The One Inside: An Internal Family Systems (IFS) podcast

On this week's episode I'm excited to chat with Dr. Kristine Anthis, an IFS therapist, IFIO couples therapist, certified matchmaker, and founder of IFS Dating & Matchmaking. I've wanted her on the show for years, but my own dating experience held me back. We discuss compatibility, chemistry, dating apps, and the parts that pick our partners. Not dating? So much of what we discuss applies to long-term relationships, too.
Takeaways
Kristine became a matchmaker after helping a couple through rupture after rupture and wishing she could have prevented the pain from the start
Yes, certified matchmaker is a real thing
Of all the predictors of long-term relationship satisfaction, physical chemistry comes last
Money compatibility is more about whether your values on saving and spending line up, and most new couples never talk about it
Before deciding who's right for you, ask: which part of me thinks that?
Dating profiles are mostly written by managers who lead with our "pretty" parts
Get curious about which part wrote your dating checklist
Chemistry can be a protector.
Sometimes what feels like chemistry is really an exile, hoping this person will give us a do-over
Picking the same type over and over can be a longing for someone to prove we're lovable
"Never again" parts scan for red flags and can close the door on someone who might be really good for us
Which of my parts' unmet needs am I hoping a partner will meet?
Doing the You-turn in dating
Dating apps are like a diner that charges you to look at a menu, and a matchmaker is more like a personal chef
Find Kristine
IFS Dating & Matchmaking and IFIO Couples Therapy & IFS Individual Therapy
About Kristine
Kristine Anthis, PhD, is the founder of IFS Dating & Matchmaking, a certified matchmaker, an IFS Level 3 individual therapist and an IFIO couples therapist. She helps her IFS Dating and Matchmaking clients better know the parts of themselves who get activated before, during, and after dates, so they can have better inner relationships for better outer relationships. Kristine also writes with financial therapist Rick Kahler about the role of parts' money scripts in dating and early relationships. Outside of work, she enjoys time with family and friends, devouring detective novels, and foraging for the best black licorice she can find.
Episode Sponsor
Pisgah Coaching Institute. Join PCI on December 9th for a free, 90-minute online visioning workshop open to everyone. Through guided meditation, journaling, and small-group reflection, you'll leave with a first draft of your 2027 vision. PCI faculty will also lead a five-session small-group coaching series in the new year to help you live into it. Reserve your free spot.
About The One Inside
I started this podcast to help spread IFS out into the world and make the model more accessible to everyone. Eight years later, that's still at the heart of all we do.
Join The One Inside Substack community for bonus conversations, extended interviews, meditations, and more.
Find Self-Led merch at The One Inside store.
Listen to episodes and watch clips on YouTube.
Follow me on Instagram @ifstammy or on Facebook at The One Inside with Tammy Sollenberger.
I co-create The One Inside with Jeff Schrum, a writer, producer, and IFS Level 2 practitioner who helps therapists, coaches, and teachers shape and share their story.
Resources
New to IFS? My book, The One Inside: Thirty Days to Your Authentic Self, is a great place to start.
Want a free meditation? Sign up for my email list and get "Get to Know a Should Part" right away.
Sponsorship
Want to sponsor an episode of The One Inside? Email Tammy.

On this week's episode I'm excited to chat with Dr. Carol Shilliday, a clinical psychologist, IFS assistant trainer, and author of the new book Inside ADHD: An Internal Family Systems Workbook to Understand Your Parts and Emotionally Thrive. We discuss ADHD, shame, acceptance, and keeping a spare set of keys.
Takeaways
Is it brain wiring or parts? Yes. IFS lets us stay curious instead of picking one
"Am I ADHD enough?" Not struggling as much as someone else doesn't mean you're not struggling
The compensation and anxiety link
Traits that come with ADHD get labeled as character flaws: lazy, too much, not enough
Overachievers, perfectionists, and maskers often polarize with parts that burn out or give up
Strategies don't stick until there's acceptance
Healing the shame makes room for what works
Low estrogen lowers dopamine, so hormones amplify ADHD for women
Advice for partners and mixed neurotype relationships
Opportunties to learn from Carol
Join Carol in February 2027 for IFS and ADHD: Clarity and Healing, a two-day online workshop focused on working with ADHD clients in neuroaffirming ways. 
Find Carol
Website
Book 
About Carol
Carol Shilliday, PsyD, is a licensed clinical psychologist with over three decades of experience. She is an IFS assistant trainer, Level 3 certified IFS therapist, and IFS approved clinical consultant who specializes in working with adults with ADHD. She runs groups for IFS therapists and practitioners with ADHD and for those who want to lead their own IFS groups. She is the author of Inside ADHD: An Internal Family Systems Workbook to Understand Your Parts and Emotionally Thrive.
Episode Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by Souliology. Souliology offers retreats and immersive learning experiences for IFS professionals, many led by IFS Senior Lead Trainers and eligible for continuing education credits. Their programs support deep professional and personal growth, offering space to step away from the demands of daily life so you can return to your practice more present and resourced for the clients you serve. Souliology: Where growth meets depth. Learn more at souliology.com
About The One Inside
I started this podcast to help spread IFS out into the world and make the model more accessible to everyone. Eight years later, that's still at the heart of all we do.
Join The One Inside Substack community for bonus conversations, extended interviews, meditations, and more.
Find Self-Led merch at The One Inside store.
Listen to episodes and watch clips on YouTube.
Follow me on Instagram @ifstammy or on Facebook at The One Inside with Tammy Sollenberger.
I co-create The One Inside with Jeff Schrum, a writer, producer, and IFS Level 2 practitioner who helps therapists, coaches, and teachers shape and share their story.
Resources
New to IFS? My book, The One Inside: Thirty Days to Your Authentic Self, is a great place to start.
Want a free meditation? Sign up for my email list and get "Get to Know a Should Part" right away.
Sponsorship
Want to sponsor an episode of The One Inside? Email Tammy.

On this week's episode I'm excited to chat with Dr. Laura Patryas, a psychologist, author, spiritual teacher, and 2026 IFS Annual Conference presenter. We discuss non-duality, presence, wholeness, and Cabbage Patch dolls.
Takeaways
Honoring all of our parts while remembering the wholeness underneath them
Every part has Self at its core. The burdens obscure it, but they don't change what's underneath
Multiplicity and unity coexist--you can be a in part and be whole at the same time
Tantra means to weave and to become whole--so does IFS
Either-or thinking is often a burdened part, where Self offers perspective and choice
My childhood Cabbage Patch doll burden is a lesson in non-duality
Wholeness doesn't mean perfect
Awakening is being present with whatever part is showing up right now
Parts sometimes try to keep us safe from silence, stillness, and presence
Presence is a birthright, and it's something you can practice and develop
Three Fs: focus, flow, and feeling. It's a simple way to track how blended you are in any moment
Therapeutic presence relies on something transpersonal
Self leadership can be fierce and boundaried
"You are loved. Every one of your parts is already loved."
Here's a link to the Easing Back In meditation I mentioned.
Find Laura
Website | Instagram | YouTube | Facebook | LinkedIn | Substack | Books
About Laura
Laura Patryas is a psychologist, author, and spiritual teacher whose work brings together Internal Family Systems, nonduality, and embodied spirituality. She is the author of Awaken to Love, exploring how we can reclaim our wholeness and awaken to the love that is already here.  
Episode Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by the IFS Institute.
This October, join the IFS Institute for the 2026 IFS Annual Conference, happening fully online October 15th and 16th. Over two days, you'll hear from over 45 voices from across the IFS community exploring the theme of Self in Relationship: From Inner Healing to Collective Repair. This year's workshops will cover topics from clinical practice and emerging research to Self-leadership, relationships, culture, and the challenges we're navigating in the world today. Because this year's conference is fully virtual, you can join the IFS community from wherever you are. Visit ifs-institute.com/conference to learn more and register.
About The One Inside
I started this podcast to help spread IFS out into the world and make the model more accessible to everyone. Eight years later, that's still at the heart of all we do.
Join The One Inside Substack community for bonus conversations, extended interviews, meditations, and more.
Find Self-Led merch at The One Inside store.
Listen to episodes and watch clips on YouTube.
Follow me on Instagram @ifstammy or on Facebook at The One Inside with Tammy Sollenberger.
I co-create The One Inside with Jeff Schrum, a writer, producer, and IFS Level 2 practitioner who helps therapists, coaches, and teachers shape and share their story.
Resources
New to IFS? My book, The One Inside: Thirty Days to Your Authentic Self, is a great place to start.
Want a free meditation? Sign up for my email list and get "Get to Know a Should Part" right away.
Sponsorship
Want to sponsor an episode of The One Inside? Email Tammy.

Emma Coyne wrote over a hundred poems inspired by her IFS training and her own therapy. She sent them to people who told her they recognized themselves in many of them. That "me too" response encouraged her to share them with the world in her new book, but not before working with all of her parts to make sure everyone was on board.
She is a clinical psychologist and Level 3 IFS therapist based in Nottinghamshire, UK. She has spent 17 years working with people living with kidney failure, transplantation, and end of life care. Emma also writes a Substack on IFS and neurodiversity. 
In this episode:
How treating a kidney transplant as a new part can change someone's relationship with it
Transplant patients often name their kidneys. You won't believe the most common name.
Why the CBT she tried didn't fit, and what drew her to IFS instead
The puppy dog part behind her IFS and Neurodiversity Substack
What readers told her to cut before the book went out
Getting every part's permission to publish
How poetry carries parts through image, rhythm, and fragment, not just words
"The stories belong to me, but the feelings belong to all of us"
What her 10-year-old self wanted to be, and what's already waiting in her drafts
Emma reads five poems in this episode for us, which is such a treat. As she reads she becomes the parts themselves. Make sure to catch the bonus reading over on Substack.
About Emma:
Dr. Emma Coyne is a Consultant Clinical Psychologist with 22 years in the NHS, working in adult mental and physical health. She specializes in long term health conditions, neurodivergence, and developmental disabilities, and is particularly interested in working with the body in therapy. She is a Level 3 IFS therapist, trained yoga teacher, and holds Chartered status with the British Psychological Society. She is based in Nottinghamshire, UK. Find Emma on Instagram, Facebook, and TikTok
Mentioned in this episode
Poems for My Parts: An IFS Therapy Journey by Emma Coyne 
Emma's Substack on IFS and Neurodiversity
New Audio Guide: For The One Waiting
Free Bonus: Emma reads "The Chocoholic" on The One Inside Substack.
Episode Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by Parts Companion.
Parts Companion is a therapy companion tool for IFS clients and practitioners that supports the work you do with your parts between sessions. Add a part, and Parts Companion guides you through a series of questions, then creates a parts map, images of your parts, a summary of what you shared, and a personalized audio meditation to connect with each part.
Many features are free. Use code THEONEINSIDE for 50% off your first month of a paid plan at partscompanion.org.
About The One Inside
I started this podcast to help spread IFS out into the world and make the model more accessible to everyone. Eight years later, that's still at the heart of all we do.
Join The One Inside Substack community for bonus conversations, extended interviews, meditations, and more.
Find Self-Led merch at The One Inside store.
Listen to episodes and watch clips on YouTube.
Follow me on Instagram @ifstammy or on Facebook at The One Inside with Tammy Sollenberger.
I co-create The One Inside with Jeff Schrum, an IFS Level 2 practitioner who helps therapists, coaches, and solopreneurs build content strategy and step curiously into visibility.
Resources
New to IFS? My book, The One Inside: Thirty Days to Your Authentic Self, is a great place to start.
Want a free meditation? Sign up for my email list and get "Get to Know a Should Part" right away.
Sponsorship
Want to sponsor an episode of The One Inside? Email Tammy.

Episode Description
This week I welcome Nancy Sowell to the podcast to kick off Season 8. She spearheaded the intervention program behind the landmark study with medical patients that helped establish IFS as a promising treatment, and she wrote a book about what IFS has to offer our physical health.
This one also feels like a full circle moment. Nancy was my lead trainer when The One Inside was just getting started.
In this episode we talk about how chronic stress, childhood adversity, perfectionism, and burdened parts affect our physical health, and what IFS can offer.
Takeaways
Parentification, taking on adult roles or becoming an emotional support for parents in childhood, shows up again and again in the trauma histories of people with autoimmune disease
Our health is influenced by our genome and our exposome - the collection of everything we've been exposed to throughout our lives, from gestation forward
Chronic internal stress from parts carrying burdens, like "I'm not good enough," has a measurable effect on the body
Nancy realized her body had been her guide all along, she just hadn't been tuning in
Admitting you're wrong is a relief to your protectors. It's worth considering what it costs them to keep you from doing it
Parts that don't want to connect to the body often have very good reasons. Start there
About Nancy
Nancy Sowell, LICSW, is a Senior Trainer for the IFS Institute and a Harvard Medical School Teaching Associate. She spearheaded the intervention program behind the landmark study with medical patients that helped establish IFS as a promising treatment. She has spent her career exploring how chronic stress, trauma, and unmet emotional needs--especially during childhood--affect our physical health throughout our lives, and what IFS offers for deep, sustainable well-being. Her new book, IFS Health Therapy, co-authored with Martha Sweezy and Richard Schwartz, is available now. 
Episode Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by the IFS Institute.

This October, join the IFS Institute for the 2026 IFS Annual Conference, happening fully online October 15th and 16th.
Over two days, you'll hear from over 45 voices from across the IFS community exploring the theme of Self in Relationship: From Inner Healing to Collective Repair.  This year's workshops will cover topics from clinical practice and emerging research to Self-leadership, relationships, culture, and the challenges we're navigating in the world today. Because this year's conference is fully virtual, you can join the IFS community from wherever you are. Early Bird pricing is available through September 30th. Visit ifs-institute.com/conference to learn more and register. 
About The One Inside
I started this podcast to help spread IFS out into the world and make the model more accessible to everyone. Eight years later, that's still at the heart of all we do.
Join The One Inside Substack community for bonus conversations, extended interviews, meditations, and more.
Find Self-Led merch at The One Inside store.
Listen to episodes and watch clips on YouTube.
Follow me on Instagram @ifstammy or on Facebook at The One Inside with Tammy Sollenberger.
I co-create The One Inside with Jeff Schrum, a Level 2 IFS practitioner, coach, and creativity consultant.
Resources
New to IFS? My book, The One Inside: Thirty Days to Your Authentic Self, is a great place to start.
Want a free meditation? Sign up for my email list and get "Get to Know a Should Part" right away.
Sponsorship
Want to sponsor an episode of The One Inside? Email Tammy.