Hey White Women

In this episode, Daniella is joined by White Woman Whisperer for a wide-ranging, unflinching conversation about whiteness, community, deconstruction, and political responsibility. Using current events, historical context, and personal experience, they explore why white Americans, especially white women, struggle to form collective resistance, how cult dynamics show up in liberalism and patriotism, and why deconstruction often feels like loss before it becomes liberation. The conversation challenges performative allyship, critiques victimhood narratives, and emphasizes that real change requires sustained discomfort, relational courage, and a willingness to lose certainty, status, and sometimes relationships.
Event Links: 
https://www.mobilize.us/indivisibleturningthetables/event/884215/ 
https://www.eventbrite.com/e/culting-of-america-book-launch-party-in-college-park-md-january-20th-tickets-1410603155009 
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Rebecca's Links: 
https://www.whitewomanwhisperer.com 
https://www.patreon.com/whitewomanwhisperer
https://www.tiktok.com/@whitewomanwhisperer
 
Connect with Daniella at:
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Uncultured by Daniella Mestyanek Young
From Bookshop.org

Autographed 

UnAMERICAN Videobook

 
Key Takeaways
White America lacks a cohesive community identity, which makes collective resistance and accountability difficult.



White women are often socialized into victimhood narratives that discourage agency and action.



Deconstruction is not just intellectual; it involves grief, loss of pride, and loss of certainty.



Cult dynamics show up in nationalism, liberal purity politics, and demands for perfection.



Performative action provides emotional relief but avoids real responsibility.



Resistance requires grounding, relationship-building, and long-term commitment, not savior figures.



Fear-driven reactions prevent strategic thinking and meaningful organizing.



Deconstructing harmful systems often costs social approval, but the cost of silence is higher.



Being willing to be wrong, imperfect, and disliked is essential for growth and change.



Real solidarity is relational, not conceptual, and requires sustained bravery.

 
Chapters
00:00 Navigating Activism and Community Dynamics
08:24 The Role of White Women in Social Movements
11:14 Historical Context of Resistance and Protest
13:46 Deconstructing Identity and National Pride
16:49 The Challenges of Personal Relationships in Activism
19:38 The Complexity of Deconstruction and Self-Expression
22:31 Facing Criticism and Embracing Change
30:56 Navigating Conversations on Race and Understanding
34:19 The Role of White Women in Social Change
37:59 The Complexity of Martial Law and Resistance
42:42 Conversations Around Revolution and Action
46:36 The Impact of Whiteness on Society
48:45 Rethinking Leadership and Power Dynamics
54:10 The Game of Life and Social Expectations
56:13 Challenging Societal Norms and Personal Journeys
58:33 The Impact of Historical Trauma on White Women
01:02:23 Deconstructing White Supremacy and Its Effects
01:04:42 The Importance of Grassroots Education and Action
01:11:59 Taking Action Against Fascism and Community Engagement
Produced by Haley Phillips

In this episode, Daniella and Rebecca explore how whiteness, cult conditioning, and authoritarian systems shape fear, behavior, and identity, using car trauma, policing, and "common sense" social scripts as entry points. Daniella connects her evangelical cult upbringing to intense driving anxiety rooted in ritualized fear of death, while Rebecca situates car anxiety within racialized policing and survival awareness. From there, the conversation expands into white privilege as the absence of danger, the dehumanization embedded in rhetorical questions, and how "anti-identity" often becomes the first stage of deconstruction. They unpack how whiteness trains people to perform goodness, demand conditional care, and replace joy with moral misery, while cults function as an exaggerated but clarifying version of these same systems. The episode ultimately argues that joy, embodiment, and play are not frivolous, but actively suppressed, and that reclaiming them is essential to healing after cults, white supremacy, and authoritarian control.
 
Connect with Rebecca at:
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Preorder for Culting of America: The Culting of America PRE-SALE (SHIPS BY JANUARY 20, 2026) – Knitting Cult Lady
Uncultured by Daniella Mestyanek Young
From Bookshop.org

Autographed 

UnAMERICAN Videobook

Key Takeaways
Car anxiety can be a trauma response rooted in ritualized fear, not logic or skill.

Whiteness often functions as the absence of certain dangers, not the presence of virtue.

Policing anxiety is racialized; "safety" is experienced very differently depending on identity.

Rhetorical questions are often tools of hierarchy, not curiosity or care.

Early deconstruction frequently relies on anti-identity ("I will never be like them") before new models exist.

Cult thinking and white supremacy share core features: conditional care, moral purity, and performance.

"Good girl" privilege is a specific, gendered subset of white privilege.

Moral misery spreads by recruiting others into hopelessness rather than action.

Joy and spontaneity are systematically suppressed in white American culture.

Performance is often the only sanctioned outlet for embodiment in authoritarian systems.

Healing requires more than knowledge—it requires building new relational and emotional models.

Rage and anger can be useful; misery is immobilizing.

Reclaiming joy, play, and embodiment is an act of resistance.

Chapters
00:00 Exploring Car Trauma and Anxiety
02:53 Cultural Perspectives on Police and Driving
05:49 Navigating Whiteness and Privilege
08:22 Deconstructing Identity and Cult Influence
11:08 The Process of Deconstruction
13:50 Parenting and Positive Reinforcement
16:33 Rhetorical Questions and Hierarchies
19:27 Moral Misery and Community Dynamics
27:17 The Nature of Girlhood: Performance vs. Experience
28:58 Joy and Healing Through Performance
31:30 Cultural Expectations and Spontaneity
34:13 The Role of Play in Different Cultures
36:44 Self-Perception and Code-Switching
39:25 The Impact of Lying in Society
42:17 Discrediting Voices: The Politics of Accountability
45:01 The Intersection of Identity and Experience
47:56 Flipping the Narrative: Gendered Perspectives
53:21 The Myth of Meritocracy and Hard Work
54:10 The Cult of Productivity and Childhood Prodigies
56:23 Healing Through Art and Self-Acceptance
58:38 The Myth of Being Fixed: Embracing Imperfection
01:01:50 The Fear of Public Speaking and the Need for Community
01:04:01 Cultural Differences in Public Expression
01:06:12 The Pressure of Perfection and the Value of Enjoyment
01:09:09 Redefining Work and Enjoyment in Life
01:11:37 The Challenge of Authenticity in a Performative World
Produced by Haley Phillips

In this episode, Daniella and Rebecca unpack the backlash following Jasmine Crockett's announcement that she's running for Senate, focusing on how quickly public support—especially from white women—turned into purity testing. They examine why Black women in power are routinely held to impossible moral standards, particularly around U.S. support for Israel, while white politicians are rarely scrutinized the same way. The conversation expands into how whiteness flattens complexity into good/bad binaries, how "moral superiority" becomes a performance, and how this dynamic ultimately protects harmful systems rather than challenging them. Drawing parallels to cult logic, respectability politics, DEI myths, and American exceptionalism, the episode argues that real change requires interrogating who we criticize, why, and when—instead of using critique as a way to feel righteous while doing nothing.
Connect with Rebecca at: 
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Connect with Daniella at:
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Preorder for Culting of America: The Culting of America PRE-SALE (SHIPS BY JANUARY 20, 2026) – Knitting Cult Lady
Uncultured by Daniella Mestyanek Young
From Bookshop.org

Autographed 

UnAMERICAN Videobook

Key Takeaways
Jasmine Crockett's Senate run triggered rapid purity testing that exposed racialized double standards in political critique.

Black women in power are expected to embody moral perfection in ways white politicians are not.

Voting within a broken system is not the same as personally endorsing every outcome of that system.

Whiteness often collapses nuance into binary thinking: good vs. bad, pure vs. corrupt.

Moral outrage can function as a performance that replaces meaningful action.

Critiquing individuals instead of systems often reinforces the very power structures being opposed.

"Purity politics" mirrors cult logic by demanding ideological perfection and punishing deviation.

DEI backlash obscures the reality that white people—especially white men—have long been its primary beneficiaries.

American exceptionalism discourages people from imagining political collapse, change, or accountability.

Progress depends on asking better questions: who is being critiqued, for what purpose, and to what end?

Chapters
00:00 The Political Landscape and Representation
02:31 Critiquing Political Figures and Systems
05:06 The Role of Race in Political Discourse
07:53 Purity Politics and Accountability
10:46 Understanding Zionism and Its Implications
13:28 The Complexity of Military and Political Critique
15:57 Navigating Identity and Political Engagement
18:43 The Impact of DEI on Political Dynamics
25:01 Policing Perceptions and Motherhood
28:06 Political Strategies and Accountability
30:25 Imagining America: Leadership and Change
34:52 Gift Giving Culture and Expectations
47:06 Conversations on Change and Accountability
55:36 Unpacking Ideologies and Personal Beliefs
59:28 The Waiting Room: Transitioning from Cults to Community
01:02:19 Addressing MAGA and Accountability
01:04:51 Understanding Individual Experiences and Trauma
01:10:33 Navigating Conversations Around Race and Feminism
01:16:53 The Importance of Specificity in Discussions
Produced by Haley Phillips

In this episode, Rebecca and Daniella dive into how cult dynamics show up way beyond just "cults." Daniella shares pieces of her childhood in the Children of God and how those patterns of coercion, shame, and identity erasure followed her into adulthood—including her time in the military. They compare notes on how institutions, extremist movements, and even online communities use the same tactics to control people, and why so many folks get pulled into these systems in the first place. The conversation stays honest, nuanced, and very human as they talk about deradicalization, belonging, patriarchy, and the long, messy process of rebuilding your sense of self after leaving high-control environments.
Connect with Rebecca at: 
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Preorder for Culting of America: The Culting of America PRE-SALE (SHIPS BY JANUARY 20, 2026) – Knitting Cult Lady
Uncultured by Daniella Mestyanek Young
From Bookshop.org

Autographed 

UnAMERICAN Videobook

Key Takeaways
Cults, extremist groups, and rigid institutions all rely on the same tools: shame, control, isolation, and obedience.

People don't join these groups because they're weak—they're looking for community, safety, identity, or purpose.

Perfectionism and purity culture keep people trapped by making them feel like they're never "good enough."

Leaving a high-control group doesn't erase the internalized rules; those scripts take time to unlearn.

Extremists almost never see themselves as extremists—they think they're doing the right or noble thing.

Institutions like the military can reinforce the same patterns of self-erasure and unquestioning loyalty.

Healing requires nuance; black-and-white thinking is part of what got people stuck in the first place.

Online spaces make radicalization easier by offering instant community and grievance-based belonging.

Patriarchy shapes how these systems recruit, punish, and reward people.

Rebuilding a sense of self is a long process that often starts with reconnecting to your body, not just your beliefs.

Chapters
00:00 The Struggles of Content Creation and Listening
02:46 Engagement and Miscommunication in Online Spaces
05:41 Community Care and Collective Responsibility
08:38 The Value of Dignity in Work and Service
11:25 The Complexity of Professional Identity
14:16 Tradition, Culture, and the Constitution
17:08 Navigating Social Dynamics at Thanksgiving
19:59 The Importance of Curiosity in Understanding Cults
24:54 The Complexity of Sharing Personal Stories
27:46 Community and the Importance of Trust
29:26 Navigating Urgency and Awareness in Conversations
32:53 Military Choices and Racial Perspectives
36:08 Brainwashing and Military Culture
40:10 The Perception of Time and Future
43:22 Understanding Whiteness and Its Implications
47:07 The Incentive Behind Accusations
51:20 Bridging the Gap in Conversations
52:59 Understanding White Privilege
56:42 The Impact of Innocence and Purity
01:00:34 Navigating Conversations on Race
01:04:18 Deconstructing Whiteness and Corporate Culture
01:07:57 The Importance of Storytelling in Learning
01:13:42 Embracing the Learning Journey
Produced by Haley Phillips

In this in-person episode, Daniella and Rebecca dive deep into racial dynamics, whiteness, group behavior, cult patterns, and the ways white women, white culture, and American norms create invisible and often unexamined hierarchies. They explore how racism shows up in everyday interactions — such as being asked to "prove" a lived experience, being demanded to provide citations, or being treated as less credible unless a white source confirms it.
They move through topics including camera/lens racism, anti-Blackness in beauty and hair culture, the Puritan roots of American "purity," the idea of similarity as a false form of connection, and how white women often misunderstand or mishandle attempts at cross-racial empathy. They also talk about identity, cult deconstruction, Taylor Swift and whiteness, the temptation of ideological "mind prisons," the curly-girl method as a purity system, and the dynamics of group belonging versus individuation.
Across the conversation, Daniella and Rebecca reflect on how whiteness limits white women's joy, expression, and authenticity, while producing harm for people of color — and how unlearning these patterns can open space for true connection, curiosity, and accountability.
Connect with Rebecca at: 
Website
Patreon
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Connect with Daniella at:
Daniella's Patreon
TikTok
Instagram 
Website
Youtube
KnittingCultLady Store
 
Preorder for Culting of America: The Culting of America PRE-SALE (SHIPS BY JANUARY 20, 2026) – Knitting Cult Lady
Uncultured by Daniella Mestyanek Young
From Bookshop.org

Autographed 

UnAMERICAN Videobook

KEY TAKEAWAYS
Racism hides in the "prove it" dynamic, where Black people are asked for citations or validation from white authorities.

Everything in America is built through racism, including technology like camera lenses.

White women often mistake similarity for connection, interrupting, centering themselves, or offering misplaced comparisons.

Curiosity without defensiveness is key — noticing when you feel surprised is a way to uncover unconscious bias.

Whiteness is an identity of restriction, prioritizing purity, sameness, and surveillance over joy and self-expression.

Puritanical roots still shape American norms, especially around control, conformity, and fear of deviation.

Black people are treated as unreliable narrators until white sources verify their experience, a deeply racist credibility hierarchy.

White women's racial harm often comes from entitlement, fragility, and assuming their intentions excuse impact.

Similarity is a weak form of connection; listening and presence are stronger and more respectful.

Group dynamics and cult dynamics overlap — especially purity rules, hierarchy, and the pressure to blend in.

Performative "wokeness" or solidarity without deconstruction still causes harm.

Leaving an ideology starts with noticing cracks, not necessarily total separation.

White women often over-identify with celebrities (e.g., Taylor Swift) as identity templates, reflecting the lack of a stable white cultural identity.

Blackness often forces an early, necessary individuation, whereas whiteness encourages conformity.

Hair politics show racial power — the "curly girl method" became appropriative and purity-obsessed when white women adopted it.

Cultures differ in how nicknames, familiarity, and boundaries work, and white norms often feel invasive.

People must interrogate when they are giving the "benefit of the doubt" — it often reinforces racial hierarchy.

You're dangerous either way as a white woman: dangerous to people of color if you don't deconstruct whiteness, dangerous to white supremacy if you do.

Joy is a rebellion against whiteness, purity culture, and systems built to suppress individuality.

Whiteness punishes deviation, leading to fear of standing out or being "kicked out" of the group.

Chapters
00:00 Introduction and Camera Racism
02:43 Understanding Whiteness and Cultural Perceptions
02:55 The Role of Citations and Expertise
05:12 The Intersection of Gender and Race
08:09 The Complexity of Joy in White Culture
10:56 Navigating Conversations About Race
13:28 The Impact of Anti-Blackness on Identity
16:30 The Dynamics of Marginalization
19:17 Misogynoir and Its Implications
30:37 Empathy and Understanding in Conversations
33:31 The Complexity of Identity and Privilege
38:27 Navigating Conversations on Race and Gender
41:53 The Dangers of Inaction and Silence
46:25 Cracks in Ideologies and Celebrity Culture
50:53 The Pursuit of Identity and Individuality
01:02:55 The Curly Girl Method and Cultural Appropriation
01:06:40 Freedom of Expression and Identity
01:10:35 Racism, Media, and Historical Context
01:12:23 Cults, Groups, and Social Dynamics
01:17:14 Language, Identity, and Cultural Sensitivity
01:21:53 Challenging Norms and Embracing Authenticity
01:30:59 Radicalizing Conversations and Sensitivity in Writing
Produced by Haley Phillips