Hey White Women

In this episode, Daniella and Rebecca unpack the backlash following Jasmine Crockett's announcement that she's running for Senate, focusing on how quickly public support—especially from white women—turned into purity testing. They examine why Black women in power are routinely held to impossible moral standards, particularly around U.S. support for Israel, while white politicians are rarely scrutinized the same way. The conversation expands into how whiteness flattens complexity into good/bad binaries, how "moral superiority" becomes a performance, and how this dynamic ultimately protects harmful systems rather than challenging them. Drawing parallels to cult logic, respectability politics, DEI myths, and American exceptionalism, the episode argues that real change requires interrogating who we criticize, why, and when—instead of using critique as a way to feel righteous while doing nothing. Connect with Rebecca at:  Website Patreon TikTok    Connect with Daniella at: Daniella's Patreon TikTok Instagram  Website Youtube KnittingCultLady Store   Preorder for Culting of America: The Culting of America PRE-SALE (SHIPS BY JANUARY 20, 2026) – Knitting Cult Lady Uncultured by Daniella Mestyanek Young From Bookshop.org Autographed  UnAMERICAN Videobook Key Takeaways Jasmine Crockett's Senate run triggered rapid purity testing that exposed racialized double standards in political critique. Black women in power are expected to embody moral perfection in ways white politicians are not. Voting within a broken system is not the same as personally endorsing every outcome of that system. Whiteness often collapses nuance into binary thinking: good vs. bad, pure vs. corrupt. Moral outrage can function as a performance that replaces meaningful action. Critiquing individuals instead of systems often reinforces the very power structures being opposed. "Purity politics" mirrors cult logic by demanding ideological perfection and punishing deviation. DEI backlash obscures the reality that white people—especially white men—have long been its primary beneficiaries. American exceptionalism discourages people from imagining political collapse, change, or accountability. Progress depends on asking better questions: who is being critiqued, for what purpose, and to what end? Chapters 00:00 The Political Landscape and Representation 02:31 Critiquing Political Figures and Systems 05:06 The Role of Race in Political Discourse 07:53 Purity Politics and Accountability 10:46 Understanding Zionism and Its Implications 13:28 The Complexity of Military and Political Critique 15:57 Navigating Identity and Political Engagement 18:43 The Impact of DEI on Political Dynamics 25:01 Policing Perceptions and Motherhood 28:06 Political Strategies and Accountability 30:25 Imagining America: Leadership and Change 34:52 Gift Giving Culture and Expectations 47:06 Conversations on Change and Accountability 55:36 Unpacking Ideologies and Personal Beliefs 59:28 The Waiting Room: Transitioning from Cults to Community 01:02:19 Addressing MAGA and Accountability 01:04:51 Understanding Individual Experiences and Trauma 01:10:33 Navigating Conversations Around Race and Feminism 01:16:53 The Importance of Specificity in Discussions Produced by Haley Phillips

In this episode, Rebecca and Daniella dive into how cult dynamics show up way beyond just "cults." Daniella shares pieces of her childhood in the Children of God and how those patterns of coercion, shame, and identity erasure followed her into adulthood—including her time in the military. They compare notes on how institutions, extremist movements, and even online communities use the same tactics to control people, and why so many folks get pulled into these systems in the first place. The conversation stays honest, nuanced, and very human as they talk about deradicalization, belonging, patriarchy, and the long, messy process of rebuilding your sense of self after leaving high-control environments. Connect with Rebecca at:  Website Patreon TikTok    Connect with Daniella at: Daniella's Patreon TikTok Instagram  Website Youtube KnittingCultLady Store   Preorder for Culting of America: The Culting of America PRE-SALE (SHIPS BY JANUARY 20, 2026) – Knitting Cult Lady Uncultured by Daniella Mestyanek Young From Bookshop.org Autographed  UnAMERICAN Videobook Key Takeaways Cults, extremist groups, and rigid institutions all rely on the same tools: shame, control, isolation, and obedience. People don't join these groups because they're weak—they're looking for community, safety, identity, or purpose. Perfectionism and purity culture keep people trapped by making them feel like they're never "good enough." Leaving a high-control group doesn't erase the internalized rules; those scripts take time to unlearn. Extremists almost never see themselves as extremists—they think they're doing the right or noble thing. Institutions like the military can reinforce the same patterns of self-erasure and unquestioning loyalty. Healing requires nuance; black-and-white thinking is part of what got people stuck in the first place. Online spaces make radicalization easier by offering instant community and grievance-based belonging. Patriarchy shapes how these systems recruit, punish, and reward people. Rebuilding a sense of self is a long process that often starts with reconnecting to your body, not just your beliefs. Chapters 00:00 The Struggles of Content Creation and Listening 02:46 Engagement and Miscommunication in Online Spaces 05:41 Community Care and Collective Responsibility 08:38 The Value of Dignity in Work and Service 11:25 The Complexity of Professional Identity 14:16 Tradition, Culture, and the Constitution 17:08 Navigating Social Dynamics at Thanksgiving 19:59 The Importance of Curiosity in Understanding Cults 24:54 The Complexity of Sharing Personal Stories 27:46 Community and the Importance of Trust 29:26 Navigating Urgency and Awareness in Conversations 32:53 Military Choices and Racial Perspectives 36:08 Brainwashing and Military Culture 40:10 The Perception of Time and Future 43:22 Understanding Whiteness and Its Implications 47:07 The Incentive Behind Accusations 51:20 Bridging the Gap in Conversations 52:59 Understanding White Privilege 56:42 The Impact of Innocence and Purity 01:00:34 Navigating Conversations on Race 01:04:18 Deconstructing Whiteness and Corporate Culture 01:07:57 The Importance of Storytelling in Learning 01:13:42 Embracing the Learning Journey Produced by Haley Phillips

In this in-person episode, Daniella and Rebecca dive deep into racial dynamics, whiteness, group behavior, cult patterns, and the ways white women, white culture, and American norms create invisible and often unexamined hierarchies. They explore how racism shows up in everyday interactions — such as being asked to "prove" a lived experience, being demanded to provide citations, or being treated as less credible unless a white source confirms it. They move through topics including camera/lens racism, anti-Blackness in beauty and hair culture, the Puritan roots of American "purity," the idea of similarity as a false form of connection, and how white women often misunderstand or mishandle attempts at cross-racial empathy. They also talk about identity, cult deconstruction, Taylor Swift and whiteness, the temptation of ideological "mind prisons," the curly-girl method as a purity system, and the dynamics of group belonging versus individuation. Across the conversation, Daniella and Rebecca reflect on how whiteness limits white women's joy, expression, and authenticity, while producing harm for people of color — and how unlearning these patterns can open space for true connection, curiosity, and accountability. Connect with Rebecca at:  Website Patreon TikTok    Connect with Daniella at: Daniella's Patreon TikTok Instagram  Website Youtube KnittingCultLady Store   Preorder for Culting of America: The Culting of America PRE-SALE (SHIPS BY JANUARY 20, 2026) – Knitting Cult Lady Uncultured by Daniella Mestyanek Young From Bookshop.org Autographed  UnAMERICAN Videobook KEY TAKEAWAYS Racism hides in the "prove it" dynamic, where Black people are asked for citations or validation from white authorities. Everything in America is built through racism, including technology like camera lenses. White women often mistake similarity for connection, interrupting, centering themselves, or offering misplaced comparisons. Curiosity without defensiveness is key — noticing when you feel surprised is a way to uncover unconscious bias. Whiteness is an identity of restriction, prioritizing purity, sameness, and surveillance over joy and self-expression. Puritanical roots still shape American norms, especially around control, conformity, and fear of deviation. Black people are treated as unreliable narrators until white sources verify their experience, a deeply racist credibility hierarchy. White women's racial harm often comes from entitlement, fragility, and assuming their intentions excuse impact. Similarity is a weak form of connection; listening and presence are stronger and more respectful. Group dynamics and cult dynamics overlap — especially purity rules, hierarchy, and the pressure to blend in. Performative "wokeness" or solidarity without deconstruction still causes harm. Leaving an ideology starts with noticing cracks, not necessarily total separation. White women often over-identify with celebrities (e.g., Taylor Swift) as identity templates, reflecting the lack of a stable white cultural identity. Blackness often forces an early, necessary individuation, whereas whiteness encourages conformity. Hair politics show racial power — the "curly girl method" became appropriative and purity-obsessed when white women adopted it. Cultures differ in how nicknames, familiarity, and boundaries work, and white norms often feel invasive. People must interrogate when they are giving the "benefit of the doubt" — it often reinforces racial hierarchy. You're dangerous either way as a white woman: dangerous to people of color if you don't deconstruct whiteness, dangerous to white supremacy if you do. Joy is a rebellion against whiteness, purity culture, and systems built to suppress individuality. Whiteness punishes deviation, leading to fear of standing out or being "kicked out" of the group. Chapters 00:00 Introduction and Camera Racism 02:43 Understanding Whiteness and Cultural Perceptions 02:55 The Role of Citations and Expertise 05:12 The Intersection of Gender and Race 08:09 The Complexity of Joy in White Culture 10:56 Navigating Conversations About Race 13:28 The Impact of Anti-Blackness on Identity 16:30 The Dynamics of Marginalization 19:17 Misogynoir and Its Implications 30:37 Empathy and Understanding in Conversations 33:31 The Complexity of Identity and Privilege 38:27 Navigating Conversations on Race and Gender 41:53 The Dangers of Inaction and Silence 46:25 Cracks in Ideologies and Celebrity Culture 50:53 The Pursuit of Identity and Individuality 01:02:55 The Curly Girl Method and Cultural Appropriation 01:06:40 Freedom of Expression and Identity 01:10:35 Racism, Media, and Historical Context 01:12:23 Cults, Groups, and Social Dynamics 01:17:14 Language, Identity, and Cultural Sensitivity 01:21:53 Challenging Norms and Embracing Authenticity 01:30:59 Radicalizing Conversations and Sensitivity in Writing Produced by Haley Phillips

This episode is a wide-ranging conversation between Daniella and Rebecca about the everyday and systemic ways whiteness shapes culture, identity, and behavior. They discuss how beauty standards, camera technology, tanning culture, and even small tech features like autocapitalization reflect racial bias. A major theme is how white women often derail or center themselves in conversations about race, sometimes unintentionally, through whitesplaining or over-explaining. They explore beauty labor, the politics of hair and appearance, and how the same practices (such as time-consuming beauty routines) are judged differently depending on race. They connect these issues to deeper historical roots, especially Puritanical cultural norms that suppressed joy, reinforced control, and laid groundwork for modern white American culture. Other topics include coercive control and its similarities across cults, families, and religious systems; the importance of interrogating one's own privilege before focusing on others; the challenges white women face when attempting to divest from whiteness; and how joy, play, and authenticity can become acts of resistance. The episode emphasizes that meaningful change requires self-examination, willingness to face conflict, and understanding how white supremacy shapes emotional and cultural norms. Connect with Rebecca at:  Website Patreon TikTok    Connect with Daniella at: Daniella's Patreon TikTok Instagram  Website Youtube KnittingCultLady Store   Preorder for Culting of America: The Culting of America PRE-SALE (SHIPS BY JANUARY 20, 2026) – Knitting Cult Lady Uncultured by Daniella Mestyanek Young From Bookshop.org Autographed  UnAMERICAN Videobook Key Takeaways Camera technology, talk-to-text, and beauty standards are shaped by racial biases rooted in whiteness. White women often unintentionally derail or recenter themselves in conversations about racism. Tanning, blondness, and beauty labor connect to histories of anti-Blackness and racialized desirability. White culture inherited Puritan beliefs that suppress joy and emphasize control, discipline, and emotional restriction. Joy is a form of resistance and has long been racialized as "other." Beauty practices for Black women are openly scrutinized, while white women's beauty labor is expected and invisible. Coercive control in cults, families, and religious systems follows the same structural patterns. Privilege is best understood through self-reflection rather than attempting to correct others first. Deconstructing whiteness and patriarchy can strain relationships, but conflict is part of growth. Policing of joy—such as reacting to dancing, noise, or communal gathering—mirrors internal emotional repression. Compliments, comments, and "observations" land differently depending on racial dynamics. Emotional neutrality and controlled affect are often expectations in white cultural spaces. Intergenerational harm often remains unaddressed because families avoid difficult conversations. Genuine liberation requires reclaiming joy, curiosity, and authenticity. Chapters 00:00 Racism in Technology and Media 05:54 Beauty Standards and Cultural Identity 08:45 The Impact of Tanning and Skin Color 11:27 Labor and Beauty Expectations 14:19 Consumerism and Storytelling 17:13 Cultural Appropriation and Subversion 20:06 Teaching Self-Acceptance 22:43 Historical Context of Puritanism 24:34 Cult Dynamics and Historical Context 25:26 The Role of White Motherhood in Society 26:28 Toxic Positivity and Gratitude Expectations 27:24 Joy as Resistance and the Rebellion of Joy 28:23 Cultural Differences in Celebration and Joy 29:22 The Policing of Joy and Whiteness 30:29 The Impact of Control on Personal Expression 31:09 Navigating Humor and Emotional Expression 32:12 The Complexity of Compliments and Racial Dynamics 33:08 The Journey of Self-Discovery and Personal Growth 46:06 Exploring American Fascism 48:54 The Structure of Control: Cults and Narcissism 50:22 Rage and Resilience: Women's Anger in Society 53:36 Navigating Relationships and Growth 56:59 The Journey of Anti-Racism and Personal Growth 59:54 Understanding the Complexity of Identity and Race 01:09:37 Understanding Anti-Blackness and Racism 01:12:37 Language, Identity, and Cultural Nuances 01:15:06 The Dynamics of Correction and Communication 01:17:45 Navigating Relationships and Expectations 01:20:16 The Complexity of Proposals and Societal Norms 01:22:55 The Illusion of Success and Hustle Culture 01:25:15 The Interconnectedness of Race and Identity 01:28:24 The Power of Storytelling and Personal Narratives Produced by Haley Phillips

This episode features a deep, nuanced conversation between Daniella Mestyanek Young and Rebecca about whiteness, power, community, cultural disconnection, and the complicated dynamics of speaking about social issues publicly. They explore how race, gender, and perceived authority shape who is "allowed" to say what, and how society reacts differently depending on the identity of the speaker. Their discussion spans topics such as the weaponization of "niceness," internal policing within white communities, the loss of joy in white American culture, the effects of cult-like systems, excommunication and belonging, cultural appropriation versus cultural inheritance, family structures, consumerism, and community care. They also delve into how white people often center themselves even in conversations about harm, the dangers of nostalgia in healing from narcissistic systems, and the structural reasons why many white Americans lack the skills of communal living and mutual aid. Rebecca and Daniella reflect on their own identities, histories, and complexities — including Daniella's upbringing in Brazil and a cult, and Rebecca's experiences navigating whiteness as a Black Jewish woman — while interrogating the pressure to "fit" into expected cultural norms. Connect with Rebecca at:   Website Patreon TikTok    Connect with Daniella at: Daniella's Patreon TikTok Instagram  Website Youtube KnittingCultLady Store   Preorder for Culting of America: The Culting of America PRE-SALE (SHIPS BY JANUARY 20, 2026) – Knitting Cult Lady Uncultured by Daniella Mestyanek Young From Bookshop.org Autographed  UnAMERICAN Videobook Key Takeaways Identity shapes how messages are received, especially around race; white men can say things without risk that women or people of color cannot. White women often police one another to maintain perceived safety, conformity, and social order within whiteness. Passing, conformity, and "basic white girl" scripts are forms of survival that create long-term opportunity costs for white women seeking cultural self-understanding. Joy was systematically removed from white culture, often in direct opposition to Black joy, and reclaiming joy requires conscious work without appropriating Black resistance frameworks. Cultural practices like dancing, extended family structures, and community care have been stripped or flattened in white American culture but are thriving elsewhere. White discomfort at being excluded from conversations often masks entitlement to oversight and control rather than genuine curiosity. Community care is underdeveloped in many white American spaces, leaving people unprepared when systems fail them. Exiting harmful systems has "exit costs," including the loss of community — even when that community was not healthy. Nostalgia can obscure the realities of harmful dynamics, especially when leaving cults, whiteness, or tightly policed identity groups. Book clubs and structured discussion spaces can offer safer environments for people doing personal or collective deconstruction work. Appropriation vs. inheritance: reclaiming cultural elements (dance, language, music) from one's heritage differs from adopting something not your own. White insistence on conceptual thinking (vs. presence and relational curiosity) limits connection and reinforces distancing. "What are you?" asked by white people is classification; asked within communities of color, it's relational. Joy is resistance is a Black concept; white people can learn from it without co-opting it. Consumerism as identity (e.g., commercial Christmas) distracts from communal practices and meaning. Whiteness confuses individualism with safety, leading to scarcity thinking and overreliance on systems rather than people. Chapters 00:00 The Power of Identity in Conversations 02:54 Navigating Conversations on Race and Gender 05:38 The Impact of White Voices in Social Discourse 08:30 Cultural Differences in Community Care 11:14 The Fear of White America 13:58 Understanding Familial Language and Boundaries 23:20 Understanding Family Structures 25:59 Challenging Consumerism and Community Building 29:43 The Complexity of Joy and Resistance 33:24 Cultural Appropriation and Identity 41:28 Navigating Community and Belonging 45:58 Navigating Exit Costs and Opportunity Costs 48:29 Exploring Cultural Identity and Nostalgia 51:22 The Complexity of Cultural Conversations 54:47 Building Inclusive Spaces in Book Clubs 58:37 Anticipating Attention and Navigating Identity 01:08:07 The Impact of Evangelical Backgrounds 01:11:52 Cultural Identity and Deconstruction 01:13:29 The Emotional Toll of Leaving Cultures 01:17:59 Systemic Issues and Personal Reflection 01:22:40 Navigating Relationships and Awareness 01:28:03 Community and Ongoing Learning Produced by Haley Phillips