The Grounded Union Podcast

This week on The Grounded Union Podcast, we dive deep into the most vulnerable season finale yet with Jake and Ashley, a couple healing from ten years of hidden pornography addiction. Jake shares his journey from early confession and biblical counseling that didn't stick, to years of deception, to the traumatic revelation that nearly ended their marriage in 2023. Through two separations, Pure Desire recovery, recent relapses, and now daily vulnerability practices, they're discovering what true intimacy actually means. Brandon and Caitlyn unpack the neuroscience of addiction recovery, introduce the powerful Four R's framework (Recognize, Receive, Release, Replace), and explain why shame-based confession keeps couples stuck while ownership-based healing sets them free. Learn why your sexuality is deeply relational, how to calm your nervous system during the rewiring process, and the hope-filled truth that complete freedom from addiction is 100% possible.
Looking for immediate support in your marriage?
Grounded Union Couples App: Tap here to claim your spot
Workshops for Couples: Join the waitlist to get notified

Follow us on social at @brandontalksmarriage & @caitlyn_doerksen
Check out our IG account to stay updated @groundedunion
YouTube Show available here

Timestamps & Key Moments:
00:00:36 – Season Finale Intro: Brandon and Caitlyn frame the conversation and welcome Jake & Ashley for the Season 3 finale.
00:01:11 – The Crowbarred Confession: Jake reveals his addiction wasn't voluntarily confessed but was crowbarred out by Ashley in 2023 after nearly a decade of lies, manipulation, and hiding throughout their entire marriage.
00:05:13 – Ashley's Late-Night Intuition: Ashley describes the night early in their marriage when she felt compelled to ask Jake about pornography—despite him denying it throughout their teenage relationship, he admitted he'd been addicted their entire relationship.
00:08:32 – Pregnancy Crisis & False Assurance: Ashley explains her severe pregnancy condition requiring weekly hospitalizations while homeschooling four kids, feeling disconnected from Jake, but convincing herself "God did a miracle overnight" and he wouldn't relapse.
00:13:02 – Redefining Lust and Sexual Desire: The conversation challenges traditional church definitions of lust, exposing how shame around sexual desire can create internal systems that protect secrecy.
00:15:59 – The Denial Structure Framework: A spiritual category system (“between me and God”) is named as a hidden permission slip that keeps secrecy alive until it inevitably snowballs into relapse.
00:19:04 – Doing What You’re Told Isn’t the Same as Healing: Freedom gets redefined from checklist obedience into building a vision for real marital union—and discarding any advice that doesn’t match that vision.
00:23:07 – The Real Question: Why Share the Thought Life?: The conversation challenges the common fear that deeper disclosure “hurts her more,” arguing that unspoken loops and fantasies silently keep the betrayal system running.
00:27:30 – Retraining the Reticular Activating System (RAS): Brandon shares a personal story of rewiring his mind during emotional exercises, explaining how he used the Four R's to retrain his brain's focus and data processing.
00:32:20 – The Big Uglies vs. The Small Uglies: Focusing only on major behaviors while ignoring subtle thoughts, attractions, and dopamine hits is shown to be the very thing that fuels long-term relapse.
00:40:12 – Personal Rewiring Journey: Brandon describes his own process of reporting every glance and objectifying thought to Caitlyn, demonstrating how he took ownership of his automated brain responses.
00:46:45 – Collapsing the Denial Structure with Truth: Long-standing self-deception is dismantled by seeing every pattern, story, and justification clearly, leaving no space for hidden narratives.
00:59:23 – 100% Healing is Possible: The hosts conclude the season with a passionate promise that anyone has the capability to 100% heal and rewire their brain, living a life entirely free from the curse of addiction.

In this episode of The Grounded Union Podcast, we dive deep into the messy, real, and sometimes painful truth behind connection, honesty, and intimacy in marriage. Brandon and Caitlyn sit down with Robert and Bri, a couple grappling with betrayal, disconnection, and the challenge of rebuilding trust while staying present. They explore how distractions, shame, and unmet needs can quietly erode love, and what it takes to bring curiosity, humor, and joy back into everyday life. Listeners hear raw reflections on navigating shame, reclaiming presence, and defining the “best version” of themselves and their marriages. With actionable guidance on aligning actions with values, embracing emotions rather than avoiding them, and reigniting spark and playfulness, this episode is a masterclass in transparent communication and intentional intimacy.
Looking for immediate support in your marriage?
Grounded Union Couples App: Tap here to claim your spot
Workshops for Couples: Join the waitlist to get notified

Follow us on social at @brandontalksmarriage & @caitlyn_doerksen
Check out our IG account to stay updated @groundedunion
YouTube Show available here

Timestamps & Key Moments:
00:00:21 – Podcast Intro: Brandon and Caitlyn welcome Robert and Bri, framing the episode around love, truth, and disconnection.
00:02:30 – Discovering the Addiction: Bri reveals discovering Robert’s porn addiction four months postpartum and the emotional impact of repeated relapses, including a brief affair and inappropriate photos. 
00:06:10 – Separation & Rebuilding Trust: Bri and Robert describe their recent one-week separation and the ongoing challenge of rebuilding trust and faith in their relationship. 
00:12:02 – Unified Vision for Marriage:  Discussion on the transformative impact of the podcast and guidance on creating a shared vision for marriage, focusing on love, trust, communication, and shared goals. 
00:15:05 – Living Fully: Conversation about rewiring past behaviors, embracing intentionality, and creating the relationship you truly want.
00:17:33 – Growth vs. Stagnation: Bri explains the recent separation, her need for Robert to grow personally, and the tension between stagnation and potential growth.
00:27:09 – Entertainment & Emotional Regulation: Brandon outlines the impact of screen time on personal growth and provides guidance for reclaiming margin, regulating emotions, and practicing daily embodiment. 
00:30:35 – Embodiment & Presence: Returning to your body and true relational growth.
00:35:54 – Reclaiming Aliveness:  Caitlyn explains how excessive screen time diminishes vibrancy and connection, and how removing distractions helps you reconnect with yourself, your spouse, and your children. 
00:42:59 – 30-Day Challenge: Practical guidance on taking a full month off TV, social media, podcasts, and video games to create space for transformation and deep family connection.
00:46:21 – Life & Presence: Strategies for regaining energy and aliveness through intentional daily habits, reducing distractions, and engaging fully with family and nature.
00:48:38 –  Aligning Actions & Rebuilding Trust: Exploring short-term hopes, shared growth, and concrete steps to rebuild intimacy, trust, and excitement in marriage.
00:53:59 – Daily Practices: Guidance on managing haunting emotions, moving through shame, and implementing daily routines and check-ins to strengthen connection and presence.
01:08:11 – Growth & Joy: Reclaiming excitement, playfulness, and aligning your marriage with shared values, with closing reflections and encouragement for continued growth.

In this episode of the Grounded Union Podcast, Brandon and Caitlyn meet with Nathan and Danielle, a couple married for seven and a half years who are just one month into discovering Nathan's pornography addiction and pattern of inappropriate communication with other women. What makes this episode particularly poignant is how the truth came to light—Danielle had a dream about Nathan watching porn, texted him about it, and he finally came clean after hiding it their entire relationship. The hosts explore Nathan's journey of numbing out since childhood through weed, alcohol, and porn, connecting his fear of weakness to his father's recent passing and childhood bullying. Caitlyn powerfully explains how Nathan has become a "talented storyteller" to himself, filtering reality through self-protective narratives. The episode offers profound insights into embodiment work as the key to unlocking hidden memories, the importance of complete honesty rather than general confessions, and how unplugging from all power sources of addiction creates true freedom—not just resisting temptation daily.
Looking for immediate support in your marriage?
Grounded Union Couples App: Tap here to claim your spot
Workshops for Couples: Join the waitlist to get notified

Follow us on social at @brandontalksmarriage & @caitlyn_doerksen
Check out our IG account to stay updated @groundedunion
YouTube Show available here

Timestamps & Key Moments:
00:00:13 – Podcast Intro: Brandon introduces Season 3 and welcomes Nathan and Danielle to discuss what they're currently facing in their relationship. 
00:01:45 – The Dream That Changed Everything: A vivid dream becomes the catalyst for long-hidden porn use coming to light. 
00:04:30 – Grief, Loss, and Addiction Collide: The couple discusses Nathan's father's sudden decline and death from cancer, including Nathan's role in assisted suicide, and how grief intensified his addiction.
00:06:45 –  Escaping Through Dopamine: Pornography becomes a way to numb emotional pain, especially during separation and moments of deep loneliness. 
00:14:25 – Embodiment as the Breakthrough Tool: Brandon shares his own experience of emotional shutdown and introduces embodiment work using the body to reset the nervous system as essential for Nathan to access buried feelings and memories. 
00:19:26 – Unhinging from Family of Origin: Brandon introduces the concept of separating from family patterns as Nathan reveals significant childhood memory loss, possibly from years of substance-induced dissociation starting at age 14. 
00:25:01 – The Core Fear of Weakness:  A core fear of weakness emerges, linking childhood bullying, trauma, and addiction to a desperate pursuit of power and control. 
00:29:39 – The Currency of Feeling: Relationships are framed as emotional exchanges, with addiction described as a “leak” that drains intimacy and connection.
00:37:17 – The Invitation to Feel Alive: Caitlyn passionately invites the couple to discover what true, authentic life feels like, acknowledging she might sound "batshit crazy" but knowing the beauty of actually feeling alive for the first time. 
00:43:45 – Permission to Feel All the Pain: Brandon discusses witnessing Caitlyn's suffocation-like panic attacks and reframes pain not as something wrong but as the body's necessary process of cycling through trauma to heal. 
00:48:09 – Unplugging All Power from Addiction: Caitlyn delivers a powerful metaphor about how sharing every truth unplugs power from addiction—leaving secrets plugged in keeps the addiction energized, while full disclosure cuts all power completely.

In this episode of the Grounded Union Podcast, Brandon and Caitlyn sit down with Jeff and Korinne, a couple married for nearly 27 years, to explore what happens when emotional growth finally arrives years after it was needed, unpacking how unresolved grief, emotional shutdown, and missed connection quietly shape a marriage over decades, while sharing how childhood emotional neglect, long-term resentment, embodiment work, the validation flow (listen, reflect, ask), and the 4R’s framework can help couples move through regret and resentment without shame, offering hope that healing doesn’t require a do-over, only presence, responsibility, and the courage to feel.
Looking for immediate support in your marriage?
Grounded Union Couples App: Tap here to claim your spot
Workshops for Couples: Join the waitlist to get notified

Follow us on social at @brandontalksmarriage & @caitlyn_doerksen
Check out our IG account to stay updated @groundedunion
YouTube Show available here

Timestamps & Key Moments:
00:00:28 – Brandon and Caitlyn introduce Jeff and Korinne, highlighting their focus on emotional growth and connection.
00:02:29 – Korinne’s father’s long illness and death, reflecting on his inability to emotionally support her through grief.
00:05:09 – The emotional dynamic directly: his regret and Korinne’s resentment coexisting despite deep love.
00:07:14 – Caitlyn reframes Korinne’s experience as grief, comparing it to mourning what could have been in their marriage.
00:15:45 – A childhood experience of sexual abuse and the delayed processing of that trauma.
00:22:11 – How intimacy is “into-me-you-see” and the importance of open communication to prevent secrecy.
00:27:46 – Jeff shares about growing up in a family where emotions were discouraged, and physical comfort was limited.
00:30:49 – Acknowledgment of the lack of programs and guidance for men and couples on emotional connection and relational embodiment.
00:34:23 – Discussion on how one partner’s personal emotional growth creates ripple effects in the relationship without needing approval.
00:36:57 – Explanation of embodiment practices like mindfulness, breathwork, and movement to enhance presence and relational experiences.
00:37:24 – Brandon introduces the concept of regret, reframing it from past mistakes into responsibility and opportunity for emotional engagement.
00:42:17 – Introduction to the 4R’s tool for processing sexual brokenness, allowing emotions like regret to be received and released.
00:46:13 – They explain that most emotions only need a few minutes to be processed, even if unresolved for decades.
00:48:33 – Discussion on moving from awareness to action: visualizing future decades of marriage and shared experiences once children are older.
00:58:11 – They highlight the legacy being created through emotional awareness, showing children and future generations how to connect with their feelings.

In this conversation of the Grounded Union Podcast, Brandon and Caitlyn sit down with Russell and Kim, a couple married for 32 years facing the devastating aftermath of eight physical affairs. Russell reveals his pattern of infidelity spanning decades, including one affair lasting over two years, while Kim shares her experience of steadfast commitment despite repeated betrayal. The hosts guide Russell through the crucial realization that he's been lying to himself, not just his wife, identifying missing pieces in his story that keep him trapped in denial. Caitlyn powerfully confronts the incomplete narrative Russell presents, explaining how his "iceberg" of hidden behaviors prevents true healing. The episode offers profound insights into breaking through denial structures, the connection between childhood trauma and adult acting out, and why radical honesty—not just avoiding getting caught—is the only path to genuine freedom and intimacy.
Looking for immediate support in your marriage?
Grounded Union Couples App: Tap here to claim your spot
Workshops for Couples: Join the waitlist to get notified

Follow us on social at @brandontalksmarriage & @caitlyn_doerksen
Check out our IG account to stay updated @groundedunion
YouTube Show available here

Timestamps & Key Moments:
00:00:12 – Introduction to Season 3, Episode 5: Brandon introduces the live call-in format and welcomes Russell and Kim, high school sweethearts married since 1993. 
00:01:22 – The "Invisibility" of Long-Term Betrayal: Kim shares the devastating realization that much of their 38-year history was built on a foundation of secrets and compartmentalization.
00:03:18 – Sexual History Exploration: Caitlyn asks Russell to describe his full sexual story within the marriage, including any pornography use or other addictions.
00:04:33 – Abuse, Faith, and Deep Shame: Russell reveals being sexually abused by a youth pastor and growing up in a highly religious home, creating conflicting layers of guilt and secrecy.  
00:09:51 – Breaking the Denial Structure: A mindset shift is introduced that allows real healing to begin by inviting the truth instead of blocking it.
00:12:58 – Why Kim Stays: Brandon asks Kim the crucial question of why she's chosen to stay through all eight betrayals over the years. 
00:13:57 – Major Missing Puzzle Pieces: Caitlyn begins identifying red flags and inconsistencies in Russell's story, noting gaps that suggest incomplete disclosure.
00:17:23 – The Iceberg Analogy: Caitlyn explains the "Iceberg" concept, where Russell currently only sees the tip (conscious affairs) while the vast majority of his behaviors and motivations remain submerged in his subconscious.
00:24:37 – “I’ve Been Trying Not to Get Caught My Whole Life”: Russell connects childhood fear and rule-breaking to the way he now approaches marriage and temptation. 
00:35:43 – Doing the Work for Yourself: Brandon encourages Russell to seek healing not just to save his marriage, but to save his own soul from the "slow death" he has been living for decades.
00:42:30 – Choosing Safety and Embodiment: Caitlyn instructs Russell on how to use "embodiment" to thaw his denial, emphasizing that he must tell his body it is finally safe to remember the truth.