Dear Dr. Tracy

Can you love your father, believe he was a good dad, and still carry a father wound?In this episode, Dr. Tracy welcomes Terri Cole back to the podcast to talk about her new book, *The Father Wound*, and the often-overlooked ways our earliest experiences with fathers and father figures can shape worthiness, perfectionism, ambition, people-pleasing, boundaries, and the relationships we choose as adults.Terri explains why a father wound isn’t about blaming your dad or denying the good in your relationship. It’s about getting honest about the impact of what you experienced, including emotional unavailability, absence, addiction, criticism, high expectations, or simply growing up with the belief that love, approval, or safety had to be earned.Together, Tracy and Terri explore how these wounds can show up as high-functioning codependency, hyper-independence, self-abandonment, hypervigilance, choosing emotionally unavailable partners, and constantly trying to prove your worth through achievement. They also talk about what begins to change when that wound heals: more self-compassion, healthier boundaries, greater interdependence, and the freedom to stop living as though you are only as worthy as your last accomplishment.Because healing isn’t about changing the past or confronting your father. It’s about learning to offer yourself the safety, protection, and care you may have spent a lifetime trying to earn from someone else.

MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE

Get the new book: Father Wound: Break Unhealthy Patterns and Reclaim Your Worth and Power

Get a FREE TICKET to the Virtual Retreat when you pre-order Father Wound.Check out Terri Cole’s Too Much: A Guide to Breaking the Cycle of High-Functioning Codependency

Looking for a therapist in Canada? Check out our practice at iwtherapy

WANT TO GO DEEPER?

Learn the proven framework that helps couples after conflict in my After the Fight: How to Repair Workshop.

One spot left for a couples intensive with Dr. Tracy — a 2-day deep dive designed for couples who are stuck and not seeing results from weekly therapy. In-person or she travels to you.

Be Connected — 24/7 relationship support, including Dr. Tracy AI trained on Tracy's clinical work. Get real answers in the moment, even when your partner won't do the work with you

Understand what you need to repair in your relationship. 2 minutes. Your partner will know exactly what to say.

Get the tools, language, and confidence to navigate your in-law relationships in the book ⁠⁠⁠You, Your Husband, and His Mother⁠⁠⁠

Be the first to know about my upcoming workshop where I directly support you in how you navigate the in-law dynamic for the upcoming holiday season.

Get your question answered here on the podcast. Submit them here.

Grab my first book I Didn’t Sign Up for This

Ready to deepen your connection?⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Download my 100 Questions⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Build better connection and feel close starting today. ⁠⁠Join the⁠ ⁠⁠30 Days to Us Challenge⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Get exclusive 1:1 support with Dr. Tracy. Find out more here..

Not sure where to start? Find your relationship's negative cycle — free quiz here.

Is your partner defensive? Download my FREE scripts to respond to a defensive partner.

Grab my free guide: Five Ways to Nurture Your Intimacy

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What do you do when the holidays are coming, your in-laws expect to stay in your home, and the last visit ended in a painful family conflict?In this episode, Dr. Tracy and Greg answer a listener question about a mother-in-law who challenged their parenting in front of the children, a husband who finally stepped in and supported his wife in the moment, and the complicated question of what happens next. Is asking the grandparents to stay in a hotel a punishment, or a reasonable boundary while trust is being rebuilt?Dr. Tracy and Greg explore why “we’ve always done it this way” is not a reason to keep doing something that no longer works, how years of small hurts can leave one partner bracing before every visit, and the important difference between setting a boundary and trying to teach someone a lesson.They also talk about rebuilding trust through repeated positive experiences, deciding what you can and cannot tolerate, and why the adult child often needs to be the one communicating boundaries to their own parents. Because the goal isn’t to win the old argument. It’s to create conditions where the next visit can actually feel better for everyone.

MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE

Looking for a therapist in Canada? Check out our practice at iwtherapy

Get the tools, language, and confidence to navigate your in-law relationships in the book ⁠⁠⁠You, Your Husband, and His Mother⁠⁠⁠

Be the first to know about my upcoming workshop where I directly support you in how you navigate the in-law dynamic for the upcoming holiday season.

Get your question answered here on the podcast. Submit them here.

WANT TO GO DEEPER?

Learn the proven framework that helps couples after conflict in my After the Fight: How to Repair Workshop.

One spot left for a couples intensive with Dr. Tracy — a 2-day deep dive designed for couples who are stuck and not seeing results from weekly therapy. In-person or she travels to you.

Be Connected — 24/7 relationship support, including Dr. Tracy AI trained on Tracy's clinical work. Get real answers in the moment, even when your partner won't do the work with you

Understand what you need to repair in your relationship. 2 minutes. Your partner will know exactly what to say.

Grab my first book I Didn’t Sign Up for This

Ready to deepen your connection?⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Download my 100 Questions⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Build better connection and feel close starting today. ⁠⁠Join the⁠ ⁠⁠30 Days to Us Challenge⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Get exclusive 1:1 support with Dr. Tracy. Find out more here..

Not sure where to start? Find your relationship's negative cycle — free quiz here.

Is your partner defensive? Download my FREE scripts to respond to a defensive partner.

Grab my free guide: Five Ways to Nurture Your Intimacy

📲 FOLLOW DR. TRACY

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Why can two people love each other deeply and still feel completely out of sync when it comes to communication, desire, and sex?In this episode, Dr. Tracy is joined by sex therapist Dr. Lori Watson and emotionally focused therapy trainer George Faller, authors of *Brave Love, Great Sex: Harnessing Attachment Theory for Passionate Relationships*. Together, they explore the emotional and sexual cycles couples get caught in, and why what happens outside the bedroom often follows you straight into it.They talk about pursue-withdraw patterns, responsive and initiating partners, resentment, mental load, rejection, caregiving, and the different ways people reach for connection. You’ll also hear why some people need emotional closeness before desire becomes possible, while others experience sex as one of their primary pathways into emotional connection.Most importantly, this conversation shifts the focus away from deciding which partner is the problem. When couples can understand both the emotional cycle and the sexual cycle happening between them, they can stop blaming each other and start changing the pattern together.

MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE

Get the new book: Brave Love, Great Sex: Harnessing Attachment Theory for Passionate Relationships

Find out more about co-author George FallerFind out more about co-author Dr. Laurie WatsonListen to the Brave Love, Great Sex Podcast

Looking for a therapist in Canada? Check out our practice at iwtherapy

WANT TO GO DEEPER?

Learn the proven framework that helps couples after conflict in my After the Fight: How to Repair Workshop.

One spot left for a couples intensive with Dr. Tracy — a 2-day deep dive designed for couples who are stuck and not seeing results from weekly therapy. In-person or she travels to you.

Be Connected — 24/7 relationship support, including Dr. Tracy AI trained on Tracy's clinical work. Get real answers in the moment, even when your partner won't do the work with you

Understand what you need to repair in your relationship. 2 minutes. Your partner will know exactly what to say.

Get the tools, language, and confidence to navigate your in-law relationships in the book ⁠⁠⁠You, Your Husband, and His Mother⁠⁠⁠

Be the first to know about my upcoming workshop where I directly support you in how you navigate the in-law dynamic for the upcoming holiday season.

Get your question answered here on the podcast. Submit them here.

Grab my first book I Didn’t Sign Up for This

Ready to deepen your connection?⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Download my 100 Questions⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Build better connection and feel close starting today. ⁠⁠Join the⁠ ⁠⁠30 Days to Us Challenge⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Get exclusive 1:1 support with Dr. Tracy. Find out more here..

Not sure where to start? Find your relationship's negative cycle — free quiz here.

Is your partner defensive? Download my FREE scripts to respond to a defensive partner.

Grab my free guide: Five Ways to Nurture Your Intimacy

📲 FOLLOW DR. TRACY

Subscribe to You Tube

Follow on Instagram ⁠⁠⁠

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Have you ever avoided saying something because you didn’t want to upset your partner, say it wrong, or turn the moment into a fight?In this episode, Dr. Tracy and Greg talk about avoidance, conflict, control, and the hard conversations couples keep waiting to have. What can feel like “keeping the peace” is often a way of trying to manage discomfort, predict your partner’s reaction, and control the outcome before you take the risk of being honest.Together, they explore how avoidance shows up in everyday relationship moments, from asking for time away to navigating holiday plans, in-laws, hobbies, sex, and difficult needs. Greg shares what avoidance feels like from the inside, while Dr. Tracy explains why delaying hard conversations can break trust, lower relational power, and create the very reaction you were trying to prevent.They also talk about differentiation: learning to say what is true for you without trying to control how your partner feels. Because intimacy is not built by waiting for the perfect time. It is built by trusting the relationship enough to risk the real conversation.

MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE

Looking for a therapist in Canada? Check out our practice at iwtherapy

Learn the proven framework that helps couples after conflict in my After the Fight: How to Repair Workshop.

One spot left for a couples intensive with Dr. Tracy — a 2-day deep dive designed for couples who are stuck and not seeing results from weekly therapy. In-person or she travels to you.

Read the book: ⁠⁠⁠You, Your Husband, and His Mother⁠⁠⁠

Be Connected — 24/7 relationship support, including Dr. Tracy AI trained on Tracy's clinical work. Get real answers in the moment, even when your partner won't do the work with you

WANT TO GO DEEPER?

Understand what you need to repair in your relationship. 2 minutes. Your partner will know exactly what to say.

Get your question answered here on the podcast. Submit them here.

Grab my first book I Didn’t Sign Up for This

Ready to deepen your connection?⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Download my 100 Questions⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Build better connection and feel close starting today. ⁠⁠Join the⁠ ⁠⁠30 Days to Us Challenge⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Get exclusive 1:1 support with Dr. Tracy. Find out more here..

Not sure where to start? Find your relationship's negative cycle — free quiz here.

Is your partner defensive? Download my FREE scripts to respond to a defensive partner.

Grab my free guide: Five Ways to Nurture Your Intimacy

📲 FOLLOW DR. TRACY

Subscribe to You Tube

Follow on Instagram ⁠⁠⁠

⁠⁠⁠Follow on Facebook ⁠⁠⁠

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Have you ever had a conflict, talked it through, repaired it, and still didn’t feel close afterward?In this episode, Dr. Tracy shares a recent date-night conflict with Greg that started with one small question: “What do you want for dinner?” But like so many relationship moments, it was not really about dinner. It was about decision fatigue, mental load, expectations, and the deeper feeling of not being seen.Dr. Tracy explores why repair does not always create instant closeness, even when both partners have taken ownership and talked through what happened. Sometimes your front brain understands that you are okay, but your nervous system has not caught up yet. She explains why shame often shows up in that gap, why self-compassion matters, and how to stop criticizing yourself for needing time.You’ll also learn three small ways to reconnect after conflict: choose physical touch that feels accessible, share one thing from your day that is not about the fight, and do one small caring action that says, “We’re in this together.”Because closeness does not always return all at once. Sometimes it comes back through one small, values-aligned step toward each other.

MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE

Looking for a therapist in Canada? Check out our practice at iwtherapy

Understand what you need to repair in your relationship. 2 minutes. Your partner will know exactly what to say.

One spot left for a couples intensive with Dr. Tracy — a 2-day deep dive designed for couples who are stuck and not seeing results from weekly therapy. In-person or she travels to you.

Learn the proven framework that helps couples after conflict in my After the Fight: How to Repair Workshop.

Listen to this episode so you know what not to do when it comes to giving a meaningful apology.

Get your question answered here on the podcast. Submit them here.

WANT TO GO DEEPER?

Be Connected — 24/7 relationship support, including Dr. Tracy AI trained on Tracy's clinical work. Get real answers in the moment, even when your partner won't do the work with you

Grab my first book I Didn’t Sign Up for This

Read the book: ⁠⁠⁠You, Your Husband, and His Mother⁠⁠⁠

Ready to deepen your connection?⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Download my 100 Questions⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Build better connection and feel close starting today. ⁠⁠Join the⁠ ⁠⁠30 Days to Us Challenge⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Get exclusive 1:1 support with Dr. Tracy. Find out more here..

Not sure where to start? Find your relationship's negative cycle — free quiz here.

Is your partner defensive? Download my FREE scripts to respond to a defensive partner.

Grab my free guide: Five Ways to Nurture Your Intimacy

📲 FOLLOW DR. TRACY

Subscribe to You Tube

Follow on Instagram ⁠⁠⁠

⁠⁠⁠Follow on Facebook ⁠⁠⁠

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices