In long-term relationships, couples sometimes find that their sex life gradually fades away. This might happen after having children, or following a stressful period at work. However, there isn’t always an obvious turning point. In today’s episode, we’re taking a closer look at why dead bedrooms happen, how common they are, and how to know when it’s time to seek help.

My guest is Dr. Lauren Fogel Mersy, a licensed psychologist, AASECT-certified sex therapist, and certified emotionally focused couples therapist. She specializes in sexual health and relationships and owns a private practice in Minnesota. She is the co-author of the book, Desire: An Inclusive Guide to Navigating Libido Differences in Relationships.

Some of the specific topics we explore in this episode include:

What do dead bedrooms actually look like?

Why might sex disappear in a long-term relationship?

How common are desire discrepancies in relationships?

How do we distinguish the normal waning of passion from a true sexual problem?

When should couples seek help for desire discrepancies?

You can check our Lauren’s website to learn more about her work. You can also find her on Instagram and Facebook @drlaurenfogelmersy.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

***

Thank you to our sponsors! 

Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.