The James Altucher Show

A Note from James:
In the first two episodes with Dr. Nicole McNichols, we talked about chemistry, communication, anatomy, and the science of pleasure. This final episode is really about something deeper—how relationships evolve over time and what actually keeps desire alive.
Because the truth is, long-term relationships don’t stay exciting automatically. They require intention. They require curiosity. And sometimes the issue isn’t your partner at all—it’s that you’ve stopped doing things that light you up in your own life.
We also talk about novelty, sex toys, aging, hormones, communication, and why pleasure itself is not optional for wellbeing—it’s essential.
This conversation tied everything together for me.

Episode Description:
How do couples keep desire alive years—or decades—into a relationship?
In the final part of this series, Dr. Nicole McNichols explains why long-term passion isn’t about constant novelty or dramatic reinvention. It’s about intentional connection, personal growth, communication, and maintaining a sense of play.
They discuss the “seven-year itch,” why boredom often comes from losing personal passion rather than losing attraction, and how seeing your partner energized by their own interests can reignite desire. The conversation also explores sex toys as collaborative tools, the health benefits of sexual activity, aging and sexuality, hormone therapy, and practical ways to communicate about sex without embarrassment.
The episode closes with a powerful reminder: pleasure is not a luxury—it’s a core component of wellbeing.

What You’ll Learn:
Why boredom in relationships is often about your own life—not your partner
How pursuing individual passions can increase attraction in long-term couples
Why sex toys enhance connection rather than threaten it
The physical and psychological health benefits of sexual activity
How curiosity, humor, and vulnerability improve sexual communication

Timestamped Chapters:
[00:02:00] Pleasure, Playfulness & Why Attraction Fades
[00:03:28] The Seven-Year Itch & Long-Term Desire
[00:04:00] Intention, Communication & Intimacy Dates
[00:04:45] When Boredom Is About Your Own Life
[00:05:25] Personal Passion & Seeing Your Partner Differently
[00:06:11] The Best Sex of Your Life After Kids
[00:08:16] Novelty Without Threatening the Relationship
[00:09:24] Erotic Identity & Emotional Needs
[00:11:00] Frequency of Novelty & Sexual Compatibility
[00:11:21] Men Feeling Threatened by Novelty
[00:11:42] Sex Toys as Collaborative Tools
[00:13:26] The Pleasure Cycle: Wanting, Liking, Learning
[00:14:12] Sex, Stress Reduction & Sleep
[00:15:23] Health Benefits of Sex
[00:16:08] Pleasure as Essential Wellbeing
[00:19:00] Is Sex the Most Enjoyable Activity?
[00:20:00] Presence, Mindfulness & Happiness Research
[00:21:39] Sex and Meditation
[00:22:00] Sex in Your 80s & Aging
[00:23:22] Loneliness, Health & Sexual Function
[00:24:25] Erectile Dysfunction & Physical Health
[00:25:00] Menopause, Hormones & Sexual Pain
[00:26:23] Hormone Therapy & Medical Guidance
[00:27:35] Communication as the Core Skill
[00:28:35] Leading With Curiosity
[00:29:56] Humor, Playfulness & Awkward Conversations
[00:31:08] Closing Thoughts

Additional Resources:
You Could Be Having Better Sex
Nicole McNichols
Daniel Gilbert — Happiness research referenced

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A Note from James:
In the first episode with Dr. Nicole McNichols, we talked about chemistry, myths, and why communication matters more than performance. This episode goes deeper—into biology, anatomy, dopamine, desire, and the mechanics of pleasure.
There are a lot of myths around sex. Some are cultural. Some are Hollywood. Some come from bad science. And some just come from silence.
This conversation gets specific. We talk about orgasm, desire, scheduling sex, the so-called “missionary problem,” novelty in long-term relationships, and why so much of what we assume about men and women sexually just isn’t true.
If Part 1 was about mindset, Part 2 is about understanding how sex actually works.

Episode Description:
What actually happens in the body during orgasm? Why does anticipation sometimes feel better than the act itself? And why are so many of our beliefs about sex simply wrong?
In Part 2 of this three-part series, Dr. Nicole McNichols breaks down the biology of desire, the science of orgasm, and the myths that quietly sabotage long-term relationships.
She explains why dopamine peaks during anticipation, why consistency—not intensity—is often key to orgasm, and why “missionary” might be underrated. They explore the anatomy of the clitoris (including research only fully mapped in 2006), the orgasm gap, responsive vs. spontaneous desire, and why scheduling intimacy can actually increase desire.
This episode reframes sex not as performance, but as collaboration—an evolving, communicative process rooted in curiosity and growth.

What You’ll Learn:
Why dopamine spikes during anticipation—and how to avoid the post-expectation letdown
The difference between spontaneous and responsive desire (for both men and women)
Why consistency is physiologically critical during orgasm
The science behind the orgasm gap and what actually closes it
Why scheduling intimacy can increase frequency and desire—not kill spontaneity

Timestamped Chapters:
[00:02:00] No One Craves Bad Sex & The Myth of “Boring” Positions
[00:03:18] Previously on Part 1: Porn Myths & Feeling Wanted
[00:04:00] Chemistry, Pheromones & The Role of Safety
[00:06:00] Sexual Growth Mindset & Compatibility
[00:08:00] Fireworks vs. Communication
[00:10:00] Anatomy, Diversity of Touch & The Clitoris Explained
[00:12:00] Scripts, Feedback & How to Talk During Sex
[00:17:00] Novelty, Micro-Novelty & Preventing Boredom
[00:19:00] Wanting, Liking & Learning: The Pleasure Cycle
[00:23:00] Expanding the Definition of Sex
[00:25:00] The “Sex Recession” & Frequency Myths
[00:27:00] Planning Intimacy & Scheduling Sex
[00:31:00] Why Missionary Deserves a Rebrand
[00:34:00] Internal Anatomy, the Clitoral Complex & Size Myths
[00:39:00] What Is an Orgasm, Physiologically?
[00:45:00] The Orgasm Gap & Why Fingering Matters
[00:47:00] Consistency vs. “Faster & Harder”
[00:49:00] Masturbation Myths & No Nut November
[00:51:00] Refractory Period & Aging
[00:55:00] Multiple Orgasms & What Research Shows
[01:00:00] Love, Orientation & Novelty in Long-Term Relationships

Additional Resources:
You Could Be Having Better Sex
Nicole McNichols
Helen O'Connell – Research mapping full clitoral anatomy (MRI studies)
Beverly Whipple – Orgasm research & physiological studies
A Moveable Feast – Referenced during discussion

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Episode Description:
This archival conversation with Ramit Sethi is a masterclass in systems thinking, behavioral psychology, and building a “rich life” on your own terms.
Long before online courses were mainstream, Ramit was quietly building scalable systems—automating money, testing business ideas rigorously, and rejecting conventional wisdom around careers, housing, and passion. In this conversation, he explains why most advice fails, why willpower is overrated, and how to engineer results instead of hoping for inspiration.
They cover negotiation psychology, competence triggers, breaking into dream jobs without HR, why buying a house isn’t always the best investment, and how to build a real online business—from research to first sale.
This episode still holds up because it’s not about hacks. It’s about structure. Systems. Leverage. And testing instead of guessing.

What You’ll Learn:
Why analyzing your own behavior (even on video) is one of the fastest ways to improve
The concept of “competence triggers” and how to use them in interviews and negotiations
Why most financial advice (like skipping lattes) focuses on the wrong problems
How to negotiate salary without anchoring yourself to your current pay
The step-by-step system for building an online business—from research to first sale

Timestamped Chapters:
[00:02:00] Human Behavior, Willpower & Cognitive Misers
[00:03:00] Ramit’s Origin Story: Scholarships, Interviews & Self-Analysis
[00:06:00] The Power of Videotaping Yourself
[00:08:00] Losing Money & Discovering Personal Finance Psychology
[00:09:00] Why Latte Advice Doesn’t Work
[00:11:00] Automating Money & Designing a Rich Life
[00:14:00] The Housing Myth & Financial “Great Lies”
[00:18:00] How to Land a Dream Job (Without HR)
[00:20:00] Negotiation Tactics & Avoiding Salary Anchors
[00:28:00] Competence Triggers & Social Signaling
[00:34:00] Why Courses Beat Books (For Results)
[00:38:00] Zero to Launch: Why Most Passive Income Advice Is Wrong
[00:41:00] Research Before Building: Finding Profitable Ideas
[00:44:00] Writing Headlines That Sell
[00:49:00] Traffic Strategy: Guest Posting & Email Lists
[00:52:00] Case Study: Turning Tutoring into $200K

Additional Resources:
Ramit Sethi's Website
I Will Teach You to Be Rich - The Book
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A Note from James:
This might be the most useful episode I’ve ever done. Not that the others weren’t useful—they were—but this one goes above and beyond. It was also awkward for me, and honestly a little embarrassing, to ask some of these questions. I asked them anyway, and I’m glad I did, because the answers were excellent.
This episode is with Dr. Nicole McNichols, who just released her book You Could Be Having Better Sex: The Definitive Guide to a Happier, Healthier, and Hotter Sex Life. There was so much strong material that we split the conversation into three parts.
This first episode focuses on what great sex actually is, the myths most of us have absorbed, and what really separates good sex from bad sex. Episode two will focus on the science and mechanics of pleasure—how sex actually works. Episode three will be about keeping the spark alive over time.
I had a lot of fun talking with Dr. McNichols, and I hope you enjoy this first part.

Episode Description:
What actually makes sex good—and why do so many people get it wrong?
In this episode, James talks with human sexuality professor Dr. Nicole McNichols about how modern myths around sex, porn, dating culture, and “chemistry” distort what people think they’re supposed to want. Instead of performance, novelty, or intensity, she explains why pleasure, communication, and feeling genuinely wanted matter far more.
They also unpack why anxiety and uncertainty are often mistaken for chemistry, how emotional and intellectual intimacy feed sexual connection, and why setting clear boundaries is essential—not just in relationships, but in dating itself.
This conversation reframes sex in a way most people were never taught, grounded in research, real relationships, and practical self-respect.

What You’ll Learn:
Why great sex is defined by pleasure, communication, and responsiveness—not performance or novelty
How anxiety, inconsistency, and “the chase” get mistaken for chemistry
Why non-sexual touch and everyday intimacy directly affect sexual desire
How intellectual connection and feeling seen feed attraction
How setting clear boundaries in dating protects your emotional and sexual health

Timestamped Chapters:
[00:02:00] Episode Preview: Porn myths, exaggerated expectations, and false ideas about desire
[00:03:18] A Note from James
[00:04:36] Interview Begins: Dr. Nicole McNichols’ background and teaching human sexuality
[00:07:05] What’s the difference between bad sex and great sex?
[00:10:16] The role of caring and communication
[00:11:21] In defense of “vanilla” sex
[00:12:47] Why non-sexual touch matters more than people realize
[00:14:23] Intellectual intimacy and sexual attraction
[00:15:25] Sapiosexuality and attraction beyond looks
[00:17:03] Chemistry vs. anxiety in relationships
[00:19:13] The real number-one sexual fantasy: feeling wanted
[00:21:15] The myth of “playing the game” in attraction
[00:24:30] Dating in the culture of ambiguity
[00:26:14] Why intentional dating matters
[00:27:55] Boundaries, confidence, and self-care

Additional Resources:
You Could Be Having Better Sex
Nicole McNichols
The Gottman Institute
Fundera powered by NerdWallet
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Episode Description:
This was one of those interviews where James thought he was talking about leadership—and realized halfway through that he was really talking about responsibility.
Jocko Willink doesn’t use buzzwords. He doesn’t soften the message. He talks about ego, blame, and why most problems—at work and in life—don’t come from bad systems but from leaders who won’t take ownership.
What struck James most wasn’t the battlefield stories. It was how calmly Jocko explained things everyone avoids: hard conversations, personal discipline, and the quiet habits that prevent disasters before they happen. No theatrics. No motivation talk. Just clarity.
Listening back now, years later, this episode feels even more relevant. The ideas haven’t aged at all. If anything, they matter more.

What You’ll Learn:
Why ego—not lack of skill—is the biggest obstacle to leadership
How taking ownership defuses blame and accelerates problem-solving
Why hard conversations get easier when you have them early
How decentralized command builds trust and better decisions
Why discipline creates freedom in work, creativity, and personal life

Timestamped Chapters:
[00:00] Handling criticism, ego, and emotional control
[03:00] Introduction: Jocko Willink, Extreme Ownership, and Way of the Warrior Kid
[06:00] Kids, insecurity, and learning discipline early
[08:00] Combat decision-making and pausing under pressure
[11:00] Friendly fire, responsibility, and the origin of “Extreme Ownership”
[12:30] Blame vs. ownership in business and life
[15:00] Ego as the real obstacle to leadership
[17:00] How leaders share blame without losing authority
[18:30] Clarifying expectations: writing, follow-ups, and alignment
[20:00] Avoiding confrontation—and why it backfires
[22:00] Hard conversations: why earlier is always easier
[24:00] Escalation, accountability, and firing as leadership failure
[25:30] Being proactive instead of reactive
[26:30] Why Jocko joined the SEALs
[28:00] The “dry years”: training for war that never came
[30:00] Discipline equals freedom
[31:30] Discipline in art and creativity (Jimmy Page example)
[33:00] Commander’s intent vs. micromanagement
[35:00] Decentralized command and trusting your team
[37:00] Managing micromanagers by over-communicating
[41:00] Leadership problems vs. process problems
[44:00] Sleep, routines, and daily discipline
[47:00] Way of the Warrior Kid and teaching confidence
[49:30] Jiujitsu as discipline, restraint, and self-control
[54:00] Confidence reduces conflict
[58:00] Discipline, freedom, and building a personal code
01:03:00] National strength and deterrence
[01:05:00] War, leadership, and human nature
[01:08:00] Why veterans think twice about war
[01:10:00] Perspective from real suffering
[01:13:00] Gratitude in modern life
[01:15:00] Studying hardship to build humility
[01:18:00] Comfort vs. resilience
[01:20:00] Perspective, sacrifice, and responsibility
[01:26:00] Paying tribute to endurance and resilience
[01:28:00] Closing reflections and sign-off

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