The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast

Separation is one of those words that confuses, intrigues, and scares a lot of people. In fact, one of the first questions that comes up for many considering divorce is, "Should we legally separate first?" I wanted to break down what legal separation actually means, what it requires, and what it protects you from, so I brought back attorney and founder of Sodoma Law, Nicole Sodoma.
Nicole has built a career on helping people navigate the legal side of divorce without losing sight of the emotional side. We get into what actually constitutes legal separation, what happens if you stay married but live apart under an agreement, and why a postnup might be one of the most useful tools you might not have considered.
If you're standing at the edge of this decision, you don't have to have it all figured out today. Give yourself the information, give yourself the time, and find the right people to have in your corner. That's how you get through this well. 
What you'll hear about in this episode:
How legal separation can mean different things depending on your state (2:29)

What actually constitutes legal separation, and how that gets determined (5:30)

The benefits and drawbacks of filing for legal separation before divorce, in states that require it (10:00)

The upside and the risk of staying legally married while living apart under a mutually beneficial agreement, such keeping health insurance (12:55)

What a postnup is and how it can actually help save a marriage (15:50)

Reasons you might not want to separate yet (24:39)

Why putting space between a trigger and your response matters more than you think (32:29)

Learn more about Nicole Sodoma:
As a marriage-loving divorce attorney of 25 years, Nicole Sodoma has pioneered a way through the often- dreaded field of family law with integrity, compassion, and tenacity. Over the years, Nicole has risen to prominence as a national authority on divorce, custody, and co-parenting. However, Nicole never expected to go through a divorce herself. Through her professional and personal learnings, Nicole authored her first book, PLEASE DON'T SAY YOU'RE SORRY in 2022. The book is a witty, honest, and wildly relatable account of the stripped-down realities of marriage, separation, and divorce. While there's no denying that divorce sucks, PLEASE DON'T SAY YOUR'E SORRY serves as a reminder that although the journey can be wholly overwhelming and emotionally exhausting - it also doesn't have to be the worst thing that's ever happened to you. Nicole's new PLEASE DON'T SAY YOU'RE SORRY Workbook is the perfect companion to the book or audiobook, featuring thought-provoking questions, inspirational quotes and must-have relationship worksheets, perfect for anyone navigating marriage, separation or divorce. 
Resources & Links:

Kate Anthony's Complete Parenting Plan
Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate
The Divorce Strategy Toolkit

Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective

Kate on Instagram

Kate on Facebook

Kate's Substack Newsletter: Divorce Coaching Dispatch

Episodes are also available YouTube!
Seven Step Mindset Reset for Divorce 
Nicole's website

Nicole on LinkedIn
Nicole on Instagram
Nicole on Facebook
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DISCLAIMER:  THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE.  YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.
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Guilt. So many women feel it intensely when they're contemplating divorce, or when they've already made the decision to leave. In this episode, I'm talking about the guilt of breaking your marriage vows, the guilt of doing this to your kids, and what to do when that guilt becomes overwhelming.
Women carry guilt as though they woke up one morning, looked around at a perfectly healthy marriage and a perfectly happy family, and casually decided to blow it all up. That's not what happened. By the time most women seriously begin contemplating divorce, they've usually been trying to save the marriage for years, asking for conversations, asking for counseling, trying every possible way to be heard and understood.
These stories deserve a closer look, and so does the question underneath them: whose voice is telling you that you should feel guilty, anyway?
What you'll hear about in this episode:
What marriage vows actually promise, and why abuse or emotional abandonment breaks them long before anyone files paperwork

Why "I'm doing this to my kids" ignores what they've already been living with, and how much they sense even unsaid

How to recognize whose voice is really behind the guilt, yours or someone else

Why feeling guilty isn't the same as being guilty, and how conditioning can make a healthy boundary feel wrong

The questions worth asking when the guilt gets overwhelming, including what staying would require you to deny

Resources & Links:
Episodes are also available YouTube!
Kate Anthony's Complete Parenting Plan
Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate
The Divorce Strategy Toolkit
Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective
Kate on Instagram
Kate on Facebook
Kate's Substack Newsletter: Divorce Coaching Dispatch
Seven Step Mindset Reset for Divorce
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DISCLAIMER:  THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE.  YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.
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I'm back with anxious attachment style coach Chris Rackliffe and he's got a new book, Needy No More: The Journey from Anxious to Secure Attachment. We pick up on our previous conversation about anxious attachment right where we left off a few years ago.This episode is about the label "needy", the butterflies that aren't what you think, and choosing yourself, in dating, in marriage, and in divorce. 
Chris walks through his one degree method (for helping with decision-making over time), along with the five words he uses to teach boundaries: "that doesn't work for me." He also shares the practices he has his own clients do daily to rewire the nervous system and move from anxious to secure attachment, and breaks down the two parts of his book, the wounding and the work. 
No matter how long you've carried the pattern, it is never too late to start again. 
What you'll hear about in this episode:
The label "needy," and the double meaning behind the title, Needy No More (2:38)

Why butterflies with someone new can be your nervous system sensing danger or unavailability, not attraction, and why slowing down to listen to your gut matters (5:54)

Why anxious attachment and divorce grief are so tightly linked (16:20)

What it actually means to choose yourself inside a relationship, starting with keeping your own commitments in early dating (22:44)

Chris's one degree method, an accumulation of small choices over time, and the five words he teaches for boundaries: "that doesn't work for me" (30:04)

The daily practices Chris has his clients use to rewire the nervous system: breathwork, cold exposure, and movement, and the difference between building presence and building tolerance (32:16)

Learn more about Chris Rackliffe:
Chris Rackliffe is an anxious attachment style coach, author, and host of the Needy No More podcast who has helped thousands of people across six continents end the cycle of anxious attachment and build the healthiest relationships of their lives.
Chris spent years caught in the exhausting patterns of anxious attachment: the hypervigilance, the people-pleasing, the devastating fear that love could be taken away at any moment. It wasn't until he discovered attachment theory that everything finally made sense. That understanding changed his life—and ultimately became his life's work.
Today, Chris works privately with clients through a structured, body-based coaching program built on the belief that lasting emotional security comes not from insight alone, but from small, deliberate daily actions that compound over time to permanently rewire how you feel, think, and show up in relationships.
He is the author of Needy No More: The Journey From Anxious to Secure Attachment, available on Amazon now.
Resources & Links:
Registration is now open for the Unbreakable Retreat!

Kate Anthony's Complete Parenting Plan
Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate
The Divorce Strategy Toolkit

Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective

Kate on Instagram

Kate on Facebook

Kate's Substack Newsletter: Divorce Coaching Dispatch

Episodes are also available YouTube!
Seven Step Mindset Reset for Divorce 
Chris's website

Chris on Instagram
Chris on Facebook
Chris on TikTok
Chris on YouTube

Free consultation with Chris
Episode 202: Anxious Attachment and How to Heal with Chris Rackliffe
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DISCLAIMER:  THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE.  YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.
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What happens when you spend years orienting your life around another person and suddenly have to learn to live from the inside again? When I got out of my marriage, I had no idea who I was. I had zero sense of Self. I didn't know what I liked, what I wanted, what my values were. I didn't even know my favorite color. I had all this time that technically belonged to me, and I had no idea how to inhabit it.
I do think a lot of women experience this after divorce, and I wanted to name it in this solo episode. Many women fight their way out of a marriage expecting to naturally return to themselves, and then realize they're no longer entirely sure who that Self is. By the end of this episode, I want it to be clear why freedom can feel so disorienting, why knowing what you want can feel impossible at first, and how the work of rebuilding a relationship with yourself actually begins. 
This episode names how the disconnection happens in the first place, the slow narrowing that comes with emotional abuse, or with years of over-functioning for a partner who under-functions, until your own needs and preferences quietly disappear. It looks at why that emptiness often doesn't surface until the divorce is final and the crisis has passed, and why so many women fill that space with anything they can reach for instead of sitting in it. Finally, it points toward how you actually start to come back to yourself. Because finding yourself again isn't about returning to who you were. It's about learning, slowly and intentionally, how to live in the life you fought so hard to build. 
What you'll hear about in this episode:
The narrowing box of emotional abuse, or years of over-functioning for an under-functioning partner, and how a sense of Self disappears inside it

Why the disconnection often doesn't surface until the crisis passes and the pace of life finally slows down

The baby steps back to yourself, and the small, ordinary questions that rebuild the practice of wanting

Why choosing what lights you up can feel radical and even guilt-inducing at first

How language and community give you both the map and the space to begin

Resources & Links:
The Unbreakable Retreat, Sedona, Arizona, September 10 to 13: Early bird pricing until July 15th!
Focused Strategy Sessions Independence Day sale, $250 off
Kate Anthony's Complete Parenting Plan
The Divorce Strategy Toolkit
Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective
Kate on Instagram
Kate on Facebook
Kate's Substack Newsletter: Divorce Coaching Dispatch
The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast Episodes are also available YouTube!
Seven Step Mindset Reset for Divorce 
===================
DISCLAIMER:  THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE.  YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.
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You left the toxic relationship. You legally divorced, you financially divorced, you physically moved out, and somehow they still have you. You wake up angry, ruminating, unable to stop thinking about what they did, and wondering what's wrong with you. The answer is nothing. Your nervous system changed while you were in that relationship.This episode is about what's actually happening in your body and brain, and the tools that get you free (and winning). 
Returning guest Jackie Miller is the one walking us through it. She's a high-conflict divorce coach, speaker, and host of the podcast Out of Crazy Town, and she has a new book out called Winning: Rewiring Your Brain and Reclaiming Your Life After Toxic Love. She blends neuroscience, psychology, and practical strategy to help people break free from toxic relationship dynamics and build a life that feels peaceful, purposeful, and free. 
What you'll hear about in this episode:
The strategic way toxic exes keep you emotionally hooked after you leave, and why your nervous system stays stuck in response mode long after the abuse (3:02)

Why you have to understand the "why" behind your healing tools instead of just doing them because someone told you to (as Jackie says, "you need know why the antibiotic works to finish the whole course") (11:14)

The reminder that if you keep working on yourself, you really will move through the entanglement, even when it doesn't feel like anything is changing (17:55)

What happens when you're hijacked and spiraling, and how remembering your future gives your brain a map to follow (26:24)

How to disengage when a toxic ex is relentless, and start untangling yourself from the dynamic you were caught in (34:05)

Learn more about Jackie Miller:
Jackie Miller is a high-conflict divorce coach, speaker, author of Winning: Rewiring Your Brain and Reclaiming Your Life After Toxic Love, and host of the podcast Out of Crazytown. Drawing from her background in science and years of experience supporting survivors of post-separation abuse, Jackie helps individuals break free from toxic relationship dynamics, reclaim their sense of self, and rebuild a life rooted in clarity, confidence, and peace.
Through her work, Jackie blends neuroscience, psychology, and practical strategy to explain why healing after emotional control can feel so hard and how survivors can begin to retrain their brain, disengage from manipulation, and step out of survival mode. Her mission is to help people stop fighting for validation from those committed to misunderstanding them and start redirecting their energy toward their own freedom, power, and future. 
Resources & Links:
Registration is now open for the Unbreakable Retreat!
Kate Anthony's Complete Parenting Plan
Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate
The Divorce Strategy Toolkit
Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective
Kate on Instagram
Kate on Facebook
Kate's Substack Newsletter: Divorce Coaching Dispatch
Episodes are also available YouTube!
Seven Step Mindset Reset for Divorce
Jackie's website
Jackie's book
Jackie on Instagram
Jackie on YouTube
Jackie's podcast
===================
DISCLAIMER:  THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE.  YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.
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