The Birth Lounge Podcast

This episode is brought to you by a paid partnership with Cozy Earth. 

Gift-giving season is here, and HeHe says Cozy Earth bamboo PJs are the only ones she wears (and the gift she has given for the last couple of years). Their biggest sale of the year ends December 3rd. Use code HEHE for 35% off at https://www.cozyearth.com and tell them at checkout you heard about them on The Birth Lounge Podcast.

 

Will your doula be mad if you get an epidural? Will she judge you if you're loud, change your birth plan, or decide that home birth isn't for you? You guys, let's get one thing straight: your doula is not there to grade your birth. After nearly 11 years of attending births, HeHe has a list of five things she genuinely could not care less about when it comes to how you give birth.

 

HeHe gets into the questions parents are sometimes afraid to ask when interviewing a doula, and why the answers should make you feel supported, not judged. From getting an epidural to making noise, changing your mind, and everything in between, she shares the five things that don't matter nearly as much as people think they do. Plus, there's one thing she cares about more than ALL of them.

 

Because knowing what you want for your birth is step one. Feeling confident enough to communicate it, navigate hospital policies, and make decisions when things don't go exactly to plan? That's step two. The Birth Lounge gives you judgment-free, evidence-based childbirth education to help you understand your options, advocate for yourself, and feel supported every step of the way.

 

Join The Birth Lounge here ($300 off through midnight Nov 13): https://www.thebirthlounge.com/join

 

IN THIS EPISODE

The five things HeHe genuinely doesn't care about as your doula

Whether your doula will still support you if you get an epidural

Why being loud, changing your mind, or choosing a different birth setting shouldn't earn you judgment

What to ask when interviewing a doula and the answers you deserve

The one thing HeHe cares about more than how you give birth

Why practicing your advocacy before labor matters

 

Ready to feel wildly supported and prepared for birth? For five days only, November 9–13, get $300 off The Birth Lounge, plus HeHe will mail you a rebozo and a couple of cozy extras when you join!

Join here: https://www.thebirthlounge.com/join

Sale ends at midnight on November 13.

If this episode helped you, rate and review the show. It's the #1 way other parents find it.

 

CHAPTERS

00:00 Level 10 Contractions Will Take You Out to Space

00:55 The Birth Lounge $300 Off Sale

02:10 5 Things I Don't Care About as Your Doula

03:55 Does Your Doula Care What Kind of Birth You Have

06:40 Where to Give Birth: Home, Birth Center, or Hospital

10:15 Epidural vs Unmedicated Birth and Pain Relief

13:45 Cozy Earth Sponsor: https://www.cozyearth.com

15:30 Doulas and Providers: Autonomy and Shared Decision-Making

20:45 Best Pushing Position (HeHe's Birth Story)

23:50 What a Doula Actually Cares About

27:15 Final Thoughts and Outro

 

CONNECT

HeHe on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tranquilitybyhehe/

The Birth Lounge on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/the.birth.lounge/

 

KEEP LEARNING WITH HEHE

Scripts for Advocacy, the exact words for the conversations that can make or break your birth, from declining unnecessary interventions to asking the right questions: https://www.thebirthlounge.com/Scripts-for-Advocacy

Want prep delivered straight to your phone? Download The Birth Lounge App for bite-sized birth and postpartum tools you can use anytime, anywhere: https://www.thebirthlounge.com/app

 

LINKS MENTIONED

The Birth Lounge $300 Off Sale: https://www.thebirthlounge.com/join

Cozy Earth: https://www.cozyearth.com (code HEHE)

Scripts for Advocacy: https://www.thebirthlounge.com/Scripts-for-Advocacy

The Birth Lounge App: https://www.thebirthlounge.com/app

This episode is brought to you by a paid partnership with Cozy Earth. HeHe has given Cozy Earth bamboo PJs as gifts for the last couple of years, and they’re the only ones she wears: soft from the start, softer with every wash, warm but not too warm, and not the polyester kind. Their biggest sale of the year ends December 3rd. Head to https://www.cozyearth.com and use code HEHE for 35% off, and when they ask at checkout where you heard about them, tell them The Birth Lounge Podcast. 

What happens when becoming a mother brings up all the ways you needed your own mom and didn’t get what you needed? Motherhood has a funny way of bringing old wounds right to the surface. The grief, the unmet needs, the patterns you swore you’d never repeat. Suddenly, you’re not just learning how to mother your child. You’re learning how to mother parts of yourself, too.

Healing your own story is one half of the work. The other half is walking into birth with evidence-based education and a plan to navigate hospital policies, and that’s what The Birth Lounge is built for. It’s $300 off through midnight on November 13, and HeHe will also mail you a rebozo and a couple of cozy extras when you join during the sale: https://www.thebirthlounge.com/join

In this episode of The Birth Lounge Podcast, HeHe sits down with Mandy Cai, founder of The New School of Motherhood, to talk about the mother wound, reparenting, and how birth and postpartum can bring unresolved trauma and grief bubbling up in ways you never expected. Mandy shares the stories of her two births, including how her first unmedicated water birth, in Shanghai at the height of COVID, left her feeling empowered and confident, while her second birth involved violations of consent that left her feeling unsafe in her body, triggered sexual trauma, and made bonding with her baby difficult. She opens up about recognizing her experience as birth trauma and the work it took to begin healing through therapy, nervous system regulation, and emotional processing.

But this conversation goes far beyond birth stories. HeHe and Mandy unpack how growing up without the mothering you needed can shape the way you show up in adulthood and motherhood, from hyper-independence and struggling to ask for help to the pressure to get everything right with your own children. They talk about grieving the mom you didn’t have, recognizing old patterns as they show up, and learning to repair with your kids when you get it wrong. Because breaking generational cycles doesn’t mean being a perfect mom. It means being willing to notice, take responsibility, and do things differently.

Here’s the part that matters: You can grieve the mother you didn’t have, work toward forgiveness, and still maintain boundaries. Healing doesn’t require pretending the hurt didn’t happen. This episode is an honest conversation about giving yourself the care you may have missed, showing up differently for your children, and learning that repair is possible even when perfection isn’t.

Content note: this conversation includes birth trauma, consent, and past sexual trauma.
In this episode:
• How becoming a mother can bring unresolved childhood wounds and grief to the surface
• Mandy’s two birth stories and how dramatically different those experiences were
• How her first unmedicated water birth shaped her confidence and desire to mother differently
• How violations of consent during her second birth triggered trauma and a sense of unsafety in her body
• Recognizing birth trauma, navigating difficulty bonding, and beginning the healing process
• The role of therapy, nervous system regulation, and emotional processing in healing
• How the mother wound can show up as hyper-independence and difficulty asking for support
• What reparenting actually looks like in everyday motherhood
• Why breaking generational cycles isn’t about being a perfect parent
• How to recognize old patterns and repair with your children in real time
• Why kids benefit from seeing their parents take accountability and make repairs
• Grieving the mother you needed but didn’t have
• How forgiveness and boundaries can coexist

Connect with Mandy Cai and explore The New School of Motherhood for more support around reparenting, healing, and breaking generational cycles: https://www.thenewschoolofmotherhood.com

When you’re ready to feel just as supported going into birth, join The Birth Lounge before the sale ends at midnight on November 13: https://www.thebirthlounge.com/join

If this episode helped you, rate and review the show. It’s the #1 way other parents find it.

CHAPTERS
00:00 Grief Is Love With Nowhere to Go
01:08 The Birth Lounge $300 Off Sale
02:38 Meet Mandy Cai
05:48 Mandy's Birth Stories
06:40 COVID Water Birth Story
13:14 Consent and Birth Trauma Healing
24:30 Reparenting and Doing the Work
25:57 Understanding the Mother Wound
38:42 What Doing the Work Looks Like
44:34 Repairing Old Patterns
46:26 Kids Notice the Repair
47:55 Cozy Earth
56:39 Grieving the Mom You Didn't Have
01:15:50 The New School of Motherhood
01:17:38 Forgiveness and Closing
01:21:18 HeHe's Closing

GUEST BIO
Mandy Cai is the founder of The New School of Motherhood and host of its podcast. She helps driven mothers build well-resourced, mother-centric businesses around their values, capacity, and family life, so meaningful work and deep presence at home no longer have to compete.

CONNECT
HeHe on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tranquilitybyhehe/
The Birth Lounge on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/the.birth.lounge/
Mandy’s website: https://www.thenewschoolofmotherhood.com
Mandy’s free newsletter on Substack: https://thenewschoolofmotherhood.substack.com
Find Mandy on Instagram, Spotify, and Apple Podcasts as The New School of Motherhood.

KEEP LEARNING WITH HEHE
Want the exact words for protecting your consent in the birth room? Grab Scripts for Advocacy: https://www.thebirthlounge.com/Scripts-for-Advocacy

LINKS MENTIONED
The Birth Lounge, $300 off through midnight November 13: https://www.thebirthlounge.com/join
Cozy Earth (use code HEHE): https://www.cozyearth.com
The New School of Motherhood (Mandy Cai): https://www.thenewschoolofmotherhood.com
Mandy’s free newsletter on Substack: https://thenewschoolofmotherhood.substack.com
Scripts for Advocacy: https://www.thebirthlounge.com/Scripts-for-Advocacy

Breech baby? First things first: take a breath. A breech position doesn’t automatically mean you need a C-section, and it definitely doesn’t mean you’re out of options. But finding a provider who actually has the skills and experience to support a vaginal breech birth? That’s where things can get tricky.

In this episode of The Birth Lounge Podcast, HeHe breaks down what you can do if your baby is breech, including practical ways to encourage baby into a head-down position, especially around 26–28 weeks. From posture and body work to chiropractic care, massage, Spinning Babies techniques, strength training, and stretching, she walks through different approaches to help create more balance and space in your body. She also talks about visualization and connecting with your baby, because birth prep isn’t just about checking boxes and doing exercises.

But here’s the bigger conversation: Why are so many parents told that breech automatically means a C-section? HeHe explores the lack of breech training in U.S. medical education and hospital systems, the impact of the Term Breech Trial on breech birth policies, and why access to genuinely breech-trained providers matters. She also explains external cephalic version (ECV), a medical procedure that may be an option for turning a breech baby, and points listeners toward evidence-based education and provider resources through Breech Without Borders.

Want the full breakdown of what to consider before an ECV? HeHe has an entire evidence-based breech article waiting for you inside The Birth Lounge App: https://www.thebirthlounge.com/app

In this episode:

Why a breech position doesn’t automatically mean you’re out of birth options

When to start exploring ways to encourage your baby to turn head down

How posture and body mechanics may influence the space available for baby to move

Spinning Babies techniques, including breech tilt and forward-leaning inversion

The role of chiropractic care, massage, body work, and balancing strength training with stretching

Why visualization and connecting with your baby can be part of your birth preparation

What to look for when searching for a provider with actual breech birth training and experience

How the Term Breech Trial influenced hospital policies and access to vaginal breech birth

What external cephalic version (ECV) is and when it may be worth discussing with your provider

Where to find evidence-based breech education and provider resources through Breech Without Borders

Get the evidence-based breech article, including ECV considerations, in The Birth Lounge App: https://www.thebirthlounge.com/app

Find breech education and provider resources at Breech Without Borders: https://www.breechwithoutborders.org/

If this episode helped you, rate and review the show. It’s the #1 way other parents find it.

 

CHAPTERS

00:00 Is Breech Really as Dangerous as They Say?

01:00 The Birth Lounge App

05:49 Does Your Baby Know Something?

06:52 Why Posture Matters

09:15 Body Work and Spinning Babies

10:02 Tension, Strength Training, and Pilates

11:28 Visualization and Connecting with Baby

13:55 Cozy Earth

15:35 The Term Breech Trial and Hospital Policy

16:48 Finding a Breech-Trained Provider

18:18 Breech Without Borders and ECV

19:31 Why HeHe Can't Stay Quiet About Breech Birth

 

CONNECT

HeHe on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tranquilitybyhehe/

The Birth Lounge on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/the.birth.lounge/

 

COZY EARTH

This episode is brought to you by Cozy Earth. HeHe has given Cozy Earth PJs as gifts for the last couple of years, and they are the only ones she wears. Cozy Earth is having its biggest sale of the year through December 3rd. Head to https://www.cozyearth.com and use code HEHE for 35% off. This is a paid partnership, and HeHe may earn a commission when you shop with her code. 

 

KEEP LEARNING WITH HEHE

Want the exact words for the conversation with a provider who says breech means a C-section? Grab Scripts for Advocacy: https://www.thebirthlounge.com/Scripts-for-Advocacy

 

LINKS MENTIONED

The Birth Lounge App: https://www.thebirthlounge.com/app

Breech Without Borders: https://www.breechwithoutborders.org/

Spinning Babies: https://www.spinningbabies.com

Cozy Earth (use code HEHE): https://www.cozyearth.com

Scripts for Advocacy: https://www.thebirthlounge.com/Scripts-for-Advocacy

Breech baby? Suddenly, your options might feel like they’ve gone from a whole menu to one very big “schedule a C-section.” But here’s the thing: vaginal breech birth is a skill, and when providers aren’t trained or hospitals aren’t willing to support it, parents can lose access to an option they may never have been told was possible.

In this episode, HeHe sits down with Betty-Anne Daviss, a midwife and researcher with more than 50 years of experience, to talk about breech birth, unnecessary cesareans, and what it actually takes to rebuild the skills needed to support vaginal breech births. Betty-Anne explains why a one-day training doesn’t automatically make someone qualified to attend breech births, how supervised experience matters, and what she’s working to change through the new Breech POWER Course. They also dig into breech outcomes at her Ottawa hospital, upright breech techniques, the history of forceps, and why routine forceps use isn’t necessarily the answer.

They revisit the controversial Term Breech Trial and the research that followed, explore differences between Canadian and U.S. maternity care systems, and unpack the fear, liability concerns, and hospital policies that can make collaboration so difficult. From Apgar scores and monitoring to induction after your water breaks, this conversation gets into the details that parents and providers need to understand when discussing breech birth.

Because a breech presentation doesn’t mean you should automatically be left without options. This conversation isn’t about pretending every provider has the skills to safely attend every breech birth. It’s about building real competency, creating better collaboration, and making sure parents have access to informed conversations instead of blanket restrictions. Your birth options should be shaped by your individual circumstances and qualified care, not simply by what a hospital is comfortable offering.

Knowing your options is one thing. Having bite-sized birth prep in your pocket for the next appointment, when someone says “we don’t do that here,” is another. That’s what The Birth Lounge App is for: https://www.thebirthlounge.com/app

In this episode:

Betty-Anne’s 50+ years of experience in midwifery and what led her to focus on breech birth

Why short breech trainings can create overconfidence without the supervised experience needed to build real skills

What the new Breech POWER Course offers and how it aims to expand provider education

What Betty-Anne reports about breech outcomes at her hospital in Ottawa

The history of forceps in breech birth and why Betty-Anne challenges their routine use

How upright breech birth techniques work and why hands-on skills matter

What the Term Breech Trial found and what later follow-up research adds to the conversation

Why breech babies may have lower initial Apgar scores and what providers should consider when monitoring

The differences between Canadian and U.S. midwifery systems and access to breech birth

How hospital privileges, liability concerns, and fear can create barriers to collaboration

What to consider when discussing induction after PROM with a breech baby

Where families and providers can find more education, training, and support

Betty-Anne’s work on birth models, activism, and human rights

If you want prep delivered straight to your phone, download The Birth Lounge App for bite-sized birth and postpartum tools you can use anytime, anywhere: https://www.thebirthlounge.com/app

Providers and birth workers: the Breech POWER Conference is November 21-22 in Toronto. Details and registration: https://www.breechpowercourse.com/workshops-conferences

If this episode helped you, rate and review the show. It’s the #1 way other parents find it.

 

CHAPTERS

00:00 Bringing Breech Back

01:00 Why Breech Is HeHe’s Hill to Die On

07:00 Breech Roadblocks in Hospitals

09:29 Betty-Anne’s Background and the Breech POWER Course

13:45 The Term Breech Trial

14:56 Canadian vs. U.S. Midwifery Systems

18:23 Getting Breech Birth Privileges at the Hospital

19:34 The Frank Nudge and the History of Forceps

21:15 Why Forceps May Not Be Needed

26:05 Breech Birth Techniques and Hands-On Skills

27:45 Truly Free

31:17 Home vs. Hospital for Breech Birth

34:48 Why Breech Babies May Have Lower Apgar Scores

38:59 NICU Stories and Lessons Learned

40:15 U.S. vs. Canada: Fear, Liability, and Breech Birth Restrictions

45:29 A Patient Story About Childlike vs. Childish Thinking

49:34 Induction After PROM with a Breech Baby

55:15 Where Do U.S. Families Go for Breech Birth?

57:24 The Breech POWER Conference

58:41 Closing Thoughts and Resources

01:00:56 Betty-Anne’s Books and Where to Find Her

 

GUEST BIO

Betty-Anne Daviss has been a midwife for over 50 years. Originally trained by traditional midwives in Guatemala, she has done clinical research and published in medical journals on hemorrhage and home birth, upright vaginal breech birth, and VBAC. She holds breech privileges at a hospital in Ottawa, has spoken at conferences around the world, and leads trainings for breech birth through the Breech POWER Course. She is the author of Birthing Models on the Human Rights Frontier and Rethinking the Physiology of Vaginal Breech Birth.

 

A NOTE FROM BETTY-ANNE

“We say now that if you are a breech practitioner with large hands, like William Smellie (in the 1700s), you may need forceps, but if you are a seasoned practitioner with female-sized hands, you have another instrument. If you use the upright positioning, you rarely need it for the breech, but for the 1-5% of times you need something, your hand fits well into the birthing person's vagina to extract the head. We know from the MRI studies in Frankfurt that the transverse diameters of the pelvis open up 1 to 2 cm. in a crouched over position and from the biomechanical engineering studies, they also become more ample in the squatting position, so usually just positioning works. And we know at least one male with large hands who used his hand, reaching far enough into the vagina to reach the top of the baby's head just with his 4 fingers, using this "Crowning Touch" manoeuvre, not needing the rest of his hand.”

 

CONNECT

HeHe on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tranquilitybyhehe/

Breech POWER Course: https://www.breechpowercourse.com

Understanding Birth Better: https://understandingbirthbetter.com

Betty-Anne’s book, Birthing Models on the Human Rights Frontier (Routledge): https://routledge.com/Birthing-Models-on-the-Human-Rights-Frontier-Speaking-Truth-to-Power/Daviss-Davis-Floyd/p/book/9780367357924

 

BREECH POWER CONFERENCE

November 21-22, 2026 at Sunnybrook Health Sciences Centre in Toronto. $500 CAD for the two days, or $400 CAD per person with the interprofessional team registration (bring a colleague from another profession). Register: https://www.breechpowercourse.com/workshops-conferences

 

TRULY FREE

This episode contains an affiliate link. If you purchase through it, HeHe may earn a commission at no extra cost to you. HeHe’s laundry detergent rabbit hole ended with Truly Free, plant-based, dye-free, and available completely unscented, which mattered to her once she had a baby’s clothes and sheets to think about. It still actually cleans, and one box lasts for months. Head to https://www.trulyfreehome.com and use code HEHE to save on your order.

 

KEEP LEARNING WITH HEHE

Want the exact words for the conversation with a provider who says “we don’t do that here”? Grab Scripts for Advocacy: https://www.thebirthlounge.com/Scripts-for-Advocacy

 

LINKS MENTIONED

The Birth Lounge App: https://www.thebirthlounge.com/app

Breech POWER Course: https://www.breechpowercourse.com

Breech POWER Conference registration: https://www.breechpowercourse.com/workshops-conferences

Understanding Birth Better: https://understandingbirthbetter.com

Birthing Models on the Human Rights Frontier (Routledge): https://routledge.com/Birthing-Models-on-the-Human-Rights-Frontier-Speaking-Truth-to-Power/Daviss-Davis-Floyd/p/book/9780367357924

Breech Without Borders: https://www.breechwithoutborders.org/

Truly Free (use code HEHE): https://www.trulyfreehome.com

Getting induced? Before you show up at the hospital with your overnight bag and assume you’ll have a baby by dinner, let’s talk. Inductions can take a LONG time, and there are a few things you really want to understand before agreeing to one. From your Bishop score to Pitocin dosing and the phrase “pit to distress,” HeHe is breaking down what you need to know so you can walk into that induction feeling prepared, not completely blindsided.

 

In this episode, HeHe shares five things to consider before an induction, including why you need a plan for a potentially long process, whether your hospital allows you to go home between cervical-ripening doses, and what to ask if you hear the phrase “pit to distress.” Yes, that’s a real phrase used in some hospital cultures, and it’s worth understanding what it means. HeHe also walks through induction-related risks, including overly frequent contractions, fetal intolerance, and the potential for a cascade of interventions.

 

Plus, don’t skip the Bishop score! This assessment can help you understand how ready your cervix is for induction and may help guide decisions about which induction methods make sense. Because the more you understand about what’s happening in your body, the better equipped you are to have an actual conversation with your provider about your options.

 

Because knowing what to ask is only half the battle, HeHe introduces Labor Live, a three-day, real-time birth preparation challenge starting November 1. You’ll practice asking questions, requesting time to make decisions, and even saying no. Because trying to figure out how to advocate for yourself for the first time while you’re in labor? Not exactly ideal. Join here: https://joinlaborlive.com

 

In this episode:

Why inductions can take much longer than you expect and how to plan for the process

Whether your hospital allows you to go home between cervical-ripening doses

What “pit to distress” means and why you should ask about Pitocin dosing protocols

How to recognize potential discrepancies between hospital policies and evidence-based guidelines

What risks and interventions may be associated with induction, including tachysystole, fetal intolerance, epidurals, hemorrhage, and tearing

What a Bishop score is and how it helps assess cervical readiness for induction

How your Bishop score may help you choose your induction method and medications, and when to ask for it

Why a membrane sweep and a follow-up cervical assessment may be part of the conversation

How to practice saying no, asking questions, and requesting time to make informed decisions before labor

Ready to practice advocating for yourself before you’re in the birth room? Join HeHe for the three-day Labor Live Challenge starting November 1: https://joinlaborlive.com

If this episode helped you, rate and review the show. It’s the #1 way other parents find it.

 

00:00 Pit to Distress Explained

00:58 Labor Live Challenge Intro

01:25 Practice Saying No

03:52 Train Your Nervous System

04:36 Join Labor Live Details

04:54 Induction Tip 1 Long Timeline

06:20 Induction Tip 2 Going Home Option

07:36 Detergent Sponsor Break

11:11 Pitocin Culture Warning

12:50 Induction Risks Bishop Score Wrap

 

CONNECT

HeHe on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tranquilitybyhehe/

The Birth Lounge on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/the.birth.lounge/

 

 

TRULY FREE

This episode contains an affiliate link. If you purchase through it, HeHe may earn a commission at no extra cost to you. HeHe’s laundry detergent rabbit hole ended with Truly Free, plant-based, dye-free, and available completely unscented, which mattered to her once she had a baby’s clothes and sheets to think about. It still actually cleans, and one box lasts for months. Head to https://www.trulyfreehome.com and use code HEHE to save on your order.

 

KEEP LEARNING WITH HEHE

Want to know exactly what to ask about Pitocin? Grab HeHe’s free Pitocin Guide: https://www.thebirthlounge.com/pitocin

Want the exact words for saying no or asking for time to think? Scripts for Advocacy: https://www.thebirthlounge.com/Scripts-for-Advocacy

 

LINKS MENTIONED

Labor Live Challenge: https://joinlaborlive.com

Truly Free (use code HEHE): https://www.trulyfreehome.com