Codependency Alchemy: The Podcast

Have you ever felt like you couldn’t let go of someone even though you knew the relationship was over? In this episode, I share one of the most powerful shadow work questions I’ve ever used to help uncover why it’s so difficult to move on after a relationship ends.
Together we’ll explore:
* why we attach our dreams to people
* how codependency keeps us trying to control the outcome
* what it really means to build inner safety after heartbreak
* a guided inner child healing practice to help you begin releasing the attachment without abandoning yourself.
Whether you’re navigating a breakup, struggling to let go of an ex, or simply noticing how tightly you cling to certain outcomes in relationships, this episode is an invitation to turn inward instead of chasing certainty outside yourself.
Because healing isn’t about getting someone back.
It’s about coming home to yourself.
What you’ll learn…
* Why letting go feels so difficult after a breakup
* How codependency fuels attachment
* One shadow work question that changes everything
* A simple inner child healing practice for building inner safety
* How to move from control toward self-trust
This episode is for you if...
* You’re struggling to let go of an ex
* You’re healing codependency or anxious attachment
* You want practical tools for moving through heartbreak
Your invitation
In the comments, take a moment to ask yourself this shadow work prompt:
What dream have I attached to this person?
Then notice:
* How do I feel when I believe that dream only exists with them?
* How would I feel if I didn’t believe that thought?
Sometimes what we’re grieving isn’t the relationship itself. It’s the story we’ve been telling ourselves about what our life can and cannot be.
If you’d like support exploring these patterns more deeply, you’re invited into the Codependency Alchemy membership, where we practice shadow work, inner child healing, and nervous system tools together through live sessions, monthly AMAs, and an ever-growing library of guided healing practices.
Click here to learn more and join our growing Codependency Alchemy community on Substack
*Was this episode supportive? If so, please like and share it with someone else who might need to hear these conversations. As always, thank you for your support in helping me in my mission of spreading awareness around codependency and healing the mother wound.



This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit alyssaaazander.substack.com/subscribe

Have you ever caught yourself spiraling and thought, "Why am I doing this again?" This episode is about what happens when we stop trying to get rid of the pattern and start listening to what it's trying to tell us.
We explore why self-sabotage isn't actually the problem, how triggers point us toward unmet needs, and the powerful question that can completely change the way you relate to your patterns.
What you’ll learn…
* The question that helps you understand your triggers* How to identify what your patterns actually want and need* How shadow work helps us move through triggers with compassion
This episode is for you if...
* You struggle with self-sabotage* You judge yourself when old patterns resurface* You feel frustrated that healing isn’t happening “fast enough”
Your invitation…
Take a moment to ask yourself these questions and type them out in the comments (or write them in your journal). Just make sure do somehow do this reflection somewhere that isn’t just in your head, it’s important to witness ourselves in these contemplations.
What is one thing I keep doing that I wish I would stop doing?
Then ask:
* What does that part of me want?* What does that part of me need?* How would that part of me feel if it got that need met?
Notice what comes up, because maybe the pattern isn’t the problem. Maybe it’s showing you exactly where healing wants to happen.
If you’re wanting support exploring these questions more deeply, you’re invited into the Codependency Alchemy membership where we practice this work together through live shadow work sessions, inner child healing practices, monthly AMAs, and community support.
Click here to learn more and join our growing Codependency Alchemy community on Substack.


This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit alyssaaazander.substack.com/subscribe

Why does silence feel so uncomfortable in relationships?
In this episode of Codependency Alchemy, I explore the hidden reason many of us rush to fill the space when our partner gets quiet, withdrawn, or dysregulated.
In this episode, we explore:
- Why silence feels triggering
- The urge to seek reassurance
- External vs. internal processors
- How space creates deeper connection
- Emotional regulation in relationships
- Why trying to control someone else’s emotions creates more conflict
Your invitation...
Take a moment to ask yourself this shadow work prompt and share in the comments:
If you don’t fill the space… what are you afraid will happen?
Notice what comes up for you. Take time to actually write it out (or type it out)… even if you don’t hit post, the act of writing it out offers you a type of healing and witnessing that thinking it can’t give you.
And if you’re wanting a space to practice this kind of reflection in real time alongside others who are also learning how to soften, receive, and build more secure relationships, you’re always invited into the Codependency Alchemy membership on Substack.
It’s a space for shadow work, inner child practices, and honest conversations like this one… where you don’t have to do it alone.
You can click here to join as a free subscriber or upgrade your subscription to explore the membership for deeper support.


This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit alyssaaazander.substack.com/subscribe

Have you ever done something “nice” for someone… but secretly felt exhausted, resentful, or unseen afterward? This episode is about the hidden relationship dynamic underneath that pattern.
After a conversation with my grandma about boundaries, family dynamics, and generational relationship patterns, I realized how many of us confuse self-sacrifice with love.
In this episode, we explore the subtle ways codependency shows up through overgiving, people-pleasing, and saying yes when it isn’t actually true for us.
Because sometimes the dysfunction in relationships isn’t just manipulation, guilt, or control.
Sometimes it’s abandoning ourselves to keep the peace.
What you’ll learn…
* Why saying yes when you mean no damages trust
* How over-giving creates resentment in relationships
* Why boundaries are actually acts of love
* How to ask for consent during difficult conversations
* The difference between responsibility vs. blame
* Why explaining your boundaries can signal dysregulation
This episode is for you if…
* You struggle to say no and over-give in relationships
* You feel guilty setting boundaries
* You secretly resent people after helping them
* You want healthier, more honest relationships
Your invitation…
Take a moment to reflect on this shadow work question:
If I say no or set a boundary… what am I afraid will happen?
Notice what comes up for you. Take time to actually write it out (or type it out)… even if you don’t hit post, the act of writing it out offers you a type of healing and witnessing that thinking it can’t give you.
And if you’re wanting a space to practice this kind of reflection in real time alongside others who are also learning how to soften, receive, and build more secure relationships, you’re always invited into the Codependency Alchemy membership on Substack.
It’s a space for shadow work, inner child practices, and honest conversations like this one… where you don’t have to do it alone.
You can click here to join as a free subscriber or upgrade your subscription to explore the membership for deeper support.


This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit alyssaaazander.substack.com/subscribe

Have you ever pushed away support… even when you really needed it? This episode is about why receiving can feel so hard and what changes when we allow it.
This episode is a little different. I’m showing up in real time, without a script, in the middle of a season that has completely shifted me.
After losing a close friend and navigating multiple family health scares and loss, I found myself face to face with something I’ve worked on for years… my relationship to receiving.
In this episode, I share what grief has revealed about hyper-independence, codependency, and all the ways we push away support.
What you’ll learn…
* Why hyper-independence is often rooted in lack of trust
* How rejecting support shows up in subtle ways
* The connection between codependency and not receiving
* How allowing others to support you deepens connection
* What grief revealed about vulnerability and being held
This episode is for you if…
* You struggle to accept help or support
* You pride yourself on being “independent”
* You feel uncomfortable receiving love or care
* You tend to take care of others but not let them take care of you
Your invitation…
Take a moment to explore this shadow work prompt in the comments:
“If I receive support, love, or care… what am I afraid will happen?”
Notice what comes up. Remember, you don’t have to hit post or share it with anyone, but at least write it out to witness yourself.
If you want to go a little deeper, you can also ask:
* Where does that fear live in my body?
* How old does that part of me feel?
And if you’re wanting a space to practice this kind of reflection in real time alongside others who are also learning how to soften, receive, and build more secure relationships, you’re always invited into the Codependency Alchemy membership on Substack.
It’s a space for shadow work, inner child practices, and honest conversations like this one… where you don’t have to do it alone.
You can click here to join as a free subscriber or upgrade your subscription to explore the membership for deeper support.


This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit alyssaaazander.substack.com/subscribe