This week on The Grounded Union Podcast, hosts Brandon and Caitlyn Doerksen expose the myth that dates are the key to a healthy marriage. Through their own story, they reveal that while they went on many dates during the most tumultuous years of their marriage, their deepest connection was forged in the last five years, a period with very few dates. The episode offers a new perspective on what it means to be truly connected, emphasizing that intentionality in everyday moments is far more powerful than a weekly dinner out. Brandon and Caitlyn provide actionable advice, such as confronting hidden secrets and eliminating distractions like screens, to rebuild a relationship from the ground up. They also highlight the power of nature and physical touch to restore peace and intimacy. Tune in to learn how to create a marriage where every day is enjoyable and peace is the norm.Our 2025 Grounded Union workshop & intensive:🏝️Maui, Hawaii – 3-Day Intensive—limited to 20 couples, lodging included! (October 10th-13th)Maui Intensive: Tap here to applyLooking for immediate support in your marriage?Community for Men: Tap here to start your 14-day FREE trialWorkshops for Couples: Join the waitlist to get notifiedGrounded Intimacy Program: Tap here for more info on our online couples programFollow us on social at @brandontalksmarriage & @caitlyn_doerksenCheck out our IG account to stay updated @groundedunionpodcastYouTube Show available hereTimestamps & Key Moments:00:00:28 – Introduction: Brandon opens with a vision for what most couples long for—true peace and connection—and sets the stage for why that often feels out of reach.00:02:32 – The Date Night Myth: The hosts challenge the belief that prioritizing frequent date nights is the key to a strong marriage, sharing how their most tumultuous years were filled with them.00:05:07 – Date Night ≠ Connection: A comparison emerges between date nights and “punching your church card”—they're not inherently bad, but they don't guarantee real relational growth or peace on their own.00:08:34 – Dates as a Cherry on Top: Caitlyn reframes their perspective, explaining how they experience daily "dates" through intentional everyday moments rather than scheduled romantic outings, with the date being the cherry on top of an existing connection.00:12:09 – The Magnet Analogy: The powerful analogy of magnets explaining how hidden secrets and unresolved issues act as a repellent force, preventing genuine intimacy and connection.00:17:26 – The Power of Nature for Connection: Discussion turns to how outdoor time naturally regulates emotions and fosters connection, contrasting sharply with life in "insulated boxes.”00:18:09 – Screen Detox: The transformative impact of removing screens from daily life gets revealed, offering listeners a powerful strategy for bridging relationship gaps.00:22:31 – What to Talk About: Brandon and Caitlyn offer practical advice on how to fill your screen-free time, suggesting conversations about your day, parenting, and addressing past sexual brokenness.00:23:59 – Their Nightly Connection Ritual: A glimpse into their evening routine featuring candlelit couch time in a screen-free environment designed to nurture both physical and emotional intimacy.00:30:30 - Shared Intentions and Future Plans: The conversation concludes with insights on discussing shared goals, beliefs, and future aspirations as foundation stones for stronger partnership bonds.
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Why Relapse to Addiction Is So Common
In this episode of The Grounded Union Podcast, we dive deep into why addiction relapse is so devastatingly common and how couples can break free from this destructive cycle forever. Brandon and Caitlyn Doerksen share their raw journey through five years of repeated relapse before discovering the root-level healing that changed everything. They reveal why surface-level solutions fail and introduce their "roots and rewiring" approach - examining childhood trauma, spiritual beliefs, and life paradigms that keep people trapped. The hosts emphasize getting to the core wounds rather than just managing symptoms, challenging listeners to treat addiction recovery not as minor adjustments but as a complete life transformation. Most provocatively, they advocate for total transparency between spouses - sharing every secret, memory, and struggle without exception. Their message: true freedom isn't about willpower or accountability groups, but about digging deep into your story, rewiring your thoughts, and creating the life you actually want to live rather than one you need to escape from.Our 2025 Grounded Union workshop & intensive:🏝️Maui, Hawaii – 3-Day Intensive—limited to 20 couples, lodging included! (October 10th-13th)Maui Intensive: Tap here to applyLooking for immediate support in your marriage?Community for Men: Tap here to start your 14-day FREE trialWorkshops for Couples: Join the waitlist to get notifiedGrounded Intimacy Program: Tap here for more info on our online couples programFollow us on social at @brandontalksmarriage & @caitlyn_doerksenCheck out our IG account to stay updated @groundedunionpodcastYouTube Show available hereTimestamps & Key Moments:00:00:28 – Why We’re Talking About Relapse: Brandon introduces the episode’s focus on why relapse to addiction is so common, sharing their personal five-year journey through relapse and the importance of healing at the root level.00:01:50 – Relapse Cycle and Surface-Level Healing: The historical pattern of getting caught, crying, apologizing, seeking help, and repeated relapse over months to years00:04:13 – The Need for Root System Work: Caitlyn discusses their realization that staying on the surface level with addiction was not working and that they needed to "dig way deeper" to get to the root of the issue.00:07:15 – First Root Category - Childhood Exploration: Why deep, sustainable change comes from exploring past wounds and patterns with curiosity instead of shame.00:14:55 – Tracing Addiction Back to Childhood Origins: The importance of identifying when and how addictive behaviors first appeared in childhood, and many addictions—whether porn, alcohol, food, or work—are intertwined and rooted in early experiences.00:17:06 – Second Root Category - Spirituality: How spiritual beliefs—especially from Christian upbringings—can create paradigms that normalize or even excuse relapse.00:19:32 – Third Root Category - Personal Paradigms: Assessing your beliefs about yourself, your marriage, and your ability to achieve freedom from addiction.00:22:58 – Living Free from Relapse: What it looks like to live a life free from relapse, based on their own last five years of sobriety.00:26:34 – The 30-Day Rewiring Process: Brandon details the exact steps he took over 30 days that rewired his brain and eliminated his compulsions.00:32:49 – The 4R's Technique: Brandon introduces their practical rewiring tool - Recognize the thought, Receive peace in your body, Release the old pattern, Replace with new behavior.00:34:53 – The One Thing Nobody Told Us: Sharing absolutely everything - every memory, thought, current struggle, and past experience without exception.
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Does My Spouse Really Want to Change?
In today’s episode of Grounded Union Podcast, discover how to distinguish between surface-level apologies and genuine transformation. Brandon and Caitlyn Doerksen tackle one of the hardest questions couples face: “Does my spouse truly want to change?” Through raw personal stories of repeated betrayals, false starts, and painful honesty, they highlight the subtle yet powerful signs of authentic change. From nervous system regulation to the hard work of transparency, this episode sheds light on both red flags and green lights for anyone navigating broken trust.Dates and locations for our 2025 Grounded Union workshops & intensives:🏝️Maui, Hawaii – 3-Day Intensive—limited to 20 couples, lodging included! (October 10th-13th)Workshops for Couples: Tap here to attend one of our 2025 in-person workshopsLooking for immediate support in your marriage?Community for Men: Tap here to start your 14-day FREE trialWorkshops for Couples: Tap here to attend one of our 2025 in-person workshopsGrounded Intimacy Program: Tap here for more info on our online couples programFollow us on social at @brandontalksmarriage & @caitlyn_doerksenCheck out our IG account to stay updated @groundedunionpodcastYouTube Show available hereTimestamps & Key Moments:00:00:28 – Season 2, Episode 4: Caitlyn explains that when partners ask if change is possible, it’s usually about deeper wounds, not just curiosity.00:01:37 – Brandon quotes, “When the pain of staying is greater than the fear of leaving, that’s when people choose change.”00:02:43 – What Real Change Requires: They emphasize that transformation is measured by consistent investment, not by promises or workshops attended.00:03:39 – Two Destructive Responses: How passivity and defensiveness sabotage connection and keep couples stuck.00:05:30 – Stuck in the Same Cycle: They reflect on years of repeating the same wounds despite therapy, church, and community.00:07:05 – Caitlyn’s Breaking Point: Another betrayal in 2019 forces Caitlyn to question if their marriage could truly survive.00:08:43 – Radical Intimacy Defined: Caitlyn sets a new standard for union: no hiddenness, no secrets, no separation.00:10:30 – Brandon Commits to Change: He agrees to strip away distractions and fully reorient his life toward healing.00:11:41 – The Six-Month Window: Real transformation requires months of consistent effort, not instant results.00:16:01 – Daily Work Over Quick Fixes: Healing came through daily accountability and practice rather than weekend intensives.00:20:00 – Radical Transparency Builds Safety: True intimacy deepened only when Brandon confessed even the “small” lapses consistently.00:26:02 – Defining a Shared Vision of Union: Both commit to exclusivity, honesty, and a clear standard for their future together.00:35:00 – Choosing Who You Want to Become: Focus less on “how” to change and more on “who” they want to become.
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Why Christian Disciplines Aren’t Saving Your Marriage
This week on The Grounded Union Podcast, discover how Christian disciplines like prayer, fasting, and Bible reading—despite being foundational practices—sometimes fall short in saving marriages. Hosts Brandon and Caitlyn Doerksen bravely share their journey from passionate missionaries with an impeccable "spiritual resume" to facing severe marital struggles, exposing the dangerous gap between spiritual disciplines and emotional maturity. Despite daily Bible reading, prayer, fasting, multiple church services, and even Brandon's 40-day fast, their marriage was crumbling with addiction, betrayal, and disconnection. They reveal how Western Christianity's segmented approach creates fragmented lives where spiritual practices become escape mechanisms rather than tools for authentic intimacy. This episode challenges listeners to stop hiding behind religious performance and start doing the real work of integrating shadow parts of themselves. A paradigm-shifting conversation that offers hope to couples who've tried everything "spiritual" but still feel emotionally distant from their spouse.Dates and locations for our 2025 Grounded Union workshops & intensives:📍San Diego, CA – In-Person & Virtual (SOLD OUT)🏝️Maui, Hawaii – 3-Day Intensive—limited to 20 couples, lodging included! (October 10th-13th)Workshops for Couples: Tap here to attend one of our 2025 in-person workshopsLooking for immediate support in your marriage?Community for Men: Tap here to start your 14-day FREE trialWorkshops for Couples: Tap here to attend one of our 2025 in-person workshopsGrounded Intimacy Program: Tap here for more info on our online couples programFollow us on social at @brandontalksmarriage & @caitlyn_doerksenCheck out our IG account to stay updated @groundedunionpodcastYouTube Show available hereTimestamps & Key Moments:00:00:28 – Introduction and Resources: The hosts introduce the episode's central question and their intention to share their own story of struggling despite practicing Christian disciplines. They invite listeners regardless of their faith background, and highlight available resources like the Grounded Nation men's community app and the Maui 3-day Marriage Intensive.00:01:57 – How We Met and Early Marriage: Caitlyn begins sharing how she and Brandon met as missionaries in Ecuador, bonded over their shared vision for ministry, and eventually got married.00:03:16 – The Vision for Ministry and Marriage: Brandon elaborates on their early vision to be lifelong missionaries, rescue women from sex trafficking, and start orphanages.00:07:24 – The Spiritual Resume: They emphasize their "spiritual resume" of church, prayer, fasting, and discipline, and how it ultimately didn’t prevent their disconnect.00:10:14 – The Segmented Christian Life: Many Western Christians live "segmented" lives, separating their spiritual self from their practical and relational selves.00:18:20 – The Gospel's Invitation to Face Pain: The gospel isn't an excuse to ignore pain but an invitation to face it, heal, and integrate every part of oneself.00:23:09 – Freedom from Cuffs: True freedom is possible if one uncuffs themselves from limiting belief systems and steps into the hope and love of Christ.00:24:47 – What Must I Do?: The common question about earning freedom challenges the idea that spirituality is about achieving or attaining.00:29:44 – The Shadow Parts of You: What is often labeled as "temptation" or "sin nature" is the unintegrated "shadow parts" of oneself that need to be welcomed and healed.00:33:54 – God is in Every Moment: Dismantling the idea of separation from God; God is present in every moment of life.
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Healing From Betrayal and Creating Safety
In this episode of Grounded Union Podcast, Caitlyn and Brandon Doerksen honestly navigate the difficult experience of betrayal and the long journey toward restoring safety and trust in their marriage. Season 2 opens with the couple addressing their most requested topic: how to heal when trust is shattered. Caitlyn shares her vulnerable story as the betrayed spouse, including years of repeated deception and the critical moment she established firm boundaries. Brandon explores the difference between passive and active betrayal and emphasizes that good intentions are not enough without true inner transformation. Together, they explain why wounded partners shouldn’t be expected to maintain composure, how denial covers up deeper wounds, and why many couples get caught in destructive cycles. Filled with raw storytelling and practical advice, this episode is a must-listen for those seeking hope after betrayal.Dates and locations for our 2025 Grounded Union workshops & intensives:📍San Diego, CA – In-Person & Virtual (August 22nd & 23rd)🏝️Maui, Hawaii – 3-Day Intensive—limited to 20 couples, lodging included! (October 10th-13th)Workshops for Couples: Tap here to attend one of our 2025 in-person workshopsLooking for immediate support in your marriage?Community for Men: Tap here to start your 14-day FREE trialWorkshops for Couples: Tap here to attend one of our 2025 in-person workshopsGrounded Intimacy Program: Tap here for more info on our online couples programFollow us on social at @brandontalksmarriage & @caitlyn_doerksenCheck out our IG account to stay updated @groundedunionpodcastYouTube Show available hereTimestamps & Key Moments:00:00:29 - Season 2, Episode 2: Brandon and Caitlyn open up about healing betrayal, rebuilding trust, and their journey to healing together.00:01:51 - Active and passive betrayal: Brandon explains the difference between overt actions like cheating and more subtle forms like emotional withdrawal.00:06:00 - Repeating deception cycles: Caitlyn shares the exhausting pattern of betrayal and false recovery that led to long-term trauma.00:09:00 - False promises and deeper harm: Brandon reflects on how surface-level commitments and dismissing Caitlyn’s intuition created further disconnection.00:20:06 - Movement as healing: Caitlyn explains how walking, swimming, and nature helped her process pain and regulate her nervous system.00:25:00 - Redefining real union: Caitlyn challenges performative marriages and emphasizes that true partnership requires mutual truth and commitment.00:31:31 - Reconnecting through embodiment: Brandon shares practical tools—cold showers, breathwork, and movement—that helped him feel again.00:34:16 - Emotional awakening as a couple: Caitlyn highlights the importance of both partners choosing to prioritize healing and emotional presence.00:40:10 - Trust takes time to rebuild: Brandon explains how rebuilding trust is an ongoing process that depends on consistency, honesty, and emotional availability.00:43:00 - Radical responsibility in healing: Brandon and Caitlyn explore how owning your part fully is key to rebuilding intimacy and lasting trust.
Welcome to the Grounded Union Podcast, hosted by Brandon and Caitlyn Doerksen.
In 2019, our marriage hit rock bottom—so close to divorce that we thought there was no way back. But through deep healing, transformation, and a relentless pursuit of something better, we didn’t just save our marriage—we created something more beautiful than we ever imagined.
On our journey, we realized that the conventional advice from counselors, pastors, and mentors wasn’t enough. So, we set out on an uncharted path, searching for real, lasting change. Now, standing on the other side, we’ve mapped out the exact process that restored our love, trust, and connection—a process we weren’t given but one we discovered through lived experience.
This podcast is our invitation to you: to walk this path with us, to challenge the norms, and to build a marriage that is passionate, open, honest, deeply connected, and full of life. No one told us it was possible—but we’re here to tell you: it absolutely is.
Join us on this journey. It’s not just about saving your marriage—it’s about creating one that’s stronger, richer, and more alive than ever.
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