Talk To Me: The Debra Fileta Podcast

In today’s Couples Therapy episode, we dive deep into the lives of Erin and Ben Napier, the beloved couple behind HGTV's Home Town! They share a candid look at their relationship, blending their professional lives with personal intimacy. They open up about how some people have called them “codependent” – and we touch on the difference between a couple being “connected” vs. “codependent." Ultimately, the big difference isn't how close you are- it's whether your closeness comes from love and security or fear and dependency. They talk about the security they’ve had in their relationship, and in one another since the early days of their love, and how they work hard to stay connected. We unpack the importance of emotional connection, and how to cultivate that in day-to-day life. Tune in to this episode today!!

Quiz: Are you connected or codependent?

A Connected Couple

● Wants to be together, but doesn't feel like their emotional stability and security depends on being together.

● Has a strong sense of WE without losing their sense of ME (understands their individual strengths, differences, personalities).

● Can spend time apart without feeling threatened or abandoned by the other person.

● Supports each other's individuality, interests, friendships, and growth.

● Can disagree without fearing the relationship is falling apart.

● Takes responsibility for their own emotions while supporting each other emotionally.

● Has healthy boundaries and respects the word "no."

● Makes decisions together without needing permission for every individual choice.

● Can be honest about needs, feelings, and frustrations without fear.

● Celebrates each other's strengths rather than feeling threatened by them.

● Experiences intimacy through vulnerability, not control.

● Chooses connection out of love, not obligation or guilt.

● Recognizes that two emotionally healthy individuals contribute to a healthy relationship.

A Codependent Couple

● Feels like they can't function emotionally or mentally without the other person.

● Loses their individual identity in the relationship.

● Experiences significant anxiety, guilt, or insecurity when spending time apart.

● Neglects friendships, interests, or personal needs to keep the relationship secure.

● Avoids conflict because disagreement feels like rejection or abandonment.

● Feels responsible for managing or fixing the other person's emotions.

● Struggles to establish boundaries because saying "no" feels selfish.

● Needs constant reassurance, approval, or validation from their partner.

● Confuses caretaking, rescuing, or self-sacrifice with love.

● Feels threatened when their partner becomes more independent.

● Uses guilt, emotional withdrawal, or control to maintain closeness.

● Stays connected out of fear of losing the relationship rather than freedom to choose it.

● Believes "If you're not okay, I can't be okay."

Click here to WATCH the full episode.

Podcast Extras:

Relationship Skills - Order Now!

Relationships don’t fall apart because of a lack of love but struggle because of a lack of skill. As you and your partner move through the four seasons of a relationship each bringing its own rhythms, challenges, and opportunities for growth—how you show up will either strengthen your relationship or slowly wear it down.

Originally released as Love in Every Season, this updated and expanded guide from licensed professional counselor Debra Fileta is your road map to the skills you need to strengthen your relationship at every stage. Whether you’re single, dating, engaged, or married, Relationship Skills will help you

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What do you do when your family of origin is bringing difficult, dysfunctional, or even toxic behaviors into your marriage and family? Today, I sat down for an important conversation with Dave and Ashley Willis on Couples Therapy, who came to talk to me about the process of dealing with a family member whose unhealthy behavior is causing stress and having a significant drain on them. We spend time talking about setting boundaries with dysfunctional family members, what it looks like to decrease access, and how to navigate difficult family members united in your marriage rather than divided. We spend some time talking about feeling “called” to minister to unhealthy family members, yet making sure to differentiate that from codependent relationships. If you’ve ever dealt with difficult family dynamics, family drama, or family dysfunction - this episode is one you’ve got to listen to from start to finish. Tune into this episode, and then grab a copy of Relationship Skills to learn the skills YOU need to build a thriving relationship!

Click here to WATCH the full episode.

Podcast Extras:

Relationship Skills - Order Now!

Relationships don’t fall apart because of a lack of love but struggle because of a lack of skill. As you and your partner move through the four seasons of a relationship each bringing its own rhythms, challenges, and opportunities for growth—how you show up will either strengthen your relationship or slowly wear it down.

Originally released as Love in Every Season, this updated and expanded guide from licensed professional counselor Debra Fileta is your road map to the skills you need to strengthen your relationship at every stage. Whether you’re single, dating, engaged, or married, Relationship Skills will help you

● in SPRING: stop ignoring red flags and build on a healthy foundation

● in SUMMER: build connection and intimacy without losing yourself

● in FALL: communicate honestly, repair, and grow through conflict

● in WINTER: stay intentional when things feel stagnant

Let this guide help you take your relationship skills to the next level so you can grow in maturity, deepen intimacy, and build a relationship that lasts!

The Debra Fileta Counselors Network:

Book a counseling session at the Debra Fileta Counselors Network and get started on your healing journey from the inside out TODAY!

DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, and founder of the Debra Fileta Counselors...

What do you do when your marriage undergoes a deep rupture that feels like it cannot be repaired? In today’s episode of Couples Therapy, I sat down with Carl and Laura Lentz for a vulnerable conversation, to discuss the affair that ruptured their relationship and set them on a path of healing. We talk about the cracks in their marriage BEFORE the rupture of infidelity in their marriage, how unhealed trauma from the past led to unhealthy coping, what the healing process practically looked like, and how to begin to recover the first 30 days after disclosure. We have some important conversations around childhood wounds, and how the goal of Christian marriage isn’t just staying married - it’s transformation. This conversation is honest and hopeful, and if you or someone you know is going through a serious rupture, breach of trust, or infidelity in your marriage, this episode is one you must sit down and listen to from start to end. Tune into this episode, and then grab a copy of Relationship Skills to learn the skills YOU need to build a thriving relationship!

Click here to WATCH the full episode.

Podcast Extras:

Relationship Skills - Order Now!

Relationships don’t fall apart because of a lack of love but struggle because of a lack of skill. As you and your partner move through the four seasons of a relationship each bringing its own rhythms, challenges, and opportunities for growth—how you show up will either strengthen your relationship or slowly wear it down.

Originally released as Love in Every Season, this updated and expanded guide from licensed professional counselor Debra Fileta is your road map to the skills you need to strengthen your relationship at every stage. Whether you’re single, dating, engaged, or married, Relationship Skills will help you

● in SPRING: stop ignoring red flags and build on a healthy foundation

● in SUMMER: build connection and intimacy without losing yourself

● in FALL: communicate honestly, repair, and grow through conflict

● in WINTER: stay intentional when things feel stagnant

Let this guide help you take your relationship skills to the next level so you can grow in maturity, deepen intimacy, and build a relationship that lasts!

The Debra Fileta Counselors Network:

Book a counseling session at the Debra Fileta Counselors Network and get started on your healing journey from the inside out TODAY! DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, and founder of the Debra Fileta Counselors Network. She is the bestselling author of nine books including Choosing Marriage, Are You Really OK?, RESET, and Soul Care. Debra is the host of the popular podcast and nationally syndicated radio show Talk To Me where she facilitates on-air authentic counseling-style sessions with notable pastors and leaders. You may also recognize her voice from her appearances on national television and radio, including Better Together, The Kirk Cameron Show, Focus on the Family, The 700 Club, and many others. She reaches millions of people each year with the message of mental, emotional, and relational health. Connect with her on Instagram or at DebraFileta.com.

Connection is the heartbeat of a marriage, and without it, a couple can feel like their relationship is slowly dying. In today’s episode of Couples Therapy, we explore the dynamics of connection in marriage with Wade and Rebecca, a couple navigating the challenges of early married life. They’re newlyweds but due to life stressors, physical health issues, and the limitations of living with family, they’re already feeling disconnected in their relationship. We discuss their experiences and practical suggestions for finding a healthy relationship in the middle of life stress and health challenges. If you’re feeling disconnected in your marriage, this episode will give you valuable insights to help you reconnect and thrive. Tune into this episode, and then grab a copy of Relationship Skills to learn the skills YOU need to build a thriving relationship!

Click here to WATCH the full episode.

Podcast Extras:

Relationship Skills - Order Now!

Relationships don’t fall apart because of a lack of love but struggle because of a lack of skill. As you and your partner move through the four seasons of a relationship each bringing its own rhythms, challenges, and opportunities for growth—how you show up will either strengthen your relationship or slowly wear it down.

Originally released as Love in Every Season, this updated and expanded guide from licensed professional counselor Debra Fileta is your road map to the skills you need to strengthen your relationship at every stage. Whether you’re single, dating, engaged, or married, Relationship Skills will help you

● in SPRING: stop ignoring red flags and build on a healthy foundation

● in SUMMER: build connection and intimacy without losing yourself

● in FALL: communicate honestly, repair, and grow through conflict

● in WINTER: stay intentional when things feel stagnant

Let this guide help you take your relationship skills to the next level so you can grow in maturity, deepen intimacy, and build a relationship that lasts!

The Debra Fileta Counselors Network:

Book a counseling session at the Debra Fileta Counselors Network and get started on your healing journey from the inside out TODAY!

DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, and founder of the Debra Fileta Counselors Network. She is the bestselling author of nine books including...

Parenting tension is often a marriage problem in disguise. Today on Couples Therapy, I’m joined by Landon and Lindsey who open up about the exact cycle that keeps blowing up their home. They’ve been married 15 years, have three young children, and find that their relationship seems strong – until stress hits. They’re finding that the differences in their parenting styles are triggering each other, and bringing the worst of them – as well as their past wounding – to the surface. Debra walks them through a practical framework for healthier parenting and a healthier marriage. This episode goes deeper than behavior management. It asks the question every overwhelmed parent needs to ask: What happens when your tank is empty, your patience is gone, and your child’s worst moment collides with your worst trigger? The answer could change the way you parent, repair, and connect. Tune into this episode, and then grab a copy of Relationship Skills to learn the skills you need to build a thriving relationship.

Click here to WATCH the full episode.

Podcast Extras:

Relationship Skills - Order Now!

Relationships don’t fall apart because of a lack of love but struggle because of a lack of skill. As you and your partner move through the four seasons of a relationship each bringing its own rhythms, challenges, and opportunities for growth—how you show up will either strengthen your relationship or slowly wear it down.

Originally released as Love in Every Season, this updated and expanded guide from licensed professional counselor Debra Fileta is your road map to the skills you need to strengthen your relationship at every stage. Whether you’re single, dating, engaged, or married, Relationship Skills will help you

in SPRING: stop ignoring red flags and build on a healthy foundation

in SUMMER: build connection and intimacy without losing yourself

in FALL: communicate honestly, repair, and grow through conflict

in WINTER: stay intentional when things feel stagnant

Let this guide help you take your relationship skills to the next level so you can grow in maturity, deepen intimacy, and build a relationship that lasts!

The Debra Fileta Counselors Network:

Book a counseling session at the Debra Fileta Counselors Network and get started on your healing journey from the inside out TODAY!

DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed...