Marriage Therapy Radio

Zach sits down with Susie and Paul, a couple who found each other through the comment section of a meditation app, fell in love before ever seeing each other's faces, and eventually moved across the globe to build a life together in Wollongong, Australia. Both came out of 20-year marriages. Both made the decision to leave. And both arrived at this second chapter with a fundamentally different understanding of what a relationship is actually for.
The conversation covers a lot of ground: the fear and courage it takes to end a marriage, what the brain does when it's protecting you from change, and why staying in stable misery can feel like the smarter option even when it clearly isn't. Susie, a life coach and host of the Love Your Life Show, talks about how she once saw relationships as a transaction, where she got something and gave something back, and how completely that framing has shifted. Paul, who has spent a decade studying, practicing, and teaching Buddhism and mindfulness, brings a steadying philosophy: you are the creator of your experience, not the victim of your circumstance, and your emotions exist to teach you, not to be avoided. Together they describe a marriage built on two whole people rather than two people trying to complete each other, and what it actually looks like in practice, including how Paul came back after a moment of frustration over grocery bags and said, simply, that he'd been a little unregulated earlier. Susie calls it the sexiest thing a man can do.
What makes this episode stick is how honest it is about the cost of the path they took and the fruit of it. All five of their kids, across two blended families, are thriving. And neither Susie nor Paul thinks that's a coincidence.

Key Takeaways
Your brain will give you every reason to stay in a relationship that isn't working because discomfort is still known, and known feels safe
Leaving a long marriage at midlife is not a failure. Sometimes the most courageous act is moving toward discomfort instead of away from it
A relationship is not a transaction. It's a container for self-growth and a practice in loving someone imperfectly
One plus one should equal three: two whole, self-responsible people creating something stronger together, not two halves looking for completion
The most important things to cultivate in yourself and to look for in a partner: the ability to self-regulate and the ability to repair
Repair doesn't have to be dramatic. It can be as simple as "I could have handled that more skillfully" or "I was a little unregulated earlier"
Your emotions aren't happening to you. They're here to teach you something. The path through discomfort is the path, not a detour from it
Staying in a broken marriage "for the kids" may be the very thing harming them. What children need modeled is not a facade of togetherness but emotional honesty and growth

Guest Info
Susie is a life coach and educator who works primarily with women on emotional intelligence, relationships, and parenting. She hosts the Love Your Life Show podcast (now at 400 episodes) and runs a monthly membership called the Love Your Life School, which offers classes on emotional regulation, difficult conversations, and parenting coaching, along with live coaching. She offers a free podcast roadmap at her website for new listeners looking for a starting point. https://smbwell.com/
Paul is Susie's husband and a decade-long practitioner, student, and teacher of Buddhism, mindfulness, and meditation. He is the author of 9756 Miles to Happiness, named for the exact distance between where he and Susie were living when they met. He is offering MTR listeners a free 15-minute consultation through his website, https://www.paulpettit.com/
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Zach sits down with Arlina and Bob Allen, a couple who met in a recovery community over 30 years ago and have been building their marriage with the same tools ever since. What starts as a surprisingly revealing Game of Thrones conversation (they watch it on repeat as a bedtime ritual, and yes, they have strong opinions about House of the Dragon) turns into a grounded, real-world look at how recovery principles translate directly into relational health.
Arlina walks through a go-to story from early in their relationship: a tipping dispute at a dinner with friends that spiraled into a full-blown money fight. She breaks down the four-column resentment inventory she learned in recovery, showing how she moved from "it's clearly his fault" to "oh no, I'm the jerk." Bob talks about the role his men's group played as a sounding board, helping him sort through what was his business and what wasn't before bringing anything back to Arlina. Together, they describe a pattern of going to their separate corners, doing individual work, and coming back ready to own their part.
The conversation shifts into their current season of life: approaching the empty nest, figuring out what retirement looks like, and trying to answer the question "what kind of experiences do we want to have?" Zach reframes self-care as something that is actually selfish not to do, comparing it to an athlete hiding an injury from their team. Arlina and Bob both affirm that their self-care practices, morning routines, gratitude, exercise, prayer, are what keep them showing up as the best versions of themselves for each other. This is a couple who makes 31 years look like something worth rooting for.

Key Takeaways
Resentment is the wedge that drives couples apart. Having a structured process to work through it, not just vent about it, is what keeps it from calcifying.
The four-column inventory (who, why, how it affected you, and your part) is a simple, powerful tool for getting honest with yourself before you try to get honest with your partner.
Money fights are almost never about math. They're about fear, control, and what you believe you deserve.
Having your own people (sponsors, friends, a therapist) to process with before bringing conflict back to your partner changes everything about how the conversation goes.
An amends is not just "I'm sorry." It's naming the impact of your behavior and asking what you can do to make it right.
Self-care is not selfish. Skipping it is. When you don't take care of yourself, your partner is the one who pays the price.
You can "out-responsible" each other in conflict. Instead of chicken-and-egging blame in one direction, try racing to own your part first.
Couples who laugh about old fights have usually done the real work underneath. The lightness is earned, not accidental.
Guest Info
Arlina Allen: Entrepreneur, sobriety coach, podcast host, and author of The 12 Step Guide for Skeptics. Arlina supports people who are considering quitting drinking or figuring out life after getting sober. Website: soberlifeschool.com
Bob Allen: Communications professional who describes himself as "the guy in the chair," orchestrating communication across teams from engineers to executives. Bob is not on social media by choice.

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Zach is traveling this week, so this episode features his guest appearance on the Sexology Podcast with Dr. Nazanin Moali.
Zach joins Dr. Nazanin Moali on the Sexology Podcast for a conversation about how the emotional climate of a relationship directly shapes what happens (or doesn't happen) in the bedroom. The focus is Negative Sentiment Override, a concept from John Gottman's research that describes what happens when couples get stuck in a pattern where even neutral or well-meaning moments get filtered through a lens of criticism, contempt, or defensiveness. It's the kind of thing that quietly erodes connection without either partner fully understanding why.
The conversation covers how positive and negative emotional filters work, why a simple comment about pasta can become a full-blown conflict when trust is low, and how gender socialization plays into desire patterns in ways most couples never talk about. Zach and Dr. Moali also talk about the gap between impulse and response, the role of personal responsibility in conflict, and why contempt carries a particular kind of poison because it comes wrapped in a feeling of superiority.
What makes this conversation worth your time is the way it connects relational safety to sexual vulnerability. If your relationship feels charged, tense, or emotionally distant, that almost always shows up in your intimate life too. Zach and Dr. Moali reframe what sex is actually for in a long-term relationship and make the case for scheduling erotic play and expanding what intimacy can look like. It's practical, grounded, and refreshingly honest.

Key Takeaways
Negative Sentiment Override means your partner's neutral actions start getting interpreted through a filter of criticism or hostility, and it happens gradually enough that you may not notice.
Emotional safety is the foundation of sexual vulnerability. If it doesn't feel safe to be honest in the kitchen, it won't feel safe to be honest in the bedroom.
The "pasta example" is a good litmus test: if your partner makes dinner and your first internal response is irritation rather than gratitude, your filter may have shifted negative.
Contempt is uniquely damaging because it comes with a sense of superiority. It's not just anger; it's the belief that you're better than your partner.
Gender socialization shapes desire in ways most couples never discuss openly, and those unspoken patterns create misunderstandings that look like rejection.
Slowing down the space between impulse and response is one of the most powerful things you can do for your relationship. Reactivity is the enemy of repair.
Taking personal responsibility in conflict is not about taking blame. It's about owning your part of the dynamic so something can actually shift.
Scheduling erotic play and broadening what counts as intimacy helps couples move past the pressure of performance and back toward genuine connection.
Guest Info
This episode is a guest appearance by Zach on the Sexology Podcast.
Host: Dr. Nazanin Moali, clinical psychologist and host of the Sexology Podcast Website: sexologypodcast.com Instagram: @sexologypodcast

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Zach sits down with Ron and Catrina, a married couple behind the YouTube music show Covers on the Spot, to find out what happens when you treat a relationship like a live recording session. Ron is the creative director and host of the show, where bands are given a song they have never heard and tasked with covering it in a single day. Catrina is a graphic designer on the same media team at Musora and the quieter half of a pairing that, by their own description, sounds like "something harmonic." Together, they have three kids, a shared workplace, and a relationship built on aligned values and very different processing speeds.
Using a "covers on the spot" framework for the conversation, Zach gives Ron and Catrina relationship prompts and asks them to riff. What comes out is a candid look at how they handle conflict, protect their time together, and keep choosing each other through the daily grind of parenting and working side by side. Catrina is open about her tendency toward passive aggression and the work she is doing to change it. Ron talks honestly about learning to stop "winning" arguments and start listening instead. One of the most striking moments comes when Catrina says their relationship at its best sounds like silence: quiet, smooth, still moving.
Zach ties it all together with a Ben Folds story about orchestras resolving dissonance, not just difference, and drops one of his signature reframes: repair is more important than resolve. This is an episode for anyone who has ever stayed up until 2 a.m. trying to fix something with their partner and wondered if there was a better way.
Key Takeaways
Winning the argument is not the same thing as being right about the relationship
Giving your partner time to process is not waiting. It is participating.
A relationship is not something you find. It is something you build with someone who wants to build with you.
Repair is more important than resolve. You can go to bed without solving it and still be okay.
Protecting your time together matters more than filling your calendar with activity
The best relationships keep evolving their sound. What worked five years ago may not be the song you need now.
Constraints (kids, time, fatigue) can actually sharpen how a couple communicates, not just limit it
Vulnerability is daring to be fully honest with someone, not just showing them the version of yourself you think they want
Guest Info
Ron (Catrina's husband): Producer and host of Covers on the Spot, a YouTube music show where bands cover a song they have never heard in a single day. Former high school musical theater teacher. Based in Chilliwack, British Columbia.
Catrina (Ron's wife): Graphic designer at Musora. Handles YouTube thumbnails, Instagram assets, and physical product design. Former theater student (played Ariel in The Tempest). Self-described introvert.
They have three children.
They started dating January 1, 2011 after being friends since high school.
Covers on the Spot: YouTube Playlist
Musora (music lessons platform): musora.com

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Zach sits down with Natalie and Dan Slagle, a married couple and co-founders of Fyooz Financial Planning, to explore why money is one of the most charged—and revealing—topics in relationships.
Despite being financial professionals, Natalie and Dan found themselves running into the same conflicts as the couples they serve. The issue wasn’t knowledge. It was meaning.
They describe how two people can look at the exact same number—$2,700 spent this month—and experience it completely differently. For Natalie, it can trigger scarcity and concern about staying within limits. For Dan, it can represent flexibility and confidence that everything will be okay. Same number. Different story.
The conversation explores how those differences are rooted in early experiences: Natalie learning at a young age to separate “needs” from “wants” and take responsibility for the latter, while Dan grew up in a household where generosity and gift-giving shaped his relationship to money.
Zach helps reframe the tension: the problem isn’t who’s right—it’s that couples often don’t realize they’re talking about different contexts entirely. One partner may be thinking about this month’s budget, while the other is thinking about long-term security.
Natalie and Dan share the simple but powerful practice that changed everything for them: regular, structured money conversations. By sitting down together—often in a public space to keep things grounded—and asking each other how they feel about the numbers, they’ve been able to move from assumption to alignment.
The conversation expands beyond finances into time, parenting, and partnership—especially as they navigate building a business together while raising a young child. From learning how to “clock out” of work to intentionally creating space to miss each other again, Natalie and Dan offer a practical and honest look at what it takes to stay connected in a shared life.
This episode is a reminder that money problems are rarely about money—they’re about meaning, communication, and learning how to build a shared vision.

Key Takeaways
The same financial number can mean completely different things to each partner
Money is measurable, which makes conflict around it more intense
Financial behaviors are deeply shaped by childhood experiences
Assumptions—not numbers—are often the real source of conflict
Structured conversations reduce anxiety and increase alignment
Talking about how you feel about money matters as much as the math
Household values should guide how money is spent
Separation (work, space, roles) can increase connection in relationships

Guest Info
Natalie & Dan Slagle
Natalie and Dan are a married couple and co-founders of Fyooz Financial Planning, a firm focused on helping couples align their finances with their values and life goals. Their work sits at the intersection of financial strategy and relational dynamics—helping couples not just manage money, but communicate about it effectively.
Website: https://www.fyoozfinancial.com/
Free consultations available nationwide (U.S.-based clients)

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