LOVERS by Shan

Drs. John and Julie Schwartz Gottman have followed 3,000 couples, some of them for twenty years, second by second, and in this conversation Shan brings them something that research was never designed to answer: what happens to a generation that has decided love isn't available to them, and has built community around that belief instead?

Julie's answer is that those groups are writing each other a prescription for how to stay alone, and she says it with a tenderness that's hard to argue with. From there the three of them get into why criticism sabotages the exact thing you were trying to be heard about, why listening to a woman's anger is one of the strongest predictors of a relationship improving over time, and what John pulls out of his back pocket every time Julie says the four most terrifying words in the English language.

This one is for anyone who has started to suspect that being right about dating and being loved are not the same project.

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Ready to reach your goals? Visit https://www.forhers.com/shan to get personalized, affordable care that gets you.

Right now, our listeners get an additional 15% off any MasterClass annual membership at https://www.masterclass.com/lovers

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Follow The Gottmans

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/gottmaninstitute

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/thegottmaninstitute

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@thegottmaninstitute

The Gottman Institute: https://www.gottman.com

Courses and Books: https://www.gottman.com/shop/

Want more LOVERS?

Follow Shan on Instagram → http://instagram.com/shanboodram

Get a free weekly Love Letter from Shan → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter

Join the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/community

Explore free quizzes + worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes

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Kamie Crawford (former co-host of MTV's Catfish: The TV Show, now host of Relationsht*) sits down with Shan to unpack what actually keeps a catfishing scheme alive long after the story stops adding up.

The conversation centers on Troi, who spent years believing he was in an email and phone relationship with a woman named Belly. His brother's boo, Tatiana, introduced him to her sister, Belly. Then came the car accident. Belly lost her memory entirely, Troi included. When the call finally came, it wasn't from Belly. It was Tatiana, breathless, saying Belly finally remembered him.

Troi thought that was the end of the strange part, but it wasn't. Months later, his brother's choir competition landed in Orlando on the one day that mattered most to Troi: his own birthday. Tatiana and her sisters were finally coming to meet him in person. Years of phone calls and near-misses, about to become an IRL meetup. But you know how this goes by now...

They never showed. What arrived instead was a video, of someone filming him from the crowd, sent as proof they'd been there all along. No Belly. No Tatiana. What happens after is even more shocking.

That's the story I sat down with Kamie Crawford to unpack this week: not just how a lie like this gets built, but who is behind those lies and the psychology behind why.

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A huge thank you to Article for sponsoring this podcast! Article is offering our listeners $50 off your first purchase of $100 or more. To claim, visit ARTICLE.COM/LOVERS and the discount will be automatically applied at checkout.

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My pickiest eaters have no complaints on this one! Explore my Hungryroot Digital Cookbook "Recipes My Kids Will Actually Finish (No Bribery Required)." at https://hungryroot.com/LOVERS

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Thanks to For Hers. Ready to reach your goals? Visit forhers.com/shan to get personalized, affordable care that gets you.

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Follow Kamie CrawfordInstagram → https://www.instagram.com/kamiecrawford/Watch her podcast Relationshipshit → https://www.youtube.com/@relationshitpodWebsite → https://www.kamiecrawford.com/

Follow Troi Breeze

Instagram → https://www.instagram.com/troibreeze/

Stream his music → https://lnk.to/themotion

Website → https://troibreeze.com/

Want more Lover?

Receive the weekly Love Letter → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter

Join the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/community

Explore quizzes and worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes
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In this deeply personal episode presented by Bumble, singer Mario opens up about the profound impact of unresolved trauma stemming from his relationship with his mother. He shares how this pain shaped his early behavior towards women, leading to manipulation and broken connections. Mario takes us on his journey of self-reflection, healing, and ultimately embracing his inner feminine energy, a process that not only reshaped his relationships but also elevated his personal growth and artistry.

As Mario gets real about accountability, self-love, and the power of healing, he also introduces us to his latest album, "Glad You Came", a soulful and vulnerable collection of music inspired by his life experiences and growth. Tune in for an honest, thought-provoking conversation that dives into the intersections of trauma, love, and creativity.

Follow Mario

Instagram → https://www.instagram.com/marioworldwide/

Live Tour Dates → https://www.vipnation.com/tour/the-r-b-tour-mario

Stream Mood Swings EP → https://music.empi.re/moodswingsmario

Want more LOVERS?

Follow Shan on Instagram → http://instagram.com/shanboodram

Get a free Love Letter from Shan → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter

Join the LOVERS Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/community

Explore free quizzes + worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We've been on a short break the past two weeks, so we're revisiting one of our favorites: Lena Waithe on why she won't have sex with someone unless she can already picture what happens after, and why some of her deepest connections have never been physical at all. New episodes of LOVERS are back August 19.

In this episode of LOVERS, I sit down with Emmy-winning writer, producer, and actress Lena Waithe (Queen & Slim, Master of None, The Chi) for an eye-opening conversation about intimacy, love, and meaningful connections. Lena shares why you should never have sex with someone unless you can imagine a positive aftermath for both of you. She dives into how cuddling can create a deeper emotional bond than sex, especially when the future of a relationship feels uncertain. Lena also opens up about the power of plutonic relationships, revealing why some of her most impactful connections today are non-romantic. With all of the rumors about her love life, Lena sets the record straight and shares what truly matters to her in building authentic connections. This episode will challenge your views on love, intimacy, and boundaries in ways you won’t want to miss!

Thank you Lena!

https://www.instagram.com/lenawaithe/

Legacy Talk Podcast

https://lemonada.lnk.to/LegacyTalkWithLenaWaithehs?fbclid=PAZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAAaZR0rgZOhMXnR_1HkQjiKfKa5_UUPHcXYlKFCmzjhKgXdje2qDlp8lbhmg_aem_wULmegwSQB8ct8zEmMkQfg

Want more LOVERS?Follow Shan on Instagram → http://instagram.com/shanboodramGet a free Love Letter from Shan → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletterJoin the LOVERS Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/communityExplore free quizzes + worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes

Advertising & Other Inquiries: team@loversbyshan.com
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We're on a short break the next two weeks, so we're revisiting one of our favorites: Cree Summer on losing (and finding again) her sex drive after 50, and why emotional safety made all the difference. New episodes of LOVERS are back August 19.

In this episode, I sit down with the legendary Cree Summer to talk about her journey through love, loss, and rediscovery in her 50s. Cree opens up about losing her sex drive during her marriage due to a lack of emotional shelter and the importance of finding a partner who provides safety and calm during life's storms. We also dive into how her sex drive has improved post-menopause and what she's looking forward to as she explores love again in her senior years.

This episode originally aired on April 30th, 2025.

Follow Cree:

instagram.com/iamcreesummer

x.com/iamcreesummer

Want more LOVERS?Follow Shan on Instagram → http://instagram.com/shanboodramGet a free Love Letter from Shan → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletterJoin the LOVERS Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/communityExplore free quizzes + worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes

Advertising & Other Inquiries: team@loversbyshan.com
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices