Busting Addiction and Its Myths

• Mini Series 13 - Don't Let Emotions Rule

  It's one thing to feel your feelings and quite another to have them rule you.When I was drinking and using, I was ruled by my emotions. I had no filter, no guidance.I bounced between fear and desire. I was afraid of many things: fear of looking bad of being rejected, of not being cool, of losing my job (I was fired three times before I woke up), afraid of permanent insanity, of being broke (I was broke a lot). Name a fear, and I had it.Fear manifests itself in several different ways: anxieties from mild to severe, but always anxious, nightmares, obsessions, depression, anger (provoke by fear). Fear of losing something that I valued or fear of not getting what I want.FEAR is an acronym for F... Everything And Run, or: False Evidence Appearing Real.Then there’s the flip side: being ruled by desire, by a craving and wanting and longing for escape from reality, for getting and staying high or drunk or both, for sex, for recognition (the ego stroke), for looking cool, for having the nicest car, or clothes, or the best-looking girlfriend. All superficial stuff.It wasn’t until I started living by a set of principles as taught by AA that I finally came to a serene place, no longer ruled by fear or desire. No longer ruled purely by emotion. I let the principles of honesty and kindness, and courage rule my life.FEAR now stood for its antidote: Face Everything And Recover.

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• Mini Series 13 - A Daily Reprieve

  One of the things we talk about in our recovery is the idea of “one day at a time”.  This is a greater challenge for many in early recovery than it appears. While in treatment, we were kept very busy, and we were super-focused on what we needed to do that day.Once treatment is over, or for those who just came in the from the cold without treatment, you need to be conscious of the importance of the “daily reprieve” because that is all you ever get.I once told a guy I was sponsoring that he could stay sober forever if he stayed sober today. He says: “Why is that boss?” I said that he could stay sober forever because it’s always today. It is not yesterday or tomorrow. It’s today. The eternal Now. The reprieve is just for today, not for tomorrow.Therefore, it becomes important that those just starting out by creating a daily schedule – I call it a personalized set of rituals – that keeps you on track every day.An example that works for many, me included, is to start the day with the 3d and 7th step prayer, followed by a reading of the Daily Reflection. I like to read the “On awakening” section on page 86-88 of the Big Book to get my head further into the game.Attending a 12-step meeting (in my case, it’s AA) several times a week is critical. That’s where Fellowship comes in. That’s where you can share freely, make true friends and learn how others work the program. It cures loneliness and isolation, one of the main enemies of recovery.Then there is reading something from the literature every day. If you're new to AA, start at the beginning and read the first 164 pages of the Big Book. Then read them over again a few times. Take a look at the inside the front cover of the Big Book. There is a list of great literature which you can order from www.aa.orgIt’s important that you stay in touch with your sponsor who will help guide you through the days and weeks. Work with him or her to create your daily and weekly plan. Your sponsor will help you build a solid foundation for life, one day at a time.

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• Mini Series 13 - Permanent Sobriety, Achieved One Day At A Time

  I asked a wise man in my program his definition of his life's purpose, and he said: “My goal is to stay sober every day of my life, taking one day at a time, and that’s how I’ll make my sobriety permanent.”  There’s magic in living one day, one moment at a time.Your anxiety evaporates when you understand that the future does not really exist, that it’s just an idea in your mind, and you do not have to live there. "Fear is the price you pay to trespass into the future” is an old AA saying.Your emotions get all riled up when you start to see the future as a real thing. Mark Twain, American writer and philosopher famously said: “I have experienced many terrible things, most of which have never happened. “The past is another place you don’t want to live in, or dwell on. My counsellor in early recovery told me: “It’s OK to play the videotape, just don’t stare at it. It isn’t going to change, anyway”.Until you reconcile with the truth of what you did to yourself and others as you work the 12 Steps, the past will likely haunt you with resentments, regrets, shame and hurt.  That’s why a) it’s best to stay in today, in the moment and b) get into your recovery and be fearless and thorough from the very start.

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• Mini Series 13 - Peer Pressure Can Kill

  One of the most difficult things to do is to resist peer pressure to drink or use. Here are some thoughts on how to neutralise that threat.Chances are that the people you thought were your true friends were maybe not. They hung around with you or you with them when the real attraction was the opportunity to drink and abuse drugs, and often both.So, the first order of business is to jettison those people who are a danger to your sobriety. Like saying “go away” to your dealer.  It’s a problem if you owe him any money. But don't let that scare you into making a deal with him that has you dipping back into the pot for more pot.Same goes for your bartender. You owe him or her no explanation for not going back to that bar. If it’s connected to the restaurant, just don’t eat there anymore. Easy.Your so-called friends who are still using and drinking might pressure you to join them in the “fun”. It always takes a while to separate the wheat from the chafe, anyway. Your true friends will support your recovery, not try to subvert it.An easy out, if asked why you’re not drinking in a social situation such as a wedding, is to just say: “Oh, I’m not drinking today”. And chances are they’ll leave you alone and not try to push anything on you.You are best, however, to stay out of situations that may serve as triggers for you, at least in the early going. There’s an old saying in AA:” Hang around the barber shop long enough and sooner or later, you’ll get a haircut.”

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• Mini Series 13 - Get Back On The Horse

  In this podcast, we discuss what to do just in case you slip and have yourself a relapse.It is a well-known fact that relapse is characteristic of the disease of addiction and alcoholism. A lucky few make it long term on the first try, and I hope you are one of them.The vast majority usually need to get to the next lower rung on the ladder to Hell before they wake up and ask for help. But don’t let the fact that you can come back be used as an excuse that “I can always come back in from the cold.” Because the disease is so powerful, you might not make it back.Addicts and alcoholics don’t wake up because they see the light. They wake up because they feel the heat.  They have to arrive at their own conclusion that they are now desperate enough to reach out for help.Those who have a sponsor will hear the sponsor say: “Don’t call me after you’ve been drinking and now, you’re crying to me. Call whenever you feel like drinking or using.”So that is my point: call your sponsor whenever a craving hits you, and if you don’t have a sponsor, get one now. And of you slip up, call your sponsor or any of the other numbers you should have collected by now if you can't reach your sponsor.In other words, get back in the saddle as soon as possible. The less time between your slip and your re-entry, the better the chances of making it, period.

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