The Addicted Mind Podcast

In this episode, Duane Osterlind sits down with Mitchell Osmond, founder of Dad Nation, to discuss the unique challenges faced by career-driven men. Mitchell shares his powerful personal journey from the brink of divorce, $100,000 in debt, and substance struggle to a life of health and purpose. The conversation explores why the very skills that make men successful in the boardroom often sabotage them in the living room, and how to bridge the gap between professional power and personal connection.

Key Highlights
The Paradox of the "Successful" Man
Many men feel respected and competent at work but powerless and disconnected at home. Mitchell explains that the tools of business—logic, efficiency, and detachment—don't translate to intimate relationships.
The Struggle: Feeling like a "powerful leader" from 9-to-5 and a "robot" or "stranger" from 5-to-9.
The Sabotage: Using workplace attributes to solve emotional problems, which often leads to further isolation.
The Two Turning Points: A Fight and a Funeral
Mitchell reflects on the "brutal, painful journey" that led to his transformation:
The Fight: A massive argument with his wife that made him realize he was on the verge of losing everything.
The Funeral: While singing at a funeral, Mitchell heard a question that changed his life: "Are you living a life worthy of imitation?" He realized his current legacy was one of alcoholism and debt, and he chose to put a "stake in the ground."
The Three Pillars of Transformation
Mitchell breaks down the process of change into three distinct phases:
Information: Gaining the knowledge (though he warns we are "starving for wisdom" despite an abundance of data).
Implementation: Taking action on that knowledge.
Transformation: The result of consistent implementation, usually found within community and accountability.
Understanding "Normative Male Alexithymia"
The duo discusses the concept of Alexithymia—the lack of words for emotions.
The "Lone Wolf" Trap: Society often teaches men to "stuff it down," leading to a lack of emotional intelligence.
The Solution: Practicing emotional communication as a skill, using tools like the "Rise Conversation Ladder" or even simple emoji charts to identify feelings.
The "Middle Way" of Masculinity
Mitchell rejects the extremes of "hyper-masculinity" (toxic/aggressive) and "passive-masculinity" (pushover).

"I’d rather be a warrior in a garden than a gardener in a war." He advocates for being courageous yet compassionate—strong enough to protect the family, but meek enough to sit and listen to a daughter’s feelings.
Notable Quotes
"You are the most qualified to help the person you used to be." — Mitchell Osmond (referencing Ed Mylett)
"Time is the only currency that we spend without knowing the remaining balance."
"Your wiring may explain you, but it doesn’t excuse you."
Resources & Links
Dad Nation Website: dadnationco.com
Social Media: Follow Mitchell on Instagram (Search: Dad Nation)
The Addicted Mind: theaddictedmind.com
Tool Mentioned: The Hoffman Institute’s Feelings List.
If you live in California and are looking for counseling or therapy please check out Novus Mindful Life Counseling and Recovery Center
NovusMindfulLife.com
We want to hear from you. Leave us a message or ask us a question: https://www.speakpipe.com/addictedmind
Disclaimer
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Download: Identify And Regulate Worksheet
Have you ever felt a whirlwind of emotions but couldn't pin down exactly what you were feeling? You're not alone. Many people, especially those on the road to recovery, struggle to identify their emotions. This episode of "The Addicted Mind" podcast dives into the crucial skill of recognizing and naming our feelings.

Hosts Duane and Eric explore why pinpointing emotions is so important, especially for those battling addiction. They explain that many people used substances or behaviors to cope with overwhelming or confusing feelings. Learning to identify emotions is a key step in breaking free from destructive cycles.

The hosts introduce a practical tool: asking yourself specific questions to figure out which emotion you're experiencing. They walk through examples for emotions like fear, envy, anger, shame, and guilt. By answering these targeted questions, listeners can better understand their emotional state.

Duane and Eric stress that accurately identifying emotions is crucial for "checking the facts" – a method discussed in a previous episode. Once you know what you're feeling, you can examine if your emotional response fits the situation. This allows you to "adjust the volume" of your emotions – either dialing them up or down as needed.

The hosts share real-life examples of how this process has helped people. In one case, a client realized they were feeling shame rather than guilt, leading to a breakthrough in their healing journey.

Listeners are encouraged to practice this skill and to join a live "deep dive" session for more in-depth learning. The hosts also offer a downloadable worksheet to help listeners work through identifying different emotions on their own.

Download: Identify And Regulate Worksheet

Key Topics
The importance of identifying specific emotions in recovery
Using targeted questions to pinpoint emotions
Examples of questions for fear, envy, anger, shame, and guilt
How emotion identification connects to "checking the facts"
Real-life impacts of accurately naming emotions
Resources for further learning and practice

Timestamps

0:00 - Introduction and importance of emotion identification
2:43 - Connection to previous "Check the Facts" episode
5:43 - Exploring fear as an emotion
7:10 - Discussing envy and its complexities
8:05 - Examining anger and its various triggers
10:13 - Distinguishing between shame and guilt
13:43 - Closing thoughts and resources for listeners

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In this episode, Duane Osterlind sits down with Dr. Alexandra Katehakis, founder of the Center for Healthy Sex, to explore the complex relationship between shame, affect dysregulation, and addiction. Dr. Katehakis breaks down why shame isn’t just a "bad feeling" but a survival-based biological process rooted in our nervous system and early childhood development.
Key Highlights
1. What is Shame? (The Gut Connection)
Shame is a pro-social function embedded in the human organism from birth. Unlike many other emotions, shame is primarily located in the enteric nervous system (the gut).
The Biology: When we experience shame, we feel a visceral "drop." This is a rapid shift from a high-dopamine state (joy or excitement) to a low-dopamine state (collapse).
The "No" Moment: Around 18 months, a child experiences the "genesis of shame" when a parent must use a firm "No" to protect them. In a healthy relationship, this is a temporary state.

2. Rupture and Repair: The Building Blocks of Resilience
Healthy Dyad: A parent shames a child (rupture) but immediately follows up with soothing and "motherese" (repair). This teaches the child’s nervous system how to regulate itself.
Toxic Shame: When shaming is chronic and unrepaired, "states become traits." The child remains in a collapsed, shame-based state, leading to pathological dissociation or chronic depression.

3. Addiction as "Auto-Regulation"
Dr. Katehakis posits that addiction is often a result of affect dysregulation. If a person lacks the internal capacity to regulate their emotions (due to a lack of interactive regulation in childhood), they turn to external sources to "auto-regulate."
The Cycle: People use substances or behaviors (sex, gambling, shopping) to escape the painful, "dead" feeling of a shame-based core.
The Body: Chronic shame results in low dopamine tone, often manifesting as a "limp" or depleted physical presence.

4. Shame and Identity
Shame deeply impacts how we view ourselves and interact with the world:
External Locus of Control: Without internal regulation, people look outward for validation, often leading to poor boundaries and becoming susceptible to exploitation.
The Victim/Perpetrator Paradox: In adulthood, those with toxic shame may "perpetrate from a victim position." They use their shame to avoid accountability, forcing partners to caretake them rather than addressing the original issue.

Recovery and Hope
Healing from chronic shame is a long-term process (often 3–5 years), but change is possible:
Ownership: Admitting to the behaviors and secrets without defense or minimization.
Community: Utilizing 12-step programs or therapy to experience "interactive regulation" with others.
Healthy Shame: Learning to use shame as a pro-social "lane marker" that helps us stay in integrity, rather than a weight that collapses our identity.
"You can't undo shame by yourself. You really have to have a community of concern to help you through it." — Dr. Alexandra Katehakis
Resources Mentioned
Books: Sex Addiction as Affect Dysregulation by Alexandra Katehakis.
Experts: Allan Schore (Affect Regulation), Bruce Perry (Trauma and Development), Dan Siegel (Attachment).
Center for Healthy Sex: Located in Los Angeles, CA.

Sex Addiction as Affect Dysregulation: A Neurobiological Relational Model
https://theaddictedmind.com/
If you live in California and are looking for counseling or therapy please check out Novus Mindful Life Counseling and Recovery Center
NovusMindfulLife.com
We want to hear from you. Leave us a message or ask us a question: https://www.speakpipe.com/addictedmind
Disclaimer

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

In this episode, Duane Osterlind sits down with Dr. Rachel Docekal to discuss the shifting landscape of youth addiction and mental health. With over 40 years of history, the Hanley Foundation is moving beyond the "Just Say No" era into evidence-based prevention that addresses the root causes of use: isolation, digital addiction, and the mental health fallout of the post-COVID world.
Key Takeaways
The "Double Whammy" of COVID & Smartphones: Dr. Docekal highlights how the combination of pandemic isolation and the rise of social media "highlight reels" has created a surge in anxiety and depression among youth.
The Shift in Treatment: For the first time, the Hanley Center has had to dedicate primary beds specifically to mental health (not just detox), reflecting a crisis where substances are often a secondary symptom of internal distress.
The THC Trap: They discuss the alarming trend of high-potency marijuana causing psychiatric breaks in young people—and the frightening reality that for some, the cognitive changes may be permanent.
Connection Over Correction: The core of the issue is often a loss of "true human connection." From families on phones at dinner to the addictive nature of algorithms, the "nemesis" in the pocket is often the biggest barrier to wellness.

Innovative Prevention Programs
The Hanley Foundation is pioneering programs that treat students with dignity rather than just discipline.
Program Focus
Replacing "Zero Tolerance"Instead of suspension/expulsion, students caught using enter a series of counseling sessions that include their parents.Alcohol Literacy ChallengeDe-bunking MythsThis program uses science to show kids that the "positive" effects they expect from alcohol (confidence, better dancing) are actually psychological, not pharmacological.A Note for Parents: The Power of "Just Being"
When asked for her #1 piece of advice for parents and educators, Dr. Docekal offered a grounding perspective:
"You don’t have to have the answer; you just have to have the presence. Just be with your kid. Your job is to listen—not to talk, not to demand, and certainly not to solve."
Resources Mentioned in this Episode
Prevention Services: HanleyFoundation.org
Treatment Services: HanleyCenter.org
Support Hotline: 844-502-HOPE (4673)
The Addicted Mind Website: TheAddictedMind.com

If you live in California and are looking for counseling or therapy please check out Novus Mindful Life Counseling and Recovery Center
NovusMindfulLife.com
We want to hear from you. Leave us a message or ask us a question: https://www.speakpipe.com/addictedmind
Disclaimer
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Download: BUILDING YOUR SUPPORT NETWORK AND ASKING FOR HELP

Have you ever felt like reaching out for help is a sign of weakness? You're not alone. In this eye-opening episode of the Addicted Mind podcast, hosts Duane Osterlind and Eric Osterlind delve into the powerful impact of asking for help on the journey to recovery.

Asking for help can be one of the hardest steps in addiction recovery, but it's also one of the most crucial. Duane and Eric discuss common barriers like shame, denial, and fear of vulnerability that keep people from seeking the support they need. They share personal stories and insights from their experiences as therapists, emphasizing that recovery flourishes in connection and not in isolation. Listen in as they break down five key internal beliefs that often prevent people from reaching out and offer practical advice on overcoming these hurdles. By the end of the episode, you'll understand why seeking help is not a sign of weakness but a profound act of courage and strength.

Key topics

• The 5 main barriers to asking for help in addiction recovery
• Why social support is crucial for maintaining long-term sobriety
• How childhood experiences can affect our ability to seek help
• The importance of vulnerability in the recovery process
• Practical steps to overcome the fear of asking for support
• Free resources to help build your support network

Timestamps

[00:01:06] Introduction to the importance of asking for help in recovery
[00:03:51] Discussing the 5 internal beliefs that prevent people from seeking help
[00:04:12] Exploring shame and stigma as barriers
[00:05:26] Addressing denial in addiction
[00:06:34] The fear of vulnerability and its roots
[00:08:00] Self-reliance mindset and its impact on seeking help
[00:09:57] Dealing with hopelessness in addiction recovery

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