Are You Abandoning Yourself to Avoid Conflict? This Survival Instinct Might Be the Culprit
We’ve all heard of “fight, flight, freeze,” but there’s a fourth survival instinct that’s harder to spot. “Fawning” can look like people-pleasing, and it’s often applauded in society. But over time, it can wear down your ability to feel safe when someone close to you feels unhappy, disappointed or upset. And it can lead to overly focusing on what other people think, instead of being in-tune with yourself.
So how do you know when you’re fawning? Today’s guest, psychotherapist Meg Josephson suggests asking yourself, “Am I abandoning myself to keep the peace?” In her conversation with Leah, Meg explains where the fawn response comes from, how it can impact your relationships and day-to-day life, and solutions for how to deal with it in different contexts.
Order Meg’s book Are You Mad at Me? How to Stop Focusing on What Others Think and Start Living for You here.
Follow Leah Smart and Meg Josephson on LinkedIn.
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The Only Time Management Technique That Works With Author Oliver Burkeman
Oliver Burkeman is a journalist, author and former “productivity geek.” His bestselling book Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals outlines a saner approach to managing your time in a world of never-ending demands and distractions.
On this week’s episode of Everyday Better, Oliver explains why all of the tools and techniques meant to save us time and maximize our productivity ultimately make us feel more stressed and short on time. Oliver argues that the only time management technique that works involves recognizing that you’ll never feel on top of things. But once you accept that, you can actually start crossing things off of your to-do list—and he has strategies for how to do that as well.
If you liked this episode, check out Leah’s exercise for taking control of your calendar through “time crafting.”Follow Leah Smart and Oliver Burkeman on LinkedIn.
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Gretchen Rubin: How to Make Hard Decisions
In honor of Back-to-School season, throughout September, Everyday Better is sharing conversations inspired by the essential life skills we didn’t learn in school… but should have. This week on the show, Gretchen Rubin—best-selling author of The Happiness Project—lets us into one of her secrets of adulthood: how to make decisions.
We’re all constantly making decisions, big and small. As we get older and become the “adults” in the room, we’re more often the ones who have to choose one way or another on some big life decisions.
So when the stakes feel high, how are we supposed to pick the right thing? Is there even a “right” and a “wrong?” And how do we make sure we have no regrets and make a decision that will make us happy?
Spoiler alert: we can’t.
But! There are things we can do to make better decisions. In this episode, Gretchen shares some of her hard-won wisdom and helpful tips on how to make decisions that are right for us. If you’ve ever wondered how all the other adults are choosing their paths, and whether or not you’re on track, this conversation is for you.
If you liked this episode, you’ll also love this one: Case Kenny: How to Become an Optimist.
Follow Leah Smart and Gretchen Rubin on LinkedIn.
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Case Kenny: How to Become an Optimist
In honor of Back-to-School season, throughout September, Everyday Better is sharing conversations inspired by the essential life skills we didn’t learn in school, but should have. This week on the show, mindfulness educator Case Kenny explains how we can change our mindsets and find a more optimistic outlook.
If you watch the news, you won’t find much to be optimistic about. To realists, optimism might seem like denying reality. But in this conversation, you’ll hear why optimism isn’t about burying our heads in the sand; instead, it’s a learnable skill you can use to find more agency amidst chaos and build trust in yourself, your community, and the world.
In this week’s episode of Everyday Better, Case shares what optimism really is and how we can authentically cultivate it in ourselves. He explains why changing our mindsets starts with addressing our self-talk and how we can learn to challenge negative beliefs.
You can find Case’s new book The Opposite of Settling here.
If you liked this episode, check out our conversation with cognitive scientist Maya Shankar on navigating life’s biggest transitions.
Follow Leah Smart and Case Kenny on LinkedIn.
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Maya Shankar: How to Navigate Life’s Biggest Transitions
In honor of Back-to-School season, throughout September, Everyday Better is sharing conversations inspired by the essential life skills we didn’t learn in school, but should have. This week on the show, cognitive scientist and host of the podcast A Slight Change of Plans, Maya Shankar, reveals what happens to us when we encounter unexpected and unwanted changes in our lives.
Finding a way to deal with disappointment, shock and unwanted change is one of the most quintessential skills of adulthood. So why do so few of us know how to do it? Even Maya—who studies change—found herself at a loss when she realized that her lifelong dream of becoming a mother might never be realized.
In her conversation with Leah, Maya shares the psychological reasons why we all resist change and how we can learn to navigate events that stir up grief, shake our identities and change our realities.
Pre-order May’s forthcoming book The Other Side of Change: Who We Become When Life Makes Other Plans here.
Follow Leah Smart and Maya Shankar on LinkedIn.
Everyday Better is your guide to creating positive change at work, at home, in your relationships, and beyond.
Each week, Leah Smart, LinkedIn's Senior Editor and a certified coach specializing in self-improvement, shares inspiring conversations with trusted voices and curates research-backed strategies to help you navigate transitions, challenges, and uncertainties with clarity and intention. Because work and the rest of your life don’t exist in silos, and what happens in one always finds its way into the other.
Discover fresh perspectives, get unstuck, and take small steps every day, toward the life you want. New episodes every Tuesday.
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