You're Not Too Much

This episode is sponsored by ParentAgent.
Founder Barbara Ballard spent twenty years in UX and still missed her own kid's early dismissal. So she built ParentAgent. It reads the school and activity email and hands you the list — school, camp, sports, both kids. It doesn't train on your family's data, doesn't sell it, and you can delete all of it. It’s free to start, at parentagent.io/L2.
I’m gonna say something that’s going to shock everyone listening.
I went to a three-day event. By myself. On an airplane. With a bunch of strangers.
And I really freaking enjoyed myself.
I’m painfully introverted. Usually three days of peopling leaves my social battery so drained that I’m never talking to another human again. This time I came home tired, but the good kind.
Here’s the thing. It was a room full of health tech founders who have been where you are and know the way out. Nobody bragged about their successes. We talked a whole lot about failures. No judgment.
Also, I was so hyperfocused on my to-do list in the hotel lobby that I almost walked face first into Kevin Durant. I didn’t recognize him. It was like seeing a fish on land.
Then on Ask L2: a listener runs a one-person business, hasn’t taken a week off in three years, and is starting to resent the thing they built to get free. Where do you even start?
Do as I say, not as I do. Turn your freaking phone off.
Chapters
00:00:00 Cold open
00:00:31 Welcome to You’re Not Too Much
00:00:45 Brace yourself
00:01:25 I really freaking enjoyed myself
00:02:00 Are we sure this is New Jersey?
00:02:54 Fancy food and one coconut cheesecake
00:03:47 Invigorating, not exhausting
00:04:17 People who have been where you are
00:05:01 Reentry whiplash
00:06:15 Nobody suspected I never wear shoes
00:06:40 Counting backward
00:07:45 Two hours of hyperfocus in the great room
00:09:17 Wait, strangers just start conversations?
00:10:02 A very tall man on the stairs
00:11:39 Like seeing a fish on land
00:11:57 "You saw Kevin Durant?"
00:12:42 The guests who wouldn’t check out
00:13:31 What else did I miss?
00:14:55 Ask L2: no week off in three years
00:15:54 Turn your freaking phone off
00:16:50 The false economy of never resting
00:17:43 All I want is to not be needed
00:17:58 Nothing will fall apart in one week
00:18:31 Love you, mean it
More at yourenottoomuchpodcast.com · Leave me a voicemail at yourenottoomuchpodcast.com/voicemail

This episode is sponsored by Aging Together. Founded by occupational therapist Dr. Pooja A. Patel, Aging Together helps families navigate aging and caregiving before it becomes a crisis. Start your journey today at aging-together.com/nottoomuch where you can use discount code NOTTOOMUCH10 for $10 off the already-discounted elder care planning bundles.
I've been doing this podcast for 18 months, and I am still mortified that I have a podcast.
Newsflash: that has not changed.
What has changed is everything else. Last month our tiny show — me, in my office, running my mouth into a microphone — showed up on the US mental health chart one row above Sanjay Gupta's podcast. We passed 400,000 downloads. We became a network. A sponsored network.
And every single time, my brain said that's probably not gonna last. Or somebody made a mistake.
Here's the thing.
I have three exits. I run a consulting company. And at my core, I am still that 12-year-old girl who is very concerned that you're not gonna come to my birthday party.
We can be wildly successful and also that little kid. That's kinda gotta be okay.
Also in this one: You're Not In Charge of the Scale, the new show on our network from pediatrician Dr. Stephanie Walsh. Five more shows in production. Why sponsors won't change a single thing about my mouth.
And on Ask L2, a listener bought 14 project management apps and still runs the whole business off sticky notes. Is that a system?
Yes. Is it a good system? No. Does it have to be?
Chapters
00:00:00 Cold open
00:00:47 Welcome to You're Not Too Much
00:01:01 18 months in and still mortified
00:02:45 Why my brain won't let me enjoy a win
00:03:46 My producer told me not to look at the charts
00:05:33 One row above Sanjay Gupta
00:07:34 Before my brain undoes it
00:08:29 400,000 downloads
00:08:56 Wildly successful and still that 12-year-old girl
00:10:01 Big news: we're a network
00:10:36 Meet You're Not In Charge of the Scale
00:11:07 Five more shows in production
00:11:53 We're a sponsored network
00:12:43 A year ago, this was a pipe dream
00:14:16 Will sponsors change what I say?
00:16:02 Ask L2: 14 apps and a business run on sticky notes
00:19:06 Is it a system? Is it a good one?
00:20:10 It's 12:12
More at yourenottoomuchpodcast.com
Leave me a voicemail at yourenottoomuchpodcast.com/voicemail

This episode is sponsored by Aging Together. Founded by occupational therapist Dr. Pooja A. Patel, Aging Together helps families navigate aging and caregiving before it becomes a crisis. Start your journey today at aging-together.com/nottoomuch where you can use discount code NOTTOOMUCH10 for $10 off the already-discounted elder care planning bundles.
Content note: the second half of this episode talks about sexual assault.
Senior year. AP Government. A teacher who was also a lawyer, who made us call him Doctor, and who told us in literally every class to question authority.
So one day, we did.
The test he left made no sense. We talked it through as a class, decided not to take it until he could clarify, and left him a signed note explaining why.
He came back furious. Threatened to fail all of us. Gave us a presentation on groupthink. Then assigned us two five-page essays.
It took me years to understand what that was.
They assign essays when they're embarrassed that you did what they taught you to do.
Which is why I can't stop thinking about Cornell, where a lawsuit filed this month says a woman was sexually assaulted by seven fraternity members in 2024, and that some of them were allowed to write an essay to keep their place at school. Cornell says essays weren't anybody's only consequence. I'd love to see the rest of the list.
The two stories are miles apart. The intent behind the punishment is the same.
This is cultural. It's not an accident. And an essay is not a punishment.
Since I recorded this, the Tompkins County District Attorney has reopened the criminal investigation and says the case is going to a grand jury.
00:00:00 Cold open
00:00:19 Welcome to You're Not Too Much
00:00:33 The teacher who made us call him Doctor
00:04:05 The test nobody could take
00:06:38 He came back the next day
00:08:48 About that doctorate
00:11:47 The point: Cornell and the essay
00:14:37 This is cultural, not an accident
00:15:24 Miles apart. Same intent.
00:17:52 Cornell should be ashamed
If this brings anything up for you, RAINN's National Sexual Assault Hotline is free, confidential and open 24/7. Call 800-656-4673, text HOPE to 64673, or chat at rainn.org.
More at yourenottoomuchpodcast.com · Leave me a voicemail at yourenottoomuchpodcast.com/voicemail

This episode is sponsored by Aging Together. Founded by occupational therapist Dr. Pooja A. Patel, Aging Together helps families navigate aging and caregiving before it becomes a crisis. Start your journey today at aging-together.com/nottoomuch where you can use discount code NOTTOOMUCH10 for $10 off the already-discounted elder care planning bundles.
I don't want to brag, but I am very advanced for my age.
Not in the good way. My short-term memory is gone, my word recall has the range of somebody thirty years older than me, and my entire skill set is words. That's it. That's the whole job.
I lost the word for grass. In a yard. Looking at grass.
So this one is me trying to work out what's actually going on in there — perimenopause, dehydration, the crushing existential dread of this timeline, or the sheer number of people who need something from me at any given time. Spoiler: it's all of it.
We get into what it actually costs to be the person everyone offloads to, why delegating something and then having to chase it isn't delegating at all, and why my calendar is now the only place reality is stored.
And Janna asks whether hyperfocus is an asset in a small business or just expensive, which I did not enjoy being asked.
If you're finding yourself unable to find your words, they're fine. They're in a field somewhere having a lovely time without you.
Come stand in the corner with me. We can cry together.
Chapters
00:00:00 Cold open
00:00:45 Welcome to You're Not Too Much
00:00:59 I am very advanced for my age
00:01:38 The word was grass
00:02:26 My entire skill set is words
00:03:08 You want some anxiety? I've got extra
00:03:31 Shiny object, and the link I never click
00:05:29 What it's actually like in here
00:06:21 I could tell you where I got everything in my closet
00:06:58 I don't remember where I got these kids
00:07:12 Why this timeline is making it worse
00:09:11 The personal load on top of the cosmic one
00:10:38 Delegating isn't offloading
00:12:53 Break
00:12:57 The anxiety that never switches off
00:13:38 Two thoughts, all the time
00:14:51 Every time the phone pings
00:15:50 Healthcare. That's the thing that we do.
00:16:46 Come stand in the corner with me
00:17:25 Ask L2: is hyperfocus an asset or just expensive?
00:21:47 Love you, mean it
More at yourenottoomuchpodcast.com · Got a question for Ask L2? Leave it at yourenottoomuchpodcast.com/voicemail

It was like a switch flipped.
I had a job. Jobs are good. We like jobs. It paid my bills, it sucked, it was awful, and it was crushing my soul — and I had decided that's just what being an adult is. My whole life was operating in shades of gray. Not the interesting kind. Nothing was exciting, and it didn't even occur to me that things were supposed to be.
Then one insidious thought got into my brain: if the alternative to this sucks and this already sucks, why not try the new suck?
Thirty seconds later I was done. My CEO sent me a Slack at 8:30 one morning — not the worst thing he'd ever said, honestly pretty benign — but the glass was already broken, and you can't put glass back together. Resignation letter, thirty minutes later. Zero plan. Zero idea what was next.
I don't regret it. The whole life I have now came out of that one decision.
But I wish I'd done it differently, and that's the actual episode.
Then an Ask L2 from Tanya: do you tell a new client you're neurodivergent before you start, or are you just handing them a reason to be weird about you for six months?
And if you want the version of this with actual people in the room, we've just launched Leave Your Sh*tty Job over at What The Fractional. It's pay what you can, the minimum is a dollar, and the point of it is that you end up leaving or staying because it's the choice you made, not the one you got forced into: https://whatthefractional.com

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