314. Attachment Styles in Adult Friendships with Dr. Marisa Franco
Friendship is one of the topics we get asked about most, so we brought back Dr. Marisa Franco, one of the world’s leading voices on human connection. We dive straight into the heart of modern friendship and start with something that influences every relationship we have: attachment styles. Marisa explains how these patterns begin in childhood, how they show up differently in adulthood, and why none of us fit neatly into one category. We explore one of the biggest questions we hear from listeners: if you tend to be anxious or avoidant, do you end up attracting friends with the same tendencies? Marisa shares one of her biggest challenges in her research—secure people continue to find each other easily, while those who struggle with connection often repeat the same patterns with similar types of friends.Since many of you are new moms or navigating school-aged seasons, we ask Marisa what to do when a friend needs more from you than you can realistically give. She reminds us that it’s okay to say no and that saying no with kindness helps preserve the relationship.Although friendship looks natural from the outside, we share honestly that it hasn’t always been effortless for us either. Amy opens up about how isolating early motherhood felt and why making new friends during that time was unexpectedly hard. If you’re in a season where friendship feels like it has to fall to the bottom of the list, Marisa offers a powerful reminder of why connection still matters—and what small steps can help bring it back to the forefront.Finally, we talk about the hardest part of friendship: knowing when it’s time to end one. Should you let the relationship fade or have a more direct conversation? Marisa shares how to discern which path is right, and she gives guidance on something we rarely talk about—grieving a friendship.LINKS AND RESOURCES:Listen to HERself episode #145 Dr. Marisa Franco on the Importance of Adult Friendship; https://www.herselfpodcast.com/listen/adultfriendshipRead Dr. Marisa Franco’s Book; Platonic: https://amzlink.to/az0lb2DLKWeWk Follow Marisa on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drmarisagfranco/Dr. Marisa’s Website: https://drmarisagfranco.com/HERSELF PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/herselfpodcastLMNT: Free Sample Pack with purchase: drinkLMNT.com/HERSELFLet’s connect!HERSELF INSTAGRAM: http://instagram.com/herselfpodcastMEET AMY: http://instagram.com/ameskieferMEET ABBY: http://instagram.com/abbyrosegreenThis episode was brought to you by the Pivot Ball Change Network.
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313. Your Holiday Pep Talk
The holidays are here, and before the chaos kicks in, we wanted to sit down for a cozy reset with you. Think of this as the pep talk we all need—the kind you can take with you on a walk, a drive, or while you hide in the pantry for a minute of quiet. Today we’re sharing the mindset shifts and simple strategies that help us move through the holidays with more ease, compassion, and actual enjoyment.We talk about why we both love one big open-invite approach to Thanksgiving, what it’s like hosting when your family has complicated dynamics, and how to offer grace to your partner if they come from a divorced family. Abby opens up about growing through the disappointment of people not showing up, and Amy shares a grounding reminder for anyone juggling multiple households.We also dig into the lighter stuff—like food. Hosting doesn’t mean you have to do it all. Press the easy button, buy the pie, ask guests to bring what they need, or pack your own if you’re visiting. The goal isn’t perfection; it’s presence.And since tricky conversations happen, we share a few simple phrases you can keep in your back pocket when topics start going sideways. Getting your partner on the same page helps too, even if it doesn’t always work perfectly.As moms of three who often have 15+ people in our homes, we also talk about stepping away when you need a breather. Whether it’s a quick reset or heading to bed early—give yourself permission. Taking care of yourself helps you enjoy the holidays more, not less.Most of all, we hope this episode helps you craft the best holiday season you can have. And if it’s not magical? That’s okay too. Moms deserve joy this time of year, whatever that looks like for you.LINKS AND RESOURCES:LMNT: Free Sample Pack with purchase: drinkLMNT.com/HERSELF Let’s connect!HERSELF INSTAGRAM: http://instagram.com/herselfpodcastMEET AMY: http://instagram.com/ameskieferMEET ABBY: http://instagram.com/abbyrosegreenThis episode was brought to you by the Pivot Ball Change Network.
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312. Age Appropriate Chores and Responsibilities for Kids
Let’s be real — when it comes to chores, our kids could definitely be doing more. We’ve mentioned this topic before, but today we’re finally diving in headfirst: what are age-appropriate chores and responsibilities for kids?Inside the Kiefer and Green homes, things look a little different — and there’s room for improvement in both. In a world where everyone shows their highlight reels, we want to keep it honest. Yes, we have strengths, but we also have areas where we’re still figuring it out.Amy shares her goal of raising boys who can fully take care of themselves one day — the kind of men who know how to cook, clean, and do laundry without being asked. She doesn’t want any future partner looking at her like, “Who did you raise?” Abby opens up about the pressure she felt to be overly responsible as a child, and how she’s making sure her own kids don’t carry that same weight. Both agree: the men in our homes play a huge role in setting an example that everyone participates in keeping a household running.Then we get into one of the biggest debates — should kids be paid for chores? Amy shares exactly how much her boys earn for certain tasks and what’s still expected of them for free. Abby’s family takes a different approach, focusing on teamwork and shared responsibility — and she explains why that works so well for them.We also break down what age-appropriate chores actually look like — from toddlers learning independence through simple tasks, to preschoolers pitching in with supervision, to elementary-aged kids taking real ownership around the house. And for those preteens? You might be surprised by just how capable they are when given the chance.As you listen, think about what your family is doing well. Celebrate that! And then take one small step toward helping your kids grow their confidence and independence through everyday responsibility.Listen to Episode #308. Our Core Parenting Pillars We Stand By: https://www.herselfpodcast.com/listen/episode-308-core-parenting-pillarsWebsite where we found these lists of age appropriate chores: https://childdevelopmentinfo.com/chores/the-ultimate-list-of-age-appropriate-chores/LINKS AND RESOURCES:HERSELF PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/herselfpodcastBETTERHELP: 10% off first month at: http://betterhelp.com/herselfJONES: https://www.jonesdairyfarm.com/Let’s connect!HERSELF INSTAGRAM: http://instagram.com/herselfpodcastMEET AMY: http://instagram.com/ameskieferMEET ABBY: http://instagram.com/abbyrosegreenThis episode was brought to you by the Pivot Ball Change Network.
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311. How to Better Parent Your Big Reactor Kids with Claire Lerner
Today we’re welcoming Claire Lerner back to the podcast! Claire specializes in helping parents understand and support big reactors—kids whose emotions and reactions tend to run higher and deeper than most.Our first episode with Claire was one of our most popular, so we knew we had to bring her back for round two. If you’re parenting a child with a sensitive temperament, this episode will leave you feeling seen and equipped with real strategies to help your family thrive.In this conversation, we dive deeper into what works—and what doesn’t—when parenting spirited kids. Amy opens up about what she used to do differently before learning more about emotional regulation, and why she no longer feels like there’s no hope. Claire reminds us that growth for these kids starts with growth in us as parents—and with the right tools, things really can get better.We talk about what to do when traditional talk therapy isn’t the right fit, and how to handle it when your partner isn’t on the same page. Claire also shares how to navigate the tricky moments when siblings point out that your big reactor seems to get “different rules,” and what to do when their emotions seem even bigger in public settings. She explains why confidence and praise can be complicated for deeply feeling kids, and how to shift your language so it encourages them. We even cover what to do when a big reactor crosses a line with a younger sibling.Claire brings in real-life examples from her work, and we include some of the listener questions you submitted ahead of time. If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed or worried that things will never improve, this episode will remind you that progress is possible—it’s never too late to reconnect and help your child (and yourself) grow.Visit Claire’s Website: https://www.lernerchilddevelopment.com/Follow Claire on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lernerchilddevelopment/Listen to episode #157 with Claire Lerner: https://www.herselfpodcast.com/listen/clairelernerClaire’s new book Big Reactors: https://amzlink.to/az00iZb3Kz7XS LINKS AND RESOURCES:VUORI: 20% off first purchase at: http://vuoriclothing.com/herself LMNT: Free Sample Pack with purchase: drinkLMNT.com/HERSELF CORNBREAD HEMP: 30% off with code HERSELF cornbreadhemp.com/herselfLet’s connect!HERSELF INSTAGRAM: http://instagram.com/herselfpodcastMEET AMY: http://instagram.com/ameskieferMEET ABBY: http://instagram.com/abbyrosegreenThis episode was brought to you by the Pivot Ball Change Network.
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310. Missing Your Freedom Since Becoming a Mom? This One Is For You
Today’s episode looks a little different—Abby is solo behind the mic to share something that’s been weighing on her heart: the tug-of-war between loving motherhood and missing freedom.Freedom has always been one of Abby’s top core values, but motherhood changes everything. Overnight, the spontaneity disappears, replaced by structure, schedules, and responsibility. As much as we love our children, there’s this deep ache for autonomy—time to just be without worrying about what someone else needs next.In this raw and relatable conversation, Abby shares real-life reframes and practical strategies for moms who feel like they’ve lost themselves in motherhood. She opens up about the moments when she wonders, “How did I even get here?” and how she’s learning to shift her focus from what’s been lost to what’s been gained.From navigating kids’ sports schedules to redefining productivity, Abby brings honesty, humor, and heart to this discussion. She reminds us that while this season can feel long and heavy, it’s also fleeting—and filled with growth, love, and unexpected joy.LINKS AND RESOURCES:FORAGE KITCHEN: Check out your nearest - https://www.eatforage.com/HERSELF PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/herselfpodcastLet’s connect!HERSELF INSTAGRAM: http://instagram.com/herselfpodcastMEET AMY: http://instagram.com/ameskieferMEET ABBY: http://instagram.com/abbyrosegreenThis episode was brought to you by the Pivot Ball Change Network.
As women and mothers of young children, it can be easy to compare ourselves to others. But your life isn't supposed to look like hers! Being your best self means standing firm in your decisions and always being willing to grow with a purpose. Are you wanting more ease in your marriage? Or more enjoyment as a parent? Are you looking for a strategy to the health challenges you have been facing recently? Do you feel like you have been staring at a stranger in the mirror since becoming a mother? Abby and Amy get vulnerable with topics around partnership, motherhood, health, and self improvement by interviewing authors, therapists, experts and everyday mothers. Our conversations will meet you with solutions and solidarity as you find a life path that feels aligned for you. If this sounds like you, hit play on your favorite episode title and make sure you're following the HERself podcast.
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