MFP 336: What Would You Say to Your Younger Self? An Interview with Suzanne Bilodeau
God has selected you uniquely to be the mother for these children. He will equip you for the work He wants you to do! Summary No one feels prepared to be a parent. Even if you were one of the oldest of 10 kids in a Catholic family (like Alicia or Katie) or a family of 7 (like Suzanne) you can never really be ready! The key to surviving, and even thriving, is stepping fully into your identity as a daughter of God. All the love that we have for our spouse and children needs to come from a deep place of confident love from our Heavenly Father. Listen in to this interview with Suzanne Bilodeau, author of She Loved: Resting in the Beauty of Motherhood, a compilation of letters from older mothers to their younger selves. In our conversation we talk about actually NOT finding our identity in our motherhood, but in our daughterhood, how fear is a liar, and the importance of compassion for yourself. Key Takeaways Fear is a liar. Satan tells you that you are not enough. God says - I made you for this moment. We can be transformed when we recognize that before we are a wife or mommy we are a daughter. That is foundational. We all need to have compassion for ourselves. This is a theme found in most of the letters written for She Loved! Don’t be a martyr to your motherhood. Take time for yourself to reconnect with God and others.
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58:42
MFP 335: Safety-ism
'Cause I love you more than you could know And your heart, it grows every time it breaks I know that it might sound strange But I wish you pain - “Wish You Pain” by Andy Grammar Summary Every parent wants to keep their kids safe, but is it possible to keep them “too safe”? In this podcast episode we dive into the overwhelming cult of safety-ism, which makes keeping your child from all pain and suffering an idol. Children are really “antifragile” - meaning that they need to have an appropriate amount of stress physically, mentally and emotionally to be able to become resilient. Over-protecting and keeping kids from physical or emotional pain only makes them more anxious and risk-averse. We have lots of examples of giving kids freedom, and the results aren’t always what you think! Like so much of parenting, you need to keep in mind the stage of development your child is in to be able to expose them to appropriate risks. You don’t let your 12 yr old wander down a dark alley, but you should let them go into the grocery store alone. Listen in for some encouragement as well as tips and tricks to not keeping your kids safe, but making them strong! Key Takeaways Do all you can to keep kids in Discover Mode. Exploring is what kids do and it will keep them curious and confident. Don’t keep them safe, make them strong. Children will get hurt, get sick, get disappointed, cry with frustration…. Because they are human! Attachment to parents is key to give kids a secure base Fearful parenting keeps kids close too much and for too long Children need play-based childhood. Couple Discussion Questions How were we raised? Were we raised in a home that was in Discovery Mode or Defend Mode? Assess our family right now in light of safety vs. appropriate risk. How are our children being raised? What can we do to improve our family’s Discovery Mode for the long term benefit of our children?
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1:22:28
MFP 334: An Addiction, a Marriage, and a Priest
Our vows are for life, and we need overwhelming grace to live them out - Kevin Wells Summary If you ever thought your marriage was in such bad shape that you simply did not know what to do, this podcast is for you. We were so blessed to be able to talk to Kevin Wells, the author of The Hermit: The Priest Who Saved a Soul, a Marriage, and a Family. This interview is deep because Kevin and his wife Krista have been through the fire together and it is only by the grace of God that they both survived. Our discussion includes the indissolubility of the marriage vows, how marriage makes you holy sometimes by bringing you to the desert, and the powerful role that our priests can take in shepherding our souls and bringing Jesus to us. Kevin’s perspective is incredibly hopeful because he has seen the power of God! Take time to listen to his story and use the lessons he gives to draw closer to the source of life for all of our marriages - the Lord Himself. Key Takeaways When a person experiences shame, they always need an outlet for that shame. Sometimes its themselves and people turn inward, and sometimes it is someone else. Satan is a total jerk. He uses wounds from our childhood, when we were innocent victims, to beat us up and tell us the lie that we are not worthy of love. Every addiction is hiding a wound. To be truly free from addiction, that wound needs to be healed. When you are in the “desert” of a troubled marriage, the only way to get through is complete reliance on God. He calls us deeper into the desert to rest, abide, and surrender. Our vows are for life and this is an impossible task. It can only be accomplished by the grace of God Priests are custodians of the souls of those within their parish. When one of these souls is in error, they need the Holy Spirit to speak with firmness and candor. Anything less is false charity and false mercy. Couple Discussion Questions Are there areas of our life or marriage that aren’t completely surrendered to God? How can we surrender everything to Him? Are there priests in our lives who are true shepherds to us? How can we support and love our priest better? https://ignatius.com/the-hermit-hermp/
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58:48
MFP 333: The Family Meeting
What is the rhythm of leadership in your family? Summary Every relationship relies on communication, but when you operate as a family with many members, communication can become difficult! Kids can get lost in the chaos, plans get forgotten, chores undone, and mom and dad are constantly putting out fires. In comes the miracle of the Family Meeting! Well, let’s rephrase that… A family meeting will not solve ALL your problems but it is a great step forward in leading your family and living life intentionally. In this podcast, we discuss the REAL purpose of a family meeting (and it’s not about information shared!) and how effective meetings can satisfy one of the three fundamental needs of the human person. Listen in to find out why you need to get this on your family’s calendar today. Key Takeaways FMs give you an opportunity to lead intentionally and gives children the experience of belonging, a fundamental need Start with Prayer and Engagement Present something briefly - your observations, information or inspiration. Keep in mind your family’s values Hear from the kids - This is key. It is where they will feel seen and heard. Get on the same page - coordinate the running of the home Commit to it and make it happen - don’t give up! Depend on grace! Couple Discussion Questions How would a family meeting benefit us right now? What is the best time for us to do this? What would be the key elements for us?
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1:03:51
MFP 332: The Seven Marks of Christian Forgiveness
If forgiveness isn’t hard, you aren’t doing it right - Dan Meola Summary Many parents struggle with their children--not because of the kids, but because of the wounds they are carrying from their own parents. The only path for healing those wounds is forgiveness. But how do we forgive, especially when the hurts are deep and real? In this podcast we sat down with Dan Meola, the founder of Life Giving Wounds, a ministry for adult children of divorce. We talked about the importance of forgiveness, what it is--and what it is not. To define true forgiveness, Dan walks us through the seven marks of forgiveness that bring insight to this path to true reconciliation and healing. Key Takeaways No matter how you have been hurt you need to let go of the grudge and forgive. Unforgiveness hurts us, hurts those around us, and prevents our healing. If forgiveness isn’t hard, you aren’t doing it right. Christianity is the only religion that requires forgiveness, even if it is unilateral. This is impossible by human standards and can only be done by God’s grace. The Seven Marks are: It is specific It is an ongoing process. Can be unilateral Means you still have boundaries It is a choice, not a feeling Enables you to let go of anger, resentment, and to cancel past debts Is only possible with the grace of God
About Messy Family Podcast : Catholic Conversations on Marriage and Family
Parenting is not a clean-cut, simple process for those who like to follow the rules. Family life is messy and unpredictable, but it is the greatest adventure you will ever have. We are Mike and Alicia Hernon, parents of 10 children with a growing number of grandchildren, and we would like to invite you into some of the conversations we have had with each other about marriage, parenting, and Catholic family life. Our hope is that our conversation sparks a dialogue between you and your spouse that leads to greater unity and intentional Christian parenting in your home. Listen in to our podcast and start the conversation as we seek to lead our families to heaven.
Visit us at https:///www/MessyFamilyProject.org for resources, guides, links and show notes.
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