Breaking Free from Narcissistic Abuse

The ruined birthday. The wrecked anniversary. The gift left in a drawer. It wasn't thoughtlessness.

Dr. Kerry sits down with psychodynamic psychotherapist Lynn Strathdee to break down one of the most painful — and least-named — patterns in narcissistic relationships: the deliberate destruction of special occasions.

Lynn identifies the core drive as pleasure at being the cause — a compulsion rooted in early development that, in character-disordered adults, becomes a form of covert manipulation. Your emotional pain isn't collateral damage. For a narcissist, it's the reward.

Reference: Shawna the Mom: https://www.youtube.com/@ShawnatheMom

In this episode:

Why narcissists specifically target birthdays, holidays, and anniversaries

The "pleasure at being the cause" drive — and how it escalates on your best days

Dry begging: the manipulation tactic hiding in plain sight

How devaluation becomes a source of narcissistic supply

Why you kept making excuses — and what this pattern reveals about NPD

Podcast Extra Exclusive Segment
If the sabotage only makes sense in hindsight — can you learn to see it in real time?

Kerry and Lynn unpack the quieter signal most survivors train themselves to override: the "something feels a little off" whisper — and how to turn its volume up without becoming paranoid. Plus: the chat-history article that's been haunting Kerry about an ordinary couple, and what one partner had actually been thinking all along.

Find the exclusive second segment and weekly newsletter here: https://substack.com/@breakingfreenarcabuse

LYNN STRATHDEE is a UK-based psychodynamic psychotherapist specializing in echoism, narcissistic abuse recovery, and the unconscious patterns that keep survivors stuck in repeating relationship cycles. A former educator turned therapist, Lynn brings both clinical training and lived experience to her private practice, where she works with clients online and in person. Her approach goes beyond surface-level psychoeducation to the deeper identity work that creates lasting change.

WEBSITE: https://echoismrecovery.com/

Key Moments

00:00 — "That was the point"

00:29 — The birthday he set out to ruin

02:24 — Cozumel, the cheesecake, and every plan sabotaged

03:11 — "A retreat to decide if he still wanted to be married"

03:48 — The pleasure of being the cause

07:03 — Double whammy: the act and the emotion it creates

09:15 — The gratitude trap: why they can't let it go well

14:56 — What gifts reveal (and the lotion re-gift)

17:38 — "Dry begging" and the gifts he never used

20:33 — The bracelet he came home wearing

21:07 — Naming the sadism: "go to the feeling it gave you"

23:00 — The mania of secret knowing: "you don't know, I do"

25:26 — Recognizing it in the moment, not in hindsight

Dr. Kerry's Resources


ReclaimYou: Dr. Kerry's AI-powered coaching app


The Complete Recovery Collection: Narcissistic abuse resources


First Steps to Leaving: Online self-paced digital course


Toxic-Free Relationship Club: Live coaching & community support

Follow Dr. Kerry!


Youtube


Instagram


TikTok


Facebook

Kerry Kerr McAvoy, Ph.D, a retired psychologist & author, is an expert on cultivating healthy relationships and deconstructing narcissism.

As an Amazon affiliate, commission is earned from qualifying purchases.

This podcast/video is for educational purposes only. It does not constitute therapy, counseling, or professional mental health advice. If you are in crisis, please call 911 or your local emergency number.

#NarcissisticAbuse #Narcissism #ToxicRelationships #NPD #NarcissisticAbuseRecovery
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In this Viewers' Stories episode, Dr. Kerry unpacks the psychological damage done by narcissistic abuse, especially when you’re living with a partner who’s keeping a secret life.

Learn how cheaters use gaslighting, lies, and calculated reality distortion to conceal their betrayals. They want to make you question your own mind so completely that you stop listening to your instincts, destroying your self-trust.

If you've ever felt like you were going crazy, re-reading old texts to prove to yourself what was real, then you’ve experienced this kind of manipulation. And healing from narcissistic abuse begins when you discover your instincts were right all along.

This is the Thursday companion to Monday's interview with therapist Cheryl Camarillo, "Sexual Addiction Looks Nothing Like What You Think"

Key Moments

00:00 — Married to a master of reality distortion

01:24 — "I can no longer trust myself"

03:32 — Superhuman dissociation and the secret sexual basement

04:56 — Becoming the detective: hunting for the second phone

06:42 — Minwalla's three-pronged model: 17 women in 21 days

08:14 — Three truths to anchor your nervous system

To go deeper into rebuilding self-trust after betrayal, the members-only Podcast Extra covers exactly that. Join Substack & watch it immediately when you become a paid subscriber here.
Have a story of your own? Share by emailing Dr. Kerry at clients@kerrymcavoyphd.com or use this link.

Resources

ReclaimYou: Dr. Kerry's AI-powered coaching app

The Complete Recovery Collection: Narcissistic abuse resources

First Steps to Leaving: Online self-paced digital course

Toxic-Free Relationship Club: Live coaching & community support

Follow Dr. Kerry!

Youtube

Instagram

TikTok

Facebook

Kerry Kerr McAvoy, Ph.D, a retired psychologist & author, is an expert on cultivating healthy relationships and deconstructing narcissism.

As an Amazon affiliate, commission is earned from qualifying purchases.

This podcast/video is for educational purposes only. It does not constitute therapy, counseling, or professional mental health advice. If you are in crisis, please call 911 or your local emergency number.

#covertnarcissist #cheating #doublelife #gaslighting #betrayaltrauma
Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Most people imagine they'd recognize a sex addict. But here’s the reality most survivors never realize: you were never meant to see it.

Sexual addictive behavior doesn’t look like deception or betrayal; it looks like distance, irritability, or a relationship going cold. You don’t realize you’re with someone who’s living a double life.

In this interview, Dr. Kerry sits down with therapist Cheryl Camarillo, who specializes in sexual addiction and toxic relationships. Together they break down the deception architecture a sex addict builds, how narcissistic traits fuel the compartmentalization, and why partners so often blame themselves before they ever suspect the truth.

If you've ever felt something was deeply wrong in your relationship but couldn't name it, this episode will give you language for what you experienced.

Podcast Extra Exclusive Segment

Want to go deeper?

In the members-only Podcast Extra, learn the specific behavioral signs you’ll notice first. If you're wondering whether what you experienced was real, this is where you'll find your answer.

Find the exclusive second segment and weekly newsletter here.

CHERYL CAMARILLO, a trauma-informed social worker demystifies the complexities of deep-seated trauma and offers a compassionate, real-world roadmap for individuals and families navigating life's heaviest struggles. As a social worker, consultant, and adoptive mother, Cheryl has spent decades on the front lines of human resilience. She brings her vast expertise to two critical, modern battlegrounds: sex therapy and sex addiction/partner betrayal trauma.

Website: https://cherylcamarillo.com

Key Moments

0:00 The Perfect Marriage With a Basement Full of Secrets

1:00 How Cheryl Married Into This World

3:09 Discovering the Truth and Finding Her Calling

5:17 Spotting the Pattern and Its Three Root Causes

7:34 Kerry's Own Story of 17 Women in Three Weeks

9:01 Is Sex Addiction a Form of Narcissism?

9:30 The Hidden Trauma You Can't See or Prove

11:33 What Real Intimacy Is Supposed to Feel Like

12:48 Why the Betrayed Partner Gets Left Behind

14:54 What Really Shapes a Sex Addict

17:32 Entitlement, Compulsion, and the Need for a Hit

22:04 Why Narcissists Never Feel Real Shame

23:48 Who Actually Recovers and

Resources


ReclaimYou: Dr. Kerry's AI-powered coaching app


The Complete Recovery Collection: Narcissistic abuse resources


First Steps to Leaving: Online self-paced digital course


Toxic-Free Relationship Club: Live coaching & community support

Follow Dr. Kerry!


Youtube


Instagram


TikTok


Facebook

Kerry Kerr McAvoy, Ph.D, a retired psychologist & author, is an expert on cultivating healthy relationships and deconstructing narcissism.

As an Amazon affiliate, commission is earned from qualifying purchases.

This podcast/video is for educational purposes only. It does not constitute therapy, counseling, or professional mental health advice. If you are in crisis, please call 911 or your local emergency number.

 
#doublelife #narcissisticabuse #npd #abuse #toxicrelationships #traumarecovery #betrayaltrauma

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Abuse is something we imagine happens behind closed doors. For a lot of survivors, some of the most frightening moments happened not just in the home but in the passenger seat of a moving car.

In this Viewers' Stories episode, Dr. Kerry pulls directly from your comments and unpacks what each one reveals about how narcissists weaponize the car.

It was never about losing the narcissist losing their temper. It was about control. And if you've ever braced yourself just getting into the car with someone, you weren't imagining it.

This is the Thursday companion to Monday's episode with co-host Lynn Strathdee, "Road Rage & Other Terrifying Ways Narcissists Use Cars to Intimidate You."

To go deeper into what to actually do when you can't leave yet, be sure to check out the members-only Podcast Extra covers exactly that. Here's the link.

Have a story of your own? Share by contacting Dr. Kerry at clients@kerrymcavoyphd.com.

Key Moments

0:00 The Terrifying Reality of a Weaponized Car

0:33 A Captivity That Moves 70 Miles Per Hour

1:13 She Went Deaf From His Road Rage

2:39 Escaping the Car at Every Red Light

3:18 When My Husband's Driving Became a Weapon

4:23 Why So Many of Us Stay for Years

5:11 How Anything Becomes an Excuse to Erupt

6:06 He Chased a Stranger While I Couldn't Breathe

6:53 They're Not Losing Control, They're Taking It

7:31 Why Your Body Still Braces Behind the Wheel

7:54 Reclaiming Your Autonomy on the Road

8:24 Share Your Own Survival Story

8:57 Real Help in Real Time With Reclaim You

Resources

ReclaimYou: Dr. Kerry's AI-powered coaching app

The Complete Recovery Collection: Narcissistic abuse resources

First Steps to Leaving: Online self-paced digital course

Toxic-Free Relationship Club: Live coaching & community support

Follow Dr. Kerry!

Youtube

Instagram

TikTok

Facebook

Kerry Kerr McAvoy, Ph.D, a retired psychologist & author, is an expert on cultivating healthy relationships and deconstructing narcissism.
As an Amazon affiliate, commission is earned from qualifying purchases.

This podcast/video is for educational purposes only. It does not constitute therapy, counseling, or professional mental health advice. If you are in crisis, please call 911 or your local emergency number.

#roadrage #narcissisticrage #narcissisticabuse #npd #abuse #toxicrelationships #traumarecovery

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

If you've ridden in a car with a narcissist, then you've likely experienced them using their driving to intimidate, threaten, or scare you. People with narcissistic traits often use vehicles like a weapon, turning you into more of a hostage instead of a passenger.

This week, Dr. Kerry and co-host Lynn break down why road rage and narcissism frequently co-occur and how the car gets used for far more than just driving, i

If you've survived narcissistic abuse, want to watch the part we couldn't fit into the main episode? Become a paid Substack subscriber and learn:

What to actually do if you're experiencing narcissistic abuse but you can't leave yet

Why "how do I make them stop?" is the wrong first question,

Why grey rock can backfire behind the wheel

And the dangerous assumption nearly every survivor makes about their own safety.

Become a paid subscriber here and unlock your access today!
Tune in this upcoming Thursday for Viewers' Stories where we'll share your road-rage stories.

LYNN STRATHDEE is a UK-based psychodynamic psychotherapist specializing in echoism, narcissistic abuse recovery, and the unconscious patterns that keep survivors stuck in repeating relationship cycles. A former educator turned therapist, Lynn brings both clinical training and lived experience to her private practice, where she works with clients online and in person. Her approach goes beyond surface-level psychoeducation to the deeper identity work that creates lasting change.

Website

Key Moments

00:00 — Cars as devices for control nobody suspects

05:00 — The car as a metaphor for the self

08:06 — What their car says to the world

11:39 — The mattress on the floor: the car as a mask

14:23 — When something this ordinary makes you doubt yourself

17:49 — The parking-garage asthma attack 21:48 — His reality wins, no matter the danger

26:18 — Gender, cars, and the "little lady" hierarchy

29:12 — What to do if this is happening to you (→ Podcast Extra)

Dr. Kerry's Resources

ReclaimYou: Dr. Kerry's AI-powered coaching app

The Complete Recovery Collection: Narcissistic abuse resources

First Steps to Leaving: Online self-paced digital course

Toxic-Free Relationship Club: Live coaching & community support

Follow Dr. Kerry!

Youtube

Instagram

TikTok

Facebook

Kerry Kerr McAvoy, Ph.D, a retired psychologist & author, is an expert on cultivating healthy relationships and deconstructing narcissism.
As an Amazon affiliate, commission is earned from qualifying purchases.

This podcast/video is for educational purposes only. It does not constitute therapy, counseling, or professional mental health advice. If you are in crisis, please call 911 or your local emergency number.

#narcissisticabuse #toxicrelationships #roadrage #narcissists

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.