The ManFlu | Exploring Gender Dynamics, Partnerships & Raising Boys Who Care

You ask for help. He nods along. Next week looks exactly the same. If you've wondered how to talk to your husband about the mental load without it ending in tears or silence, this conversation is a good place to start.

On The ManFlu, host Lucy McAfee talks with Stacy McCann, a licensed therapist, writer, speaker, and parent coach whose practice focuses on maternal burnout. Stacy says many moms walk into her office assuming they are doing something wrong or that they are “broken.” Her job is to show them there was a path paved for them long before they became mothers, by the roles they grew up watching and a modern job description for motherhood no one could ever meet.

Lucy confesses her own mom guilt over a basket of unfolded laundry, and Stacy shares how she helps clients trace where that critical voice comes from. She explains why “I” statements carry more weight for women raised to stay quiet, and what to do when a partner agrees in the moment and nothing changes.

Fair Play by Eve Rodsky can feel like a lot to take on when the mental load of motherhood sits mostly with you. Stacy starts smaller, with a weekly family meeting for couples built around the calendar. She closes with one small shift for reclaiming the small pockets of buffer time in your day that no one else has access to. Press play to learn how to talk to your husband about the mental load in a way that moves things forward at home.

Episode Breakdown:
00:00 Welcome And Meeting Therapist Stacy McCann
02:10 How the Pandemic Exposed Maternal Self-Sacrifice
04:57 Why Moms Arrive Convinced They Are Broken
07:28 The Impossible Job Description for Modern Mothers
12:52 Mom Guilt and the Unfolded Laundry Basket
19:38 Why I Statements Are a Mindset Shift
26:20 When He Nods Along and Nothing Changes
34:09 Starting a Weekly Household State of the Union
39:51 Online Shaming and the Messy Middle of Marriage
47:41 One Small Shift to Reclaim Your Buffer Time

Books Referenced on the Show:
Fair Play: A Game-Changing Solution for When You Have Too Much to Do (and More Life to Live) by Eve Rodsky
Find Your Unicorn Space: Reclaim Your Creative Life in a Too-Busy World by Eve Rodsky
Drop the Ball: Achieving More by Doing Less by Tiffany Dufu

Connect with Stacy McCann:
Follow Stacy on Instagram
Visit the Present Moment website

Connect with Lucy McAfee:
Follow Lucy on Instagram
Connect with Lucy on LinkedIn
Visit The ManFlu website

Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Julia Markish sat at a dinner party while the women around her swapped stories about burnout and the mental load. She has a wife, so she couldn't relate. Still her first thought was a guilty one: Am I the man in this story?

Host Lucy McAfee talks with Julia, an executive coach, and her wife Krissa Lagos, a book editor, in the first couple's interview on The ManFlu. When Lucy asked if Krissa would've had her own complaint at that dinner party, the answer was no. They both have their roles, and balance was one of the seven touchstones they built their wedding ceremony and marriage around. Krissa cooks and Julia cleans. Julia schedules the checkups and Krissa keeps each day on track. When Krissa realized she kept landing in the kitchen prepping food while Julia got the fun part with their son, they talked about it and found a fairer way to divide the morning.

Gratitude in relationships runs through all of it. Julia and Krissa thank each other for small things and have learned to ask when the thanks doesn't come. They also talk about raising boys with room to feel, and how the trans men in their San Francisco community can show their son a different kind of masculinity.

Press play for a model of how same-sex couples divide household labor that any couple can borrow, plus one small shift you can try at home this week.

Episode Breakdown:
00:00 Welcome And Meeting Julia and Krissa
02:35 The Dinner Party Where Julia Couldn't Relate
05:49 The Breakfast Prep Fix That Restored Fairness
08:40 Building A Marriage Around Seven Touchstones
12:43 Why Being With A Woman Can Feel Easier
18:13 Raising The Flag When You Need Thanks
20:41 Raising Their Son In A Queer Community
28:46 How Their Careers Shape Life At Home
32:41 What Straight Couples Can Borrow From Them
38:01 The One Small Shift: Ask For The Thanks

Referenced on the Show:
Episode 9: The Manosphere and our Boys: What It’s Teaching Them, What We Can Do
Farideh, songs about parenting and motherhood

Connect with Julia Markish & Krissa Lagos:
Visit the Embrace the Human website
Visit Krissa’s website

Connect with Lucy McAfee:
Follow Lucy on Instagram
Connect with Lucy on LinkedIn
Visit The ManFlu website

Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Long before mental load and maternal burnout were in our common vernacular, our guest this week had a moment that clearly illustrated them: rushing out the door for work, unable to find a glove, and deciding that if she couldn't find it, she was done.

Host Lucy McAfee sits down with her mom, Eileen Goeke, a retired high school teacher and mother of four, to compare motherhood across two generations. Eileen lived in 10 houses in ten years, built new communities in small towns, and eventually returned to teaching without ever having a conversation with her husband about how the responsibilities at home would change. Lucy asks how Eileen found her village then and why building that kind of support can feel harder for parents today.

After nearly 30 years in the classroom, Eileen also saw major changes in the boys she taught. Earlier in her career, many boys seemed to have a clearer sense of what came next after high school. Over time, she saw more students struggle to figure out where they fit as their options and expectations changed. She and Lucy talk about phones in the classroom, parents stepping in to solve problems, and how giving kids more choices can sometimes make life harder. Eileen also shares the simple habit that helped teenage boys slow down and talk to her.

Listen for Eileen's perspective on letting go of some of the pressure around motherhood, from resisting the urge to apologize for a messy house to deciding which choices really deserve your time and attention.

Episode Breakdown:
00:00 Meet Eileen, Lucy's Mom and Longtime Teacher
03:35 Four Kids, Ten Houses, and Building a Village
08:47 Going Back to Work Without a Conversation
11:24 The Glove Story and Motherhood Burnout
18:14 Why the Doorbell Still Triggers House Apologies
21:05 Watching Boys Lose Their Clear Next Step
26:54 Phones, Parent Pushback, and Too Many Choices
37:39 The Comparison Trap and Finding Yourself
45:32 Skip the Decision Tree on Small Choices
48:22 Sitting on It With Teenage Boys

Connect with Lucy McAfee:
Instagram: @lucypmcafee
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/lucymcafee
Show Website: https://shows.acast.com/the-manflu

Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Manosphere doesn't need boys to go looking for it. Researchers who set up TikTok and YouTube accounts posing as teenage boys found it reached their feeds within 26 minutes, starting from nothing more than a fitness video or a gaming clip.

Host Lucy McAfee spends this episode of The ManFlu Podcast unpacking the Manosphere, the vast online world of influencers, podcasts, and communities shaping how boys think about masculinity, women, success, and their own worth. She uses Netflix's Adolescence and Louis Theroux's Inside the Manosphere as her way into the topic, then digs into what boys are actually absorbing once the algorithm gets them there.

At the center of it is a dangerous idea: that men are born without value and have to earn it through money, strength, status, and attention from women. Lucy connects that message to therapist Terry Real's distinction between healthy self-esteem and performance-based self-esteem, and traces the childhoods behind some of the biggest names selling this content. She also explains the term incel and how ordinary teenage loneliness gets twisted into resentment and blame.

The answer isn't simply keeping boys offline, since these messages can reach them anywhere. The bigger opportunity is helping them question what they're hearing and making home a place where they can bring it up. Lucy closes with one small shift: a set of age-specific questions parents can start asking this week to keep that door open, so we're raising boys who know exactly who they can talk to.

Episode Breakdown:
00:00 Why Lucy Is Tackling The Manosphere
04:44 Defining The Manosphere In Plain Terms
09:34 The Idea That Men Are Born Without Value
14:22 Tate Brothers' Arrests And Followers' Response
21:32 The Childhoods Behind These Influencers
23:57 Healthy Versus Performance-Based Self-Esteem
28:50 One Small Shift To Start The Conversation

Connect with Lucy McAfee:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lucypmcafee
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/lucymcafee
Show Website: https://shows.acast.com/the-manflu

Mentioned in this episode
Adolescence on Netflix
Louis Theroux: Inside the Manosphere on Netflix
Talk to Your Boys by Joanna Schroeder and Christopher Pepper
Entitled by Kate Manne
Terry Real
Episode 4 with Julie Messer

Sources
Dublin City University: Recommending Toxicity
U.S. Secret Service: Mass Attacks in Public Spaces, 2016–2020
CDC suicide data
Associated Press reporting on the Tate brothers’ arrest

This episode includes a discussion of suicide. If you or someone you know needs support, call or text 988 or visit the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.

Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Some women carry the mental load in marriage so quietly that even their own husbands don't see it happening.

Host Lucy McAfee sits down with Victoria Tice, a copywriter and birth doula. Victoria has spent five years breastfeeding her two sons on demand, no pumps, no bottles, straight from the source. And that choice opened up a much bigger conversation about partnership, recovery, and who carries what at home.

Victoria compares her husband's five days of paternity leave with their first son to the nearly four months he took with their second, and why that difference changed her postpartum recovery completely. She and Lucy get into the list Victoria and her husband built together, naming every task that keeps a home running, and the exact language she uses now when dividing household responsibilities without becoming the house manager who reminds him of everything.

They also take on the maternal instinct myth, the idea that mothers are simply born knowing what to do while fathers get room to learn as they go. It is another face of the mental load in marriage, deciding everything so no one else has to. Press play to hear Victoria's simple weekly habit for protecting her own time and why she says letting your partner fail is part of learning to actually share it.

Episode Breakdown:
00:00 Welcome And Meeting Victoria Tice
02:13 Five Years Of Exclusive Breastfeeding Explained
04:18 The Plan That Wasn't Really A Plan
08:27 Doing It All Alone With Baby One
12:31 Five Days Leave Versus Four Months
15:58 The Pressure Fathers Feel Taking Leave
20:43 When Travel Broke Their Family Rhythm
25:43 Building A Fairness List With Fair Play
30:17 Naming The Mental Load In Marriage
38:21 The One Small Shift To Try This Week

Connect with Victoria Tice:
Website: https://www.victoriajtice.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/truenorth.birth
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@theticehouse

Connect with Lucy McAfee:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lucypmcafee
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/lucymcafee
Show Website: https://shows.acast.com/the-manflu

Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.