Lights On with Carl Lentz

• We Never Fell Out of Love, We Stopped Liking Each Other - The Truth That Saved Our Marriage

  In this honest conversation, Carl and Laura Lentz rip open the facade of "perfect marriages" to expose the unspoken epidemic: couples who love each other but can't stand being in the same room. Drawing from their own marriage reconstruction after losing everything publicly, they reveal why "liking" your spouse is actually harder—and more important—than loving them.Carl shares the moment five years ago when Laura looked him in the eye and said "I hate you right now," while Laura opens up about how they went from tit-for-tat scorekeeping to becoming best friends who can't wait to get home to each other. They expose the comfortable lie that love alone keeps marriages together, when the brutal truth is: without "like," you're just roommates with rings.From the Ben Franklin marriage hack that rewires your brain to like your spouse again, to why Carl leaves hats scattered across the house like breadcrumbs and Laura just stopped caring, this episode demolishes the Instagram marriage fantasy. They reveal why successful couples make "reasonable concessions" (translation: accepting your spouse's annoying traits because you actually like them), how doing favors for someone literally changes your brain chemistry to like them more, and why Carl starts every single day texting Laura before checking anything else.The frame that changed everything: Love is a commitment you make once. Like is a choice you make daily. And if you're sitting there thinking "I love my spouse but..." while your partner's jokes don't make you laugh anymore and their presence feels like work, this conversation reveals the exact path back to actually enjoying the person you're building a life with.Warning: This episode will challenge couples who've accepted mediocrity as "just how marriage is" and may trigger those who use love as an excuse to avoid the harder work of actually liking their spouse.---Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/---CHAPTERS:00:00 - "I Love You But I Don't Like You Right Now"00:27 - Love Is Easy, Like Takes Work01:14 - You Can't Fall Out of Love (You Just Stopped Thinking)02:26 - The Week Everything Fell Apart03:29 - Why Liking Each Other Saved Our Marriage04:04 - From Fault-Finding to Beauty-Finding Glasses10:00 - We're A Team: The Gift of Different Strengths13:01 - Making Reasonable Concessions (Carl's Hat Trail)16:49 - The Ben Franklin Marriage Hack19:56 - Our Actions Shape Our Feelings21:00 - Do Nice Things to Like Them (Not the Other Way Around)23:02 - Laura's Text Reminders to Encourage Carl25:03 - Carl's Daily Morning Text Ritual26:20 - What Have I Done For Her Lately?27:01 - Compassionate Curiosity Builds Connection28:02 - Rupture, Repair, Build Cycle30:38 - The Like Is What Makes Marriage Fun31:43 - What Might I Discover About You Today?See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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• Did I settle in my marriage?

  Have you ever looked at your relationship or your spouse and quietly wondered, did I settle? Most people think settling means picking the wrong person, but it usually means somebody has stopped growing. In this episode of Lights On, we make the case that settling starts in the mirror, not your marriage.We explore what settling really means, how to avoid it, and how to reignite the spark in your relationship. We discuss the importance of self-growth, curiosity, and novelty in keeping love alive. We also share practical challenges to help you and your partner reconnect and grow together.Featuring:Carl Lentz https://instagram.com/carllentzLaura Lentz https://instagram.com/lauralentzChapters:00:00 - Introduction: Did I Settle? 01:28 - The Danger of Unspoken Thoughts 03:05 - Do Women Settle More Than Men? 04:47 - Have You Stopped Surprising Each Other? 06:28 - Are You Being the Right Person? 07:30 - The 5-to-1 Ratio for a Thriving Relationship 09:03 - The Myth of the Perfect Partner 11:53 - The Importance of Novelty and Shared Goals 13:55 - The Power of Commitment 16:12 - What Settling Really Means 17:27 - Self-Care and its Impact on Your Relationship 21:30 - Did You Settle on You? 24:10 - Why Men Cheat: The Trap of Novelty 26:29 - The Four Horsemen of a Failing Marriage 28:01 - The Power of Micro-Surprises 32:35 - Redefining Intimacy 34:20 - How to Rebuild Intimacy 36:31 - Putting Your Marriage First 39:06 - Challenge 1: Consistent and Concrete Connection 41:21 - Challenge 2: Novelty ExplorationA huge thank you for tuning in to Lights On. We believe that when you grow, your love grows. And when you shrink, love suffocates. Keep your lights on.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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• Back In Church Space 5 Years After Everything Fell Apart

  What happens when one of the most influential pastors in America falls from grace? And what does redemption look like on the other side of scandal?As lead pastor of Hillsong Church NYC, I preached to thousands every Sunday, counseled celebrities and athletes, and became the face of a new generation of church leadership. Then, in November 2020, everything came crashing down.I was fired from Hillsong Church following revelations of moral failures and breaches of trust. What followed was a media firestorm—tabloid headlines, public shame, and the dismantling of everything I'd built over two decades of ministry. My marriage was on the brink. My reputation was destroyed. My calling was questioned.But this isn't just a story about a fall. It's a story about what comes after.In this conversation, I'm sitting down with my wife Laura, and our friends Mike and Natalie Todd from Transformation Church, to talk about everything. The scandal. The restoration process. The accountability. The pain our family endured. The friends who stayed. The critics who won't forgive. And the biggest question: Should I return to ministry?We're not avoiding the hard questions. We're talking about disqualification, forgiveness, celebrity pastor culture, what real restoration looks like, and whether someone who failed publicly can lead again. This is raw, unfiltered, and honest.Whether you believe in second chances or think some lines can't be uncrossed, this conversation matters. Because at the end of the day, we all mess up. The question is: what happens next?——Featuring:Mike Todd https://instagram.com/iammiketoddNatalie Todd https://instagram.com/natalietoddCarl Lentz https://instagram.com/carllentz Laura Lentz https://instagram.com/lauralentz—Chapters:00:00 - Introduction: First Time on Stage in 5 Years 04:10 - The Importance of Friends in the Fire 09:03 - The Night Everything Changed 14:30 - Why Mike & Natalie Stepped In When Everyone Else Left 24:20 - Laura Speaks: Walking Through Public Scandal 32:40 - The Biggest Mistakes We Made & What We'd Change 37:10 - How We Rebuilt Our Marriage After Everything Fell Apart 41:25 - The Celebrity Pastor Problem Nobody Talks About 45:30 - Lessons From the Fire: What We Learned in the Darkness 49:15 - Don't Wait Until Everything's Burning Down 52:56 - Be the Church Outside the Building 54:33 - When Friends Saved Mike: The Spit Hit the Fan Story 58:23 - Final Prayer: Friends Who Step Into the Fire—A huge thank you to Mike and Natalie Todd for creating the space for this conversation.Their friendship, grace, and willingness to step into the fire with us has been one of the greatest gifts of our lives. This is what real friendship looks like.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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• 24-Year-Old Woman Built The Answer To Unplanned Pregnancy

  Want to submit questions? Email us at [email protected]!In this episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura Lentz sit down with 24-year-old Phoebe Enterman, founder of Plana - the app that's quietly solving America's adoption crisis. Moving from Brisbane, Australia to Las Vegas with nothing but conviction, Phoebe reveals the shocking truth: while 2 million couples desperately wait to adopt, less than 1% of unplanned pregnancies result in adoption. She exposes how both Planned Parenthood's structure and the pro-life movement's judgment have failed women who need real help, not politics.Laura and Phoebe dive deep into the reality facing women with unplanned pregnancies - from the 65% of Christian women who hide pregnancies from their church out of fear, to the Harvard study showing 80% of women reconsider abortion when fathers stay present. They demolish the myth that adoption isn't chosen due to lack of families (there are 36 waiting families for every adoptable infant) and reveal the real problem: women don't know adoption is even an option in the digital age.From Phoebe's personal story of why her grandmother's teenage pregnancy drives her mission, to Carl's explosive take on Christians who picket abortion clinics but won't pay a single mother's rent, this conversation transcends the tired abortion debate. They unveil how Plana's beautiful, wellness-focused app is replacing crisis-branded shame with actual solutions - connecting women to families, resources, education, and support all in one place.Warning: This episode challenges both pro-life advocates who stop caring after birth and pro-choice supporters who only offer one choice. If you're more invested in your political stance than actually helping women and babies, this conversation will make you uncomfortable.Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/ Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/ Supported by Plana - https://plana.org/CHAPTERS:00:00 - Opening: Beyond Politics to Real Solutions04:20 - Meet Phoebe: Why a 24-Year-Old Left Australia for This Mission08:26 - The Personal Story Behind Plana12:07 - Carl's "What's Your Name?" Moment on The View15:36 - Inside an Unplanned Pregnancy: What Women Really Face22:51 - The Church Problem: 65% Hide in Shame27:05 - The Adoption Mystery: Less Than 1% When Millions Wait32:16 - Why Adoption Lost to Better Marketing38:59 - How Plana Works: The App Tour43:15 - Planned Parenthood's Business Model vs. Plana's Approach48:33 - The Father Factor: 80% Reconsider When Men Stay52:40 - A Call to Churches: Beyond Voting to Action57:14 - How to Support: The $9 MovementSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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• My Husband's Mother Helped Him Cheat - Here's What I Did

  When your husband's family enables his affair and makes you the villain, the betrayal cuts twice as deep. In this raw and essential episode, Carl and Laura Lentz tackle one of the most painful questions they've received: what do you do when your in-laws collude with the affair partner, feed them information, and blame you for the infidelity? Drawing from their own experience of distancing from family during recovery and counseling countless couples through ministry betrayal, they reveal why you don't owe anyone access to you during healing, how to take control of your narrative when everyone's telling a different story, and the exact boundaries you need to protect your recovery. Laura opens up about why they separated from Carl's family (not due to collusion, but for space to make decisions without outside opinions), while Carl exposes the insane pressure to control narratives in ministry contexts. They break down the brutal truth: if you're trying to help your in-laws grieve while you're still bleeding from betrayal, you're abandoning yourself. From wives being vilified by their husband's entire family to mothers developing relationships with affair partners, this conversation reveals why collusion is so common in ministry marriages and what to do about it. Plus: why Christian couples should stop being embarrassed about sex therapy, the difference between "fine" and "thrilling" intimacy, and how religious trauma keeps couples from having honest conversations about their sex lives. Whether you're the betrayed spouse dealing with toxic in-laws, trying to figure out if you should cut off family members who enabled infidelity, or wondering how to heal when everyone's against you, this episode gives you permission to disconnect from false narratives and reconnect with who you really are. Warning: This conversation challenges the evangelical pressure to "keep the peace" with family at all costs and may trigger those who've built their identity on being the peacemaker instead of protecting their own healing.Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/CHAPTERS:00:00:00 - Lights On: Introduction and Birthday Banter00:02:22 - Sex Therapy for Christian Couples: Breaking the Taboo00:08:34 - Letters from Our Readers Introduction00:09:31 - Today's Topics: Family Collusion After Infidelity00:09:55 - Defining Collusion: What It Means00:11:05 - Reading the Listener Letter: Mother-in-Law Enabled the Affair00:13:18 - Laura's Story: Why We Distanced from Carl's Family00:14:28 - Ministry Betrayal: Narrative Control is Insane00:19:40 - Step 1: Change Your Position - You Don't Owe Anyone Access00:20:20 - Forgiveness Does Not Mean Friendship00:21:14 - Secure Safety First Before Any Reintegration00:22:39 - Require Full Disclosure, Not Drip Disclosure00:26:24 - You Get to Define All the Relationships00:27:18 - Family Boundary Contract with Clear Repair Requirements00:33:36 - Picking the Right Therapist: Why Betrayal Trauma Specialists Matter00:35:56 - Step 4: Your Husband Needs to Step Up and Set the Story Straight00:37:01 - When a Man Gets Married, He Starts His Own Family00:39:27 - Protecting Your Children: Who Gets to Tell Them What Happened00:42:16 - Integrity Example: The Phone Call Story00:43:54 - Disconnecting from False Narratives About Yourself00:45:15 - Final Thoughts: Take Control Back One Step at a TimeSponsors:Rula patients typically pay $15 per session when using insurance. Connect with quality therapists and mental health experts who specialize in you at https://www.rula.com/LIGHTS #rulapodDripDrop is offering podcast listeners 20% off your first order! Go to dripdrop.com and use promo code LIGHTS. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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