The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast

• Episode 321: The Selfish Woman with Valerie Jones

  Valerie Jones joins me for a powerful conversation about something so many of us need to hear: redefining what it truly means to be selfish. Valerie is a life coach, host of The Selfish Woman Podcast, and the author of the upcoming book The Selfish Year: The Power of Choosing Yourself, hitting shelves in September 2025. In our conversation, Valerie shares the transformative experience of her own "selfish year" after leaving an emotionally abusive relationship — a year that challenged her to get radically honest with herself and stop outsourcing her self-worth. We also dive into dating as a self-growth experiment (yes, really!), how emotional safety shapes our experiences of sex and intimacy, and why centering ourselves is not only radical, but absolutely necessary. Here’s what else we get into, in this episode: Why Valerie chose “selfish” as her word of the year and how it became a life-changing framework (5:38) What Valerie’s recovery from people-pleasing looked like, and how it shows up in her work and life today (15:26) Emotional safety is non-negotiable for sex and intimacy (25:39) How to start trusting yourself again after emotional abuse (32:25) Learn more about Val Jones:  Valerie Jones is a Life Coach for women who are ready to create the life they truly desire. She is on a mission to redefine the word selfish, and help women learn how to prioritize themselves. Through her proven methods based in neuroscience, Valerie has helped thousands of women create better lives and relationships. Valerie is host of The Selfish Woman Podcast and author of The Selfish Year: The Power of Choosing Yourself. She is known for her direct approach and relatability combined with humor and compassion. Resources: Thank you to today’s podcast sponsor: Wild PasturesSubmit your questions here for possible inclusion in future Q&A podcast episodes Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective Valerie’s websiteThe Selfish Woman Podcast Valerie on TikTok Valerie on Instagram Valerie on YouTube ====== DISCLAIMER:  THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE.  YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.

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• Episode 320: The Black Hole of High Conflict with Brook Olsen

  If you’re stuck in endless loops with a high-conflict ex, Brook Olsen wants you to stop expecting them to change, and start changing how you respond. Brook is a Certified Parenting Educator, Divorce Coach, and author of The Black Hole of High Conflict. In this conversation, we get real about what happens when you stop feeding the conflict, why parallel parenting is often the only way forward, and how choosing not to engage isn't weakness, it’s clarity.  Plus, Brook offers a framework that isn’t just theory, it’s deeply practical and actionable, especially when the legal system or co-parenting landscape isn’t exactly on your side. Here’s what else we get into, in this episode: Why disengagement is a laddered process, and how to stay in it (8:50) The nervous system’s role in conflict and how to regulate your response (10:27) What conscious competence looks like in high-stress situations (28:57) The difference between co-parenting and parallel parenting (32:52) How to stop pushing back and start reclaiming your energy (36:10) Learn more about Brook Olsen: Brook Olsen is a Certified Parenting Educator with the International Network for Children and Families, a Certified Divorce Mediator, Divorce Coach, and author of The Black Hole of High Conflict, which offers perspectives and strategies for navigating a high conflict divorce. Brook’s knowledge of how the nervous system works and understanding of the role it plays in psychological and physiological reactions to trauma, conflict and anxiety brings a holistic approach to his work with families caught in the High Conflict cycle. Brook teaches classes in the High Conflict Diversion Program and trains instructors to teach the Program throughout the U.S. and Canada. He also leads workshops in communication for couples and is a peer consultant for fellow professionals. Resources & Links: Thank you to today’s podcast sponsor: Our Family Wizard Submit your questions here for possible inclusion in future Q&A podcast episodes Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate  Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective Brook’s websiteBrook’s podcastThe Black Hole of High ConflictBrook on InstagramBrook on Facebook Brook’s Facebook Group for High Conflict Divorce Support  =================== DISCLAIMER:  THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE.  YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. Episode Link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-320-the-black-hole-of-high-conflict-with-brook-olsen/  

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• Episode 319: When the Healer Harms: Speaking out Against Lundy Bancroft

  April Worthington is a teacher, mother of five, minister, and author of The Debriefing Workbook: Hope and Healing after Spiritual Abuse. In this conversation, April shares her experience involving a retreat led by Lundy Bancroft, author of Why Does He Do That?, a book many of us have clung to in our darkest moments. April’s story isn’t just one of personal harm, it’s a call to action.  As a survivor of both spiritual abuse and high-conflict divorce, April recounts how her initial fan-girl admiration of Bancroft shifted into something far more troubling after an encounter that left her reeling. She shares what unfolded during and after that retreat, the red flags she noticed, and the courage it took to speak out despite the risks. I'm holding space for April as she brings forward not only her own experience, but those of others who have come to her with eerily similar stories. Her insight challenges us to re-examine what it means to trust "experts," and the danger in handing over our vulnerability to uncredentialed individuals cloaked in guru status.  Here’s what else we get into, in this episode: The red flags that emerged during and after the retreat (6:03) The emotional fallout of being targeted by someone seen as a “healing” authority (26:24) How April is building a support network for other survivors (28:35) Why separating the author from their work is no longer an option (36:22) Learn more about April Worthington: April Worthington is a teacher, mother of five, minister, and author of The Debriefing Workbook: Hope and Healing after Spiritual Abuse. Resources & Links: Thank you to today’s podcast sponsor: Wild Pastures Unbreakable – the Divorce Recovery Retreat, Sedona, AZ in April 2025Submit your questions here for possible inclusion in future Q&A podcast episodes Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate  Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment CollectiveApril on FacebookApril’s YouTube video: A Warning to Women- RUN GIRL! Lundy Bancroft is not your friend! A Cry for Justice: Lundy Bancroft is a Predator ====== DISCLAIMER:  THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE.  YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. Episode link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-319-when-the-healer-harms-speaking-out-against-lundy-bancroft/

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• Episode 318: The Messy Truth About Healing with Kerry McAvoy, Ph.D

  Dr. Kerry McAvoy returns to talk about what it means to heal from narcissistic abuse. Not just from an intellectual standpoint, but healing your nervous system, in your relationships, and in your relationship to yourself. Healing is not quick, it’s not tidy, and it’s definitely not linear. Dr. Kerry and I talk about how women have been conditioned to serve, to disappear, to manage the emotions of everyone around us just to maintain the illusion of peace. We explore what emotional fusion looks like, what healthy relationships look like, and what it means to reconnect with Self throughout your healing journey. Here’s what else we get into, in this episode: How and why so many of us learned to believe our needs are “too much” (3:59) Discerning between, “Are you being loved and respected or just useful?” (18:03) What healthy love actually looks like (spoiler alert it includes messiness and mistakes) (28:04) Healing doesn’t have a finish line and why that’s okay (29:35) Learn more about Kerry McAvoy, Ph.D:  Dr. Kerry, a retired psychologist and author, is an expert on cultivating healthy relationships and deconstructing narcissism. Her blogs have been featured in Mamami, YourTango, Scary Mommy, and The Good Men Project. In Love You More, Dr. McAvoy gives an uncensored glimpse into her survival of narcissistic abuse, and her workbook, First Steps to Leaving a Narcissist, helps victims break free from the confusion common in abusive relationships. She hosts the Breaking Free from Narcissistic Abuse podcast and offers trauma-related advice on social media. Resources & Links: Thank you to today’s podcast sponsor: Our Family WizardUnbreakable – the Divorce Recovery Retreat, Sedona, AZ in April 2025Submit your questions here for possible inclusion in future Q&A podcast episodes Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective Dr. Kerry’s websiteDr. Kerry on Facebook  Dr. Kerry on Instagram Dr. Kerry on YouTube Dr. Kerry on TikTok Passionate Marriage: Keeping Love and Intimacy Alive in Committed Relationships, David Schnarch PhD| ====== DISCLAIMER:  THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE.  YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.

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• Episode 317: Burned Haystack Dating Method with Jennie Young

  Finding a partner after divorce can feel like searching for a needle in a haystack. This week’s guest, Jennie Young, suggests a bold alternative - burn the haystack. Jennie is the creator of Burned Haystack Dating Method, a method grounded in applied rhetoric and feminist praxis, designed to push back against the toxic norms built into many modern dating platforms. In this episode, Jennie shares practical, no-nonsense strategies for using dating apps more intentionally, treating them as tools (not lifelines), turning off notifications, and yes, burning the haystack. We also explore the common rhetorical patterns many men use on apps and how to recognize and respond to them when they show up. Tune in for an eye-opening conversation that puts you back in control of your dating life, no algorithm required. Here’s what else we get into, in this episode: How Burned Haystack Dating Method came to be and the story behind its name (5:22) The 10 essential rules that make up the Burned Haystack Dating Method (13:06) What critical discourse analysis actually is and how it can help you navigate dating apps with confidence (37:10) The rhetorical red flags to look out for, like “Test and apologize,” “Are you my mother?” and “Where were you on January 6th?” (38:58) Learn more about Jennie Young:  Jennie Young is the creator of Burned Haystack Dating Method, a dating method grounded in applied rhetoric and feminist praxis. It is designed to combat many of the challenges of dating in a market that is too frequently mediated by misogynistic and patriarchal structures. She holds a Ph.D. in rhetoric and discourse studies from Case Western Reserve University and a satire writing certificate from Second City Chicago. Her work has been published in McSweeney’s, Ms. Magazine, HuffPost, and others and covered by major media outlets such as The New York Times, Newsweek, RollingStone, and others. Resources & Links: Thank you to this episode's sponsor: Wild Pastures Unbreakable – the Divorce Recovery Retreat, Sedona, AZ in April 2025 Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective Jennie’s website Jennie’s Facebook Group Jennie on Instagram Jennie on Bluesky Jennie on LinkedIn Episode 309: Online Dating After Divorce with Alyssa Dineen DISCLAIMER:  THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE.  YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. Episode Link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-317-burned-haystack-dating-method-with-jennie-young/

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