The Birth Lounge Podcast

What if secure attachment isn't about doing everything perfectly? In this episode, HeHe sits down with licensed therapist and attachment expert Eli Harwood, aka Attachment Nerd, to break down what secure attachment actually looks like, how co-regulation and attunement shape our relationships with our kids, and why being “regulated enough” matters way more than being a perfect parent.

HeHe and Eli unpack the difference between attachment and simply being connected, why responsiveness matters more than following a specific parenting philosophy, and what happens when our own mental health, stress, or childhood experiences make it harder to tune into our kids. They talk about the still face experiment, the reality that even securely attached parent-child pairs are only perfectly in sync some of the time, and why repairing after you mess up is one of the most powerful things you can do.

And if you're trying to break generational patterns, this conversation goes DEEP. Eli shares how grieving what you didn't receive in childhood can actually help you parent differently, plus practical ways to apologize, reconnect, and create safety after a rupture.

They also get into daycare, temperament, neurodivergence, clingy kids, proximity-seeking, self-soothing vs. shutting down, gentle parenting vs. permissive parenting, and the long-term impact of secure attachment. And yes, they talk about spanking, why it can disrupt trust, and what repair can look like when you've already made a parenting choice you regret.

Basically, this episode is your reminder that secure attachment isn't about never getting it wrong. It's about creating a relationship where your child knows you're there, keeps coming back to you, and learns that even when things go sideways, connection can be repaired. 💜

Chapters
00:00 Regulated Enough Goals
01:01 Free C-Section Class
03:14 The Biological Parenting Lens
07:30 What Attachment Actually Is
10:59 Attachment Myths & Nuance
14:47 Mental Health & Bonding
16:10 Attunement & Co-Regulation
19:46 Good Enough Parenting
28:35 Repair & Apology Scripts
38:51 Breaking Cycles From Your Childhood
42:07 Signs of Secure Attachment
44:15 Self-Soothing vs. Shutdown
45:12 Temperament & the Strange Situation
47:43 Why Kids Have a Preferred Caregiver
50:03 Reassurance Beyond Hugs
53:09 Clingy Kids & Hypervigilance
55:09 The Myth of Attachment Milestones
56:10 Gentle vs. Permissive Parenting
01:02:54 The Long-Term Benefits of Secure Attachment
01:06:04 Building Your Village
01:08:49 Find Eli
01:11:07 Spanking & Repair
01:16:33 Final Takeaways & Outro

Guest Bio:

Eli Harwood is a licensed therapist, creator of Attachment Nerd, and author of the books "Securely Attached", "Raising Securely Attached Kids," and “How to Deal with Your (__) So Your Kids Don’t Have to”. She has over 19 years of clinical experience, over 1.5 million followers across her social media platforms, and is on a mission to make the world a more secure place one attachment relationship at a time. Eli has three children, one husband, two cats, a gaggle of chickens, and an extraordinary number of high maintenance plants!

 

Connect with Eli: www.attachmentnerd.com

SOCIAL MEDIA:
Connect with HeHe on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tranquilitybyhehe/ 

Connect with Eli on IG: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/

LINKS MENTIONED:
Learn about the Still Face Experiment here: https://www.gottman.com/blog/research-still-face-experiment/

BIRTH EDUCATION:
Learn how to stay in control of your birth and reduce the risk of unnecessary interventions in our Avoid a C-Section Webinar. HeHe breaks down the cascade of interventions, explains what’s really happening in the hospital, and shares practical strategies to protect your birth plan, advocate for yourself, and navigate labor with confidence. Perfect for anyone who wants a positive, informed hospital birth experience: https://www.thebirthlounge.com/csection

Feeling nervous about speaking up in labor? Our Scripts for Advocacy give you the exact words to handle the most common conversations that can make or break your birth experience. From declining unnecessary interventions to asking the right questions about procedures, these scripts empower you to stay in control, speak confidently, and protect your birth plan — even when the pressure is on. Think of it as your personal toolkit for advocating like a pro, so you can focus on your baby, not the stress: https://www.thebirthlounge.com/Scripts-for-Advocacy

And if you haven’t grabbed it yet…
Snag my free Pitocin Guide to understand the risks, benefits, and red flags your provider may not be telling you about, so you can make informed, powerful decisions in labor: https://www.thebirthlounge.com/pitocin

Join The Birth Lounge for judgment-free, evidence-based childbirth education from HeHe that shows you exactly how to navigate hospital policies, avoid unnecessary interventions, and have a trauma-free labor experience, all while feeling wildly supported every step of the way: https://www.thebirthlounge.com/

Want prep delivered straight to your phone?
Download The Birth Lounge App for bite-sized birth and postpartum tools you can use anytime, anywhere: https://www.thebirthlounge.com/app

Labor Live is your chance to practice navigating labor before you’re actually in it. This interactive birth simulation delivers real-life labor scenarios straight to your phone, letting you make decisions, explore your options, and learn what questions to ask your provider along the way. Labor Live starts September 1. Head to https://joinlaborlive.com/ to save your spot!

Your water breaks... now what?! In this episode, HeHe walks you through exactly what to pay attention to when your water breaks, how to confirm that it actually happened, and how to make informed decisions about what comes next instead of automatically rushing into the hospital or an induction.

She breaks down the TACO framework: Time, Amount, Color, and Odor, plus the biggest red flags to watch for, including decreased fetal movement, bleeding, fever, preterm rupture, severe pain, and the emergency of a cord prolapse. HeHe also gets into expectant management vs. induction, the pressure around the so-called “24-hour clock,” vaginal exams, eating, baths, and what questions to ask your provider so you can stay in control.

And because knowing what to do isn't the same as actually practicing it, HeHe also introduces Labor Live, her interactive, real-time birth simulation designed to help you practice making decisions and advocating for yourself before you're in the middle of labor.

Chapters
00:00 Stay In Control
00:29 Welcome & Teaser
02:02 Your Water Broke... Now What?
03:06 Labor Is a Conversation
04:34 Did Your Water Actually Break?
06:02 Baby Movement & Timing
07:36 Red Flags & Emergencies
11:24 Your Options After Your Water Breaks
15:40 Eating, Baths & Hydrotherapy
18:54 Labor Live & Wrap Up

 

SOCIAL MEDIA:
Connect with HeHe on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tranquilitybyhehe/ 

BIRTH EDUCATION:
Learn how to stay in control of your birth and reduce the risk of unnecessary interventions in our Avoid a C-Section Webinar. HeHe breaks down the cascade of interventions, explains what’s really happening in the hospital, and shares practical strategies to protect your birth plan, advocate for yourself, and navigate labor with confidence. Perfect for anyone who wants a positive, informed hospital birth experience: https://www.thebirthlounge.com/csection

Feeling nervous about speaking up in labor? Our Scripts for Advocacy give you the exact words to handle the most common conversations that can make or break your birth experience. From declining unnecessary interventions to asking the right questions about procedures, these scripts empower you to stay in control, speak confidently, and protect your birth plan — even when the pressure is on. Think of it as your personal toolkit for advocating like a pro, so you can focus on your baby, not the stress: https://www.thebirthlounge.com/Scripts-for-Advocacy

And if you haven’t grabbed it yet…
Snag my free Pitocin Guide to understand the risks, benefits, and red flags your provider may not be telling you about, so you can make informed, powerful decisions in labor: https://www.thebirthlounge.com/pitocin

Join The Birth Lounge for judgment-free, evidence-based childbirth education from HeHe that shows you exactly how to navigate hospital policies, avoid unnecessary interventions, and have a trauma-free labor experience, all while feeling wildly supported every step of the way: https://www.thebirthlounge.com/

Want prep delivered straight to your phone?
Download The Birth Lounge App for bite-sized birth and postpartum tools you can use anytime, anywhere: https://www.thebirthlounge.com/app

Labor Live is your chance to practice navigating labor before you’re actually in it. This interactive birth simulation delivers real-life labor scenarios straight to your phone, letting you make decisions, explore your options, and learn what questions to ask your provider along the way. Labor Live starts September 1. Head to https://joinlaborlive.com/ to save your spot!

Low amniotic fluid can be one of those pregnancy diagnoses that sends you straight into a Google rabbit hole. So in this episode, HeHe sits down with board-certified OBGYN Dr. Lawren Honken to break down oligohydramnios, what it actually means, how it's diagnosed, and when low fluid may or may not mean it's time to induce.

Dr. Lawren explains how providers measure amniotic fluid, including the difference between the single deepest pocket and AFI, and why one measurement may give us a more useful picture than the other. They also dig into what can contribute to low fluid, from dehydration and placental function to hypertension, preeclampsia, fetal growth restriction, ruptured membranes, and other pregnancy complications.

And then we get into the big question: Does low amniotic fluid automatically mean you need an induction? Spoiler: it's more nuanced than that. HeHe and Dr. Lawren talk through hydration and repeat ultrasounds, fetal monitoring, the risks associated with truly low fluid, ACOG guidance for isolated oligohydramnios, and what happens when you're trying to decide whether to continue the pregnancy or move toward delivery.

They also have a really important conversation about informed consent, trauma-informed care, provider communication, and why a diagnosis shouldn't automatically mean you're rushed into a decision without understanding your options. Because sometimes the most empowering thing your provider can give you isn't another intervention. It's information, context, and the space to make an informed decision about your own body and baby.

If you've been told you have low amniotic fluid, you're being monitored for oligohydramnios, or you're trying to understand when an induction is actually medically indicated, this is one you want in your back pocket.

Chapters
00:00 Induction Shockwave
01:12 Pregnancy Diagnosis Minefield
03:42 Meet Dr. Lawren Honken
07:52 What Is Low Amniotic Fluid?
10:55 Hydration, Placenta & Clues
14:34 What Causes Low Fluid?
19:20 Amnioinfusion Explained
22:25 When Does Induction Make Sense?
29:08 Individualized & Trauma-Informed Care
33:31 HeHe Shares a Personal Birth Story
36:41 When Your Water Breaks Without Contractions
39:13 How Accurate Is an Ultrasound?
41:00 The Risks of Low Amniotic Fluid
46:49 Advocating for Your Options
51:27 The Triage Reassurance Algorithm
54:20 Provider Compassion & Burnout
01:00:26 Questions to Ask Your Provider
01:02:03 Where to Follow Dr. Lawren
01:03:17 Final Wrap & Subscribe

Guest Bio:

Dr. Lawren Honken is a board-certified OB/GYN, Certified Menopause Practitioner, surgeon, mother of four, and creator of Your Friend the OB/GYN. She is passionate about helping women understand their options through evidence-based education so they can make informed decisions that align with their values, goals, and unique circumstances. Her approach emphasizes patient autonomy, shared decision-making, and compassionate, individualized care.

Connect with Dr. Honken here: YourFriendTheOBGYN.com

SOCIAL MEDIA:
Connect with HeHe on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tranquilitybyhehe/ 

Connect with Dr. Honken on IG: https://www.instagram.com/yourfriendtheobgyn/

LINKS MENTIONED:
IG account measure the placenta: https://www.instagram.com/measuretheplacenta/

Listen to our episode with Dr. Florescue here: ​​https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VEex1HJId2o

BIRTH EDUCATION:
Learn how to stay in control of your birth and reduce the risk of unnecessary interventions in our Avoid a C-Section Webinar. HeHe breaks down the cascade of interventions, explains what’s really happening in the hospital, and shares practical strategies to protect your birth plan, advocate for yourself, and navigate labor with confidence. Perfect for anyone who wants a positive, informed hospital birth experience: https://www.thebirthlounge.com/csection

Feeling nervous about speaking up in labor? Our Scripts for Advocacy give you the exact words to handle the most common conversations that can make or break your birth experience. From declining unnecessary interventions to asking the right questions about procedures, these scripts empower you to stay in control, speak confidently, and protect your birth plan — even when the pressure is on. Think of it as your personal toolkit for advocating like a pro, so you can focus on your baby, not the stress: https://www.thebirthlounge.com/Scripts-for-Advocacy

And if you haven’t grabbed it yet…
Snag my free Pitocin Guide to understand the risks, benefits, and red flags your provider may not be telling you about, so you can make informed, powerful decisions in labor: https://www.thebirthlounge.com/pitocin

Join The Birth Lounge for judgment-free, evidence-based childbirth education from HeHe that shows you exactly how to navigate hospital policies, avoid unnecessary interventions, and have a trauma-free labor experience, all while feeling wildly supported every step of the way: https://www.thebirthlounge.com/

Want prep delivered straight to your phone?
Download The Birth Lounge App for bite-sized birth and postpartum tools you can use anytime, anywhere: https://www.thebirthlounge.com/app

Ready to prepare for labor like nobody has before? Head to https://www.thebirthlounge.com/laborlive 

"How will I know if I'm in labor?"

If you've asked yourself this question fifty times already, you're not alone, and I promise it's not because you're missing something obvious. There's no single "poof" moment. No one clear sign that says this is it. Losing your mucus plug, bloody show, even being 3–4 cm dilated can all happen days before active labor actually starts.

In this episode, I'm breaking down what's actually happening in early labor and why it feels so confusing. I'll share my own story of sitting at dinner with intense contractions that just... stopped once I rested. (Yes, that happens. No, it doesn't mean anything's wrong.)

I'm walking you through how to tell Braxton Hicks from true labor contractions, not just by how they feel, but by their pattern, their predictability, and where you feel them in your body. We'll talk about how hydration, rest, and magnesium can actually help calm things down when it's not time yet. And I'll help you reframe early labor as something you get to live through with a plan, instead of something you're anxiously waiting to survive.

I'll also cover when it's actually time to call your provider, and introduce Labor Live, starting September 1, an interactive birth simulation built to help you practice real-time labor decisions before you're actually making them.

Because the goal isn't to memorize every possible symptom. It's to know your body well enough to trust yourself when the moment comes.

00:00 False Alarm Contractions
01:00 Why Labor Feels Confusing
02:17 No Single Labor Sign
02:43 Mucus Plug and Bloody Show
03:43 Braxton Hicks vs Labor
05:52 How Contractions Feel Different
07:30 Dilation Isn't Labor
08:54 Waters Breaking Matters
10:00 Early Labor Game Plan
11:57 Symptom Stack and When to Call
13:29 You'll Feel the Shift
14:07 Labor Live Simulation
17:07 Wrap Up and Key Patterns
18:29 Final Thanks and Subscribe

SOCIAL MEDIA:
Connect with HeHe on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tranquilitybyhehe/ 

BIRTH EDUCATION:
Learn how to stay in control of your birth and reduce the risk of unnecessary interventions in our Avoid a C-Section Webinar. HeHe breaks down the cascade of interventions, explains what’s really happening in the hospital, and shares practical strategies to protect your birth plan, advocate for yourself, and navigate labor with confidence. Perfect for anyone who wants a positive, informed hospital birth experience: https://www.thebirthlounge.com/csection

Feeling nervous about speaking up in labor? Our Scripts for Advocacy give you the exact words to handle the most common conversations that can make or break your birth experience. From declining unnecessary interventions to asking the right questions about procedures, these scripts empower you to stay in control, speak confidently, and protect your birth plan — even when the pressure is on. Think of it as your personal toolkit for advocating like a pro, so you can focus on your baby, not the stress: https://www.thebirthlounge.com/Scripts-for-Advocacy

And if you haven’t grabbed it yet…
Snag my free Pitocin Guide to understand the risks, benefits, and red flags your provider may not be telling you about, so you can make informed, powerful decisions in labor: https://www.thebirthlounge.com/pitocin

Join The Birth Lounge for judgment-free, evidence-based childbirth education from HeHe that shows you exactly how to navigate hospital policies, avoid unnecessary interventions, and have a trauma-free labor experience, all while feeling wildly supported every step of the way: https://www.thebirthlounge.com/

Want prep delivered straight to your phone?
Download The Birth Lounge App for bite-sized birth and postpartum tools you can use anytime, anywhere: https://www.thebirthlounge.com/app

In this episode of The Birth Lounge Podcast, HeHe gets real about one of the most uncomfortable and misunderstood parts of postpartum life: intrusive thoughts. If you've ever had a scary, unwanted thought pop into your head after having a baby and immediately wondered, “What is wrong with me?!”, you are absolutely not alone.

HeHe sits down with Špela Grašič, a registered clinical counselor and new mom who has lived with OCD herself, to unpack the difference between common postpartum intrusive thoughts and postpartum OCD. They talk about why so many new parents experience unwanted thoughts about something happening to their baby, and why having an intrusive thought does not mean you want it to happen or make you more likely to act on it.

Špela shares her own experience with vivid postpartum intrusive thoughts and explains how OCD can be sneaky, showing up not just through obvious behaviors, but through mental compulsions, reassurance-seeking, checking, avoidance, and constantly trying to make sure you're a “good enough” or safe parent.

Together, HeHe and Špela explore how hormones, sleep deprivation, hypervigilance, stress, and the enormous responsibility of caring for a tiny human can all contribute to postpartum intrusive thoughts. They also share practical ways to respond when those thoughts show up, including naming and externalizing them, grounding, breathing, values-based strategies, and finding a therapist who actually understands OCD and perinatal mental health.

Most importantly, this episode is about taking the shame out of thoughts you never asked for. Postpartum OCD can be misunderstood or mistaken for anxiety or depression, so knowing what to look for and getting the right support matters.

If you've ever been afraid to tell someone what your brain is doing because you're scared they'll judge you, this conversation is for you. You deserve support, you deserve answers, and you do not have to navigate the weird, scary, overwhelming parts of postpartum alone.

Chapters:

00:00 You Are Not Broken

01:24 Why Mental Health Feels Taboo

03:12 Meet Špela and Today’s Goals

05:55 Taboo Intrusive Thoughts Explained

07:04 Real Postpartum OCD Stories

10:45 Reassurance and The Data

12:03 Host’s Bank Trigger Moment

16:01 Why Intrusive Thoughts Happen

19:19 Hypervigilance and Bias Battles

30:12 Birth Lounge App Break

34:29 Back to OCD Postpartum Changes

34:43 Postpartum OCD Flareups

35:19 Miscarriage Intrusions Explained

37:47 Compulsions and Leniency

42:09 Reassurance Versus Exposure

48:26 Support and Resources Wrap

 

Guest Bio:

Spela Grasic is a new mom and a Registered Clinical Counsellor from Kelowna, BC (Canada). Her journey into mental health started over a decade ago when a friend said, “maybe you should talk to someone.” (Yes, like the book.) She did and, over time, transformed her relationship with herself and her thoughts. She now sits with others as they learn to hold, untangle, and tend to all the messy, painful stuff.

Spela holds a Master of Arts in Counselling Psychology from Yorkville University and a Master of Arts in English from the University of British Columbia (Okanagan). Her S.S.H.R.C funded MA (English) research explored the novel as a space where communities can explore intergenerational trauma encapsulated in everyday interactions, institutions, and languages. Professional qualifications aside, Spela is a quirky, sometimes awkward, new mom, partner, sister, daughter, and friend navigating the messiness of a rich and fulfilling life.

Connect with Spela: https://www.instagram.com/spelagrasiccounselling/ https://bcacc.ca/counsellors/spela-grasic/ https://alivecounselling.com/team/spela-grasic/

SOCIAL MEDIA:
Connect with HeHe on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tranquilitybyhehe/ 

Connect with Spela on IG: https://www.instagram.com/spelagrasiccounselling/ 

 

BIRTH EDUCATION:
Want prep delivered straight to your phone?
Download The Birth Lounge App for bite-sized birth and postpartum tools you can use anytime, anywhere: https://www.thebirthlounge.com/app

Learn how to stay in control of your birth and reduce the risk of unnecessary interventions in our Avoid a C-Section Webinar. HeHe breaks down the cascade of interventions, explains what’s really happening in the hospital, and shares practical strategies to protect your birth plan, advocate for yourself, and navigate labor with confidence. Perfect for anyone who wants a positive, informed hospital birth experience: https://www.thebirthlounge.com/csection

LINKS MENTIONED:
Listen to our episode on intrusive thoughts w/ Dr. Kat:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ivM-Iqv1qK0

 international iCBT foundation: https://icbt.online/

 International OCD Foundation:  https://iocdf.org/

The Happiness Trap: https://thehappinesstrap.com/

https://www.instagram.com/anxietyocdtreatment/

Postpartum Support International: https://postpartum.net/