Latter Day Struggles

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In this episode Val digs into the concept of prophet worship [or any time humans hand over their discerning power to a formal authority figure] from the context of psychology and the “shadow”. 
While we tend to talk about our “shadows” from the context of that which we are ashamed of, sometimes we actually disown our greatest divine attributes. 
Tune in to this episode to learn why this happens and how to reintegrate our “golden shadows” back into our core identities.  This conversation is an extension of Episode 447, so go back and listen if this intrigues you!
Does the idea of awakening your core identity or "True Self" resonate with you ? If so, jump onto a waitlist to join Valerie’s next healing group that focuses on the awakening of one’s True Self core identity. 
This group is titled “Fundamentals of LDS Faith Crisis Healing” and the next group of this type begins spring of 2027!
Timestamps:
00:00 Welcome and Setup 
03:09 Traditional Shadow Basics 
07:58 Golden Shadow Defined 
09:27 Projection and Triggers 
12:36 Golden Shadow Projection Example
17:07 How Outsourcing Happens
20:08 Official Carrier and the Cost of Imperfection 
25:37 When Following the Prophet Doesn't Work 
29:36 Reclaiming Discernment 
32:22 Practicing and Giving Yourself Grace 
35:52 Integration Not Overcorrecting 
39:15 Closing Thoughts
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In this episode Valerie tackles a seemingly contradictory pair of claims: 
The LDS church is experiencing record-breaking growth! 
The LDS church is experiencing record-breaking defection! 
Is one narrative simply not true? 
Interestingly, the answer is no, both narratives are true. Join Val as she unpacks these seemingly contradictory claims & breaks down how these claims reflect specific kinds of data collection.  She also explores how these narratives are tracking two different demographics of people in different stages of faith and consciousness development.
Valerie’s hope in episodes like this is to shine a light on normative human growth & development in the context of faith and to illustrate how the churches that do not understand or believe in stages of faith development only serve populations in [important but] earlier stages of growth & pathologize those in later stages, causing ever increasing levels of family fractures and institutional defection. 
PS: to read more & see the data, pick up a copy of download the book Torn: Why People We Love are Leaving the Church and What We Can Learn from Them by Jeff Strong, linked HERE.
Timestamps:
00:00 Welcome and Series Setup
02:45 Two Conflicting Narratives
04:16 Record Baptisms Data
06:17 Disaffiliation Statistics
12:01 Both And Explanation
14:03 Three LDS Demographics
14:21 Active Core Strengths
17:58 Disaffiliated Core Growth
22:30 Never Fully Affiliated
26:11 Stages of Faith Framework
29:26 Attachment Stage Church Fit
31:02 Differentiation and Homelessness
41:44 Integration and Compassion
44:20 Closing Reflections
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Stories of Healing: Live Event July 30th in SLC
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Series Title: Torn: Why People We Love are Leaving the Church & What We Can Learn from Them [Part III of III]
In this final episode of this beautiful series featuring guest author Jeff Strong & his bestselling book Torn: Why People We Love are Leaving the Church & What We Can Learn from Them, Val & Jeff cover four "culture imbalances" that thousands of disaffiliated LDS offered as reasons they could not grow in the context of the LDS church. Listen in to hear some sobering & important data that offers a more accurate narrative surrounding the current LDS dissafiliation crisis.
As painful a this information might be for devout LDS loved ones, this information is vitally important. Can those who loved the church and want what is best for their faith- expanding families listen to their feedback and create safe harbor for those on unexpected faith journeys? 
The only way our LDS homes and wards can become this kind of community is to listen, learn, and trust the words and experiences of those who often only leave because they feel that thriving spiritually is not possible if they stay.
Jeff's book Torn linked HERE
Timestamps:
00:00 Welcome and Guest Intro
02:45 Why These Talks Matter
05:00 Unexpected Family Reversals
13:14 Why Culture Is Key
20:25 Imbalance One Who Belongs
28:53 Balancing Standards With Love
35:13 Transactional Faith Pitfalls
44:54 Map Not The Sea
50:57 Agency Versus Compliance
54:28 Trusting Individual Conscience
01:00:23 Pressure To Conform
01:03:15 Ubuntu And Closing Takeaways
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Stories of Healing: Live Event July 30th in SLC
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Series Title: Torn: Why People We Love are Leaving the Church & What We Can Learn from Them [Part II of III]
In this fascinating episode, guest author Jeff Strong & Valerie tackle several key points that Jeff courageously and gently addresses in his bestselling book Torn: Why People We Love are Leaving the Church & What We can Learn from Them.
Today, Jeff & Val lay out several culture issues that are pressuring the need for churches to adapt-not because people are becoming less and less "spiritual"...but because evolution is an upward spiral and human beings entering new stages of faith development have different needs. If these needs are not acknowledged; or if they are vilified, shamed, or pathologized- they will go away. We are seeing this at record rates in the LDS church. 
Listen in as Jeff and Valerie clarify not only why so many lifelong multi-generational Latter Day Saints are leaving--but also share how spiritual growth/ differientiation & community belonging need not be mutually exclusive.
Jeff's book Torn linked HERE
Timestamps:
00:00 Welcome and Book Setup
01:38 Recap and Survey Numbers
03:13 Seeing and Humility
10:12 Culture as Soil Metaphor
15:44 Acceptance and Faith Stages
25:19 Fear to Hope and Growth
29:18 Four Storms Shaping Belief
37:19 Culture Change and Margins
45:44 Diversity and Balanced Energy
51:05 Next Episode Preview and Closing
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Series Title: Torn: Why People We Love are Leaving the Church & What We Can Learn from Them [Part 1 of 3]
In this three part series, Valerie is joined by Jeff Strong- friend, colleague, and author of the best-selling book Torn: Why People We Love are Leaving the Church & What We Can Learn from Them. In this opening episode, Jeff shares his personal experience as an LDS bishop and father at a crisis point in time when his missionary son disclosed that he was coming home and leaving the LDS church. 
In this moment, Jeff felt that everything was falling apart & in his own valley of the shadow, he could not meet his son where he was in his own valley of the shadow. The following 13 years comprising hundreds of interviews with disaffiliating Latter-day Saints & heartfelt soul-searching about the true meaning of faith culminates in this book: a Love Letter to the Devout Latter-day Saint who has a loved one who has left the faith. 
Please listen to this series & consider reading than then gifting Jeff's book to one of your loved ones who does not understand your spiritual journey. Together we can heal our community and build bridges of understanding & belonging. no matter where we are on the spectrum of faith.
Jeff's book Torn linked HERE.
Timestamps:
00:00 Welcome and Introductions
02:07 Why Jeff Wrote Torn
02:56 Faith Crisis Sparks Research
06:16 Years of Writing and Rewrites
07:32 Who the Book Is For
11:07 Upstream vs Downstream Trauma
13:48 A Devout Reader’s Reaction
17:06 Mixed Faith Marriage Pain Point
20:24 Disaffiliation Numbers and Studies
28:36 Counter Narratives on Growth
29:52 Growth vs Activity Metrics
32:07 Convert Baptisms and Disaffiliation
33:04 Two Truths in Church Life
35:59 Four Waves Overview
38:11 Why Waves Feel Sequential
40:50 Upstream vs Downstream Pushback
43:54 Stages of Faith Transition
47:37 Belonging Over Belief
51:31 Success Stories of Inclusion
55:58 Bar Mitzvah Closing Story
58:27 Wrap Up and Next Episode
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Stories of Healing: Live Event July 30th in SLC
Support the show
Listen, Share, Rate & Review EPISODES
Friday Episodes Annual Access $89
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