You Keep Me Sane

Episode Overview
This week, we’re returning to something we haven’t done in a while - reading a listener letter. And this one stopped us in our tracks.
Elsa writes about something so many of us quietly carry: doing well on paper, yet feeling like we’re one step away from being found out. The overthinking, the over-preparing, the constant questioning - it’s exhausting.
In this conversation, we unpack imposter syndrome through a self-worth lens. Why it often shows up in capable, high-achieving women. Why confidence doesn’t always follow experience. And why this might be less about competence - and more about self-trust.

Key Discussion Points
Why imposter syndrome often shows up in high achievers
The gap between how life looks externally and how it feels internally
Overthinking, over-preparing, and the mental exhaustion that follows
Comparing ourselves to others who seem more confident
The difference between a competence gap and a self-trust gap
Why confidence isn’t a prerequisite for showing up

Listener Takeaways
You’re not the only one - imposter syndrome is far more common than we think
Feeling like you’ll be “found out” doesn’t mean it’s true
Confidence doesn’t automatically come with experience or success
Awareness is the first step—notice the pattern, don’t immediately believe it
You don’t need to feel fully ready or certain to take your place
Self-worth isn’t built on getting everything right—it’s built on trusting yourself 
 If this episode resonated, you can start rebuilding your self-worth with our guide  ENOUGH

Links:
Download Enough - Our Self Worth Reset.
Follow YKMS Podcast on IG @youkeepmesane.pod  
Follow YKMS on FB https://www.facebook.com/YouKeepMeSanePod
Email us at  [email protected]
Subscribe to our Newsletter: https://www.youkeepmesane.com/subscribe/
Hosts: Aileen Harvey & Julie Fahy
See https://www.buzzsprout.com/privacy for privacy information
Disclaimer: 
Remember, we’re two friends sharing our personal experiences and discussing everyday challenges. We’re not qualified coaches or therapists, and our content is for general information and supportive conversation only. If you need professional help, please seek advice from a licensed therapist.

Episode Overview
In this episode, we explore something that’s been sitting underneath so many of our conversations lately… cortisol.
What started as disrupted sleep and feeling constantly “on” quickly became something deeper. Because when you really look at cortisol, it’s not just about stress - it’s about how we live, what we carry, and what we believe about our own worth.
This conversation moves beyond quick fixes and into a more honest question:
 Why is it so hard to slow down… even when we know we need to?
💬 Key Discussion Points
 Why waking at 1–3am might be more than just “bad sleep” 
 Why stress hits differently in midlife 
 The link between cortisol and self-worth 
🌿 Listener Takeaways
 If you’re feeling exhausted, wired, inflamed or foggy… there’s nothing wrong with you 
 Cortisol isn’t just about stress  it’s about what you haven’t allowed yourself to stop 
 Slowing down can feel uncomfortable when your worth is tied to doing 
If this sounds familiar - waking at 3am, feeling wired but tired, or noticing that constant “on” feeling in your body -  you don't need more pressure. We've been using a 15-minute cortisol reset guide that's a really good place to start.
Get it here:
👉 GUIDE
🤍 Join the Conversation
This one felt personal for us… and we have a feeling it might for you too.
Have you noticed these shifts in your own body?
Do you find it hard to slow down, even when you know you need to?
We’d really love to hear your experience.
Send us a DM or email us at [email protected]
And if this episode resonated, share it with someone who might need to hear it.
Links:
Download Enough - Our Self Worth Reset.
Follow YKMS Podcast on IG @youkeepmesane.pod  
Follow YKMS on FB https://www.facebook.com/YouKeepMeSanePod
Email us at  [email protected]
Subscribe to our Newsletter: https://www.youkeepmesane.com/subscribe/
Hosts: Aileen Harvey & Julie Fahy
See https://www.buzzsprout.com/privacy for privacy information
Disclaimer: 
Remember, we’re two friends sharing our personal experiences and discussing everyday challenges. We’re not qualified coaches or therapists, and our content is for general information and supportive conversation only. If you need professional help, please seek advice from a licensed therapist.

Episode Overview
This week, we explore the need to be chosen — at work, in friendships, in love, and in family roles. For years, being picked can feel like proof of worth… and not being picked can quietly unravel us. We unpack how midlife starts to loosen that wiring, and how the shift from “please choose me” to “I choose me” changes everything.

Key Discussion Points
Aileen notices she no longer needs praise or an invitation to feel valuable
Julie reflects on how fear of rejection shaped her choices for years
How “shape-shifting” shows up in friendships, family roles and people-pleasing
The romantic reframe: not “Do they want me?” but “Do I choose them?”
How to spot when you’re still living in “please choose me” mode

Listener Takeaways
Being chosen isn’t proof of worth - and not being chosen isn’t proof you’re lacking
Fear of judgement can be just as exhausting as chasing validation
Midlife often brings clarity: you stop auditioning and start choosing
You can care deeply without over-explaining, over-giving, or over-performing
Self-worth grows when you trust your own choice, not someone else’s approval

Links:
Download Enough - Our Self Worth Reset.
Follow YKMS Podcast on IG @youkeepmesane.pod  
Follow YKMS on FB https://www.facebook.com/YouKeepMeSanePod
Email us at  [email protected]
Subscribe to our Newsletter: https://www.youkeepmesane.com/subscribe/
Hosts: Aileen Harvey & Julie Fahy
See https://www.buzzsprout.com/privacy for privacy information
Disclaimer: 
Remember, we’re two friends sharing our personal experiences and discussing everyday challenges. We’re not qualified coaches or therapists, and our content is for general information and supportive conversation only. If you need professional help, please seek advice from a licensed therapist.

Episode Overview
This week, we explore a quiet but powerful shift happening in midlife: the move from chasing traditional success to craving something far less flashy - peace.
For years, achievement meant striving. Building. Proving. Being impressive. We grew up in a culture that celebrated ambition, hustle and visible markers of success. And in many ways, we embodied that - high achievers, big thinkers, always “on.”
But midlife changes the lens.
With shifting hormones, teenage children, ageing parents, business pressures and the constant hum of modern life, the nervous system starts to demand honesty. What once felt energising now feels depleting. What once looked impressive now looks exhausting.
In this conversation, we unpack what happens when the real wealth we crave is calm. A regulated nervous system. Honest relationships. A home that feels steady. A life that feels sustainable.
Because maybe the bravest thing we can do in midlife isn’t scale up - it’s refine.

Key Discussion Points
Swapping coffee for cacao - and the unexpected lesson about cortisol, stimulation and going to extremes.
Why midlife women report some of the highest global stress levels - and what that says about modern success.
The shift from chasing “impressive” to choosing “peaceful.”
The guilt women feel when pulling back - and why peace is actually responsible, not selfish.
What “quiet wealth” looks like in real life: subtraction, depth, calm mornings and fewer but deeper relationships.
Insights from the long-running Harvard University adult development study, showing that close relationships - not fame or fortune - predict long-term happiness and health.

Listener Takeaways
Notice where you’re still chasing impressive instead of peaceful.
Ask yourself what your current version of “success” is costing your nervous system.
Consider subtracting one commitment this month.
Reduce exposure to comparison triggers — both online and in conversation.
Invest more deeply in one relationship that feels regulating rather than draining.
Define success privately, not publicly.
Quiet wealth doesn’t shout.
It doesn’t need applause.
But it feels rich.
If this season of your life is asking for less noise and more depth, you’re not behind. You’re not unambitious.
You might just be redefining what wealth truly means.

Join Us for More on Patreon!
Please join us on Patreon for our Sanity Checks - our short weekly episodes where we share what’s really on our minds. They’ve been part of the podcast since the very beginning - those little check-ins and raw conversations. Now, for the price of a coffee a month, you'll get this extra weekly episode plus much more!
Join Us via this link:
https://www.patreon.com/14211197/join
Links:
Download Enough - Our Self Worth Reset.
Follow YKMS Podcast on IG @youkeepmesane.pod  
Follow YKMS on FB https://www.facebook.com/YouKeepMeSanePod
Email us at  [email protected]
Subscribe to our Newsletter: https://www.youkeepmesane.com/subscribe/
Hosts: Aileen Harvey & Julie Fahy
See https://www.buzzsprout.com/privacy for privacy information
Disclaimer: 
Remember, we’re two friends sharing our personal experiences and discussing everyday challenges. We’re not qualified coaches or therapists, and our content is for general information and supportive conversation only. If you need professional help, please seek advice from a licensed therapist.

This episode grew from a simple image we shared in a recent Sanity Check: two jars.
One jar is full — kind words, encouragement, praise, moments where someone saw you and appreciated you.
The other jar holds just one negative comment.
And yet… it’s the second jar most of us carry.
We explore why one raised eyebrow, one piece of criticism, one offhand remark can eclipse a hundred positive moments. Why it lingers. Why it replays. Why it feels like proof.
We talk about negativity bias, self-worth, shrinking, second-guessing and the quiet exhaustion that comes from gripping that mostly empty jar.
And most importantly — how we begin to put it down.
Key Discussion Points
The “two jars” metaphor and why so many women instantly recognised themselves in it
Why one negative comment can occupy our minds all day — even if it lasted only 30 seconds
The concept of negativity bias and how our brains process negative experiences more quickly than positive ones
How social conditioning (especially for women) amplifies the need to be liked, agreeable and “get it right”
Why praise often doesn’t land — and why criticism feels familiar
The connection between negative comments and pre-existing beliefs like “I’m not enough” or “I get it wrong”
How self-worth changes the proportion of impact — it’s not about becoming bulletproof, it’s about balance
The exhaustion of carrying self-doubt: over-explaining, shrinking, working harder than necessary
Why tiredness isn’t always about what you’re doing — sometimes it’s about what you’re carrying
Practical shifts: noticing which jar you’re holding, questioning why something landed so hard, and consciously allowing praise to sit

Listener Takeaways
You’re not dramatic for holding onto one comment — you’re human
Negative feedback often hurts because it echoes something you already believe
Praise doesn’t land if it doesn’t match your internal story
Growth isn’t about never being affected — it’s about not letting one comment define you
You don’t have to deny a negative experience — you just don’t have to build your identity around it
Self-worth strengthens when we become conscious of what gets to stay with us
The jar feels heavy because it is heavy — and you are allowed to put it down

Join the Conversation
As you listen, ask yourself:
Which jar am I carrying right now?
And more importantly —
Why am I still holding onto it?
We’d love to hear your reflections.
Come and tell us what resonated.
DM us on social media or email us at [email protected].
You’re not broken.
You’re learning what gets to stay.
Links:
Download Enough - Our Self Worth Reset.
Follow YKMS Podcast on IG @youkeepmesane.pod  
Follow YKMS on FB https://www.facebook.com/YouKeepMeSanePod
Email us at  [email protected]
Subscribe to our Newsletter: https://www.youkeepmesane.com/subscribe/
Hosts: Aileen Harvey & Julie Fahy
See https://www.buzzsprout.com/privacy for privacy information
Disclaimer: 
Remember, we’re two friends sharing our personal experiences and discussing everyday challenges. We’re not qualified coaches or therapists, and our content is for general information and supportive conversation only. If you need professional help, please seek advice from a licensed therapist.