Sorry, I Missed This: The Everything Guide to ADHD and Relationships with Cate Osborn

Did you know that women with ADHD consume explicit fiction at dramatically higher rates than neurotypical women — and there’s a neurological reason?

Dr. Erika Miley is a licensed mental health counselor, certified sex therapist, and author of the only dissertation published on ADHD and women’s sexuality. After surveying over 2,000 participants, one thing kept surfacing: smut. Romantasy, explicit romance, audio erotica — all of it.

In this episode, she explains why the ADHD brain is uniquely drawn to literary erotica, how smut raises the arousal threshold enough to sustain focus, and why neurodivergent women are using it for everything from processing emotional vulnerability to getting through household chores. 

Find Dr. Miley at erikamiley.com.

For more on this topic

Watch: ADHD and sex

Watch: Too much or not enough: ADHD sensory challenges and sex

For a transcript and more resources, visit Sorry, I Missed This on Understood.org. You can also email us at [email protected].

You can also listen to episodes of Sorry, I Missed This on The ADHD Channel for Women (formerly known as MissUnderstood).
Understood.org is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give

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Is ADHD self-diagnosis valid? According to clinical psychologist Dr. Elizabeth Kilmer, that’s the wrong question entirely. When access to diagnosis is limited by cost, insurance, stigma, and identity — and when the people who self-diagnose show higher rates of negative self-image and internalized stigma — the real conversation isn’t about validity. It’s about how we make sure people have access to good information.

Cate and Dr. Kilmer dig into what really happens when people research their own neurodivergence. They discuss research analyzing 452,000 Reddit posts that found self-diagnosed individuals seek more social validation. But they benefit less from it.

They cover what actually happens in a clinical ADHD assessment and how comorbidities like anxiety, depression, and OCD complicate the picture. And they discuss why the question “Is self-diagnosis valid?” misses the point when getting a formal diagnosis is a privilege that many can’t access.

For more on this topic

Read: Missed, misread, misdiagnosed: Current state of women with ADHD

Listen: Is ADHD online diagnosis legit?

For a transcript and more resources, visit Sorry, I Missed This on Understood.org. You can also email us at [email protected].

You can also listen to episodes of Sorry, I Missed This on The ADHD Channel for Women (formerly known as MissUnderstood).
Understood.org is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

If your home has ever felt like it’s working against you, this one’s for you. Certified professional organizer Alison Lush joins the show to unpack the ADHD relationship to stuff. Learn what chronic disorganization actually means, why the Marie Kondo method can backfire, and how to build systems that work with your brain. We also get into the emotional weight of clutter, organizing as a couples issue, and why community might be the most underrated tool of all.

For more on this topic

Watch: Tips from an ADHD Coach: Big feelings around clutter

Explore: Free self-guided activity for women with ADHD

For a transcript and more resources, visit Sorry, I Missed This on Understood.org. You can also email us at [email protected].

You can also listen to episodes of Sorry, I Missed This on The ADHD Channel for Women (formerly known as MissUnderstood).
Understood.org is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Laura Mears-Reynolds, founder of ADHDAF and an award-winning community organizer, joins Cate to talk about online communication, building connection, and staying in touch when you have ADHD. They dig into rejection sensitive dysphoria and miscommunication, object permanence with people, time blindness in relationships — and why online community can be genuinely life-saving. Plus: the great voice memo debate, and why your calendar reminder system for friends is not sociopathic.

For more on this topic

ADHDAF

Feeling unsafe with ADHD (Laura Mears-Reynolds’ story) | ADHD Aha!

Building ADHD community | Sorry, I Missed This

For a transcript and more resources, visit Sorry, I Missed This on Understood.org. You can also email us at [email protected].

You can also listen to episodes of Sorry, I Missed This on The ADHD Channel for Women (formerly known as MissUnderstood).
Understood.org is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Content warning: This episode discusses self-harm. 

What does it actually take to finish a book with ADHD? 

Cate sits down with Erik Gude, her co-author of The ADHD Field Guide for Adults, to unpack five years of starts, stops, and persistence. They get into taking advantage of accessibility options and overcoming the shame of looming, unfinished projects to get this one done. 

For more on this topic 

Listen: Infinite Quest (Cate and Erik’s podcast)

Listen: ADHD and procrastination

For a transcript and more resources, visit Sorry, I Missed This on Understood.org. You can also email us at [email protected].

You can also listen to episodes of Sorry, I Missed This on The ADHD Channel for Women (formerly known as MissUnderstood).
Understood.org is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.