Camp Counselors with Zachariah Porter and Jonathan Carson

• 163 - Gift Guide for the Friend Who’s Doing Too Much

  This week at Camp Shady Birch, we’re unwrapping the worst part of the holidays: truly unhinged gift guides and the chaos of simply being alive in December! Counselor Zachariah kicks things off with a parking violation saga for the ages after he found a bright orange sticker slapped on his perfectly legal parked car and immediately took to the internet to publicly drag the culprit. Festive! Counselor Jonathan dives into the wild story of a magician who implanted an RFID chip in his hand for magic tricks and then forgot the password to his own hand. It's giving tech anxiety. Also, a new study about how urban raccoons are literally evolving shorter snouts and showing early signs of domestication just from living in our cities and eating our garbage. We love new housemates!! They should pay rent lol! We've got the annual curse of dry cracked knuckles, terrible holiday gift guides, undying love for gingerbread men and why they’ve finally (rightfully!!) become the face of the holiday season this year, and so much more!This episode was mixed and edited by Kevin Betts.Get your tickets to see Zachariah Porter's new Live Comedy Tour!Want BONUS CONTENT? Join our PATREON!Sponsors:➜ For a limited time, get $35 off Aura’s best-selling Carver Mat frame (Wirecutter’s #1 pick) at AuraFrames.com with promo code: CAMP➜ Score deals like up to 50% off at MeUndies.com/counselors and using our code: counselors➜ Go to Progressive.com to see if you could save on insurance.➜ Bring your A-game and talk to your doctor. Learn more at Apretude.com or call 1-888-240-0340.➜ Download Cash App Today: https://click.cash.app/ui6m/2daxxo2x As a Cash App partner, we may earn a commission when you sign up for a Cash App account. Cash App is a financial services platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash App’s bank partner(s). Prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC. Visit cash.app/legal/podcast for full disclosures.Works Cited:➜ Pring, Joe. “Magician ‘Forgot the Password’ to His Own Hand after Locking Himself Out of Implanted RFID Chip.” Dexerto, 22 Nov. 2025.➜ Hill, Marta. “Urban Raccoons Are Showing Signs of Early Domestication, With Shorter Snouts Than Their Rural Cousins.” Smithsonian Magazine, 21 Nov. 2025.Camp Songs:Spotify Playlist | YouTube Playlist | Sammich's Secret MixtapeSocial Media:Camp Counselors TikTokCamp Counselors InstagramCamp Counselors FacebookCamp Counselors TwitterSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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• Scoot Marie Takes Cancun - Trail Mix #113

  In this mini episode we are reading more listener submitted stories. First up, a Cancun wedding trip turns chaotic when a tequila-fueled vacation fling with a younger boss collides with a very sensitive stomach. Then, a quick Sonic run in a comfy romper turns into a drive-through moment so embarrassing our camper still refuses to go back. Finally, we head into the New England woods, where our camper's little brother goes from home chef to felony arson.Get your tickets to see Zachariah Porter's new Live Comedy Tour!Want BONUS CONTENT? Join our PATREON!SPONSORS➜ Go to FactorMeals.com/camp50off and use code camp50off to get 50% off plus FREE breakfast for a year!➜ Talk it out, with BetterHelp. Our listeners get 10% off their first month at BetterHelp.com/CAMP➜ Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to RocketMoney.com/CAMP today. ➜ Bring your A-game and talk to your doctor. Learn more at Apretude.com or call 1-888-240-0340.Check out our website and submit your inquiries for advice, juicy gossip, confessions, and horror stories!Camp Songs: Spotify Playlist | YouTube Playlist | Sammich's Secret MixtapeSocial Media:Camp Counselors TikTokCamp Counselors InstagramCamp Counselors FacebookCamp Counselors TwitterSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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• 162 - OMG! Hetero Wolf in Gay Sheep's Clothing

  This week on Camp Counselors, the holiday chaos begins! We kick off the episode by showing off our newly decorated studio (check it out on youtube duh!) To wet the whistle, we are talking panic attacks, gay sheep whose wool was serving lewks in the West Hollywood scene, and an Aussie band’s canceled show and massive bar tab. Naturally, this spirals into classic counselor TAKE A HIKE rants abou losers who refuse to participate in the wave at stadium games, the tragedy of losing a tube of chapstick before you finish it, why Zachariah is fully committed to becoming the godfather of a cruise ship, and so much more.This episode was mixed and edited by Kevin Betts.Get your tickets to see Zachariah Porter's new Live Comedy Tour!Want BONUS CONTENT? Join our PATREON!Sponsors:➜ For a limited time, get $35 off Aura’s best-selling Carver Mat frame (Wirecutter’s #1 pick) at AuraFrames.com with promo code: CAMP➜ Go to Progressive.com to see if you could save on insurance.➜ Go to BollAndBranch.com/camp to get up to 25% off! Exclusions apply. See site for details.➜ Bring your A-game and talk to your doctor. Learn more at Apretude.com or call 1-888-240-0340.➜ Download Cash App Today: https://click.cash.app/ui6m/2daxxo2x As a Cash App partner, we may earn a commission when you sign up for a Cash App account. Cash App is a financial services platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash App’s bank partner(s). Prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC. Visit cash.app/legal/podcast for full disclosures.Works Cited:➜ Bradfield, Jordan. Yes, There Was a Fashion Show Made From the Wool of Gay Sheep. Paper Magazine. 17 Nov. 2025.➜ Qiu, Daisy. Gay Sheep Knitwear and a Rainbow-Wool Runway: Why “Gay Sheep” Are Fashion’s New Queer Statement. The New York Times. 11 Nov. 2025.➜ Carter, Jeremy. Amyl and the Sniffers Shout Melbourne Live Music Venues $35K in Free Drinks After Fed Square Cancel. ABC News. 14 Nov. 2025.Camp Songs:Spotify Playlist | YouTube Playlist | Sammich's Secret MixtapeSocial Media:Camp Counselors TikTokCamp Counselors InstagramCamp Counselors FacebookCamp Counselors TwitterSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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• Trapped at School Overnight with No Room Service - Trail Mix #112

  In this mini episode we are reading more listener submitted stories about a camper robbed of her gingerbread glory by the cookie cartel, a midweek snow storm that turned a middle school into an emergency shelter, and a dark tale about a camper interviewed by the FBI… and later visited by a ghost.Get your tickets to see Zachariah Porter's new Live Comedy Tour!Want BONUS CONTENT? Join our PATREON!SPONSORS➜ Talk it out, with BetterHelp. Our listeners get 10% off their first month at BetterHelp.com/CAMP ➜ Bring your A-game and talk to your doctor. Learn more at Apretude.com or call 1-888-240-0340.Check out our website and submit your inquiries for advice, juicy gossip, confessions, and horror stories!Camp Songs: Spotify Playlist | YouTube Playlist | Sammich's Secret MixtapeSocial Media:Camp Counselors TikTokCamp Counselors InstagramCamp Counselors FacebookCamp Counselors TwitterSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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• BREAKING! Bionic Crow Loses Wing, Gains Full Hero Arc - Trail Mix #111

  In this mini episode we are reading more listener submitted stories!Get your tickets to see Zachariah Porter's new Live Comedy Tour!Want BONUS CONTENT? Join our PATREON!SPONSORS➜ To get 15% off your next gift, go to UncommonGoods.com/camp ➜ Get your first bag for $14.99 and get a FREE cat toy at PrettyLitter.com/camp➜ Go to Progressive.com to see if you could save on insurance.➜ Bring your A-game and talk to your doctor. Learn more at Apretude.com or call 1-888-240-0340.Check out our website and submit your inquiries for advice, juicy gossip, confessions, and horror stories!Camp Songs: Spotify Playlist | YouTube Playlist | Sammich's Secret MixtapeSocial Media:Camp Counselors TikTokCamp Counselors InstagramCamp Counselors FacebookCamp Counselors TwitterSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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