Sisters In Sobriety

In this episode of Sisters in Sobriety, Sonia and Riana Malia explore how old relationship patterns, identity shifts, and unconscious beliefs can keep women stuck in cycles that no longer match the lives they are trying to build. Riana is a board-certified neuro-somatic practitioner whose work helps women break long-standing relational patterns and create deeper, more authentic connection. They look at what happens when women have done the inner work, moved through sobriety, divorce, reinvention, or major life transitions, and are ready for relationships that reflect who they are now — not who they used to be.

The conversation opens up big questions about why high-achieving women can be so successful, strategic, and clear in their careers, yet still feel confused or stuck in love, dating, friendships, family dynamics, or partnership. Why do the same patterns keep repeating? What is the difference between knowing a pattern intellectually and actually releasing it from the body? How do childhood beliefs, unconscious programming, and old identities shape the way women choose, attach, perform, shrink, over-function, or settle in relationships?

Riana explains how neuroscience, somatic awareness, identity work, and emotional release come together in her Clear to Create method. She talks about clearing old stories, cycles, resentment, loss, limiting beliefs, and emotional charge so that women can create confidence, partnership, love, and a life that feels aligned. The episode also explores why “I don’t want this anymore” can still keep attention fixed on the very thing someone is trying to avoid, how the unconscious mind drives so many relationship patterns, and why replacing old neurology matters just as much as understanding it. Riana also shares practical tools, including her “Magnet for Miracles” exercise and a 72-hour rubber-band practice designed to interrupt negative thought loops and redirect attention toward what is actually desired.

Riana shares the life experiences that shaped her work — growing up with a distant father, being forced to become resourceful at 18, entering a lonely young marriage, navigating a painful divorce, moving across the country, losing financial security, and eventually finding herself in a relationship that became her line-in-the-sand moment. Her story traces the path from survival and self-abandonment to clarity, self-trust, and becoming available for a different kind of love. She also shares how doing this work changed her own life and helped her become ready for the healthy partnership she once thought would never happen for her.

This is Sisters in Sobriety, the support community that helps women change their relationship with alcohol. Check out our substack for extra tips, tricks and resources.

Highlights

[00:01:00] Riana Malia is introduced as a board-certified neuro-somatic practitioner helping women break old relationship patterns.

[00:02:00] Riana shares the early experience of being left without college housing support and learning how to become resourceful.

[00:03:00] She describes getting three jobs, renting a house, and staying in school despite having no clear path forward.

[00:04:00] Riana talks about marrying young, feeling lonely in marriage, and becoming a mother.

[00:05:00] She opens up about the fear, anger, and volatility that followed her divorce.

[00:06:00] Riana explains the decision to move to California despite every instinct telling her not to.

[00:08:00] She recounts the DEA investigation that upended her life and froze the assets she was relying on.

[00:09:00] Riana describes choosing to stay in California to keep her promise to her daughter.

[00:10:00] She shares the “never again” moment that led her to stop shrinking, performing, and abandoning herself in relationships.

[00:11:00] Riana introduces her Clear to Create method and explains why people have to clear old stories before creating a new life.

[00:12:00] She explains how unconscious patterns keep people repeating the same relationships, jobs, money patterns, or family dynamics.

[00:14:00] Riana talks about becoming ready to receive healthy love after clearing old toxic patterns.

[00:16:00] She uses a dinner order metaphor to explain why clarity, specificity, values, desires, and non-negotiables matter.

[00:18:00] Riana explains why high-achieving women can feel confident at work but stuck in relationships.

[00:19:00] She breaks down the conscious and unconscious mind using the 10% and 90% framework.

[00:22:00] Riana compares old identities and beliefs to expired pantry items that need to be cleared out.

[00:24:00] She explains the difference between becoming aware of a pattern and actually replacing the neurology behind it.

[00:31:00] Riana shares the bridge metaphor for stepping into a new identity that matches who someone is becoming.

[00:39:00] Sonia asks about manifestation, and Riana reframes it through neuroscience, frequency, and attention.

[00:43:00] Riana walks through the “Magnet for Miracles” exercise using the away wall, toward wall, and 72-hour rubber band practice.

Riana's Links

🌐 Website https://rianamalia.com/

SIS LINKS

💌 Sisters In Sobriety Substack– where the magic (and the mocktail recipes) happen

📬 Sisters In Sobriety Email

📸 Sisters In Sobriety Instagram

🌐 Kathleen’s WebsiteKathleen does not endorse any products mentioned in this podcast

📸 Kathleen’s Instagram

In this episode of Sisters in Sobriety, Sonia and Kathleen continue the 12-step series with Arlina Allen for a real, funny, and deeply honest conversation about Step Three: making a decision to turn will and life over to a higher power. Arlina helps unpack the language that can feel intimidating, especially the “God” part, and reframes Step Three as a practice of willingness, surrender, and learning to stop doing recovery alone.

The conversation explores what it means to move from willpower to willingness, why “trying harder” often keeps people stuck, and how dependence on a higher power can actually create more freedom. Sonia and Arlina talk about abstinence, moderation, self-will, fear, control, family triggers, difficult conversations, and the emotional gymnastics of wondering whether there is an “easier, softer way” to stay sober.

Along the way, they make Step Three feel practical and human. They discuss the difference between surrender and giving up, how intuition can show up as peace, why self-care is part of spiritual practice, and how resentment becomes a bridge into Step Four. The episode also touches on the Serenity Prayer, direct communication, emotional responsibility, and the inventory process: naming resentments, identifying how they affect self-esteem, security, relationships, and fear, and beginning to see one’s own patterns without collapsing into shame.

In the personal story segment, Sonia reflects on the relief and grief of realizing that full abstinence is the easier, softer way for her, even when part of her wishes she could use substances differently. Arlina shares how old family patterns, friendship endings, people-pleasing, and “everybody hates me” thinking still show up after decades of sobriety—and how connection, gratitude, honest conversations, and returning to practice help bring her back to peace.

This is Sisters in Sobriety, the support community that helps women change their relationship with alcohol. Check out our substack for extra tips, tricks and resources.

Highlights

[00:01:00] Sonia explains why Step Two felt like a mental hurdle.

[00:03:00] Arlina reads Step Three and reframes it through willingness.

[00:04:00] The set-aside prayer opens the door to new information.

[00:05:00] Sonia shares when she finally became willing to consider abstinence.

[00:06:00] Dependence on a higher power becomes independence of spirit.

[00:08:00] Step Three is not abdicating responsibility.

[00:09:00] Arlina explains ego, intuition, and the quiet voice of peace.

[00:12:00] Outside perspective helps interrupt the silo of self-will.

[00:14:00] Family triggers reveal old default settings.

[00:16:00] Arlina checks self-care when “nobody likes me” thinking returns.

[00:18:00] Sonia reflects on learning to treat herself like a precious object.

[00:21:00] Recovery as a practice, not a one-time achievement.

[00:23:00] “Ish” and dimmer switches offer a gentler view of consistency.

[00:24:00] Arlina defines self-will as fear, control, and self-centeredness.

[00:27:00] Love versus fear becomes a simple spiritual gut check.

[00:30:00] Letting go of a friendship becomes an act of self-respect.

[00:33:00] Sonia connects with “no easier, softer way.”

[00:36:00] Running the experiment again is no longer necessary.

[00:39:00] Resentments become the bridge into Step Four.

[00:48:00] The Serenity Prayer becomes a tool for emotional disturbance and indecision.

Arlina's Links

🌐 www.soberlifeschool.com
📸 Instagram: @arlinaallen | @odaatpodcast

SIS Links

💌 Sisters In Sobriety Substack – where the magic (and the mocktail recipes) happen

📬 Sisters In Sobriety Email

📸 Sisters In Sobriety Instagram

🌐 Kathleen’s Website Kathleen does not endorse any products mentioned in this podcast

📸 Kathleen’s Instagram

In this episode of Sisters in Sobriety, Sonia takes on something she has circled for years: the 12 steps. After years of attending meetings here and there, interviewing addiction experts, and seeing the way the steps have changed people’s lives, she is finally stepping in. Joined by recovery coach, One Day at a Time podcast host, and The 12 Steps for Skeptics author Arlina Allen, Sonia explores Step Two through the lens of skepticism, spirituality, language, and lived recovery.

The conversation opens with Sonia’s honest reaction to Step Two: “Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.” Together, Sonia and Arlina unpack why words like sanity, insanity, God, and character defects can feel outdated or loaded, especially for people who understand addiction through trauma, mental health, coping mechanisms, and neuroscience. They also explore how to “take what you like and leave the rest,” why looking for similarities matters, and how a higher power can be understood in a way that feels personal, flexible, and grounded.

Arlina helps reframe Step Two as less about dogma and more about willingness, support, outside perspective, and access to something beyond one’s own fear-based thinking. The episode touches on spirituality versus religion, the pause between impulse and reaction, emotional triggers, “first thought wrong,” and why the hard choice is often the right one. Sonia and Arlina also talk about synchronicity, awe, honesty, music, emotional avoidance, and how sobriety can make room for deeper joy, grief, intuition, and connection.

In the personal story segment, Sonia shares how she is beginning to recognize her higher power in real life: in moments of synchronicity, in sober awe, and in choosing honesty. Arlina offers a beautiful reflection on how witnessing someone else heal can soften and heal something inside us, too. The conversation becomes both practical and deeply human—a bridge for anyone who has wanted the wisdom of the steps, but needed a way in that actually feels possible.

This is Sisters in Sobriety, the support community that helps women change their relationship with alcohol. Check out our substack for extra tips, tricks and resources.

[00:00:00] Sonia introduces the episode and shares why doing the 12 steps feels like a big deal.

[00:02:00] Arlina Allen joins Sonia to begin exploring Step Two.

[00:03:00] Sonia explains why the word “sanity” immediately brings up resistance.

[00:05:00] Arlina reframes insanity as repeating the same pattern and expecting a different result.

[00:06:00] Arlina explains Step Two as the beginning of needing help and outside perspective.

[00:08:00] Sonia and Arlina discuss trauma, coping mechanisms, guilt, shame, and neuroscience.

[00:10:00] Arlina talks about looking for similarities instead of differences in recovery literature.

[00:12:00] Sonia shares the “Fred drinking whiskey in milk” moment that took her out of the Big Book.

[00:14:00] Sonia explains how the 12 and 12 and Arlina’s homework softened her resistance.

[00:16:00] Sonia describes her current concept of spirituality and a higher power.

[00:18:00] Sonia reflects on reliance versus defiance and asking for guidance instead of control.

[00:20:00] Arlina explains why surrender is not abdicating responsibility.

[00:21:00] Sonia and Arlina explore the difference between impulse, instinct, and inner guidance.

[00:23:00] Arlina discusses triggers, condescension, and the power of pausing before reacting.

[00:30:00] Sonia shares the qualities she wants in a higher power.

[00:32:00] Arlina tells a powerful story about synchronicity, grief, and a sobriety date.

[00:40:00] Sonia describes sober awe, inspiration, and the return of her inner life.

[00:43:00] Sonia connects higher power to the pause between impulse and reaction.

[00:49:00] Sonia shares an emotional story about grief, love, and witnessing healing.

[00:54:00] Arlina explains why avoiding pain also blocks joy, awe, and wonder.

Arlina's Links

🌐 www.soberlifeschool.com
📸 Instagram: @arlinaallen | @odaatpodcast

SIS Links

💌 Sisters In Sobriety Substack – where the magic (and the mocktail recipes) happen

📬 Sisters In Sobriety Email

📸 Sisters In Sobriety Instagram

🌐 Kathleen’s Website Kathleen does not endorse any products mentioned in this podcast

📸 Kathleen’s Instagram

In this deeply personal first episode of a new Sisters in Sobriety series, Sonia begins something she has circled for years: working the 12 steps. Joined by Arlina Allen, recovery coach, host of the One Day at a Time podcast, and author of The 12 Steps for Skeptics, Sonia explores why she has always respected AA while still feeling hesitant to fully commit. Together, Sonia and Arlina open the door to Step One with honesty, curiosity, humor, and a modern lens for anyone who has ever wondered whether the steps could work for them.

The conversation explores what it means to admit powerlessness over alcohol without collapsing into shame, why “unmanageable” does not always look like losing everything, and how women with high-functioning lives can still hit an emotional bottom. Sonia and Arlina talk about raising the bottom, separating the 12-step program from meeting culture, finding the right sponsor or guide, and why old recovery language can sometimes create resistance before people even get to the deeper wisdom underneath it.

This episode breaks down Step One in a practical, accessible way: defining powerlessness and unmanageability, identifying patterns around moderation, understanding denial, and recognizing the difference between being sober and being emotionally sober. Arlina also explains why the steps are not just about quitting alcohol, but about self-honesty, accountability, nervous system regulation, recovery habits, and learning to meet the parts of ourselves we would rather avoid.

Sonia also shares her own story of having what looked from the outside like a “silk sheet bottom”: a stable marriage, career success, financial security, and no dramatic external consequences. But inside, she was emotionally exhausted, self-loathing, and unable to keep the daily promise not to drink. Through Step One, she begins to see how alcohol had made her life unmanageable in quieter but powerful ways—and why this series may be less about joining a program perfectly and more about finally stepping inside the work.

This is Sisters in Sobriety, the support community that helps women change their relationship with alcohol. Check out our substack for extra tips, tricks and resources.

Time-Stamped Highlights
00:00 Sonia introduces the new series and why she is finally choosing to work the 12 steps.

02:00 Arlina explains how she will guide Sonia through the steps using The 12 Steps for Skeptics.

03:00 Sonia shares why she has always “danced around” AA without fully committing.

04:00 The moment Sonia realized she could separate the 12-step program from meeting culture.

05:00 Arlina explains why the steps are an experience, not just words on a page.

07:00 Sonia opens up about the awkwardness of seeking a sponsor after years of sobriety.

08:00 Arlina explains why Sonia’s approach will be modified because she already has long-term sobriety.

09:00 Sonia reflects on being surprised by how much Step One had to offer.

10:00 The concept of “raising the bottom” helps Sonia reframe what recovery can look like.

11:00 Sonia describes having an emotional bottom even though her outside life looked stable.

12:00 Sonia shares how her brother’s AA experience planted the first seed that alcohol might be a problem.

14:00 Arlina clarifies that Step One means powerless over alcohol, not powerless over everything.

16:00 Sonia revisits Bill’s story with a more open mind than she had in the past.

18:00 Arlina introduces HOW: honest, open-minded, and willing.

21:00 Sonia and Arlina discuss finding similarities instead of differences in recovery stories.

23:00 Sonia defines powerlessness and unmanageability in her Step One homework.

24:00 Sonia shares the daily cycle of promising not to drink and drinking anyway.

26:00 Sonia connects deeply with the idea that when she enjoyed drinking, she could not control it.

28:00 Sonia questions whether rehashing old drinking stories is always helpful.

32:00 Arlina explains the difference between sobriety and recovery.

35:00 Sonia defines emotional sobriety as the ability to self-regulate without substances.

39:00 Sonia reflects on how drinking kept her from living in alignment with her values.

42:00 Sonia shares how sobriety helped her rediscover books, creativity, and her real personality.

45:00 Arlina explains how recovery asks people to love the parts of themselves they usually reject.

47:00 Sonia considers trying a women’s step study meeting as part of her homework.

48:00 Arlina gives Sonia the reading assignment for Step Two and they close the episode

Arlina's Links

🌐 www.soberlifeschool.com
📸 Instagram: @arlinaallen | @odaatpodcast

SIS Links

💌 Sisters In Sobriety Substack – where the magic (and the mocktail recipes) happen

📬 Sisters In Sobriety Email

📸 Sisters In Sobriety Instagram

🌐 Kathleen’s Website Kathleen does not endorse any products mentioned in this podcast

📸 Kathleen’s Instagram

In this episode, Sonia sits down with Richard Taite to talk about addiction, trauma, treatment, emotional sobriety, self-love, and what it really takes to build a life that feels worth staying present for. They explore Richard’s decades of experience as an addiction treatment entrepreneur, recovery advocate, founder of Cliffside Malibu and Carrera Treatment, and host of the mental health podcast We’re Out of Time. Richard also opens up about his own history with addiction, childhood trauma, homelessness, long-term recovery, and his controversial view that some people can transcend addiction after doing deep, sustained work.

The conversation moves through some big questions: Is addiction always a lifelong identity? What does it mean to truly recover versus simply stop using? How does childhood trauma become the emotional engine behind substance use disorder? Sonia and Richard also discuss AA, therapy, treatment centers, the fentanyl crisis, emotional sobriety, reparenting, and why “getting sober” is only one part of the work. Richard challenges familiar recovery language while still crediting AA as a foundation in his own life, making space for a more nuanced conversation about addiction recovery, identity, and healing.

Richard explains why therapy has been central to his recovery, how shame forms in childhood, and why so many people carry a “bad kid” narrative into adulthood. He shares his belief that self-care can become self-esteem, and self-esteem can become self-love—especially when recovery expands beyond abstinence into purpose, parenting, relationships, physical health, and joy. The episode also looks at what effective addiction treatment should include today, why therapeutic fit matters, and how families may need to think differently about drugs, alcohol, opioids, and fentanyl in the current recovery landscape.

This is Sisters in Sobriety, the support community that helps women change their relationship with alcohol. Check out our substack for extra tips, tricks and resources.

 

Highlights

[00:01:00] Richard corrects the record about his sobriety and explains why he no longer identifies as sober.

[00:02:00] Richard describes what he means by “transcending addiction.”

[00:03:00] He shares the Michelin-star wine-pairing moment that showed him his relationship with alcohol had changed.

[00:04:00] Sonia asks whether his shift happened suddenly or slowly over time.

[00:05:00] Richard explains why thriving matters after getting sober.

[00:07:00] Sonia asks how his current relationship with alcohol differs from active addiction.

[00:08:00] Richard opens up about becoming a father and losing the fantasy of eventually getting loaded again.

[00:10:00] Sonia asks whether fatherhood pushed him into deeper emotional sobriety work.

[00:11:00] Richard talks about being in therapy for much of his recovery.

[00:12:00] Richard shares the therapy moment that helped him understand he was never “a bad kid.”

[00:14:00] He explains how childhood shame can keep running the adult life.

[00:16:00] Sonia and Richard discuss childhood trauma as a root driver of addiction.

[00:18:00] Richard challenges the idea that one first drink automatically explains addiction.

[00:19:00] He talks about AA as a foundation while also questioning rigid recovery identities.

[00:21:00] Richard explains why he sees AA as support, not treatment.

[00:23:00] He connects self-care, self-esteem, and self-love.

[00:27:00] Richard explains why treatment should feel like care, not punishment.

[00:32:00] Sonia asks how fentanyl changed the addiction treatment landscape.

[00:34:00] Richard shares the overdose death that brought him back into treatment work.

[00:40:00] Richard describes how he talks to his son about pills, powders, fentanyl, and peer pressure.

[00:45:00] Sonia asks what families should look for in a recovery center today.

[00:50:00] Richard closes with a message of hope for anyone afraid to ask for help.

 

Richard's Links

https://www.instagram.com/richardtaiteofficial/

https://carraratreatment.com/author/richard/ 

SIS Links

💌 Sisters In Sobriety Substack – where the magic (and the mocktail recipes) happen

📬 Sisters In Sobriety Email

📸 Sisters In Sobriety Instagram

🌐 Kathleen’s Website Kathleen does not endorse any products mentioned in this podcast

📸 Kathleen’s Instagram