LOVERS by shan

Thanks to Cozy Earth for sponsoring this video. Go to cozyearth.com/LOVERS for up to 20% off!
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In this episode of Lovers, I share something personal: the ways my own social media habit began affecting my presence, my focus, and ultimately my intimacy. Jared joins the conversation to reflect on the intervention he had with me when he realized my relationship with my phone wasn’t just a habit, it was beginning to shape our connection.
Then we’re joined by psychiatrist and Dopamine Nation author Dr. Anna Lembke, who explains why addiction today looks different than it did even a generation ago. We live in a world where high-dopamine substances and behaviors, from alcohol and porn to social media, smut, gaming, and endless scrolling, are instantly accessible and socially normalized. Dr. Lembke breaks down how these habits rewire the brain’s reward system, dull pleasure, increase craving, and quietly erode intimacy.
We talk about porn addiction, phone addiction, alcoholism, erotic content consumption, and the broader crisis of overconsumption that defines modern life. Most importantly, Dr. Lembke offers practical tools, many of which she teaches in her class on MasterClass and outlines in Dopamine Nation, to help us reset our dopamine systems and reclaim our relationships.
This isn’t just an episode about addiction. It’s about presence, connection, and what it takes to love well in the most addictive era in human history.
To Watch Dopamine on MasterClass go to http://masterclass.com/lovers (this link will get you 15% off an annual plan to watch over 200 classes there including mine)

Follow Dr. Anna Lembke
Dr. Anna Lembke is a Stanford psychiatrist and New York Times bestselling author specializing in addiction, dopamine science, and behavioral health.

Official Website → https://www.annalembke.com
Bestselling Book → Dopamine Nation: Finding Balance in the Age of Indulgence https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/?ean=9781524746728
Stanford Profile → https://med.stanford.edu/profiles/Anna_Lembke
Watch her class on MasterClass → http://masterclass.com/lovers
Want more Lover?
Receive the weekly Love Letter → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter
Join the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/community
Explore quizzes and worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes
If you haven’t subscribed to Lemonada Premium yet, now’s the perfect time → lemonadapremium.com
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

In this episode of Lovers, Jerrie Johnson (NAACP-nominated actor best known for role on Harlem) and Dria Brown (the creative doula) share the story of how they fell hard, broke up, and then made a conscious decision to rebuild their relationship differently the second time.
The first time around, their connection was intense, passionate, and undeniable. But intensity alone wasn’t enough. Before getting back together, they chose to start over as friends, and in doing so, they realized something uncomfortable: they weren’t actually as strong of friends the first time as they thought.
This conversation explores what it truly means to be friends with your romantic partner, why passion can mask incompatibility, and why many couples confuse chemistry for foundation. If you’ve ever considered getting back together with an ex, or if you believe you’re “best friends” with your partner, this episode will challenge you to define what that actually means.
Because sometimes spinning the block only works when something fundamental changes.
Are you and your lover really friends? Try this relationship check in to find out
https://www.loversbyshan.com/resource/relationship-checkin

NAACP - Vote for Jerrie's nomination
https://vote.naacpimageawards.net/categories/8f53f295-6f7a-42f1-a40f-08de2c5a3e90/entrants
Follow Jerrie Johnson
Instagram → https://www.instagram.com/jerriejohnson/
TikTok → https://www.tiktok.com/@jerriejohnson
Official Website → https://www.jerriejohnson.com

Substack → JerrieJohnson.substack.com
Follow Dria Brown
Instagram → https://www.instagram.com/driabrown/
Official Website → https://www.thecreativedoulastudio.com/
Want more Lover?
Receive the weekly Love Letter → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter
Join the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/community
Explore quizzes and worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes
If you haven’t subscribed to Lemonada Premium yet, now’s the perfect time → lemonadapremium.com
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

In this episode of Lovers, Abby De La Rosa returns three years after our first conversation to reflect on what time, motherhood, and public scrutiny have actually taught her.
When Abby first joined the show, she was pregnant and navigating intense speculation about her relationship with Nick Cannon, who now has 12 children with multiple partners. That episode sparked massive conversation and debate about alternative relationship structures, belief, and who society decides to trust. Now, years later, Abby comes back with clarity, boundaries, and lived experience.
In this follow-up conversation, Abby opens up about what it’s been like raising children within a highly publicized family dynamic, how her understanding of love and partnership has evolved, and why she remains grounded in her choices despite ongoing judgment. She addresses the assumptions people make about women in nontraditional relationships, what outsiders often get wrong about consent and agency, and how motherhood reshaped her sense of self.
This episode isn’t about defending a headline or convincing anyone of a particular relationship model. It’s about autonomy, growth, and what happens when a woman is given time to live inside the decisions she once had to justify.
If you’ve ever wondered what comes after the internet forms an opinion, this conversation answers that.
Right now, Tonal is offering our listeners $200 off your Tonal purchase. Just go to tonal.com and use promo code LOVERS.
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Thank you to Evvy for sponsoring today’s episode! Check out Evvy here: https://evvy.yt.link/SVTTsvO and use code LOVERSBYSHAN10 for 10% off your first purchase (up to $25).
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

In this episode of Lovers, therapist Kier Gaines shares a personal and professional reflection on how resentment builds when men are taught to silence their emotional truth.
Kier opens up about a pivotal moment in his own relationship, when he realized that his partner’s tone was hurting his feelings, and that his fear of naming it, out of concern that he would sound “effeminate” or not man enough, was quietly turning into resentment. What started as self-protection slowly became emotional distance, until he reached a breaking point where honesty felt less risky than staying silent.
Together, we unpack how masculinity norms shape emotional expression, why unspoken hurt often masquerades as resentment, and how learning to articulate emotional impact can transform intimacy rather than threaten it. This conversation explores the cost of swallowing feelings, the courage it takes to speak before resentment hardens, and what becomes possible when men allow themselves to be emotionally legible in their relationships.
This episode isn’t about blame or tone-policing. It’s about emotional responsibility, relational repair, and the freedom that comes from finally saying the thing you were afraid would make you sound weak.
If you wished this episode is longer and you could hear more about Kier Gaines

Is My Relationship Healthy Quiz
https://www.loversbyshan.com/resource/the-relationship-check-in

Follow Kier Gaines
Instagram → https://www.instagram.com/kiergaines
TikTok → https://www.tiktok.com/@kiergaines
Twitter/X → https://twitter.com/kiergaines
YouTube → https://www.youtube.com/@KierandNoemie
Official Website → https://www.kiergaines.com
Course Words That Connect → https://kier-gaines.mykajabi.com/wordsthatconnect
Want more Lover?
Receive the weekly Love Letter → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter
Join the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/community
Explore quizzes and worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

In this episode of Lovers, Higher Learning host and former Bachelorette Rachel Lindsay shares the deeply personal story of what it was like to experience intimacy both sexually and emotionally for the first time after divorce.
After nearly a decade of being with only one partner, that she met while being the Bachelorette, Rachel walks us through the fears, emotions, and expectations she carried into that moment, from questions of safety and vulnerability to the quiet pressure of “doing it right” after such a long chapter had closed. She reflects on what that experience taught her about trust, desire, and emotional presence, and how those lessons reshaped her understanding of intimacy moving forward.
Though she isn’t with the person from that first post-divorce experience, Rachel shares why she remains grateful for what it revealed about her needs, her boundaries, and her capacity for connection. She also opens up about how those insights are influencing the relationship she’s in today, offering a grounded, honest look at what intimacy can become after loss, change, and reinvention.
This conversation isn’t about sex for shock value. It’s about safety, growth, and learning how to meet yourself again after everything you thought you knew about love has shifted.

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Follow Rachel Lindsay
Instagram → https://www.instagram.com/therachlindsay/
YouTube → https://www.youtube.com/@HigherLearning
Podcast — Higher Learning with Van Lathan & Rachel Lindsay → https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/higher-learning-with-van-lathan-and-rachel-lindsay/id1515152489
Official Website → https://www.rachellindsayofficial.com/
Rachel’s Book — Miss Me With That: Hot Takes, Helpful Tidbits, And A Few Hard Truths → https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/57895042-miss-me-with-that?from_search=true&from_srp=true&qid=vFiuBJ3vpY&rank=1
Want more Lover?
Receive the weekly Love Letter → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter
Join the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/community
Explore quizzes and worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.