The Black Mother Wound Podcast

What happens when being helpful becomes the way you prove that you’re a good person?
I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately, and I finally had to admit something I’ve been dancing around for a long time.
I’m tired of helping people.
Not because I don’t care about people. Not because I don’t have anything to give. And definitely not because I don’t know how to help.
I’m actually really fucking good at it.
But I’ve realized that I have spent years making myself valuable through what I can do for other people.
Teaching. Coaching. Explaining. Showing up. Making people feel seen. Giving people what I thought they needed.
And somewhere along the way, I stopped asking myself what I needed.
That is the mother wound showing up in a way I didn’t recognize before.
I thought I was being of service. I thought I was building community. I thought I was helping Black women heal.
But I was also constantly adjusting myself around other people. Thinking about what they wanted from me.
What they would think. Whether they liked what I said. Whether I was being helpful enough.
And that shit is exhausting.
In this episode, I’m talking about what happens when being a good woman becomes more important than being a whole woman.
I’m talking about the ways Black women are taught to make themselves smaller, more useful, more agreeable and more available in order to maintain connection.
And I’m talking about what happens when you finally realize:
I don’t want to build my life around what I can do for everybody else. I want to build a life around me.
What I want. What I like. What I need. What makes me feel good. What lights me up.
And yes, I feel guilty about it.
But I’m learning that feeling guilty doesn’t automatically mean I’m doing something wrong.
Maybe this next chapter isn’t about becoming more helpful.
Maybe it’s about finally becoming more myself.
And maybe the biggest question of all: What would your life look like if you stopped organizing it around being useful to other people?
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Let’s keep in touch!
Grab my free mini-course
Work with me one-on-one
Ask me anything about healing your mother wound and I’ll answer it on the podcast. Click here to ask.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

For so many of us, healing isn't just about setting boundaries with other people. It's about finally stopping the habit of abandoning ourselves.
In this episode, I'm talking about something I've been actively working through in real time: learning how to let myself be seen without trying to explain, justify, or soften who I am so other people will approve.
Somewhere along the way, many of us learned that being a "good woman," a "good daughter," or a "good person" meant editing ourselves to make other people comfortable. We called it maturity. We called it love. We called it respect. But underneath all of it was self-abandonment.
Today we're questioning that programming.
We'll talk about why your younger self wasn't obsessed with being liked, how shame taught us to perform instead of simply exist, and why one of the biggest signs of healing is realizing that nobody has the power to punish you anymore.
If you've been waiting until you're more confident, more polished, or more perfect before showing up as yourself, this episode is your reminder that healing isn't about getting it right.
It's about trusting yourself enough to do it anyway.
In This Episode
Why the need to explain yourself comes from old survival patterns
How people-pleasing slowly becomes self-abandonment
The difference between authenticity and performance
Why fear of being judged keeps us stuck
How your mother wound trained you to seek approval
Learning to trust your own voice instead of outside validation
What "doing it ugly" really means
Why emotional sobriety is becoming one of the most important parts of healing
The goal isn't to convince everyone to like you.
The goal is to become the kind of woman who no longer needs their permission to be herself.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

After sharing that she had started driving Uber at 51, Jennifer expected judgment. Instead, nearly 50,000 people watched the video, and hundreds reached out with encouragement, support, and stories of their own.
In this episode, Jennifer shares what happened after the video went viral, including the support that felt unfamiliar, the stranger who created an entire video criticizing her, and the sold out Black Mother Wound live podcast event she produced while rebuilding her life.
She talks honestly about shame, starting over, trusting yourself, and learning that being seen means allowing people to support you and accepting that some people will misunderstand you. Jennifer also explains why starting again does not mean returning to the beginning. You are bringing everything you have learned, survived, and built with you.
This episode is about choosing autonomy, taking responsibility for your own life, and remembering that nobody else can build the life you want for you.

In This Episode

• The unexpected response to Jennifer sharing her first day driving Uber
• Why receiving support can feel uncomfortable when you are not used to it
• What happened when a stranger created a video criticizing Jennifer
• Refusing to let public judgment shut you down again
• Producing a sold out live podcast event while experiencing financial uncertainty
• Why starting over does not mean you are back at the beginning
• How fear of being seen caused Jennifer to abandon a successful blog years ago
• The connection between healing, autonomy, and freedom
• Why you cannot earn freedom by being obedient or becoming the “good girl”
• Learning to trust yourself when your back is against the wall
• Recognizing that no one else can save you or create your life for you
• Letting go of approval from family, strangers, religion, and social media
• Remembering that being yourself is the value you bring

Key Takeaways

Starting over is not proof that you failed. You are beginning again with more experience, information, and self-awareness than you had before.
Being visible will bring support, criticism, and opinions you did not ask for. The goal is not to avoid judgment. The goal is to stop allowing judgment to control your choices.
Autonomy means knowing that you can make a decision, change your mind, take care of yourself, and continue moving forward without needing permission.
You cannot obey your way into freedom. At some point, you have to choose yourself, even when other people do not understand or approve.
Nobody else has your ideas, your vision, or your capacity to build the life that belongs to you. Support is valuable, but your life is still your responsibility.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

For years, Jennifer believed she and her mother had a close relationship.
They talked every day. They spent time together. They shopped together. She called her mother her best friend.
But healing has a way of making us revisit old stories and ask harder questions.
In this episode, Jennifer explores the painful difference between genuine closeness and enmeshment. She unpacks how many Black daughters confuse access, obligation, guilt, and emotional caretaking for intimacy. She shares personal stories from her relationship with her mother, reflects on celebrating her son's high school graduation, and challenges listeners to examine whether the relationship they call "close" actually allows them to be fully themselves.
If you've ever said, "Me and my mama are close," but still struggle to use your voice, make decisions without guilt, or show up authentically around her, this episode is for you.
Ep 97 – I Thought Me and My Mother Were Close
✨ In This Episode
Why Jennifer intentionally celebrated Vincent's high school graduation
The importance of teaching our children they deserve to be seen and celebrated
Why many daughters believe they are close to their mothers
The difference between closeness and enmeshment
How self-abandonment becomes normalized in mother-daughter relationships
Why emotional caretaking is not intimacy
The hidden cost of being the "good daughter"
Questions to help you identify enmeshment in your own life
How parentification creates one-sided relationships
Why healing requires building a stronger relationship with yourself, not your mother
💭 Reflection Question
When you think about your relationship with your mother, are you experiencing genuine closeness—or have you been taught to mistake obligation, guilt, and emotional caretaking for love?
Because healing starts when we're willing to tell ourselves the truth. Even when it's uncomfortable. Even when it changes the story we've been holding onto for years.
Let’s keep in touch!
Grab my free mini-course
Work with me one-on-one
Attend my live event in Charlotte
Ask me anything about healing your mother wound and I’ll answer it on the podcast. Click here to ask.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Let’s keep in touch!
Grab my free mini-course
Work with me one-on-one
Attend my live event in Charlotte
Ask me anything about healing your mother wound and I’ll answer it on the podcast. Click here to ask.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.